dragonwalker Posted August 24, 2015 Posted August 24, 2015 Several of my last few posts have been about this girl I've been dating for about1.5 months. In summary, I was at a turning point unsure if things would continue because we were seriously lacking in the intimacy department. I think as of yesterday that question was put to rest successfully. I definitely feel our relationship has entered a new phase although still not officially bf/gf. I now feel more free and open with her on a new level. I'm very inexperienced in relationships but my understanding from other people is that it's precisely at these junctures that guys will often become to act clingy or needy driving the girl away. This is actually how I feel now. Now more than ever I want to talk to her and be with her but I don't want to overwhelm her. Although she did hint that meeting once a week didn't seem enough for her. I know every relationship is different but what frequency of communication and meeting do you think might be a good rule of thumb. Yes in my head I am looking forward to meeting again in hopes of finding that intimacy again but I don't want her to think that's all I want which it isn't. How can I coordinate my efforts in the best way?
yxalitis Posted August 24, 2015 Posted August 24, 2015 Could you be a little less coy about what happened? What on Earth does: "entered a new phase" mean?>?> You want advice, please be clear on where you ARE in your dating... 1
Author dragonwalker Posted August 24, 2015 Author Posted August 24, 2015 Could you be a little less coy about what happened? What on Earth does: "entered a new phase" mean?>?> You want advice, please be clear on where you ARE in your dating... Well I wrote several long posts about what has been happening but essentially there was a lull in the physical aspect of the relationship and a question of whether the dating would turn into more of a meaningful relationship. After yesterdays discussion with the girl I was dating and her opening up physically (basically we stopped short of sex because neither of us had condoms). That's what I mean entering a new phase. I just don't want to do anything stupid to disrupt the momentum.
kenmore Posted August 24, 2015 Posted August 24, 2015 Going from what you said in your original post, the best advice is to be totally cool..as in don't push anything at the moment. You said yourself that she wants to meet more often than once a week, so go ahead and let her do the pushing. That said, you need to be interested so do make sure you reach out to her sometimes too. Don't let her do all the pursuing. Um...have f*cking condoms ready all the time! I hope this is a lesson to you, don't make that mistake twice! I'm a little envious of young people today (though I suppose it has been like that for decades) how anonymous advice is there for you. Not to be a jerk, but back in my day we had to stumble around looking like idiots until we figured this all out. That said, I guess it's "expected" by women that men can find answers to things like this during their free time lol. I guess with more info at people's disposal, thus the expectations go up proportionately. There's no cure for the nervousness young people feel when dating. It gets better with time and experience. For now, go ahead and "take your licks" and wear the emotional scars. It's part of the process. It's one of the few perks of getting older: Even though I'm closer to old age and dying, even though my life has tuned into a turd, at least I don't get nervous around women because it finally dawned on me that they are no better than us guys. We're all the same. Despite how they act at your age, they want us as much as we want them. They are not immune to love nor do they all want to be alone. With that knowledge comes confidence. Oops, I let out one of the secrets. Well, there are many more. Bring the PROPER condoms (good quality, find the right size, I always like "ribbed" (it's not as violent as it sounds) Buy name brand, I get Trojans. Just don't push until she's in the right place for it. Then it won't take much pushing, just a nudge. She'll most likely nudge you! Enjoy these years! You're smart to look for answers here. Ken
yxalitis Posted August 24, 2015 Posted August 24, 2015 Well I wrote several long posts about what has been happening but essentially there was a lull in the physical aspect of the relationship and a question of whether the dating would turn into more of a meaningful relationship. After yesterdays discussion with the girl I was dating and her opening up physically (basically we stopped short of sex because neither of us had condoms). That's what I mean entering a new phase. I just don't want to do anything stupid to disrupt the momentum. You don't have condoms on you, but you are trying to take your relationship to the next level... You're weren't a boy scout..were you? 1
Versacehottie Posted August 24, 2015 Posted August 24, 2015 I think, assuming all things relatively standard, at 1.5 months in, with around that level of physical contact, twice a week dates would be good. Sounds like she is up for it too. I think some level of texting/phone contact every day is good though not long conversations. I prefer more spontaneous rather than routine (a good morning text, a good night one, not cool to me). That's my preference. You will (and should) get a wide variety of opinions on how to stay in contact besides the dates because there are a lot of ways to go. Whatever you do, make it just a notch up from whatever you have been doing for this aspect. I think the clinginess shows itself most with too much texting or phone calls without purpose. Even if it's just entertaining (that's purposeful enough) be cautious of becoming boring on these. If boring is creeping in there is no reason to still be texting or staying on phone. And don't overshare because then the dates will tend to become boring especially if you are not the most experienced dater.
Versacehottie Posted August 24, 2015 Posted August 24, 2015 (edited) People can make themselves boring staying in contact too much just because they want to remain close but there is no real reason to do it. A lot of girls can definitely make a guy feel like an hour long conversation is justified, we are conditioned like that but the residual feeling is that there is no spark. I know plenty of people that's happened to. If the OP outright knew the difference he wouldn't be on here asking the question. It's not very cool guy feeling to give off that you have nothing better going on than stay like a girl on the phone all day. I stand by he should up it to 2 dates not as a rule but seems like that's the logical progression. I never used the word rules and you definitely missed the tone in which my advice was given so don't twist it. In fact, I said I hate people that feel obligated to do a good am/pm text/call, and said I prefer spontaneous contact. Reading comprehension, my friend. OP, yes you should tailor it to what you know about you two and only valuable thing x said was to go with the flow, which i absolutely agree with. I'm thinking you came on here to get some kind of approximations of what other people would imagine as normal in this situation, that's what I gave you, adjustable based on your own relationship of course and other advice you find relevant. Edited August 24, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
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