BriNyc82 Posted August 23, 2015 Posted August 23, 2015 I was having a discussion with another gal on here and we were talking about feeling scared to be happy again. Does anyone else feel this way too? I was stupid craZy head over heels cloud 9 type happy. I look back at that happiness and was so naive to think it was steel proof and couldnt come crashing down. I'm petrified that if I am happy again it will only bring inevitable pain. I don't want to be unhappy and I know people say it's a choice. But every time I smile or do something that makes me happy now I just get reminded of how happy I was with him and it makes me more sad. Does this make sense? 2
Chronograph Posted August 23, 2015 Posted August 23, 2015 I can totally relate to this. But the truth is: nothing is steel proof, everything will eventually pass. Every happiness, every sadness. It seems the only way we can deal with that is trying to be aware in the moment we're happy again that it will pass. And then enjoy it all the more. Because we know about its impermanence. That's what makes it more precious. It's about being in the present, in the now, I guess. 2
Author BriNyc82 Posted August 23, 2015 Author Posted August 23, 2015 You are right. I guess every feeling is fleeing. In terms of my overall happiness, I had this sense of peace and content. Like my life was headed in a new and exciting direction. I'm scared to ever have that feeling again. I don't want that feeling again bc it's terrifying. 1
Chronograph Posted August 23, 2015 Posted August 23, 2015 Gosh, yeah, it IS terrifying! Getting hurt again, or the possibility of new heartbreak, a new disappointment ... is terrifying. I feel the same. Absolutely. Funny how when I speak to someone else I have some good advice but then I fall into the same traps. But anyway, I guess that's life. Being alive, being human is terrifying. A good friend of mine once said: it's not about avoiding the struggle (impossible) but to enjoy the struggle. Sometimes I hate that sentence, sometimes it helps me. 4
Author BriNyc82 Posted August 23, 2015 Author Posted August 23, 2015 Gosh, yeah, it IS terrifying! Getting hurt again, or the possibility of new heartbreak, a new disappointment ... is terrifying. I feel the same. Absolutely. Funny how when I speak to someone else I have some good advice but then I fall into the same traps. But anyway, I guess that's life. Being alive, being human is terrifying. A good friend of mine once said: it's not about avoiding the struggle (impossible) but to enjoy the struggle. Sometimes I hate that sentence, sometimes it helps me. Thank you =) sorry for being a buzz kill! I've always been the type to take things head on, face my fears, etc. I never understood people who were 'scared' to love. But I totally get it now. I don't want to be consumed by this fear but something has changed in me now and I don't like being scared. I do like that quote and it is true. I don't necessarily enjoy the struggle,but later down the road I always appreciate it. I also like the saying, if there are not ups and downs in life, you're not alive. I guess I need to just accept that pain is part of life and there's no way of getting around it. 1
Gus Grimly Posted August 23, 2015 Posted August 23, 2015 You know what? Even after all the pain, sadness, tears, anxiety, insomnia, humiliation, and great expense that my Ex brought me, I refuse to let her win. Not gonna happen!! :mad: She was my life, my night and day. I planned on spending the rest of my life with her. I gave up everything to be with her. I put the relationship before myself which caused my undoing. I was too blind to see who she really was, even though it was in plain sight. I only saw what I wanted to see and stuffed away all the bad things into the darkest crevices of my mind. She hurt me in a way no one ever has, but I still forgave her. Then, when it was my turn to ask for another chance, I was not extended the same courtesy. Foolishly, I had convinced myself nothing could break the bond we shared. It wasn't just broken, it was obliterated. So what does this mean exactly? It means that she was an imposter and the true person I was meant to be with is still out there somewhere. I must not lay down in defeat. I cannot be discouraged from this major setback. I will carry these scars for the rest of my life, but the wisdom & knowledge I've gained from them will guide me to prosperity. I won't give up. If I do "she" will have truly beaten me. I'll die before that day arrives. Genuine happiness is out there. You must gather all your courage and face the unknown without fear. Once you reach that pinnacle you'll be at the precipice of an incredible life-changing experience, but you won't get far if you don't even try. All it takes is the first step. 6
Author BriNyc82 Posted August 23, 2015 Author Posted August 23, 2015 Thank you Gus, I needed to be reminded of that. I know you were put through the ringer. I will think of you often and know if you can persevere so can I. The same thought has crossed my mind. He wins if I let him break me. I don't want him to set me back in life. Maybe he has temporarily, but I also know I am built a certain way. Maybe it's the Libra in me. I need connections. I know I WILL fall for someone again. I just hope I am not a bitter person now and come off that way =( I truly admire your courage. 3
Satu Posted August 23, 2015 Posted August 23, 2015 Happiness comes from the inside. Nobody can give it or take it away. 3
Gus Grimly Posted August 23, 2015 Posted August 23, 2015 I truly admire your courage. Thank you, I appreciate that! You WILL persevere, I know it. That's the great thing about you and I, and everyone else who's been through the ringer and lived to tell about it ... we're survivors. Just keep in mind this heartache won't last forever, you will endure. 2
Author BriNyc82 Posted August 23, 2015 Author Posted August 23, 2015 Thank you, I appreciate that! You WILL persevere, I know it. That's the great thing about you and I, and everyone else who's been through the ringer and lived to tell about it ... we're survivors. Just keep in mind this heartache won't last forever, you will endure. I keep thinking of the song "fighter" by christina aguilera. cheesy song but I love the lyrics. After all you put me through, You think I'd despise you, But in the end I wanna thank you, 'Cause you've made me that much stronger 1
catlady11 Posted August 24, 2015 Posted August 24, 2015 That makes perfect sense. What hurts me the most is I can remember how freaking happy I was with my ex. I was happy before when I was single but when he came in to my life he added to my happiness and it was wonderful. I remember when I was with him a lot of times the feeling of being that happy scared me because I couldn't believe someone deserved that much happiness. 1
Chronograph Posted August 24, 2015 Posted August 24, 2015 I don't want to be consumed by this fear but something has changed in me now and I don't like being scared. Yeah, fear is ****! I know. Feel the same. I hate it. I'm scared all the time and I don't like myself for this. Sometimes I'm even scared of feeling fear. "Being consumed" by fear ... what would that mean? Have you ever tried meditation? The approach there is to learn and know that you are not your fear and whatever feeling you feel, whatever feeling you can observe in yourself - it is not you. It will pass. It cannot consume you. Well, it cannot consume you if you let it be. If you accept it, if you see it, if you acknowledge it. But if you reject it and want to push it away, deny it, then it will grow bigger. It's a paradox. Once you've seen (acknowledged & accepted) something it will go away. It's like telling yourself: "Oh, okay, I'm scared again. Right. It's okay. It's okay if I'm scared." So once you welcome something it will most likely pass. I've experienced that myself. (Although I do not meditate regularly anymore ... need to start doing it again.) 1
DK666 Posted August 24, 2015 Posted August 24, 2015 You know what? Even after all the pain, sadness, tears, anxiety, insomnia, humiliation, and great expense that my Ex brought me, I refuse to let her win. Not gonna happen!! :mad: She was my life, my night and day. I planned on spending the rest of my life with her. I gave up everything to be with her. I put the relationship before myself which caused my undoing. I was too blind to see who she really was, even though it was in plain sight. I only saw what I wanted to see and stuffed away all the bad things into the darkest crevices of my mind. She hurt me in a way no one ever has, but I still forgave her. Then, when it was my turn to ask for another chance, I was not extended the same courtesy. Foolishly, I had convinced myself nothing could break the bond we shared. It wasn't just broken, it was obliterated. So what does this mean exactly? It means that she was an imposter and the true person I was meant to be with is still out there somewhere. I must not lay down in defeat. I cannot be discouraged from this major setback. I will carry these scars for the rest of my life, but the wisdom & knowledge I've gained from them will guide me to prosperity. I won't give up. If I do "she" will have truly beaten me. I'll die before that day arrives. Genuine happiness is out there. You must gather all your courage and face the unknown without fear. Once you reach that pinnacle you'll be at the precipice of an incredible life-changing experience, but you won't get far if you don't even try. All it takes is the first step. Thanks Gus, this post was exactly what I needed.
nellbell86 Posted August 24, 2015 Posted August 24, 2015 I feel the same, even though it hasn't been that long since my break up and I know I've still got alot of raw emotion going on. I cannot even think of going near anyone else, ever! I've had a few male friends try to reach out to me and talk or catch up, and I ignore them or say no. I am way too scared to put myself out there again only to be trampled. My ex did such a good job of fooling me, Gus I can relate alot to what you said, about being so crazy in love that you missed the signs even though they were blatantly obvious. He had me wrapped around his finger, I gave my ALL to him and our relationship and was 110% convinced this was it, he was the one, forever, and that he thought it too. Now thats all come crumbling down around me I am so scared to even think of trying again, I feel like I am destined to stay alone, broken, and in love with him forever :/ it sucks! 1
Author BriNyc82 Posted August 24, 2015 Author Posted August 24, 2015 That makes perfect sense. What hurts me the most is I can remember how freaking happy I was with my ex. I was happy before when I was single but when he came in to my life he added to my happiness and it was wonderful. I remember when I was with him a lot of times the feeling of being that happy scared me because I couldn't believe someone deserved that much happiness. I feel the same way =( I kept thinking it was too good to be true. It was....I was always happy when I was single before I met him too. I want to get back to that place but it's really hard after knowing how happy I was. I feel damaged
Author BriNyc82 Posted August 24, 2015 Author Posted August 24, 2015 Yeah, fear is ****! I know. Feel the same. I hate it. I'm scared all the time and I don't like myself for this. Sometimes I'm even scared of feeling fear. "Being consumed" by fear ... what would that mean? Have you ever tried meditation? The approach there is to learn and know that you are not your fear and whatever feeling you feel, whatever feeling you can observe in yourself - it is not you. It will pass. It cannot consume you. Well, it cannot consume you if you let it be. If you accept it, if you see it, if you acknowledge it. But if you reject it and want to push it away, deny it, then it will grow bigger. It's a paradox. Once you've seen (acknowledged & accepted) something it will go away. It's like telling yourself: "Oh, okay, I'm scared again. Right. It's okay. It's okay if I'm scared." So once you welcome something it will most likely pass. I've experienced that myself. (Although I do not meditate regularly anymore ... need to start doing it again.) I think I do need to try some sort of meditation. Everyone swears by it. In the back of my head I just keep telling myself I shouldn't ever be that happy again. That if I am ever that happy again then it will just inevitably come crashing down again. I cant go through another breakup again. I know it's all in my head. Part of me doesn't even want that happiness again. I know I'm being dramatic hahah Ask me again in an hour =)
Recommended Posts