WonderKid Posted August 22, 2015 Posted August 22, 2015 So after a very horrible dating situation, I decided to try OLDing one more time. I signed up on POF. It was nothing really special there. I have seen some of the same bitter profiles, and sent out some EMs and got ignored/rejected and whatnot. But me and this girl started messaging on POF, started going back and forth. Her name was Starr. And eventually I gave her my number to text. We started texting. Texting was going okay. I initiated a date day with her. We planned this on a Wednesday to meet on Sunday. All cool, right? So Sunday comes by. We were to meet at 7pm. I was playing basketball around 6--and was going to tell her to meet me at 7:30 instead. I go to the phone and see the telegraphed text: "Sorry hun I won't be able to make it today." I knew she was gonna do it-I just knew. Every time I wanna be wrong, I'm right. So basically she canceled 40mins early to the date. She didn't give a reason why either. Me personally, I thought it was a "I found something better to do at the moment" kinda deal. Oh well. I told her that she has to make it up; plan the time when we can date. Now prior to this, I'd shoot her a good morning text, and a how is your day text. Nothing major, but just to let her know "hey you on my mind". I decided to go NC for like 3 days. Through those 3 days she said nothing. Now when I texted her, she responded. Then she responded loosely to other texts--I did not mention setting up a date at all. I was straight up with her and ask if she's into me for real. She said yes. I said, okay, but you can say it all day long, it's about showing it. So days go by, she ignored many of the texts I sent. Plus didn't text me another 3 days. So I just kept it real with her again. I said hope she finds what she looking for, but I am not going to reach out anymore. She says that it sounds kind of personal to her. I assured her it wasn't. How can you say you are into someone, and you go 2-5 days without saying a word. Not to mention she skipped out on the date. She then replies saying that she doesn't have to explain herself to me, I don't know what she goes through in life, just because she's into me she doesn't have to text me every day. (I didn't say every day though ) So I said she is right, I have no idea what she goes through, but I didn't know a simple "how is your day" text was so bad to manage? I don't even care much for morning ones. It's no excuse. People look at their phones every day. Lol I can understand if I didn't text back in 2 days straight, but if I see you texting me, I at least have the common courtesy to apologize and still ask how you're doing. But guess not. At the end, I told her I am not going to explain where I am coming from over texting, because it'll just make me sound desperate and needy. I told her if she wants to talk, call me. If not, then I'll know. She never did. My mom thought I was tough on her, but she saw where I was coming from. I don't know how I was tough on her.
cessna Posted August 22, 2015 Posted August 22, 2015 I'd say you weren't tough enough on her. Girls like this need putting in their place, if more guys did this then maybe there wouldn't be so many woman who behave like this. 3
katiegrl Posted August 22, 2015 Posted August 22, 2015 So after a very horrible dating situation, I decided to try OLDing one more time. I signed up on POF. It was nothing really special there. I have seen some of the same bitter profiles, and sent out some EMs and got ignored/rejected and whatnot. But me and this girl started messaging on POF, started going back and forth. Her name was Starr. And eventually I gave her my number to text. We started texting. Texting was going okay. I initiated a date day with her. We planned this on a Wednesday to meet on Sunday. All cool, right? So Sunday comes by. We were to meet at 7pm. I was playing basketball around 6--and was going to tell her to meet me at 7:30 instead. I go to the phone and see the telegraphed text: "Sorry hun I won't be able to make it today." I knew she was gonna do it-I just knew. Every time I wanna be wrong, I'm right. So basically she canceled 40mins early to the date. She didn't give a reason why either. Me personally, I thought it was a "I found something better to do at the moment" kinda deal. Oh well. I told her that she has to make it up; plan the time when we can date. Now prior to this, I'd shoot her a good morning text, and a how is your day text. Nothing major, but just to let her know "hey you on my mind". I decided to go NC for like 3 days. Through those 3 days she said nothing. Now when I texted her, she responded. Then she responded loosely to other texts--I did not mention setting up a date at all. I was straight up with her and ask if she's into me for real. She said yes. I said, okay, but you can say it all day long, it's about showing it. So days go by, she ignored many of the texts I sent. Plus didn't text me another 3 days. So I just kept it real with her again. I said hope she finds what she looking for, but I am not going to reach out anymore. She says that it sounds kind of personal to her. I assured her it wasn't. How can you say you are into someone, and you go 2-5 days without saying a word. Not to mention she skipped out on the date. She then replies saying that she doesn't have to explain herself to me, I don't know what she goes through in life, just because she's into me she doesn't have to text me every day. (I didn't say every day though ) So I said she is right, I have no idea what she goes through, but I didn't know a simple "how is your day" text was so bad to manage? I don't even care much for morning ones. It's no excuse. People look at their phones every day. Lol I can understand if I didn't text back in 2 days straight, but if I see you texting me, I at least have the common cou¹rtesy to apologize and still ask how you're doing. But guess not. ***At the end, I told her I am not going to explain where I am coming from over texting, because it'll just make me sound desperate and needy. I told her if she wants to talk, call me. If not, then I'll know. She never did.*** My mom thought I was tough on her, but she saw where I was coming from. I don't know how I was tough on her. Well, one thing is clear. You are no pushover and are NOT the type of guy who takes crap from women. I happen to respect men like this (you) ALOT! I may get reamed for this, but IMO yes you were hard on her, but rightfully so! She was jerking you around ...and you called her on it, good for you! Your mom has been out of this dating scene for awhile and has no clue what you guys (and us girls) experience with some chicks/guys and the crap they pull. Her "sorry hun can't make it today," 40 minutes before meeting is BS. You were right to be pissed by that. Some folks may say you should have said nothing, been cooler about it, whatevs. I don't agree. You were pissed, you expressed that, put the ball back in her court. Gotta respect that IMO. Also, by responding the way you did, you saved yourself ALOT of time and wasted energy wondering what the hell is going on, I say good for you! 1
Author WonderKid Posted August 23, 2015 Author Posted August 23, 2015 Thanks always for the replies ladies and gents. And I admit I was pissed when she cancelled the date I'd be lying if I wasn't. Lol I feel like at the end of the day, if I am putting in effort I'd expect the same effort back.
guest569 Posted August 23, 2015 Posted August 23, 2015 At the end, I told her I am not going to explain where I am coming from over texting, because it'll just make me sound desperate and needy. A bit late for that. I dont know what you were texting her or the frequency, but in my opinion, daily texts are a bit much that early on. She didn't reschedule and you should have just taken the hint and left it at that. I dont think you were too hard on her but you put way too much energy and expectations into meeting this woman who is still basically a stranger. I would recommend just calm down and back off in future situations. It's not worth your time. 1
catlady11 Posted August 23, 2015 Posted August 23, 2015 I'm a girl and I think you did the right thing. She sounds like a flake. I've gotten a bit more hardened with OLD. I'm less likely to take crap from someone or appease someone I don't even know. Someone treats me with respect they get the same in return. 1
Author WonderKid Posted August 23, 2015 Author Posted August 23, 2015 OLDing has hardened me too. But I'd strongly doubt if I go back. It's just something I'm not going to deal with anymore.
spiderowl Posted August 23, 2015 Posted August 23, 2015 The only thing you did wrong was to spend time on her at all after she cancelled the date with no good reason. Her behaviour was rude quite honestly. I don't think it was necessary to get involved in any further interaction with her. She didn't turn up, did not explain, and that's that. It would have been best if you'd given up on her then. There is no point pursuing anything with someone who can't be courteous. If I had to cancel a date, I would send an apology in good time and explain why. I think the guy deserves to know I wasn't just standing him up but that something unavoidable really did crop up and that I would like to see him. 2
mrldii Posted August 23, 2015 Posted August 23, 2015 Nahhhh...I don't think you were "too hard" on her. But, question OP: Why did you invest so much time, effort, and energy in fighting with someone you've never even met?!? I mean, if [for whatever reason] you need to have a good fight with someone, are there not real-live people in your real life to carry on a fight with, that you have to carry on a virtual fight with a virtual stranger?
Author WonderKid Posted August 23, 2015 Author Posted August 23, 2015 I basically gave her a 2nd chance after the bailed date. I did like her, so it was whatever. Ball is in her court. If she says she's into me like she says so, she'll show it. I didn't invest much effort and energy as you'd think. Honestly I just got fed up with the bull**** and confronted her on it. If I met a girl at the bar or anywhere else and she did the same thing, I'd do the same thing. I just wanted to say what I felt, and she took it how she took it. She read my profile on POF it was no secret what I wanted. I even asked her what if a guy did the same thing to her, she didn't even answer the question. I feel like when it comes to the dating world, if you don't speak your mind, a lot of misunderstandings can happen.
Author WonderKid Posted August 23, 2015 Author Posted August 23, 2015 . Also, by responding the way you did, you saved yourself ALOT of time and wasted energy wondering what the hell is going on, I say good for you! See the older version of me actually would've done this. I would've been on here, asking you guys: what's goin on? Why doesn't she do this? Is it something I did?
guest569 Posted August 23, 2015 Posted August 23, 2015 See the older version of me actually would've done this. I would've been on here, asking you guys: what's goin on? Why doesn't she do this? Is it something I did? Perhaps the new version will simply delete her number and get on with life. This is what I try to do these days although it can be difficult. You might think you are being 'whatever' about it but clearly you're not. 1
GemmaUK Posted August 23, 2015 Posted August 23, 2015 I told her that she has to make it up; plan the time when we can date. This sounds to me like you were telling her she had to 'make it up to you'. She had let you know she wasn't able to attend the date. At this point in proceedings there is no forcible 'making it up to you' to be done. If I were her I would have gone silent right there. From what I can gather the next comment she made some days later was that she didn't have to explain herself to you. I agree. You hadn't even met, she doesn't owe you anything. She is also, just the same as you are perfectly entitled to change her mind as to whether she wants to meet a person or not. 1
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