Rosielar Posted August 24, 2015 Share Posted August 24, 2015 I'm feeling sad over the fact that he we haven't talked in two whole weeks which is the longest I've gone without talking to him. I don't know why this has happened, he is always the one to reach our first and he has told me that many times. If it wasn't for him we would not be talking like now. This makes me wonder if he's actually is interested? If he really wanted to be with me then why hasn't he texted? I'm confused what we are as well because we started out dating, he did all the work then after these three months he texted me less and i did not text him so for some reason he tried to booty call me and gets upset that he never hear from me. Later on I reached out for him and he was really happy that I did so we met up, as silly as it sounds just before I came over he went out on social media about being in love in front of all family and friends. I did not dare to confront him about it so I let it go, the day after that he booty called me again? I gave in thinking he might disappear after sex but he reaches out for me saying that he wants me to reach out for him! I did but once again he ends up booty calling me. He stroked my hair, he teased me, he noticed the little changes, laughed way too hard at my jokes and cuddled me after sex. He said in person that I never ever reach out for him, should I take that as in he wants me to? I haven't talked to him since, I expected him to text me but it hasn't. Now I don't know if he's not interested or if he is waiting for me to do so? Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted August 24, 2015 Share Posted August 24, 2015 Oh boy. You are a booty call. That's it. A guy who wants to see you (for more than sex) will contact you and arrange dates. He isn't doing so. A guy who is interested will not let two weeks pass without hearing from you. He hasn't done so. What more do you need to know? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Rosielar Posted August 24, 2015 Author Share Posted August 24, 2015 But why have I turned into one? It certainly wasn't like this before and I think that's why I'm clinging on to this. Also why would he tell me that he WANTS to hear from me if he's just planning on making me a booty call? Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted August 24, 2015 Share Posted August 24, 2015 But why have I turned into one? It certainly wasn't like this before and I think that's why I'm clinging on to this. Also why would he tell me that he WANTS to hear from me if he's just planning on making me a booty call? Erm...so he can get laid without having to do any work. I don't know why he stopped pursuing anything serious. There's not enough information in your post to make any conclusions about that. But if you don't like being treated that way, don't accept his late-night invitations. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
TunaCat Posted August 24, 2015 Share Posted August 24, 2015 But why have I turned into one? You turned into one because you allowed yourself to be turned into one. You need to stand up for what you want (and don't want) If you don't want to be his booty call, then stop accepting the late night invitations. Link to post Share on other sites
katiegrl Posted August 24, 2015 Share Posted August 24, 2015 (edited) I'm feeling sad over the fact that he we haven't talked in two whole weeks which is the longest I've gone without talking to him. I don't know why this has happened, he is always the one to reach our first and he has told me that many times. If it wasn't for him we would not be talking like now. This makes me wonder if he's actually is interested? If he really wanted to be with me then why hasn't he texted? I'm confused what we are as well because we started out dating, he did all the work then after these three months he texted me less and i did not text him so for some reason he tried to booty call me and gets upset that he never hears from me. Later on I reached out for him and he was really happy that I did so we met up, as silly as it sounds just before I came over he went out on social media about being in love in front of all family and friends. I did not dare to confront him about it so I let it go, the day after that he booty called me again? I gave in thinking he might disappear after sex but he reaches out for me saying that he wants me to reach out for him! I did but once again he ends up booty calling me. He stroked my hair, he teased me, he noticed the little changes, laughed way too hard at my jokes and cuddled me after sex. He said in person that I never ever reach out for him, should I take that as in he wants me to? I haven't talked to him since, I expected him to text me but it hasn't. Now I don't know if he's not interested or if he is waiting for me to do so? I am going to go against the others and put a different spin on this.... Please read the bolded parts. Why was HE doing ALL the work? Why did you NEVER reach out to him? Sounds like he got sick and tired of ALWAYS being the one to reach out. I give him credit for expressing that to you....more than ONCE! So you listened (once), and reached out. And what was his response? He was happy, he took you out and told his friends and family he was in love. What does THIS tell you? It should tell you that relationships are a TWO WAY STREET, with BOTH people putting in equal amounts of effort to develop the relationship. What were YOU doing? Sitting on your rear WAITING for HIM to do ALL the work. No wonder he turned you into a booty call. He probably feels like that is all you deserve... like you don't give a crap...because you weren't doing anything but sitting on your rear waiting for HIM to reach out to you.... all the time. If I were you, assuming you want to save this RL, reach out to him and ASK HIM OUT. Suggest a fun activity to do together -- you pay!! Text him once in awhile for chrissakes. I don't mean to be hard on you, but seriously. Your expectation that he do ALL the initiating and shyt gets really tiring for guys. They need to know that YOU care too! Maybe in the very early stages, it's okay for him to do most of the initiating, but it's been three months, you need to do your part too. I know I am going against the grain here, as most posters believe you are just a booty call (which maybe you are at this point)...but that could be because he doesn't believe you give a crap. Edited August 24, 2015 by katiegrl 9 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Rosielar Posted August 25, 2015 Author Share Posted August 25, 2015 I think that is some great advice. Yes I do what to save this if it's possible.. I have not yet asked him out but last time I decided to reach out for him he replied with flirting and wanting to "cuddle" me while my intention was to set up some sort of activity. Not sure what he meant with cuddle but usually when he says it leads to more than a cuddle.. Then came the last booty call which was the time he did tell me in person how I never never reach out for him and then it lead me here. I felt like I was trying to do something serious and he starts sending me kisses and ";)" Link to post Share on other sites
Leigh 87 Posted August 25, 2015 Share Posted August 25, 2015 I've known a lot of guys..... Men who cherish you and who truly feel interest in getting to know you...... will NOT use you for booty calls. Hundreds of men have ALL told me...... " once we meet a girl who we are smitten with, there is NOO way that we can do casual........ " All the me I know an have EVER known have told me that once a girl they are REALLY INTO looses interest, they ditch her. They don't make a woman they see as relationship material, into a booty call. Men have feelings too......and much like women, they cannot just be COOL with casual sex IF they're enamoured with you! If this guy was enamored with you and was seriously falling for you ( which men can do from the start and don't take months to feel this way) he wouldn't act like this 100%. He'd at least ask " are you still into this " he wouldn't let it slip away and turn into booty calls. Men with real adult emotions can't separate booty calls and true feelings. I've just never see it. Men who aren't totally into you can use you for booty calls..... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Rosielar Posted August 25, 2015 Author Share Posted August 25, 2015 I don't know but I think I have to disagree. I have fallen for him and I can use him as a booty call just like he uses me because I get "booty" from him at the same time I'm seeing him, talking to him. Link to post Share on other sites
ilovemefirst Posted August 25, 2015 Share Posted August 25, 2015 I have to agree with Katiegirl...men dont chase women for too long because they also like us..like attention..they also want to feel needed. Link to post Share on other sites
katiegrl Posted August 25, 2015 Share Posted August 25, 2015 (edited) I think that is some great advice. Yes I do what to save this if it's possible.. I have not yet asked him out but last time I decided to reach out for him he replied with flirting and wanting to "cuddle" me while my intention was to set up some sort of activity. Not sure what he meant with cuddle but usually when he says it leads to more than a cuddle.. Then came the last booty call which was the time he did tell me in person how I never never reach out for him and then it lead me here. I felt like I was trying to do something serious and he starts sending me kisses and ";)" What is your definition of "booty call"? Wanting to have sex with you? Because THAT my dear is not you being a booty call. That's called him wanting to have sex with you because you are his girlfriend...and that's what boyfriends/girlfriends do, they have sex! My boyfriend wants to have sex with me nearly every night. Does that mean I am his booty call? Please explain your rational there. Thanks. Edited August 26, 2015 by katiegrl Link to post Share on other sites
Author Rosielar Posted August 26, 2015 Author Share Posted August 26, 2015 Hm, well I'm thinking he booty calls me because he can go a day without talking to me (as it is now, not how it used to be) then hit me up late to come over and do "it" then wake up, cuddle for a bit, maybe have breakfast then it's time for me to go home. And then when he feel like it, he hits me up late again only to do it again especially if he knows that I'm going out. He straight up asked me if we could have sex one time he texted me late. This has only happened two times but he has tried three times though. I think it would've been different if I spent the day with him instead of him just texting me late and be like "come over" Link to post Share on other sites
Oregon_Dude Posted August 26, 2015 Share Posted August 26, 2015 He's got a great thing going. Don't change! Link to post Share on other sites
katiegrl Posted August 26, 2015 Share Posted August 26, 2015 Hm, well I'm thinking he booty calls me because he can go a day without talking to me (as it is now, not how it used to be) then hit me up late to come over and do "it" then wake up, cuddle for a bit, maybe have breakfast then it's time for me to go home. And then when he feel like it, he hits me up late again only to do it again especially if he knows that I'm going out. He straight up asked me if we could have sex one time he texted me late. This has only happened two times but he has tried three times though. I think it would've been different if I spent the day with him instead of him just texting me late and be like "come over" I see your point. Have you discussed this with him? Told him that you don't appreciate him "hitting you up" late for sex? And just out of curiosity, why, when he hits you up late, are you agreeing to these so-called "booty calls"? If you don't like the way he is treating you, then why do you oblige him? Only to get mad at him after? That makes no sense to me. I think you should talk to him. Tell him you would love nothing more than to reach out to him....but when he hits you up late at night for what appears to be just sex....it doesn't make you feel too great and doesn't compel you to want to reach out and initiate anything with him. Communicate! Have you done this? If not, why not? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Rosielar Posted August 26, 2015 Author Share Posted August 26, 2015 No I haven't talked to him about it. I agree to because I like him and I don't see anything wrong with it in that moment but afterwards I start thinking and I start thinking why is he doing this? Like does he even like me? If it makes sense.. Probably not. At first I thought why not, after these months it might bring us closer and he did not understand why I never wanted to sleep with him anyway as he took it personal. But when he hit me up late again I start to feel like it's not right, when I do come over we have a great time and I enjoy that. I haven't talked to him about it because I'm scared of opening up and even more scared to have that what-are-we talk. I've never been good at communicating, I have a hard time being vulnerable probably because I got dumped by my first love in an awful way just a year ago (I'm over him but I still remember the hurt) then started playing around with "no emotions" but then this guy came and I really like him. Link to post Share on other sites
fitnessfan365 Posted August 26, 2015 Share Posted August 26, 2015 I was going to say the same thing as Katie. You say that you always let him reach out to you and you've sat around wondering why he isn't contacting you. My guess? He got sick of you never reciprocating and is waiting it out to see if you see contact him. I mean it's been two weeks already and you still haven't contacted him. So how interested are you? Link to post Share on other sites
Methodical Posted August 26, 2015 Share Posted August 26, 2015 I was thinking along the same line as Katie and then read her post. Lack of communication notoriously kills, or at least impedes, relationships. Your guy clearly conveyed his desire for you to put forth some effort and initiate contact to no avail. My guess is that he felt more emotionally invested and decided to back it down to booty calls, which you aren't averse to bc you get as much out of it as he does. I'd go so far as to say he felt like a booty call so he began treating you the same way. Unless a mature conversation can be had where both of you express your wants and needs, nothing will change. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Rosielar Posted August 26, 2015 Author Share Posted August 26, 2015 Soon to be three weeks.. I am interested but I'm not interested in what seems to be going on right now which is the booty calling, I don't know how to handle this situation? I was thinking about reaching out to him but I don't know what would be the right thing to say. I'm making a huge deal out of it, that's what I usually do. Any advice about that? I really appreciate everyone's advice it's been very helpful!! Link to post Share on other sites
Zippy2000 Posted August 26, 2015 Share Posted August 26, 2015 If you havent heard from him in almost 3 weeks. You are no longer his "booty call". Link to post Share on other sites
Redhead14 Posted August 26, 2015 Share Posted August 26, 2015 Soon to be three weeks.. I am interested but I'm not interested in what seems to be going on right now which is the booty calling, I don't know how to handle this situation? I was thinking about reaching out to him but I don't know what would be the right thing to say. I'm making a huge deal out of it, that's what I usually do. Any advice about that? I really appreciate everyone's advice it's been very helpful!! You are making a huge deal out of it because you are ruminating over it. You need to stop thinking about it. Do anything else to distract yourself from it that makes you feel better overall. Go out and do something nice for yourself. And, I would say the root of this for you is your self-esteem/self-worth. Think positively about yourself. When you are doing what you are doing now, you doing some negative self-talk. If I don't get this guy to come around, I'm not good enough, or pretty enough or whatever it is. Stop doing that to yourself. The fact is you are TOO good for this guy PERIOD. Do not reach out to any man who hasn't been in touch with you in 3 weeks for any reason. It will tell him that you are desperate, which in turn, will tell him you are ripe for being used. He already thinks that anyway, apparently. If he was thinking of you as a booty call 3 weeks ago, that hasn't changed. The truth is, men don't use women. Women allow themselves to be used. Why would you continue to be interested in a man who is clearly not interested in you? If it were me, by 3 weeks, I will have forgotten he existed. In fact, he wouldn't have existed after a few days of not hearing from him. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Rosielar Posted August 26, 2015 Author Share Posted August 26, 2015 I get that and it's probably true but I'm looking at it from his perspective, I have not texted him for three weeks either and like I mentioned before I never do text him. I was thinking that maybe he is wanting me to do it, I don't know this is confusing. Everyone has different opinions and I don't know what to believe myself. Link to post Share on other sites
Redhead14 Posted August 26, 2015 Share Posted August 26, 2015 I get that and it's probably true but I'm looking at it from his perspective, I have not texted him for three weeks either and like I mentioned before I never do text him. I was thinking that maybe he is wanting me to do it, I don't know this is confusing. Everyone has different opinions and I don't know what to believe myself. When you are confused about what to do about something, it's best to do nothing. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Rosielar Posted August 26, 2015 Author Share Posted August 26, 2015 Just curious, since you asked why I would be interested in someone whose not interested in me. What makes you think he isn't interested other than I haven't heard from him? It might help to clear this out. Link to post Share on other sites
katiegrl Posted August 26, 2015 Share Posted August 26, 2015 I get that and it's probably true but I'm looking at it from his perspective, I have not texted him for three weeks either and like I mentioned before I never do text him. I was thinking that maybe he is wanting me to do it, I don't know this is confusing. Everyone has different opinions and I don't know what to believe myself. I think you should text him, suggest a fun activity to do together (like I suggested in my previous post - the one with all the bolds). If he says NO, then you KNOW he's not interested....and you won't be wondering anymore and can move on. If he says yes, then get together and TALK. Heart to heart about what you both need, want and expect. That talk is LONG overdue. Keep us posted! Link to post Share on other sites
katiegrl Posted August 26, 2015 Share Posted August 26, 2015 (edited) Just curious, since you asked why I would be interested in someone whose not interested in me. What makes you think he isn't interested other than I haven't heard from him? It might help to clear this out. There is no way to know what he's feeling until such time you TALK! You have NEVER EVER initiated ANYTHING, and he has expressed to you how that makes him feel -- lousy like you don't care. So it's possible it's just like what fitnessfan (a man) said - he could be waiting for you to reach out. I DO know guys who do this. They fear coming across like a whiny baby... so they play the "pull back game" to find out what they need to find out (whether or not the woman gives a crap...and will reach out to HIM). The fact you have NOT contacted him either is sending him a very clear message ..... IMO. He had already suspected it, but now you have confirmed it. In his mind, you don't care....or you are not interested in being an equal participant in the development of your RL. It is also possible he got so sick and tired of doing ALL the work, that he got turned off, and now HE does not care either. But you will never know until you contact him, get together and TALK. Edited August 26, 2015 by katiegrl Link to post Share on other sites
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