It will hurt and...

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and this pain is not going to go away until you make an effort to move on.

 

I am not going to lie or sugarcoat anything because like everybody else on this forum, I was the dumpee. I was on the receiving end of being left by my ex. There were a lot of issues in the relationship and I did my best to try to fix things, but I knew he had checked out months ago. That was why it was so easy for him to leave me and move on with another girl.

 

As a dumpee, I fell into victim mode. The emotions that consumed me had me begging for him and wanting to die because of the pain. I even self-mutilated at one point and it took my mom's intervention before things got worse.

 

Even when I had all my responsibilities-going to school and focusing on my career- I was overwhelmed with depression and sadness. I didn't find anything in my life worth living because in my head, I was still looking back, not forward.

 

The thing is, everyone will tell you time was the only thing that is going to mend your heartbreak. But nobody ever tell you that time can do so much, and that mixed in, you needed to make an effort to pick yourself up as well.

 

Otherwise, you would be like those people who spend years trying to forget their exes, but couldn't.

 

The only thing I can tell you is- your ex is NOT the one. No matter how much you tell yourself or others that the relationship was perfect, or that s/he was the person you see yourself being with for the rest of your life, something was already broken. The relationship WAS perfect. Past tense. And then it wasn't.

 

Do not look back. I still have a tendency to look back but honestly, it took my friend to snap me back to reality and tell it to me matter-of-factly,

 

"IT DOESN'T MATTER ANYMORE."

 

I still have the next 50-60 years to live. And if I only let 3 years to consume me to the point I don't want to live the next 50-60 years happily, then one day I will just look back on my past and regret.

 

The past relationships make us regret. But why hold so much regret something that was already dead?

 

It will hurt, and yes, time will heal, but the most important thing at this point in time, is what are you going to do about it?

[Oregon_Dude]

"IT DOESN'T MATTER ANYMORE."

Remind me to tattoo this on my brain.

[CT98]

I totally agree with everything you're saying.

 

I've been looking at this forum since a break up I had 2 years ago, and I see so many self-defeating posts; 'I'm a wreck', 'I can't get over this' etc.

 

It's very hard when you get dumped, and I'm not trying to say that anyone's suffering isn't worthy, but a positive attitude towards a break up an really make a huge difference.

 

I noticed that when my mindset changed from 'I must be unlovable', 'No one will ever want me', 'she was always too good for me' to 'I'm great just as I am', 'I'm good looking, intelligent, and will be an asset to someone's life' my healing improved ten-fold, and I actually started seeing my break up in a positive light, because it FORCED me to find my own happiness, and start creating the life I really wanted, and becoming the person I want to be.

 

I believe that your outside world really does reflect your inside world, because my life is so much better now than before or even during my last relationship, and I believe that to be because of my change in attitude.

 

I know it's very very hard after a break up, and I've been there, but if people can find some way to find that little bit of fight deep down in their soul to overcome it, I believe they will at a quicker pace than just accepting the misery for months on end.