Yepanotherone Posted August 23, 2015 Posted August 23, 2015 Things have been a bit stale recently with the gf (now ex) due to long distance and not being able to see each other as much anyway yesterday I brought it up things were off with us and just this morning we decided to chat. She's turning 20 soon and is going into 2nd year of Uni. She said she's confused, likes me but doesn't want to miss out on the Uni experience (I get what she's saying). I'm 24 and just finished Uni and going travelling for 10 weeks in 6 weeks time. We have been dating for about 9 months but actually in a committed relationship the past 4 months - it was always going to be a big ask to stay together through my travels. She says maybe we could meet up for a coffee after my travels.. I just said maybe.. Old story of right people wrong time. Hate the grass is always greener syndrome people get. Nobody wants to figure out a solution these days.I've done exactly what she doing now to a girl before and I know how it often ends. The grass isn't as green as you hoped.. hooking up and living the single lifestyle isn't all it's cracked up to be but when you realize this it's too late. I wish I could show her this but I worry only she can experience this.. I wish we met in different circumstances 1
912brian24 Posted August 23, 2015 Posted August 23, 2015 Look you'll get tons of great advice on this site for sure! The older people who have been through all this crap before know the deal and give it to you straight but sometimes it's so hard to listen to that advice! The single life does get old (but it's fun) and as life starts to set back in people realize what a great thing they had and want it back! My advice to you is just move on and later down the road when she calls and try's to get a feel of where you're at then you decide and take it from there! Good luck brother! 1
Author Yepanotherone Posted August 23, 2015 Author Posted August 23, 2015 Thank you, any advice on how to deal with the post break up rejection emotions? Struggling bad, can't stop crying
BriNyc82 Posted August 23, 2015 Posted August 23, 2015 . Hate the grass is always greener syndrome people get. Nobody wants to figure out a solution these days.I've done exactly what she doing now to a girl before and I know how it often ends. The grass isn't as green as you hoped.. hooking up and living the single lifestyle isn't all it's cracked up to be but when you realize this it's too late. I wish I could show her this but I worry only she can experience this.. I wish we met in different circumstances I forget where I read this comparison but I like to think of grass is greener like home alone. At first Kevin is ecstatic. He's overdosing on ice cream, watching movies all day long, have a blast. Then time goes by and he realizes he is all alone. Hiding under his parents bed wishing everyone was there. I never understood grass is greener. If someone thinks there is "possibly" something better out there and is willing to let you go, they are risking the chance to lose you. And showing you where you stand. 2
Author Yepanotherone Posted August 23, 2015 Author Posted August 23, 2015 I forget where I read this comparison but I like to think of grass is greener like home alone. At first Kevin is ecstatic. He's overdosing on ice cream, watching movies all day long, have a blast. Then time goes by and he realizes he is all alone. Hiding under his parents bed wishing everyone was there. I never understood grass is greener. If someone thinks there is "possibly" something better out there and is willing to let you go, they are risking the chance to lose you. And showing you where you stand. I like that comparison it's funny yet I feel true. I said to her She obviously doesn't want me enough if she's willing to lose me but she replied she does want me. I guess she had to decide whether I was worth the sacrifice of not experiencing hooking up at parties, experiencing other guys and being carefree throughout University. Sadly I lost. I wasn't worth the risk of not experiencing that. Maybe she will meet someone better and more suited and maybe it will all work out for her. But I get the feeling after a few months and the dust settles and she's had a few of night stands she realises it was a waste to throw away a relationship over such a decision. I probably come across very arrogant saying that but I've been there and seen it happen to many people. It only ends in regret and realisation the grass isn't always greener, sometimes the current field just needs a bit of groundwork to make it blossom.
aloneinaz Posted August 23, 2015 Posted August 23, 2015 (edited) Ok, here's the older guys perspective for ya. She's a KID! She's in college and really shouldn't be in a serious, committed R/S. The age gap (5 years) meant you're at different stages in life. You're out of college and she's still attending. You're ready to have a serious relationship, start your career, etc.. She's focused on navigating thru college, having more relationship experience and enjoying her college years single and carefree. What you should do? Look back at the time you spent w/her with a smile on your face. It ran it's course like all those R/S's at that age do. You're still very young as well. Enjoy this time in your life and go out, have fun and sow your oats. Try to not engage w/her anymore so you can let "out of sight, out of mind" and time passing help get your over it. You never know what the future will hold either. Maybe in 5-10 years, you two will get another opportunity to see if things could work long term. Edited August 23, 2015 by aloneinaz 1
Author Yepanotherone Posted August 24, 2015 Author Posted August 24, 2015 Ok, here's the older guys perspective for ya. She's a KID! She's in college and really shouldn't be in a serious, committed R/S. The age gap (5 years) meant you're at different stages in life. You're out of college and she's still attending. You're ready to have a serious relationship, start your career, etc.. She's focused on navigating thru college, having more relationship experience and enjoying her college years single and carefree. What you should do? Look back at the time you spent w/her with a smile on your face. It ran it's course like all those R/S's at that age do. You're still very young as well. Enjoy this time in your life and go out, have fun and sow your oats. Try to not engage w/her anymore so you can let "out of sight, out of mind" and time passing help get your over it. You never know what the future will hold either. Maybe in 5-10 years, you two will get another opportunity to see if things could work long term. The thing is I know your exactly right and I even knew this before I really committed myself to her and even then it was always at the back of my mind and probably hers. My friends even warned me and I assured them I wasn't going to date her seriously and then I did as that's what she wanted and I was willing to give it a shot for what it was worth. Time went by and yep I fell for her qualities. We wasn't perfect by far but we had chemistry. But back to your post yup you are 100% right and there's nothing either of us can do to solve it. I wish we could go back to being casual or be casual in the future as that may be a better match for both of us..but I'm not sure how that work out now that we have been in a committed relationship together.. Thanks for your advice and support, really appreciate it!
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