RainTunez Posted August 24, 2015 Posted August 24, 2015 (edited) I was wondering if someone can help me on this situation. My bf's parents hate me ever since I snapped him while drunk. About 6-7 months, it got ugly to the point my bf had to literally get a hold of me for a while. All I remembered was getting upset and yelling at him. The following day, he told me that I didn't just yell but I snapped at him too, was about to walk outside in my drunken state of mind and he stopped me. Someone informed it to the parents and ever since, they hate me. The mother pretty much blasted me over the phone. I stopped drinking and it's been worked out. When are they going to forgive me? I didn't mean to. Edited August 24, 2015 by RainTunez
TaraMaiden2 Posted August 24, 2015 Posted August 24, 2015 what do you mean, 'snapped'...? I don't know if you mean 'slapped' or what is meant by 'snapped'... 2
madjac74 Posted August 24, 2015 Posted August 24, 2015 She meant "Snapped at him". As in she got angry and lost her mind. To her...I suppose it depends on what you snapped about and how much you embarrassed him. They may never forgive you.
Author RainTunez Posted August 24, 2015 Author Posted August 24, 2015 what do you mean, 'snapped'...? I don't know if you mean 'slapped' or what is meant by 'snapped'...It means I started getting physical with him by slapping him and trying to shake him; basically I lost it while drunk. Ever since then, his mother wants him to break up with me.
Satu Posted August 24, 2015 Posted August 24, 2015 It means I started getting physical with him by slapping him and trying to shake him; basically I lost it while drunk. Ever since then, his mother wants him to break up with me. Examine your relationship with alcohol. Have you made a full apology?
Author RainTunez Posted August 24, 2015 Author Posted August 24, 2015 Examine your relationship with alcohol. Have you made a full apology?I did. Plus, I stopped drinking since. 3
sandylee1 Posted August 24, 2015 Posted August 24, 2015 I did. Plus, I stopped drinking since. Have you apologised to his parents and told them that you've stopped drinking? If necessary do a written apology and tell them as a result of your drunken actions, you have not drank and never will again. Tell them you are please begging for their forgiveness and they never have to worry about this happening ever again. 1
Satu Posted August 24, 2015 Posted August 24, 2015 I did. Plus, I stopped drinking since. I'm glad to hear that. There's a good chance that they will forgive and forget after some time has passed. If not, you've done all that can reasonably be expected of you. Let some water flow under the bridge. 1
d0nnivain Posted August 24, 2015 Posted August 24, 2015 They aren't going to forgive you in the short term. You assaulted their son. You did way more then yell. If the shoe was on the other foot, a man who did what you did would probably be facing criminal charges. The see a lifetime of abuse ahead for their son if he stays with you Time & truly changed behavior may help them overcome this but you will probably have to wait at least a year before they stop hating you. 1
Lois_Griffin Posted August 24, 2015 Posted August 24, 2015 Honestly, you sound awfully young so it's pretty doubtful this relationship will be the one you have for life. If that were the case you'd have a problem trying to get back into his mothers' good graces. Just ride it out. There's nothing else you can do. 1
Author RainTunez Posted August 24, 2015 Author Posted August 24, 2015 Have you apologised to his parents and told them that you've stopped drinking? If necessary do a written apology and tell them as a result of your drunken actions, you have not drank and never will again. Tell them you are please begging for their forgiveness and they never have to worry about this happening ever again.I have personally apologized to them a couple days later after it happened. The mother ended up saying how I still hit her child and how her views towards me changed and will not be the same for as long as we're still dating. As for the father, I once heard him over the phone telling my bf how I'm nothing but trouble in the near future. I'm trying to prove them wrong, that it was really just that one time drunken moment. I hope they (esp the mother) can one day overlook this.
Author RainTunez Posted August 24, 2015 Author Posted August 24, 2015 They aren't going to forgive you in the short term. You assaulted their son. You did way more then yell. If the shoe was on the other foot, a man who did what you did would probably be facing criminal charges. The see a lifetime of abuse ahead for their son if he stays with you Time & truly changed behavior may help them overcome this but you will probably have to wait at least a year before they stop hating you.I understand. She sees it that way. She still sees me as the gf that hit her child and the fathers sees me as a troublemaker. I just hope there will come the day they can overlook it and we can all move on from that terrible drunken night.
Diezel Posted August 24, 2015 Posted August 24, 2015 It's going to take a LOT of time. I think you need to be more worried about yourself and relapse than their opinion. 1
Author RainTunez Posted August 24, 2015 Author Posted August 24, 2015 It's going to take a LOT of time. I think you need to be more worried about yourself and relapse than their opinion.It's not going to happen again because I stopped drinking.
warrenorabbits Posted August 24, 2015 Posted August 24, 2015 (edited) You say you've stopped drinking. Good. But it's not clear from the thread whether, in addition to apologizing, you've told the parents you gave up alcohol. Letting them know you're no longer drinking will probably be an essential part of the forgiveness process, especially if (like my mother) they grew up with an alcoholic and abusive parent. As long as they still think you are abusing alcohol, you'll be a wild card in their eyes and doubts will persist. So if you haven't already settled that matter I would do so as soon as possible, and reiterate that one of the reasons you gave up drinking is so that what happened that day will never happen again. But I have a feeling you've already told them, in which case you are probably out of luck as his parents are concerned. You've convinced everyone here that you've truly changed. I believe you. But convincing a parent of that fact, especially after you hit their son, is an entirely different matter. My parents, for example, have a very good memory for such things and have blacklisted bf/gfs I have had for less. So then it's a question of how much you care. Can you tune them out? Can he? If so, then you've done all you can do and your bf has forgiven you, so just focus on being happy. You're both adults (I presume) and don't need mommy and daddy's permission to be together. Edited August 24, 2015 by warrenorabbits
casey.lives Posted August 24, 2015 Posted August 24, 2015 there is hope. everybody, absolutely everybody is learning about life... even parents!! Just keep your progress going and your actions should win them over
Lady2163 Posted August 25, 2015 Posted August 25, 2015 His parents are probably worried about many things. Will you continue to abuse alcohol? Will you drink when there is a celebration? Will you strike their child when sober? Will you strike someone else...their grandchild? You do sound young. What other drama do you have in your life? Are your parents in the picture? Do you have a job? Do you have more than a job, do you have a career? Do you have goals set for your future where you are able to be a partner in a relationship that brings something to the table? That does mean money and loving behaviors and some household duties. That does me limited drama and attention seeking behaviors.
Pull n Pray Posted August 26, 2015 Posted August 26, 2015 It means I started getting physical with him by slapping him and trying to shake him; basically I lost it while drunk. Ever since then, his mother wants him to break up with me. This guy needs to break up with you. Otherwise, he will eventually be arrested for domestic violence.
salparadise Posted August 26, 2015 Posted August 26, 2015 You've convinced everyone here that you've truly changed. I believe you. Er, maybe not quite everyone. I believe she quite drinking. I believe she wishes not to be thought of as the crazy chiquita who got drunk and "snapped" on the boyfriend. I don't believe that change happens by saying, eh, it wasn't me that snapped on you, it was the alcohol. I don't believe change happens when you transmute language to minimize or obfuscate a physical assault. My guess is that she's still got a snap or two left in her.
Editbee Posted August 26, 2015 Posted August 26, 2015 My only guess is had this been the story of a drunken bf that lost it that day, slapped his gf around and continue trying to assault her, there would probably be more people rooting for the relationship to be over for good. Actually, he would even get arrested. The guy's parents are probably worried of seeing their son in jail and his reputation ruined if he would have hit back or if he were to do that if it happens again. He's not really safe even for a guy.
joseb Posted August 26, 2015 Posted August 26, 2015 Op, what were you two arguing about before you slapped him?
warrenorabbits Posted August 26, 2015 Posted August 26, 2015 Er, maybe not quite everyone. I believe she quite drinking. I believe she wishes not to be thought of as the crazy chiquita who got drunk and "snapped" on the boyfriend. I don't believe that change happens by saying, eh, it wasn't me that snapped on you, it was the alcohol. I don't believe change happens when you transmute language to minimize or obfuscate a physical assault. My guess is that she's still got a snap or two left in her. Maybe my comment was a little broad. But she doesn't seem to be merely excusing herself with the alcohol card; it seems like she wants reconciliation, and that she quit drinking largely because of what happened. That's no small measure.
Author RainTunez Posted August 27, 2015 Author Posted August 27, 2015 Yes, we're both adults in our 20's. In regards to what it was about, it was about the bills and the him working a lot more and not going on too many dates as before. Even so, I wouldn't have ever reacted that way in my regular sober self.
warrenorabbits Posted August 27, 2015 Posted August 27, 2015 Okay -- so what are you going to do now? Even so, I wouldn't have ever reacted that way in my regular sober self. Keep in mind that being drunk is *not* a valid excuse for misbehaviour, so I wouldn't try to make this point to the parents. Just stick to saying that you've made drastic changes and that it'll never happen again. I thought of something else, actually -- why not, along with apologizing, be upfront with them about how their opinion of you is important? That's likely to win you a few points at least.
Diezel Posted August 27, 2015 Posted August 27, 2015 Even so, I wouldn't have ever reacted that way in my regular sober self. Don't be 100% sure of that. And that's why I said you need to focus on you before trying to focus on anyone else. Alcohol lowered your inhibitions, it didn't just turn you into someone completely different. I don't think you realize that.
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