yxalitis Posted August 24, 2015 Posted August 24, 2015 …is like pulling teeth. Sick of this dating game now… The only girl I really connected with is in Hong freaking KONG! I am going back to see her in 3 weeks, but I would like to talk about the two turtle-pace dating experiences I am currently undergoing… OK, first of all, I know that the first response from most of you will be…why bother…etc etc…it shouldn’t be that hard…etc etc… But when I think back about every girl I’ve dated in the last 2 years, whenever it seemed to be working well: great texts messages replied to and initiated, long, conversation al phone calls, amazing dates that progress to kisses and sex in a few weeks…the end result is the same…nope. I didn’t connect with any of them, kisses, sex, holding hands all meant nothing in the end, and I’m thinking my approach is wrong. Maybe slow and steady is the correct approach… So these two ladies I’ve mentioned before, Vay and Che. Both are single mums and time poor. I get that...I really do…but…still… Vay and I last dated two weeks ago, I offered to pick her up, and she agreed, which was a good sign, as it was only our second date. it was a great date, I could feel her getting closer to me, more relaxed, more open…however she was also getting a little tipsy, so that would have contributed. None the less, when I drove her home I leaned over to her and kissed her gently…then stopped, said it was a great night, and I’d love to see her again. She leaned right over close to me and asked why I liked her, so I told her… She must have liked the answer, because we then kissed very passionately, for quite some time, and I resisted the urge to roam her body with my hands, just being content to hold her around the waist. Eventually I stopped, and laughing said I should be going…she got out, walked up to her door, turned and waved me goodbye, and later texted me how much she enjoyed the date… Since then She has been unable to find time to go out again….last weekend I was in Hong Kong, fair enough, but we dated on Wednesday last time, so that shouldn’t have mattered. OK, yes, there is a possibility she’s not interested, I get that, but I’ve left the texting to her, and sure enough, she always comes through with a “Good Morning…how was your day… She has apologised for her lack of availability, “It’s not easy for me like you, I have to look after my boy…” And that kiss didn’t come from nowhere, she took it to the next level… I left it over the weekend, no texts at all to her, after letting her know to tell me when she is free again… At this stage I’ll write her off as a loss, but I had done that to Che too…after a lack of replies and general unresponsiveness… Che just dropped off the scene after our lost, quite successful date…I was convinced she’s lost interest and had stopped communicating with her for about 2 weeks Then yesterday (Sunday) she rang, and just started chatting about her busy schedule, apparently she bought a lottery outlet she intends to run, and has been swamped with paperwork, legal requirements etc etc. After a while of pleasant chit chat I asked her when she might be free for a date, and she said, “later this week, tomorrow…actually I’m free tonight!” I suggested I pick her up from her place, and she readily agreed. This would be our third date. We had already kissed, softly, gently, after the second date when we went to dinner and the I taught her how to play pool. I arrived at 7:00, and she invited me inside…her children were there, so I took it upon myself to say hello to them both, and joked with her 9 year old son about his iPad game he was playing. I say on the couch next to her, and she seemed a little out of place…so I suggested we go out for a drink, and she enthusiastically agreed. Her eldest is old enough to look after the house…so that’s all OK. We had a drink, then went to play pool again, and she really loved that, asked me to take photos of her, checked her body position and hand style…we stayed maybe an hour, and she was laughing and having a great time. I drove her back home, and walked her to her front door, but she stopped me at the garden gate, and said her thanks… I moved in for the kiss, which we had already done the last date, but she baulked, gave me her cheek instead… I looked at her and said: “not ready yet?” To which she shyly nodded… She hasn’t dated for 8 years…so I will place a different set of expectations on her than most of my dates. And…she did allow me to meet her children….which I know is a big step for any single mum…she could have easily been waiting out front…or on the nearest corner. Physical connection with a man will seem odd to her…so her being hesitant about a kiss I’m tempted to let pass…she does hold hands, puts hers on top of mine, hugs me closely to her… I’m asking anyone out there if they returned to dating after a long absence, did you need to take it slow…?
menyou Posted August 24, 2015 Posted August 24, 2015 Dating sucks. I don't understand the snails pace unless there is not enough interest. Which then these women should just come out and say so.
joseb Posted August 24, 2015 Posted August 24, 2015 I find it very odd that Che is OK with you meeting her kids, but not OK with kissing.. That makes no sense at all.
Author yxalitis Posted August 24, 2015 Author Posted August 24, 2015 I find it very odd that Che is OK with you meeting her kids, but not OK with kissing.. That makes no sense at all. Oh, she thought I was in Hong Kong for a week, not just the weekend...I forgot that part. Here's my take. She does like me, cautiously. She hasn't dated for a very long time, she does see a possible future, but it's a way off for her, she wants to become VERY comfortable with me before getting more physical... To her this is all strange and new, and perhaps a little scary.
carhill Posted August 24, 2015 Posted August 24, 2015 He's safety-approved as a 'friend'. His aura is safe so the woman is OK with him being around the kids. They're on different wavelengths, even though ostensibly it could be 'dating'.
Author yxalitis Posted August 24, 2015 Author Posted August 24, 2015 He's safety-approved as a 'friend'. His aura is safe so the woman is OK with him being around the kids. They're on different wavelengths, even though ostensibly it could be 'dating'. Yes and no... Sometimes cautious daters want to be "friends first" But I will not allow myself to be put in the friend zone. This is why i hug, hold hands, kiss (when I can). We talk about taking it slow, and unlike other dates where that talk was followed by 2nd date sex, I think she means it... She has kids to look out for, she has to be sure I'm right before committing, I take the kids thing as a good sign (And I thanked her for it). However, next time if I'm rejected at the kiss (and it is just a kiss after all) I will ask her what's she's after... Funny, that reminds me of a story Vay was tellig em over our last dinner, how some guy she was seeing really took a shine to her son, and looked after him for her on some weekend days. (I guess he was playing the "Get the girl through her child" routine, in that if she could see that he loved her boy, she'd return the favour in kind.) But one day when he was looking after her boy, she went out on a date with another guy....and how nice of him to help her out like that! He was upset, told her so, and she was "what, you are looking after my boy, if you wanted to date me...you should have been doing that!" He totally friend zoned himself...I won't do that.
Author yxalitis Posted August 24, 2015 Author Posted August 24, 2015 So I messaged them both last night, in both cases I offered to take them and their kids to see a movie, getting around the whole "I can't because of the kids" problem...I figured as I'd already met Che's kids that would be easy. She replied that she's busy on the weekend. I respond with an offer to patiently wait for her but it was dripping with sarcasm...(Yes, I got a bit fed up) Well, she didn't get the sarcasm, her English isn't too good... she replies! Thank u. Can you give me the time till the end of September, I need to concentrate to take over the shop first OK, so she is just stressed and busy...her enthusiasm and apparent joy on our dates is evident, and I really do like her. Vay replied back that she's not ready to introduce me to her boy yet. I reply "What about just you" "Yes of course!" Again, positive signs, she is interested, but finding it hard to slot me in... I'll just be patient. maddening as that is!
joseb Posted August 25, 2015 Posted August 25, 2015 But one day when he was looking after her boy, she went out on a date with another guy....and how nice of him to help her out like that! He was upset, told her so, and she was "what, you are looking after my boy, if you wanted to date me...you should have been doing that!" He totally friend zoned himself...I won't do that. WOW! Great story (well not for him!) And a lesson to be learned.
Author yxalitis Posted August 25, 2015 Author Posted August 25, 2015 Seeing Vay on Monday for a lunch date...she's free every week day, so I took an RDO...should be good..let's see where this goes!
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