NeverHurtSoMuch Posted August 24, 2015 Posted August 24, 2015 Hey guys so many of you know my story, but I'll give a quick refresher anyway. I'm an 18 year old boy about to go to college in less than a week. My high school girlfriend and first love, first everything, the person i thought i'd be with forever broke up with me in late june. We had a terrible breakup that ended with me being very clingy and annoying (I'll admit it) and her blocking my facebook and phone number. Anyway, I still had her on snapchat, and I went NC for around 6 weeks. During this time, I traveled abroad, hung out with friends and kept busy, and I really started doing well in terms of how I felt about this girl. I definitely wasn't over her, but I was slowly starting to become myself again. So, when I got back from my trip abroad, I consulted with friends and decided to send the ex a short message saying something like this: Hey ---, I was wondering if you wanted to talk before college? We ended really badly, and I think talking could really help clear the air and reduce the resentment and anger. If you don't want to, that's cool too. To be honest, I don't think you're going to respond to this, but it was worth a long shot before I leave. It was very friendly and I thought very mature for me to say to her after everything she did to me. She responded to me by saying "Please stop contacting me. I have moved on" which in and of itself was fairly immature. In any case, I was expecting that, so I took the high road and responded "Okay, thank you for your response, it was very gracious of you, good luck at school =)" She responded saying "good luck to you too" Then, I forgot about it. 2 days later (today), she blocks me on snapchat (the method i used to contact her). Now, bear in mind, she had kept snapchat open and had been posting stories and viewing mine while abroad. Why would she block me two days AFTER the message i sent her? it makes no sense, and is definitely irritating me. I did nothing wrong with the message, it was very kind and simply asked to make our situation slightly less awkward. I don't understand? Maybe you guys can shed some light on this? Oh, and I don't know if it matters, but her friends tell me whenever they bring me up in conversation for something notable or funny I said or did, she stops talking and leaves the conversation. And today, prior to blocking me, she posted a snap story of her with friends wearing the necklace i bought her, which she had completely stopped wearing the day of the breakup. I don't understand her at al!
mightycpa Posted August 24, 2015 Posted August 24, 2015 I don't understand her at all!There's the perfect reason for her to break up with you. You don't understand her well enough to decipher this behavior. She's done. That's what it means. The necklace has mysteriously morphed from a treasured memento to just another piece of jewelry she likes to wear. What you're having trouble with is how she can feel that way when you don't yet. You will, but don't try to figure her out. It is an exercise in futility. 1
dumbass2 Posted August 24, 2015 Posted August 24, 2015 Why would she do this? I am genuinely curious Because she wants nothing to do with you Maybe you guys can shed some light on this? She wants nothing to do with you Just being brutally honest here with you because you need to move on. She basically already showed you she wants nothing to do with you and now after that ill advised last text, she is trying to take it to the next level to show you she means it. Look back at your last text weeks from now and see if you can see how bad it comes off. Learn from it. I've learned from my mistakes similar to yours after a break up. We just have to make sure we don't make them again or worse, continue to make them with the same person. This isn't all bad news. She has shut the door and locked it behind her. Now you have your closure and can move forward and have some fun in college and meet some new people.
Author NeverHurtSoMuch Posted August 24, 2015 Author Posted August 24, 2015 i don't doubt in any way that she is done. i've known that for a long time. What I don't get is why she would respond to me so badly, and why would she wait a few days to delete me on snapchat when the logical thing to do would be to delete me as soon as our conversation was over? It doesn't make any sense.
bathtub-row Posted August 24, 2015 Posted August 24, 2015 You have so much life to live. But I know it hurts losing someone, especially when their behavior makes no sense. I think she really wants zero contact with you but left you unblocked for a couple of days to make sure you didn't have more to say. Or it's possible that hearing from you really messes up her head and, after a couple of days passed, she realized that it was best that the two of you just cut the cord. It's possible that she's just mentally off in some way. I mean, did the break-up come out of the blue, or did you see it coming? Either way, I hate to tell you but most relationships that start out that young, have a very, very low rate of survival. You're going to change a great deal in the years to come, and so is she. It's almost impossible to grow along the same paths. College alone will define you in very different ways and high school will seem like child's play to you in even a year. You'll most likely make the most lasting friendships of your life in college. Try to get past this and enjoy being unattached while you start one of the most important and significant phases of your life. Best wishes!
dumbass2 Posted August 24, 2015 Posted August 24, 2015 i don't doubt in any way that she is done. i've known that for a long time. What I don't get is why she would respond to me so badly, and why would she wait a few days to delete me on snapchat when the logical thing to do would be to delete me as soon as our conversation was over? It doesn't make any sense. To you it doesn't. You've just gone through a break up. There's a lot that wont make sense to you. To you, you'd do it one way. It's not the only way. Everyone thinks a little different. There is no way humanly possible to know what the other person is thinking. What would it matter any way? What if I just told you that she didn't delete you right away because she was just too busy and she didn't think it was that big a deal and just got around to it when she did. no big deal to her. Stop doing this to your self.
frigginlost Posted August 24, 2015 Posted August 24, 2015 i don't doubt in any way that she is done. i've known that for a long time. What I don't get is why she would respond to me so badly, and why would she wait a few days to delete me on snapchat when the logical thing to do would be to delete me as soon as our conversation was over? It doesn't make any sense. Going to be hard to hear, so, sorry in advance... She responded badly because you contacting her proved to her that she made the right decision. You have come off as extremely needy and not someone she can respect. You're young buddy, and we have all been there and we all know it sucks, but you have to start respecting yourself and completely and totally move forward. Dude, you're going to college! Live it up! Regarding snapchat, she probably never gave you a second thought about it, then remembered it as a way you could contact her, and blocked you. You're over analyzing.
CarrieT Posted August 24, 2015 Posted August 24, 2015 You are contradicting yourself if you told her this: So, when I got back from my trip abroad, I consulted with friends and decided to send the ex a short message saying something like this: Hey ---, I was wondering if you wanted to talk before college? We ended really badly, and I think talking could really help clear the air and reduce the resentment and anger. If you don't want to, that's cool too. To be honest, I don't think you're going to respond to this, but it was worth a long shot before I leave. And be pissy when she acknowledges that she doesn't want to. Also, telling her "I don't think you're going to respond to this" is also immature and passive-aggressive. You are all but daring her to NOT respond so her acknowledgment of your text - even in telling you to go away - was the only thing she could do. Stop reading into the wearing of the necklace. At this point, it is just a piece of jewelry and probably has no sentimental value anymore. Time to move on.
aloneinaz Posted August 24, 2015 Posted August 24, 2015 Going to be hard to hear, so, sorry in advance... She responded badly because you contacting her proved to her that she made the right decision. You have come off as extremely needy and not someone she can respect. You're young buddy, and we have all been there and we all know it sucks, but you have to start respecting yourself and completely and totally move forward. Dude, you're going to college! Live it up! Regarding snapchat, she probably never gave you a second thought about it, then remembered it as a way you could contact her, and blocked you. You're over analyzing. This ^^^ None of us are trying to pick on you OP or make you feel bad. We're offering advice and suggestions so you don't repeat the same mistakes. There was NO reason to contact her again when you returned home. She hadn't contacted you and was done. You missed her, reached out to hopefully see and talk to her again. Her response only reinforced that she didn't want you to become a stalker and to leave her alone. As he states above, you're going to college my man. What a target rich environment for a young man to enjoy. Go out and have fun. Add some notches to your bed post and get more girl experience. Teen age love is just that and it flames out spectacularly 99% of the time.
Chi townD Posted August 24, 2015 Posted August 24, 2015 Because NC was working for you and she saw it. So, she was angry and jealous. I mean, you even said that she was watching all your adventures on snapchat. She saw the fun things you were doing and the cool places you visited. Like you didn't have a care in the world. And that might have started t get to her. It's like, "How can he move on so quickly? I'm the one that dumped HIM! Did he even care about me at all?!?!" Very selfishly motivated. So, she probably blocked you on snapchat because she realized that she's driving herself insane following your snaps.
Author NeverHurtSoMuch Posted August 24, 2015 Author Posted August 24, 2015 Hey guys, thanks for all your thoughts. The thing is, I genuinely thought I was doing the right thing by trying to reach out an olive branch just to improve our situation and have it be slightly less awkward. I had no intention of trying to get her back or anything like that, it had been a while since the breakup and weeks since we talked and I'm doing pretty well with it now. Before I sent it I asked all of my buddies and even some of her friends, and they all said it was a good, mature thing to do. If she had not responded and blocked me, or blocked me immediately after the conversation, I wouldn't have been surprised at all, but it confused me as to why she would wait two days to do it. Either way, it's over now and college is soon, so there's no point in dwelling on it. Thanks again!
d0nnivain Posted August 24, 2015 Posted August 24, 2015 In part you broke up because your lives are changing. You are off to college & the whole world is opening up to you. It's time to leave HS & your HS romance in the past. She knows this to some extent. When the relationship ended & things got ugly she probably clung to the ugliness as proof that she made the right decision. It was easier for her not to miss you when she thought you were a jerk. When you reached out, her pain at the loss of your relationship came flooding back. Just because she misses what you had is not a good reason for you to try to maintain the relationship now that you are going away to college. It's just a happy memory that caused pain when you reached out. Her response was not immature. Your reply bordered on passive aggressive. Anyway, she severed that last connection because she didn't really want the conduit to see how much fun you're having in college. Go off to school a free man. Flirt with co-eds. Excel at your studies. Maybe you two will cross paths when you come home for Holiday break in December but until then she's just a girl you used to love, nothing more. 1
PaperCrane Posted August 24, 2015 Posted August 24, 2015 Why an olive branch? Is she involved in your life? It was made clear she didn't want you in her life so an olive branch is needless. The best thing to do was what you were doing; nothing. Go back to doing that. Reaching out reset your NC timer and you're back to square one.
seasickpeeve Posted August 24, 2015 Posted August 24, 2015 I actually think you're text was mature (apart from the end bit about her not responding). If you were genuinely trying to clear the air so things would be less awkward at college I understand that. My ex is due to be starting my uni and I have anxiety about this. I'd love a text like that to show we could be on friendly terms to make it easier. But I suspect you might have been using this as just a way to gain contact and she has seen through it. Unfortunately, she doesn't seem to have maturity and has the usual ego of a young women who thinks that just because you wanted her then you will always want her. I have felt this about ex's I broke up with that whenever they contacted me I assumed it was because they were trying to find a way in. It's not always true but the dumper becomes over cautious to not send out any false hope. If you do still have feelings then in a way she's right to not indulge them, for your sake. Don't try again and just ignore her at college.
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