scooby-philly Posted August 23, 2015 Posted August 23, 2015 Mischa I remembered your namr from one of your recent posts. I hope this isn't about thesame guy who tried to take advantage of you.... That said I would respond to your question with a "it depends on the guy". Everyone has a different way of expressing respect just as they have different ways of expressing love. I was introduced to a book a while back called the five languages of Love. Its been quite popular since it came a few years ago. While I haven't read it you can Google it and find out a lot about its basic premise. The author says that most people like to express live (and also receive love) in one of five ways.... Touch Words Gifts Time spent with each other Acts of service. He says that each if us has a primary way of showing our love. We may have strong tendencies in other areas too but one will come out more than any other. For me I give love through acts of service with strong secondary expressions in touch and with gifts. Now i know you asked about respect but since you posted on the dating forum I think your question is really tied into love and respect. Each person ia different so you have to learn how they show it to other people and see if they do the same to you. Of course if your are really committed to someone this book is helpful if their mode of showing love doesn't match your preferred mode of giving it. And I would also say that early on in a friendship or relationship look at and listen to how they talk about what they think of you or how they act towards you and compare that to what they really say and do. For example read my last few posts about this woman i was dating for a year. As I look back on it now its clear tp see she only cared about attention. I tried giving ger time gifts and each if yhe languages so to speak only to have nothing really count because she didnt love me but only wanted attention from people. Furthermore I learned through this that she didn't respect me either, to your point, because when we argued she would say how nice she talked about me to her frie and family but when we were together with other people she didn't talk nice about me and subsequently I learned at different points that she didnt talk nive about me or reall show respect when we weren't together. So to answer your question in more detail now, you need to learn how that person shows respect for others and if what they say about you and how they see thei words and actions about you and about you two together compares to the reality of what they say and do when its morw thab just two or when your not even around.
smackie9 Posted August 23, 2015 Posted August 23, 2015 How to know? If they treat you the way you want someone who dates you to be treated. It's all up to your own perspective. If a guy mentions sex and tried to invite you to his place on, let's say the third date......what does that action tell you? Or he never bothers to introduce you to his friends or anyone else for that matter, when at a social setting.....how does that make you feel? He says he will call you at a certain time but never does or you have to call him out on things because his actions made you uncomfortable.....is that something you would put up with? Like I always say go by their actions, and not the bs that comes out of their mouth. Shady guys like to use the "gaslighting" technique to confuse you and to make you second guess your own actions.
smackie9 Posted August 23, 2015 Posted August 23, 2015 Fancy date? Flowers? Nice language? Even a married man would present himself as a "wonderful" guy by doing these things on a date. Follow your gut instinct.
elaine567 Posted August 23, 2015 Posted August 23, 2015 Fancy date? Flowers? Nice language? These are superficial acts and do not denote respect per se. Seducing and love bombing | Dating a Sociopath 2
d0nnivain Posted August 23, 2015 Posted August 23, 2015 Respect is not measured in money. It's how the other person interacts with you. Eye contact. Listening to your opinions & giving them consideration. Not cutting you off. Being somewhat awed by you 2
Jj66 Posted August 23, 2015 Posted August 23, 2015 To respect someone is to hold them in esteem or high regard. Mutual respect is absolutely essential for the success of any relationship, even casual ones. Once respect is lost there will be no repairing things. The things you mentioned could be done out of respect or in order to manipulate you. They do not tell you how a person actually feels about you. I think the best way in a relationship to tell if someone respects you is whether they respect the boundaries you communicate to them. If they don't respect your boundaries they don't respect you. If you don't enforce your boundaries you don't respect yourself. 2
writergal Posted August 23, 2015 Posted August 23, 2015 He's also in constant contact with you through email, text, and the phone because he wants to let you know what's going on with his life. 1
Jj66 Posted August 23, 2015 Posted August 23, 2015 He's also in constant contact with you through email, text, and the phone because he wants to let you know what's going on with his life. Or even more telling, even if he doesn't communicate as frequently as you would like - some people just aren't as communicative as others - he takes actions that show he cares about what's going on in your life. He supports you when you are down and celebrates your success. 3
Hopeful30 Posted August 23, 2015 Posted August 23, 2015 I can just feel it. You can tell by the little things: his actions, how he words things. It's very Freudian.
Author Mischa101 Posted August 24, 2015 Author Posted August 24, 2015 How to know? If they treat you the way you want someone who dates you to be treated. It's all up to your own perspective. If a guy mentions sex and tried to invite you to his place on, let's say the third date......what does that action tell you? Or he never bothers to introduce you to his friends or anyone else for that matter, when at a social setting.....how does that make you feel? He says he will call you at a certain time but never does or you have to call him out on things because his actions made you uncomfortable.....is that something you would put up with? Like I always say go by their actions, and not the bs that comes out of their mouth. Shady guys like to use the "gaslighting" technique to confuse you and to make you second guess your own actions. gaslighting?
spiderowl Posted August 24, 2015 Posted August 24, 2015 - I think they see you as a person, not a thing or body - They are interested in you as a person, what you like, what you do, your family (they don't care about any of this if they see you as a 'body', they just try to objectify you) - They keep dates and remember important things, they look after you - They don't call you 'babe, sexy, hun, darling' from the off, they know your name - They ask your opinion and are interested in it. They sometimes allow themselves to be influenced by it too! - They are not controlling about how and when you contact each other - they are happy for you to phone any time (within reason) and you have their contact details - They are honest with you about their circumstances, marital status, etc. 1
joseb Posted August 24, 2015 Posted August 24, 2015 Fancy date? Flowers? Nice language? none of those things by themselves mean anything. 2
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