How do you get exgirlfriends back?

[niceguy69]

I am 24 and my girlfriend is 25. We have been going out for 20months now. We have broken up twice before but always got back together within a few days....

 

Then all of a sudden last friday, she says we're not going out. I kind of thought she was joking, but later that night she didnt reply to any calls. I went to her house and she was gone. Then I went back to my house and checked her email because I have her password and theres an email to her girlfriend that she found her dream guy when she was at the bars a week ago.

 

Immidiately my heart stopped and I felt freezing cold. It was like mike tyson punched in my stomach. My mouth became really dry, because when your body is under alot of stress your salivay glands stop.

 

I called and called and kept driving around her house, yeah I went hardcore psyhco. Then at 3am she comes home and she says wtf are you doing we arent going out. She was like "Im going to a party now do not follow me" and I said wait, but she said nothing and left at 3am and I havent seen her since.

 

Since then Ive done the wrong things, by text messaging her and emailing for the past week. I know I should have ignored her, but it was too hard. I can only sleep a few hours a day and I eat close to nothing. Ive been working out and running trying to get her out of my head but its so hard.

 

My parents loved her and her parents sort of loved me, I thought we were perfect. Ive been lazy in the past few months, Im in grad school but I dont work on my thesis much and I dont work out much. She kept saying she was turned off bc I was lazy, but I thought she was joking and wouldnt do anything about it. Then all of a sudden she blind-sides me with breaking up, ending all communication, and I learn of her new dream guy in one day.

 

Needless to say, I would have rather gotten hit by a car then deal with this pain. This is my first longterm girlfriend so Im not use to this pain. She answered her phone a few times but now says dont call me again, only email her if I really need to.

 

Ive been acting extremely desperate and I just say how Ill change and that I love her and I sent her roses, but I guess that makes me look even worse and more pathetic than I was. Ive tried to meet new girls at bars, but my ex is the only one I can think of ever having sex with again. Even when I try to beatoff infront of my computer she pops into my mind and I cant get rid of her. Im gonna try to not contact her for two entire days now but its gonna feel like walking through the desert with no provisions for 2 days.

 

If I happen to see her with the new guy at bars with her Im going to beat the living sh** out of him, I dont care how big he is or how many guys have his back. She said she hasnt hooked up with him yet and that she wont have sex with anyone for a month(really assuring to me wtf) and that if we ever go out again it would be months away.

 

In conclusion, when your gf breaks up with you, IT SUCKS. 20months of my life I banged the same girl, and it was all in vain. I could have met so many other girls and been motivated to hang out with other friends and have fun with life. How do I get her back?

[Jlmic1]

Why would you even want her back?

 

She said to you that even if you ever do get back together it wont be for several months?! Allow me to translate that for you: That means that she is going to try to hook up with this guy, and if it doesn't work out, you will be on the back burner and she will try you out again.

 

Trust me, you don't want that. I understand that it's hard to " bang some girl" for 20 months and then have it end suddenly. We have all been through break ups and they are very, very painful.

 

But the best thing to do is let her go. Chasing someone who doesn't want you is very unattractive, not to mention that just insures the fact that if her new guy doesn't work out, she can come back to you- only to leave you again when yet another guy comes around.

 

Here's a tip, the more you act like you don't care, the more you will pique her interest- IF that's really want you want to do.

 

But, IMHO- let her go... something better will come along for you when the time is right.

[broken guy]

I feel the pain too. My girl of 4 years broke up with me via email after I had left the country for 3 weeks. After the tears and "Im gonna miss you" on the morning I left, it was all crap after 5 days.

 

I too hear all the advice of "ignore her. she will wonder what your doing and want to see you" but, in the end, I had to go all out and tell her my reasons for being the way I was recently and how that had changed me. I got this advice from the same guy who told me to ignore her from the moment she broke up with me. Thats why I did it. It was my final chance to make her listen and I took it.

 

Looking back on the history, I can see the sense in ignoring her. I remember sending her serious emails and, when she didnt reply to them straight away, I wondered if she cared about what I had said. If I had ignored her email and not sent her any messages, Im sure she would have wondered what i was up to or even if I had received the mails. It would have left her in a strange place as if you say something serious, you expect something back and when you dont get it, you think what you just said was meaningless to the other person and you feel small and stupid.

 

My advice to you, ignore her. Let her wonder what you are doing. I only did what I did as I didnt think power games would work with her, I know her too well but if you think your ex is suseptable to the power game, then play it!

[niceguy69]

Thanks for the help. I have already written her 10 emails and 20 text messages in the past week, so I basically totally screwed up the whole no contact thing it seems. But now I will cut it off completely. Im guessing my chances of getting back are pretty bad now. Im thinking my only option now is to bang a prostitute to get her out of my head. Since my ego is totally devasted, trying to hook up with a girl from a bar seems impossible. haha

 

Oh well you learn from your mistakes I guess. Im just looking forward to seeing her out one night with her new boyfriend and doing something to him I will regret.

 

I have a quick question....How long does it take to be able to sleep normal hours and get your normal appetite back after the "break up". Ive gone a week so far;;

[broken guy]

5 weeks for me. mind you, im eating out and drinking. Not fat, just put on what I lost. Japan does that to you though. Drinking culture!!

[ylwfvr]

I feel your pain bro. I am going through a similar phase in my life. Been with this girl for about 10months and she ended up dumping me all of sudden. She had valid reasons but how she did it was flat out cold. To answer your question, people often say about 20-25% of the total time you dated that person to really get over him or her. Unfortunately, this could mean 4 to 5 month deal for you. Hang in there and keep youself pre-occupied with something. It's been a totaly bitch for me b/c I recently relocated to a new city and hardly no anyone. Remember, no contact. I screwed up and ended up replying to her bull $hit email about how I am doing. I wrote her back but she never even replied. Looking back this break-up was the best thing since I simply do not see her as being a long term potential.

[Merin]

For real.. why would you want someone back that could turn on you like that?

 

While I understand you had a relationship with this Girl.. and you obviously cared about her.. you need to step way way waaaayyy back for a moment and look at whats happend here..

 

To begin with after that much time together she ends the relationship by saying "We're not going out any longer" WTF is that?! Now I could even understand that more if the 2 of you had dated for say a month but damn this was over a year and thats all she can offer?

 

Secondly, she's found her "Dream Guy" Seems to me she found some excitement in someone else who may or may not work out..

 

Then she tells you only email her if you really MUST? Oh hell no she didn't! That is just rude as hell IMO! Again this wasn't a short term casual dating situation between the 2 of you... hmm.. kind of makes you wonder what she would've done had you stayed with her longer you know?

 

Last thing here... get beating the crap out of this other Guy out of your head.. he isn't the one with the issues and problems... she is. This was HER choice, HER decision and she did this to YOU not him...

 

It hurts when a relationship ends that was important to you.. it hurts more when the person you cared about turns into a f*cktard before your eyes... but the only way to start feeling better is to stop worrying about her and concentrate on you.. leave her silly a** alone she'll get the message that she isn't all that... and If I don't miss my mark... she'll get the boot from her Dream Man too...

 

Hang in there

[moon]

I think what you did by sending your ex all those e-mails and texts and phone calls was pretty standard. I mean she basically sliced you out of her life overnight. Of course you are going to want immediate answers. So you kept pushing. My guess is this "dream guy" in more of a fantasy.

 

But as for you, I'd say now is a perfect time to cut contact with this girl. You called, wrote everything you could think of in e-mails and begging letters and you got it out of your system. You know you are pushing the edge of going to far. So stop.

 

It might even make your disappearence more dramatic. After days of frantic phone calls and messages, all communication ends. And now keep your distance. There's not much more you can do. If she is already telling you not to call you might as well do that. As the theory goes, if she wants to contact you she will. You will only make yourself look desperate and pathetic by calling over and over. But forget about the past. The past is done. From now on......no contact. You'll feel better later. While you are nursing your break up at least you won't have to dwell on what a fool you made of yourself. I think that's the key. Break ups suck no matter what. But the things I have regretted the most after a break up are the things I would have only done because of the break up. Seriously it's best in the long run to just back off. You'll have your dignity in tact and they can go out and do what ever it is they are insisting they must do with out you. You really don't have much choice in the matter. It's not your choice to make actually. They have to want to receive your message to communicate with you. Other wise it's just a one way dialogue.....going nowhere. This will just frustrate you and make you feel worse. So cut contact now. Seriously it will make you feel better.

 

Good luck.

[niceguy69]

I'm too shocked still to do the whole no contact thing. I try but I just cant, I keep wanting to say sorry. I talked to her for an hour on her cell phone last night and basically she says that in the past few months she's grown bored and fallen out of love. I was too blind to see any of that because I was neglecting her and I think it was mainly my fault. So she says she wants me to date other girls and be a better person for myself.

 

She keeps telling me "well now do you see why i did this". And I say yeah Ill change, but she says its too late. She says stop calling her so much becuase it will make this harder on me if we keep contacting each other. But wtf she's the one that answers her phone.

 

So this has been alot easier for her because shes gradually distanced herself emotionally, while at the same time I just got closer. Im thinking I should call her parents and tell them shes banged 7 guys because they think she's a virgin. Maybe then her mom will feel bad for me and take my side, haha.

 

Real life isnt like swingers where you can just meet heather graham sitting in a bar by herself, and is outoging and easily appochable, and wants to go on dates with you right away...

[Merin]

Originally posted by niceguy69

Im thinking I should call her parents and tell them shes banged 7 guys because they think she's a virgin. Maybe then her mom will feel bad for me and take my side, haha.

 

Could this be more immature?

 

 

I'm going to assume you're kidding about this being a thought in your mind...

BUT just incase you're not kidding.. trust me when I say this will do nothing to get your EXGF back or endear you to her Mom's heart...

[Jlmic1]

Totally agree..

 

That is extremely immature, and it is not going to make your ex come running back to you. Aside from that, I'm sure her parents wouldn't take the word from their daughters disgruntled ex-boyfriend anyway.

[fundamental]

 

So this has been alot easier for her because shes gradually distanced herself emotionally, while at the same time I just got closer. Im thinking I should call her parents and tell them shes banged 7 guys because they think she's a virgin. Maybe then her mom will feel bad for me and take my side, haha.

 

 

 

I hope you were kidding. If not, maybe she dumped you because of your immaturity. Trying to manipulate people is not a good thing epsecially her parents, it's a complete turn off. I understand you are upset, but you have to get a hold of yourself.

[niceguy69]

Yeah I was just kidding. It's just that part of me says, "If youre gonna lose, you might as well lose while going down in flames and take everyone with you." But I know that's not the right way to handle things.

 

It's just that when you have so much sex with the same person, your innate instincts force you to want to be with that same person. Its like when your brain senses an emotional loss, it raises your stress level as high as possible. Ive never really been stressed out in my life, Im not an emotional person, its just new to me I guess. Oh well. Its rough, but so far I've done NC for 24 hours.

[XNemesisX]

Hey, I have been there with the sudden dissapearance act and the "we're not going out anymore so cya" type of lines. And then some....

 

I wrote all the emails, went borderline psycho just like you.

 

I even thought of doing really immature things that I won't mention.

 

The best we can hope for is that they will have someone treat them just like they treated us in the future. It sucks to feel like you have no control over the situation, and you don't. This girl is a bytch for breaking up with you like this. I dated my ex for 2 years, and I got the same kind of treatment you got from your ex. I know how you feel about her way of breaking up with you being fine if you had dated for 1 month, but after 1 year + that is just cold and selfish....heartless really.

 

We just have to move on because we have no other choice. NC is not a choice. When they have told us repeatedly not to contact them and we still continue to do so, then we border on stalker behavior. People talk about NC being a good choice but in some cases its not a choice at all.

 

Don't do anything to put yourself in jail over, as much as it is tempting. I know how that feels too. Trust me...I want to get revenge on my ex very badly but I see that jail time or prison time is not worth it. The only thing you can do is try to move on as best you can, and date when you are ready to. You will probably still hold some scars from this incident but try not to let it ruin future relationships for you based on this one dimwit.

 

20months of my life I banged the same girl, and it was all in vain. I could have met so many other girls and been motivated to hang out with other friends and have fun with life.

 

I know what you mean on that one too

 

I have graduated from college now, and half of it was spent with my ex who left me the way he did. I could have spent those years having fun with friends and I could actually have a boyfriend worth a shyt right now if it wasn't for him. But guess what? Not a damn thing we can do about it, eh? I do feel like I may have lost the "critical time period" for meeting someone due to him. Let's face it. When else are you given the opportunity to meet SO many people than in college? It's over for me now and I have nothing. Lost A LOT of friendships over him, and now I can't even date anybody yet. It's been 7 months...still can't bring myself to date again.

 

 

 

How long does it take to be able to sleep normal hours and get your normal appetite back after the "break up". Ive gone a week so far;;

 

A week is nothing. I still don't have normal sleep hours after 7 months but maybe I am an exception. If you are very devestated (which I'm guessing you are) it could be several months. You will get through it though.

 

The only magical solution to heartbreak is finding someone else to love and that loves you back. Until then, you will still think about the ex. Not as much as in the beginning, but it will become a scar that will gradually fade over time. Just stay hopeful as much as you can, and don't try to contact her anymore or win her back. It doesn't sound like that will ever happen. Hang in there, and keep posting...many of us are in the same boat as you right now

[ConfusedInOC]

Except for the "tell mommy she's banging 7 guys" and the "wanting to beat her new beau up" you sound a lot like me. Same situation.

 

Let me ask you, was this a surprise? Had she tried to break up before but you just begged her to stay?

 

That's what I did with my Ex and what I am finding out is that was the biggest mistake of my life. I should have let her walked and kept my dignity and self respect. Instead, I reduced myself to a blubbering fool and begged her to take me back, which she did -- reluctantly so.

 

I had to realize that she was miserable in the relationship because it was basically FORCED on her. Had I let her walk, she might have come back on her own. But because I "guilt tripped" her in to staying with me I made things exponentially worse.

 

Now I understand why she could jump to another guy so quickly. She wanted to be with someone that wasn't pressuring her for anything -- a relationship, marriage, etc.

 

Maybe the new guy plays his cards right and poof, she marries him. Well, that's a hard lesson to learn.

[niceguy69]

Yes exactly. 2 months ago she said "I need to take a 2 week break" So for 2 weeks I said I would be nicer and go out more and eventually we started banging again. Little did I know, after that I was on thin ice. Since then she now tells me "I havent loved you as much, and Ive been bored". I always thought I had total control of the relationship and that she would never leave me no matter what happened. Boy was I wrong.

 

I learned the most pathetic, overly used quote in every movie(which took me 20 months to learn)............."Dont take people for granted"

 

Also Ive learned, from all of my recent intense internet research, "if you let girls get bored. they'll start looking elsewhere." Well in my case, her looking elsewhere meant meeting an investment banker(/sigh)

 

I want this to be a lesson to all the guys in relationships now with girls they love. Unfortunately, guys only come to these kind of websites when its too late........but as pearl jam says, "Ohh Im still ALIVE!!!"

[guyx]

remember the part about other girls and time with friends? that's the only aspect you have control of right now, so force that down your throat until it becomes natural egain. your ex-will either get tired , treated like **** or marry the diude, but you have no say there. stpo wallowing and use this opportunity to be a better man