Chen12 Posted August 24, 2015 Posted August 24, 2015 (edited) I always thought I was a good person but now Im seriously doubting it. My ex broke up with me little over two weeks ago. We were on and off for half a year and the other half we were happy. The time we were on and off was HELL for me. He made me feel less than. He choose to hangout with his friends over me, I saw that he was messages girls on facebook and later found out he cheated on me! Also during our on and off period he constantly broke up with me and I begged for him back. After breaking up with me for the last time he said that he couldn't trust me because of how I acted in the past. In the past I was a party girl and I was always hit on by guys but always rejected their advances. He tells me he thinks that I've cheated on him and can't get past it. After going through emotional hell for half a year I just said **** it.... I stopped talking to him... Its only been 5 days and he sent me a text this morning saying when I go out to party just think about how he felt when I would go out with me friends and leave him...... I was speechless. I apologized COUNTLESS times to him about going partying with my friends and not inviting him (mostly because my friends say that they didn't want to invite him). I NEVER cheated on him and he thinks I did. I showed him how sorry I was by being the perfect girlfriend. I was nice and caring and did everything I was suppose to do and you know what he did. He walked all over me and cheated on me. I'm at the end of my rope. I apologized so many times!! Why is it after he broke up with me that he's trying to make ME feel guilty? He also texted me to listen to a song called Tears in the Rain by the weeknd..... He is sending me hot and cold messages and Im sick of it!! Even when I decided to move on its like he wants to make me feel like ****! He has hurt me 10x more than I've ever hurt him and I apologized for any wrong that I've done... I'm so sick of this! The break up is hard enough as is but the fact that he is doing this is making me feel so ****ty. I don't think I've done anything nearly as bad to deserve this. Edited August 24, 2015 by Chen12 Update
Qboro90 Posted August 24, 2015 Posted August 24, 2015 He's manipulating you in textbook fashion. By what you listed he clearly is the one who should be feeling guilty and begging for you back, not the other way around. You're faulting yourself for being a college girl and going out having a social life with your friends. There's nothing wrong with that and a good BF would trust you and know that he treats you well enough so that no matter who hits on you , you won't do anything. He's using this tactic to try and get you to come back to him and make you think it's your fault you guys didn't work out. It's not. It's his fault. Talking to other girls, cheating on you, the list goes on. I recommend no contact with him. If you really wanna stick it to him tho, then the next time he texts you saying something like "think how I felt every time you're out at a party" or something along those lines then just reply with "I just think about all the other girls you talked to and cheated on me with when I go out and then have a phenomenal time... Please don't contact me again. Bye".
Author Chen12 Posted August 24, 2015 Author Posted August 24, 2015 Its so messed up like why would he do this? I've always been the one to beg for him back and all he has done was coldly reject me then treat me like **** when we were back together. Why is he trying to do this? He obviously doesn't want me so why try to manipulate me..... he has been throwing me mixed signals. The day before I decided to apply no contact he called me drunk telling me he was very attracted to me sexually and liked me as a person but he can't be with me because he's too young for a serious relationship and that he wanted to sleep with other girls ......... If I would have known that he would have put me through so much hurt I would have never got together with him
mightycpa Posted August 24, 2015 Posted August 24, 2015 Its so messed up like why would he do this? I've always been the one to beg for him backHey look at that! You asked your question, then answered it correctly in the next sentence! You make this super easy!
Author Chen12 Posted August 25, 2015 Author Posted August 25, 2015 .... I meant why would he try to manipulate me into begging for him back.. He has said countless times that he didn't want to be with me
quattrob Posted August 25, 2015 Posted August 25, 2015 He seems immature based on what you said about him. I don't know exactly why you care this much considering how like you said your relationship with him was "on and off" so it wasn't stable to begin with. People only make you feel guilty because you allow them to. You have control over how others make you feel. If you keep responding by apologizing nonstop, you're allowing him to manipulate you because he knows that's the reaction you'd give when he tries to guilt trip you. However if you don't react and just move on, I doubt he'd continue to bother you. Maybe you somehow enjoy the attention he gives you from this still? No idea but best to just not react to what he says and does.
Author Chen12 Posted August 25, 2015 Author Posted August 25, 2015 He is immature... thats a fact. I care because its something I never thought he would do. I never answered the text. I haven't been answering for a week.... I no longer care as much... I think i'm finally moving on. I do think about our time together but its just thoughts and there is no emotional drive behind it. I used to pray that he would realize his mistakes and ask for me back but now I can't bother to do it anymore. I think that even if he begged for me back I wouldn't want to. I can see the relationship for what it was. Even though he was very nice and caring he was also manipulating and selfish at times. And the fact that he texted me that reinforces that thought. He is very immature and has a lot of growing to do.
Tuga88 Posted August 25, 2015 Posted August 25, 2015 Time to go full no contact. Block his number, FB etc. The guy is no good for you.
AncientMirror Posted August 27, 2015 Posted August 27, 2015 You sound like more than a good person Chen12, you have been nothing but kind to him it seems. Anyone in their right mind would miss the unconditional love and devotion they got from you, and I think your boyfriend realizes he had something special. He's not mature enough to foster a good relationship with you... but its probably harder to say goodbye than he thought it would be, maybe he never really thought you would move on, and expected you to keep coming back to him. If he really wanted to let go he wouldn't be doing all these ploys for your attention, it sounds like he can't get you off his mind. I ' d say he's trying to keep you trapped down there emotionally with him. You are doing a good job to maintain your dignity, I was gonna mention not to read his texts, emails or answer his calls etc and block him, but it sounds like you are already doing those things, just hang in there. I sympathize with you. I know what its like to be in a relationship where you are constantly holding everything you want in, always trying your hardest to please them and not argue with them and be pleasant to them, your patience is like a fairytale character Griselda, Cinderella, Sita. I was in a relationship where I was showering him in presents, doing all the cooking, driving him everywhere he needed to go, never asking him for a dime. The man or woman your in a relationship with can become like a spoiled child. They take no responsibility in the relationship and just expect more and more from you, you can do everything they ask and more but they may just blow up at you still. Everything is your fault. These relationships where one person is trying to endure everything never hold together, and even in your happy moments there are feelings of being stressed out. You'd think the person getting dumped on would end the relationship, but from my personal experience I'd say its the other way around, they don't appreciate you and are unpredictable and may seem to leave you at random. I know your situation is not exactly like mine, but I still identify especially when you mentioned how you got walked all over. I'm glad to hear you are feeling better and now don't think you would want to be in a relationship anymore even if he came back. Hold out for your prince, you deserve better.
mightycpa Posted August 27, 2015 Posted August 27, 2015 .... I meant why would he try to manipulate me into begging for him back.. He has said countless times that he didn't want to be with meI know what you meant... but why ask why? That's like asking why the sky is blue... whatever the answer is, you're powerless to change it. This urge to understand is no more than you wrestling with the person he is vs. the person you want him to be. In other words, deep down inside, still clinging to the idea that he might change. Well, he might, but you're going to have to help him. The way you can become an agent of change is to make it costly for him to act this way. That large cost is for you to leave him behind and vanish without a trace. If, underneath all the immaturity and childishness, he is indeed a good guy, then he will change. If not, he won't. Either way, you should never know.
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