treehugger101 Posted August 23, 2015 Posted August 23, 2015 I have dated a lot over the years and have dated guys who had Diabetes, another was controlling, obsessive, abusive, another was BiPolar, others suffered from Anxiety, Depression, while others dealt with Schizophrenia, Paranoia, Manipulation, etc. Out of these issues and or problems. Would you or have you dated someone with these or would you never even bother dating someone like this whatsoever? What are the types of people you would NEVER date? 1
smackie9 Posted August 23, 2015 Posted August 23, 2015 I would never date all those! I would want someone who is healthy as I am physically and mentally. Wouldn't you? 2
walkingonair Posted August 23, 2015 Posted August 23, 2015 I have dated a lot over the years and have dated guys who had Diabetes, another was controlling, obsessive, abusive, another was BiPolar, others suffered from Anxiety, Depression, while others dealt with Schizophrenia, Paranoia, Manipulation, etc. Out of these issues and or problems. Would you or have you dated someone with these or would you never even bother dating someone like this whatsoever? What are the types of people you would NEVER date? Nope I would NEVER! I dated a guy who had anxiety and depression and it was HELL! He made me super depressed and anxious. It's best to date someone mentally healthy. 1
Author treehugger101 Posted August 23, 2015 Author Posted August 23, 2015 What if you suffered from mental health and the partner did not? Would you be alright with this approach or still be unsure? 2
walkingonair Posted August 23, 2015 Posted August 23, 2015 What if you suffered from mental health and the partner did not? Would you be alright with this approach or still be unsure? It would make me feel weird and uneasy because he'd have to deal with my issues but if I knew that he's accepting of my issues then i'd be ok with it. 1
losangelena Posted August 23, 2015 Posted August 23, 2015 I think it would really depend on how the person was handling their "issue." I mean, if you telegraph someone's life to its end, there are going to be issues. Disease, unemployment, addiction, family problems. Part of committing to someone is saying, "I'll take your issues on with you." I have anxiety. I used to suffer from panic attacks (don't anymore), I used to take meds; I still see a therapist weekly. I'm AWARE of my issue, and try and take care of it best I can. How would I feel if someone I was dating was like NOPE? I mean, I suppose it's understandable, but at a certain point, who doesn't have any issues? For me, things like schizophrenia, BPD and abusiveness make me leery—anything that might cause someone to be violent. Other than that, if the person was managing their issue well (proper care if physical/mental problem) or trying to improve the situation (employment/money problem), then I could live with that. 3
Ami1uwant Posted August 23, 2015 Posted August 23, 2015 Just about everyone has something "wrong" with them when it comes to medical/mental issues. The far bigger issue is his they handle it. Some issues you may learn about early on but others may not shoe up for 4-6 months into a relationship at a point you gave invested in a relationship so you likely react snd handle it very differently than if you found out about this by date 3. 2
ExpatInItaly Posted August 23, 2015 Posted August 23, 2015 My ex-boyfriend is diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder. To say it was a volatile and turbulent relationship is a vast understatement. The major problem for me is that he refused any type of treatment. He had no handle on it at all. In that case, I would never again become involved with someone who suffers from such a disorder and is not undergoing treatment. For me, it would very much depend on the illness, the severity of the illness, their past and current treatment and what strategies they planned to use in the future to manage it. Anyone who is untreated would not be a good relationship candidate for me. 1
Satu Posted August 23, 2015 Posted August 23, 2015 (edited) Date people who are doing as well as you are in life, or doing *slightly* better than you are. Edited August 23, 2015 by Satu
Hopeful30 Posted August 24, 2015 Posted August 24, 2015 Never say never. Mental illness doesn't mean the person is defective. And don't think that everything that is labeled is somehow detrimental to character. I don't look at men that way (mental, not mental). They just are who they are, and if I don't like it, I make changes. Simple as that. 1
Erised Posted August 24, 2015 Posted August 24, 2015 If I am treated well, that's what matters. Everyone has some problem or another. How are they dealing with it? We can confront things together, as partners, if it doesn't make the relationship itself unacceptable. Abuse? No. Narcissist? No. Depressed? Diabetes? Any of that. Yeah, sure. I'm not looking for perfect. I'm looking for a partner. 2
smackie9 Posted August 24, 2015 Posted August 24, 2015 I grew up with a manic depressive mother....no f'ing way. All the medication in the world doesn't make them 100%. I will never walk on eggshells for anyone. Been through enough trauma to last me a lifetime. 1
autumnnight Posted August 24, 2015 Posted August 24, 2015 It would depend on how they dealt with their issues. I will be a supportive partner, but I am not going to be your mother or your doctor YOU need to be in charge of YOUR health. diagnosed with depression or bipolar? Take your meds, keep up with your meds, and go to therapy. Diagnosed with diabetes? Test your sugar, keep up with your insulin, and stay the heck away from the chocolate cake. Adults take care of themselves and do not look to their partners to manage or police their welfare.
usernametaken Posted August 24, 2015 Posted August 24, 2015 I wouldn't want to knowingly get involved with someone with a mental illness. However, if he had a well-managed case of depression or anxiety, I wouldn't completely write him off. Drawing the line at diabetes seems a little unfair. If it's well-managed and he takes good care of his health, I don't see why that should be a deal-breaker. We're all going to come down with some sort of illness eventually.
Vercetti Posted August 24, 2015 Posted August 24, 2015 Everyone has some type of issue. If rather stable and going forward just with a few glitchs here and there, no problem. Just if at a point can't function or heavy off the deep end of substances...no.
autumnnight Posted August 24, 2015 Posted August 24, 2015 I am not sure if it is because of the proliferation of online dating, because of entitlement and trophies for showing up, because of the internet in general, or what, but over the last...say, 3 days, this is what I have determined one must or must not have/be in order to be worthy of dating in 2015: 1. Must always respond to texts...but not too quickly...or with too much delay 2. Must not cancel a date with less than 48 hours notice, regardless of reason 3. Must be MY version of physically attractive 4. Must not have too many exes 5. Must not have too few exes 6. Should not have slept with many people 7. Should not be a sexual newbie 8. Should know exactly when to talk and when to be quiet 9. Should be direct about their intentions 10. Should have a bit of mystery 11. Should have no baggage, issues, insecurities 12. Should not care who pays 13. Should pay 14. Should offer to pay I could go on and on. Again, I am glad I am old. Imperfect people were allowed to date way back in the 80's and 90's....it made walking uphill in the snow worth it 1
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