Toodaloo Posted August 24, 2015 Posted August 24, 2015 I know this because I talked with her and from what she told me and how she sees things, this is how it is.... Well from where I am sitting these other guys seem pretty disposable to me... I can't see anywhere where she has been pandering to them etc. So she may have wanted to have sex with them again but they are still disposable and they have still been disposed of... I think you need to change your thinking on this and remember that sometimes its good not to know.
salparadise Posted August 24, 2015 Posted August 24, 2015 Me: Ah, you're going to squeeze this one through the gender equality strainer, eh?Nope - and that was a big assumption on your part. I was going to show the double-standard that women often want the same thing that men want. Scratching my head? I guess you can label it a double standard if you like, as if that automatically wins the argument. Is that not the exact same thing as squeezing it through the gender equality strainer? Granted, women are probably equal to men in terms of sex drive, but do they want the same thing as men? Generally they do not. Women are programmed biologically and socially to be highly selective and secure familial investment, and for good reason... which I'm sure I don't need to explain. This really does go to the point though; you obviously don't subscribe to the concept of feminine virtue, but that doesn't mean it does not exist. Pretty much all societies around the globe and throughout history have embraced it. It's a common theme in literature, religion, sociology and the history books. You can rebel, deny and unsubscribe on the personal level, but you can't make all things perfectly equal with respect to gender in the eyes of the world's societies. I disagree. I believe people are born with virtue, but that is a quality that may have nothing to do acting upon sexual urges. I'm not referring to virtue in the sense of general ethics, I'm talking about female sexual virtue. And it most certainly has everything to do with the proclivity to act upon sexual urges without restraint. And again, I disagree. You are tying "virtue" together with other qualities that make a great wife (or husband) but it is an easy thing to do and is done all the time. I just don't happen to believe that someone who has slept around can't make a good spouse. No, I'm pretty much just talking about sexual promiscuity. I'm not judging anyone personally, and I will agree that promiscuity and the ability to make good biscuits and gravy are unrelated. But when there's a proverbial bun in the oven it matters a great deal to a man (and the whole family) that it contain his genes. Women don't have to wonder if it contains their genes, and that's the reason behind the social construct known as virtue. I do believe society in general ties one's sexual proclivity with qualities that makes one a good partner and I believe that is a misnomer across the board. But I can argue that point ad nauseum - citing myself as an example - but too many believe that someone who has been promiscuous can't be monogamous. Someone who has been promiscuous is by definition not monogamous. Sorry- you left yourself wide open on that one. I know what you meant. Realistically though, a man's odds of raising his own biological offspring are going to be greater with a virtuous wife than with a promiscuous wife. We can agree to disagree. I was one of those promiscuous women, however I have also been 100% loyal and monogamous in the confines of my relationships. When I am single, all bets are off and there is no reason I can't have fun. When I am ready to have a serious, committed relationship, I do exactly that. Oh, I don't think we disagree on much beyond the definition of the word "virtue," or perhaps the value of female sexual virtue as a social construct. You've pretty much conceded that it does exist. It's understandable that you would devalue or seek to redefine it given that you chose a life of promiscuity. What you're really saying is that you want to be seen as virtuous despite being promiscuous. What I'm saying is, nah, you can't have it both ways because the two are mutually exclusive. 2
autumnnight Posted August 24, 2015 Posted August 24, 2015 I believe in virtue. I even believe in female virtue. I also believe a man who sleeps around indiscriminately is just as lacking in virtue as a woman who does. I don't have much respect for a man who basically says, "I can have as much booty as I want because me male, but you little female must keep pants zip." Or wait, keep skirt zip...good woman must wear skirt. 1
Author njoylife Posted August 24, 2015 Author Posted August 24, 2015 (edited) Granted, women are probably equal to men in terms of sex drive, but do they want the same thing as men? Generally they do not. Women are programmed biologically and socially to be highly selective and secure familial investment, and for good reason... which I'm sure I don't need to explain. Hmm, I'm starting to think about this more and more, very interesting. So, let's consider men and women have the same level of horniness all the time when there's a healthy lifestyle. Women are programmed to be selective but aren't men also selective? Who wouldn't want to sleep with the best looking, most charming attractive girl compared to something less? I think both genders when comes to sexual partners choose the best they can get from the current situation. So what's the difference between what men and women want? Are women programmed to go for monogamous relationship more than men? Are they programmed to go for the best partner and stay with him? Are men programmed to sleep with the best looking woman and go somewhere else after? Are they programmed not to be monogamous? Can we generalize a single obvious difference between what women and men want in regards to their sexual nature? And if yes, what would that difference be exactly? This is complicated stuff Edited August 24, 2015 by njoylife 1
Justanaverageguy Posted August 24, 2015 Posted August 24, 2015 Can we generalize a single obvious difference between what women and men want in regards to their sexual nature? And if yes, what would that difference be exactly? This is complicated stuff Short answer is no. Because all people are different and you are trying to generalize 7 billion peoples sexual preferences into a single obvious difference. Sorry that ain't going to happen. Humans have evolved beyond our basic animal instincts. We have sex because its fun and we enjoy it. We developed condoms and contraception to make that possible without risks of pregnancy. But we also have sex for old fashion reasons to reproduce and bring relationships closer together. So more important then why other people have sex - more important then getting moral answers on sexual relationships from other people or books - is to get the answer from yourself. That and the opinion of your partner are the only two opinions that matter in a relationship. Closely examine your own preferences. Examine "why" you really value certain things. The underlying core of the emotion. Many of these beliefs have been programmed into us by friends, family, society religion and logically don't actually make any sense at all. Decide whether that belief/value you currently hold actually makes sense for you to keep when you analyse it closely. If it does keep it .... if it doesn't then throw it away and don't let a religion, a friend, a parent or an internet troll like me tell you otherwise. But also don't be so naive as to think because it is the right answer for you - it is also the right answer for everyone else. 1
Divasu Posted August 24, 2015 Posted August 24, 2015 Sometimes the statement: "What you do not know can't hurt you" applies. Ignorance is bliss. Bottom line, this is a deal breaker for you. That does not mean there is something 'wrong' with this woman, she's just not compatible with you (and vice versa). If a guy I was dating had meet up with several strange women he never met before ->for sexy time, yeah, I'd be too. 2
happyman64 Posted August 24, 2015 Posted August 24, 2015 njoy You know what bothers me more than the fact your GF enjoys, enjoys ONS and had 6 ONS in a period of 1 month? The fact that she is dating you, in a relationship with you and kept Tinder on her phone. What does that tell you my man? HM 1
TaraMaiden2 Posted August 24, 2015 Posted August 24, 2015 Someone who has been promiscuous is by definition not monogamous. Not true at all. One can be one, AND the other. They are by no means concurrent, but one does not preclude the other. Sorry- you left yourself wide open on that one. I know what you meant. Realistically though, a man's odds of raising his own biological offspring are going to be greater with a virtuous wife than with a promiscuous wife. Why would his wife continue automatically to be promiscuous, once married? It's absolutely, most certainly, by no means a given. Just as it is absolutely, most certainly not a given that a promiscuous man will continue having random sexual liaisons with various and several women, once he has found the woman with whom he wants to settle down. What you're really saying is that you want to be seen as virtuous despite being promiscuous. What I'm saying is, nah, you can't have it both ways because the two are mutually exclusive. Completely disagree. They are most certainly NOT mutually exclusive.
Shining One Posted August 24, 2015 Posted August 24, 2015 The fact that she is dating you, in a relationship with you and kept Tinder on her phone. What does that tell you my man?This doesn't say much of anything. I've found that the vast majority of end users rarely remove applications that are no longer in use. I'm pretty sure my girlfriend still has Match on her phone and we've been exclusive for a year.
RedRobin Posted August 25, 2015 Posted August 25, 2015 I'm still confused about why the OP is confused about Tinder. Surely, he has to know its a hookup site. Surely, he has to know that women he meets there will likely be having hookups. If I understand correctly, he is most upset because his now GF might have stayed with the other guys if they wanted to stay with her. Um, well, should I point out the obvious?? That also applies to all the girls he met or tried to meet there. BOTH of them are with each other because they both wanted to stay with each other. BOTH are there because they want the attention of the opposite sex.... and as quickly as possible.... from as many people as possible. That is how Tinder is set up. I guess the bigger question that the OP needs to answer for himself is if he is ok with casual sex. If the answer is 'YES', then he can't really say it's ok for him and not ok for the women he's meeting there. If the answer is 'NO', then he needs to choose a different way to meet women. Fishing in the wrong pond. I'm not ok with casual sex. I've never been on Tinder and won't knowingly date a man who has been either. For me, that would be grounds for breaking up right there. I wouldn't want a man who had even used Tinder, much less found anyone there. But that's not the case with this OP. He used Tinder. Found someone. Now is having buyer's remorse. Ok. Well, I guess we are all entitled to change our minds. Let's not make it about the young lady though. Or keep going down this stupid biological argument. As much as I disdain casual sex, I'm glad Tinder is there for people who have those goals... both men and women!! I'd like to think that keeps them off the more relationship oriented sites where they are more inclined to lie about their true goals.
joseb Posted August 25, 2015 Posted August 25, 2015 Not true at all. One can be one, AND the other. They are by no means concurrent, but one does not preclude the other. Why would his wife continue automatically to be promiscuous, once married? It's absolutely, most certainly, by no means a given. Just as it is absolutely, most certainly not a given that a promiscuous man will continue having random sexual liaisons with various and several women, once he has found the woman with whom he wants to settle down. Completely disagree. They are most certainly NOT mutually exclusive. Agree with TaraMaiden here. Actually, I think someone who was promiscuous might be MORE likely to be monogamous, as they don't feel like they are missing out because they have done all that. The ones who didn't sleep around a bit might regret not doing it after a few years of monogamy.
joseb Posted August 25, 2015 Posted August 25, 2015 I'm still confused about why the OP is confused about Tinder. Surely, he has to know its a hookup site. Surely, he has to know that women he meets there will likely be having hookups. I've never been on Tinder and won't knowingly date a man who has been either. For me, that would be grounds for breaking up right there. I keep reading this kinda stuff here on LS, and I wonder is the Tinder app I installed is somehow different! Because most of the profiles I see state explicitly that they are not looking for hookups. And the couple of dates Ive been on certainly weren't. Where can I find the hookup version?!
Author njoylife Posted August 25, 2015 Author Posted August 25, 2015 I keep reading this kinda stuff here on LS, and I wonder is the Tinder app I installed is somehow different! Because most of the profiles I see state explicitly that they are not looking for hookups. And the couple of dates Ive been on certainly weren't. Where can I find the hookup version?! Officially it's a hook up app, however most women are using it to date a person and get to know each other. Hook up means, meet, bang, split. Most women are not looking for this.
autumnnight Posted August 25, 2015 Posted August 25, 2015 Officially it's a hook up app Yep, so if one wants a guarantee that people haven't had hookups, then perhaps one should make use of another system, like Eharmony or Match.
spiderowl Posted August 26, 2015 Posted August 26, 2015 njoy You know what bothers me more than the fact your GF enjoys, enjoys ONS and had 6 ONS in a period of 1 month? The fact that she is dating you, in a relationship with you and kept Tinder on her phone. What does that tell you my man? HM I think the thing that would bother me would not be that she enjoyed sex before she met you or that she thought the odd night with someone else was OK (if she had sussed out their characters beforehand), but the kind of conversations she was having with them and agreeing to. Agreeing to a blow job when you don't even know the guy is highly risky behaviour.
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