regdent Posted August 22, 2015 Posted August 22, 2015 I moved to a new city about 3 months ago for residency. I went on lots of dates initially, but it took about two months to finally meet a girl with strong mutual interest. We are in the same field. We are basically in the same building everyday. She has so many good things going for her. I liked the fact that she can understand what I am going through, and that she is a total package. She has a lot of great qualities I look for in a potential partner. I loved spending time with her, and I know so did she. She told a lot of people about how much fun she had on our dates and stuff. We flirted hard over the course of 1 month. On our third date, we ended up at her place. She held out on a full intercourse, but we went down on each other. And she absolutely loved it. Our texts were getting more and more flirtatious and sexual leading up to her pool party, which happened three days later. Looking back. I should not have gone to that party because she went cold after the party. I didn't click with her closest female friends there. I think I definitely failed her "friend test," which I should have avoided in the first place. She started texting less and less, and canceled on our fourth date. I got her male friend to find out what was up, and it was fully confirmed she is just not feeling the attraction anymore. She refused to tell him why. It bothered me so much for a week. So much that I could not focus on anything for a while. Even after dealing with numerous rejections and breakups over the years, I found it very hard to swallow this one. Now I am starting to wise up a little bit. The guy friend of hers is having a small party at his place in a few days, and he invited me to that. I asked him, "Is ____ gonna be there?" He said, "Most likely yes, but I think you should still come." I am thinking about going there to test my ability to act unaffected. But part of me also wants some questions answered, so I don't make mistakes when a more deserving girl comes along. So, I am not sure what to do here. Help!
cessna Posted August 22, 2015 Posted August 22, 2015 Just ask her. If it really is because you didn't get on with her friends then be glad she's gone. Who cares what her friends think of you, you're not dating them you're dating her. "friend test"... Pffft, is she 14? 2
Siquijor Posted August 22, 2015 Posted August 22, 2015 Yeah, sounds like her friends have put the knife in so to speak. Personally I would leave it there but it's entirely up to you although you'd probably be better to speak to her when her friends aren't around and not at this party.
kendahke Posted August 22, 2015 Posted August 22, 2015 Anyone who runs their relationships past a committee of friends isn't emotionally mature enough for the rigors of a relationship. Next.
kendahke Posted August 23, 2015 Posted August 23, 2015 As far as how to act at the party---don't drink and keep your distance. Liquor will loosen up your tongue and cause you to make more of an arse of yourself than you would have had you been in complete control of your faculties. She most likely will be drinking and doing so, she will at some point in the evening wind up next to you, so keep your advantage. Keep to the facts of what went down--it is your intention to deflect her, not become her "emotional tampon" (as much as I hate that term, it's rather apropos here) for the evening.
Jules Dash Posted August 23, 2015 Posted August 23, 2015 I wouldn't go to the party, especially not to test yourself. Women are often superb at reading subtle body language. I do not believe your body language will be very subtle at this party judging from what you have written. I would not go to the party since you have yet to move on mentally. I am sure she will be able to see through you. It is no weakness to decline the party. I would decline. Dating does not necessarily always have to end up with a relationship, marriage or something that last several months. Sometimes it is just a series of interactions with others where some of your needs are met briefly and you move on.
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