Dolfin80 Posted August 24, 2015 Posted August 24, 2015 I'm the same way but I'm a guy. I thought I liked casual sex and tried to do it casually but I tend to get attached and can't separate it from just a physical act. Because you put so much effort and attention into their movement and you see their face and how the look at you and how their nails dig into your skin. You're closer as two ppl than any other act. How can ppl turn around and make it into something like Sunday breakfast. And yeah you can get your needs met with your hand. You don't have to be in love for sex but you're pretty much a robot if you do that This is exactly how I feel. My brain wants to love the person.
Dolfin80 Posted August 24, 2015 Posted August 24, 2015 So whilst "good girls" really should be "in love" before having sex, to many men being "in love" is not necessary - no-one ever told them they have to be "in love" before having sex. Of course society also needs "bad girls", but double standards can reign supreme there. For me it's not about society telling me anything. I physically just can't do it. I don't feel comfortable doing it, to the extent that I cry.
Dolfin80 Posted August 24, 2015 Posted August 24, 2015 (edited) Can't have sex without being in love? For real? What are you going to do when you get married and fall out of love with your husband? I'm just the opposite. I can't have love without falling in sex. I couldn't fall in love with someone without ever having had sex with her. Not a chance in the world. But just because you are not in love doesn't make sex casual. Maybe define what we mean by casual sex. By casual sex I'm going to say it means having sex for the sole purpose of sex. It's completely about carnal pleasure and not much else. There is no emotional bond between the participants. The first time I had casual sex I was 20 and she was 38. She just wanted to **** me. So we did. Five times that night. I never saw her again. She was my mother's age, of course a relationship wouldn't have worked. But why not service each other's physical needs? In my past two relationships I wait 6 months before having sex. The guys were comfortable with this as they wanted to get to know me. I don't have physical needs for sex. I have never looked for sex in my life. I usually meet a guy, if I feel safe and comfortable around him I will agree to spend time with him to get to know him better. Then after several months of getting to know him and I feel safe with him I will feel like I want to have sex with him. This is a very interesting thread. Like I said before, I don't know anyone in real life who has casual sex as all my work colleges and friends are married with children, casual sex is a foreign word to them. Edited August 24, 2015 by Dolfin80
phineas Posted August 25, 2015 Posted August 25, 2015 (edited) Some people just love sex and only sex. It ain't rocket science. Yep. But those with cobwebs in their vaginas and the forearm strength of an orangutan from masterbation like to take their sexual frustration out on those getting it regular like by making it seem something is wrong with them. Whatever, I don't make fun of you because you haven't been laid in a yr don't try to make me seem like a bad person for having a healthy prostrate. Just an FYI I'm talking neccisarrily about people in this thread but the one person in a group 5 you meet out who looks down at people because "they arnt like that". Edited August 25, 2015 by phineas
elaine567 Posted August 25, 2015 Posted August 25, 2015 For me it's not about society telling me anything. I physically just can't do it. I don't feel comfortable doing it, to the extent that I cry. Yes, but you were conditioned by society and those in your life, to think that way. As you say yourself, those you know in your circle do not have "casual" in their vocabulary, so is it any surprise that you think the way you do? 1
ZA Dater Posted August 25, 2015 Posted August 25, 2015 Yes, but you were conditioned by society and those in your life, to think that way. As you say yourself, those you know in your circle do not have "casual" in their vocabulary, so is it any surprise that you think the way you do? People have been pushing me do go casual for years and I haven't based on moral reasoning. Its as much to with your own standards as it is about those around you.
SolG Posted August 25, 2015 Posted August 25, 2015 He sounds exactly like my neighbour! He too is a Tinder-fiend, just turned 30 and his apartment should seriously have a revolving door. He waters my plants for me when I'm away. Looks good. Works out. Earns six figures. Can cook. Good taste in wine. Confident and smart. No issues that I can detect, and we catch up quite regularly. He's had LTRs in the past. He's actually a really lovely guy in my estimation. He does what he does because he can. He's young and enjoying life. He tells me he's always upfront with his intent, and never even implies he's after a relationship. He does want a fam eventually. He's just not ready yet. Nothing wrong with that.
ZA Dater Posted August 25, 2015 Posted August 25, 2015 He sounds exactly like my neighbour! He too is a Tinder-fiend, just turned 30 and his apartment should seriously have a revolving door. He waters my plants for me when I'm away. Looks good. Works out. Earns six figures. Can cook. Good taste in wine. Confident and smart. No issues that I can detect, and we catch up quite regularly. He's had LTRs in the past. He's actually a really lovely guy in my estimation. He does what he does because he can. He's young and enjoying life. He tells me he's always upfront with his intent, and never even implies he's after a relationship. He does want a fam eventually. He's just not ready yet. Nothing wrong with that. Sounds like the seemingly perfect life. Glad some find it.
SolG Posted August 25, 2015 Posted August 25, 2015 Sounds like the seemingly perfect life. Glad some find it. I think it's his perfect 'for now'. And I did think of something that isn't quite perfect for him. His younger sister moved in with him last year.
crude Posted August 25, 2015 Posted August 25, 2015 Maybe the guy simply doesn't want to get married. What are you supposed to do if you don't want to get married? See someone for a short while and you have to declare you're a couple, a little longer and you have to get engaged, after a while it's marriage time. If he can see someone different every week, then there's no pressure to go down a path he might not be interested in.
Pull n Pray Posted August 28, 2015 Posted August 28, 2015 Right now, I'm not ready to have kids. I don't know if I ever will be. I don't see any point in getting married until I'm ready to have kids. And I don't see any point in entering a monogamous relationship until I'm ready to start looking for a wife. Why put all my eggs in one basket? But I'm also not crazy about one night stands. I prefer long-term casual relationships. So my dating system is this: I like to date 3 women at a time. I see each of them once a week; usually on the same day each week. I always try to arrange my next date with them at the end of our current date. I have little to no contact with them in between dates. If Saturday girl texts me a nude picture of herself, I just text back something like, "You look so hot and I can't wait to see you Saturday!" Collectively, I refer to these three woman as the "rotation". In the "bullpen" are prospects. Mostly girls that I've been flirting with from the local tennis club or online dating sites. When someone leaves the rotation, I hold tryouts among the bullpen to find a replacement. I've had this system in full force for almost 5 years now. The main advantage to this dating arrangement (besides the obvious one) is the avoidance of heartache. I hate being dumped, but even more than that, I hate dumping girls. But if you are 100% committed to non-exclusivity, then you almost never have to dump anyone. I've had to let two girls go in the last 5 years. One because she turned out to be really ugly on the inside. The other because she said she would still go on dates with me but wouldn't have sex with me anymore unless we were exclusive. Obviously, the system would completely breakdown if I allowed that. I've been "dumped" 9 times during that same time span (not counting the ones who balked at the arrangement at the outset), but it doesn't really feel like rejection. For example, earlier this month I had my 81st and last date with my Friday girl because she recently became engaged. She's one of my closest friends, and I'm definitely going to miss what we had. So I feel a sense of loss, but not rejection. It's funny, because a year and a half ago when I was first trying to sell her on the nonexclusive, 1 date per week arrangement, she initially balked because she said she wanted a serious LTR. I told her I couldn't offer her serious, but I could do long-term. So why not have some fun with me once a week while she continued searching for Mr. Right? Worked out pretty well. Not all of the breakups have been so amicable. There has definitely been some drama. Valentine's Day is a problem I have yet to find a solution to.
shet Posted August 28, 2015 Posted August 28, 2015 Only a certain handful of men do it, both because they can through some combination of undoubtedly good looks, charm and privilege, but more importantly, because women enable them. It does after all take two. I've known more women with revolving doors than men - in fact I've never known any men like this, though I accept they exist. And in my experience, people capable of such... compartmentalisation have personality disorders. They may fix themselves in time through self improvement or medication, or they may not. I suspect very few of them are as capable of "settling down later" as they believe they will be. The simple fact as we've all observed is, the healthy happy majority of people seek love, love who they're with and have it all sorted out by the time they're thirty. If that isn't what you want, you're not just going to switch into that mode at some unspecified later time and assuming you will is hopelessly naive.
Kofybean Posted August 29, 2015 Posted August 29, 2015 There sure are a lot of haters on this board blasting a guy for how he chooses to spend his time. I'm curious what the OP would prefer he do... spend his time in the way she thinks he should spend it? I think the reason he dates around is to avoid that very thing. Besides getting dates isnt easy. There are lots of guys who struggle to get just one date cuz girls blow em off and go after guys like him. I don't think this is a "honestly curious" question at all. You clearly want him to change.
Two Pump Chump Posted August 29, 2015 Posted August 29, 2015 "Why would a guy date a different girl every week?" My friends and I did this in our teens and a good portion of 20s (with a few "relationships" mixed in) because we were curious, didn't know what we liked, didn't know what we didn't like, were focused on other things like school, careers, friends, etc. and did not want all the good / bad things that went along with a relationship. It's not to say that we didn't meet / date some amazing women, just focused and had different priorities at the time. I also wouldn't make the mistake of thinking it's only men who do this. Many women prefer to date around too for many of the same reasons my friends and I did. Marrying your High School Sweetheart rarely if ever happens anymore. More than likely you will date many people and have several LTRs before meeting the person you ultimately marry.
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