Calilady7 Posted August 23, 2015 Posted August 23, 2015 Hi all, so wondering on other people's thoughts on this dating situation. I have been dating this guy for about 3 months, at the beginning he was messaging at least every 2 days, very interested in what I was up to and I played it very cool and relaxed. We started dating once weekly and were really getting to know each other, I have been unsure as to wether I would want a relationship yet this was never discussed. I had to put firm boundaries in place as he would try and invite himself to mine or me to his, to which I said lets meet up for a drink out. We slept together on fourth date and things were still going smoothly. Then he started to be a bit distant, over the past month we have met up twice so slowing to every two weeks. Messaging had totally slowed and no I can't wait to see you messages etc. I can see his interest isn't totally there, here's the dilemma, we had briefly messaged about meeting up this coming week, I then realised this is all to slow for me and the interest on his side isn't enough. I messaged him saying...it's been fun yet this situation of meeting up every so often isn't for me and all the best....his response a day later..I thought we were meeting up this week?.... I then said look what I mean is this is looking like a link every so often thing and not truly getting to know one an other, this is not what I am in for or about. His response again..I thought we were going to meet up this week? Erm so guys have i not been clear?! What the hell is that about? Any ideas as I am confused by these responses!
Author Calilady7 Posted August 23, 2015 Author Posted August 23, 2015 Just to make it clear I was really enjoying getting to know this guy and do like him yet the whole not so interested thing has made me pull back as I do not want a friends with benefit situation. I'm a 32 year old mother and that's not what I'm looking for.
GemmaUK Posted August 23, 2015 Posted August 23, 2015 You've already said 'all the best' so I wouldn't bother replying again unless you just want to be clearer and tell him 'it's over, good luck' Communication sounds off as it is and he isn't getting it even now - doesn't bode well for the future and it could be pointless to send another explanation if he isn't comprehending.
Versacehottie Posted August 23, 2015 Posted August 23, 2015 He's trying to get back in the only way he knows how: change the subject and tone, give you what you wanted. He's a little too late according to your initial text but he's still trying. I guess you just need to decide how you want to handle. Just be careful if you let him back in. I would delay it and tell him you will think about it. Make him work for it. See how he is putting the least amount of work in here with his response. You are not even getting: I miss you a lot AND i thought we were gonna see each other this week!! So he's being rather cheeky about it. And still giving you less than you had been getting in the past. Right now he's operating as if he doesn't want his choice taken away from him (you making a unilateral decision). That's what this is about. If you make him wait and really earn his way back in, he will get more invested in you or disappear because there is no real interest. If you accept what he's offering now with this little effort. Ignoring your concerns and just giving you "i thought we were getting together this week", he will treat you as a pushover in the future since he was already heading in that direction, he knows you are so over it to end it, but if it's this easy to get back in he will treat you badly in future and/or perhaps only be "interested again" for a short while before then he makes the "choice". His actions prior to this show you his interest level. Show him you are not interested in him at this level. Good luck 1
Jejangles Posted August 23, 2015 Posted August 23, 2015 This guy sounds emotionally unavailable, whether due to him being chronically unavailable, lack of interest, whatever. I'd stick with your gut and end it unless he makes a big effort. But even if he makes a big effort now, I'd almost guarantee that as soon as he knows he "has" you he fades off again. A guy who is truly interested in getting to know you and building a relationship ramps things up, not down, over time. 1
Jj66 Posted August 23, 2015 Posted August 23, 2015 A guy who is truly interested in getting to know you and building a relationship ramps things up, not down, over time. Exactly. Not 100% reliable but when it comes to making predictions, the trend is your friend. 1
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