Tygra Posted August 22, 2015 Posted August 22, 2015 Ive been single for a year now. My ex last year would not go to his family's houses without me. I always felt forced to go. He knew I didn't like his mom and he knew I didn't like his step sisters on his Dad's side. One of his step sisters and her daughter are really loud. They gave me a splitting pounding headache. I never wanted to go back to his Dad's due to his step sister and step niece being so loud. His mom's family is really weird. I always felt uncomfortable and unwanted. In order to get me to go to his mom's to tell them we were engaged he had to bribe me with a purse I had wanted for a long time. Was he being controlling? I never thought about telling him he can go but I don't want to go. I would have been fine with that. But he was determined I would go to his mom's. So he bought me the purse I had been wanting for years.
Gaeta Posted August 22, 2015 Posted August 22, 2015 Nope he was not controlling it's you that were manipulative 1
Author Tygra Posted August 22, 2015 Author Posted August 22, 2015 (edited) Nope he was not controlling it's you that were manipulative I was not manipulative. I did not like his family and didn't want to see them. He still made me feel like I had to go. It was HIS idea to buy me the purse. I never asked for it. He said if I go to his mom's he will buy me the purse. Manipulative is when you plot and scheme to get your way. Which is what he did. I never asked him if I go to your mom's will you buy me that purse? It was HIS idea to buy it for me. He was so desperate for me to go. I never once mentioned that purse when we talked about telling his mom we are engaged. He came up with that idea by himself. Edited August 22, 2015 by Tygra
Gaeta Posted August 22, 2015 Posted August 22, 2015 You could have said no to the purse. You are a grown woman an Able to say no. I don't see him as controlling because he did not give you negative consequenses. Example: if you don't come to my mom with me l will stop having sex with you. That's controlling. If you come with me at my mom l"ll get you a Chanel purse....is not controlling. It's using temptation.
Author Tygra Posted August 22, 2015 Author Posted August 22, 2015 You could have said no to the purse. You are a grown woman an Able to say no. I don't see him as controlling because he did not give you negative consequenses. Example: if you don't come to my mom with me l will stop having sex with you. That's controlling. If you come with me at my mom l"ll get you a Chanel purse....is not controlling. It's using temptation. But why was he so determined for me to go? He knew I felt uncomfortable around his mom. By the way I never mentioned the purse brand. The difference with me and him is he liked my Dad and Mom. They made him feel welcome and wanted. He seemed to enjoy talking to them. My family has the southern hospitality his family doesn't. The first time I met his mom she barely spoke to me. I am naturally shy and low self esteem and he knew that. She gave me the cold shoulder.
ExpatInItaly Posted August 22, 2015 Posted August 22, 2015 But why was he so determined for me to go? He knew I felt uncomfortable around his mom. By the way I never mentioned the purse brand. The difference with me and him is he liked my Dad and Mom. They made him feel welcome and wanted. He seemed to enjoy talking to them. My family has the southern hospitality his family doesn't. The first time I met his mom she barely spoke to me. I am naturally shy and low self esteem and he knew that. She gave me the cold shoulder. Probably because you were his girlfriend and he wanted to integrate you into his life as much as he could. I don't see how he was controlling. Why does it matter now, though? 1
Author Tygra Posted August 22, 2015 Author Posted August 22, 2015 Probably because you were his girlfriend and he wanted to integrate you into his life as much as he could. I don't see how he was controlling. Why does it matter now, though? I am wanting to learn from my past relationships so I won't repeat the same thing with future relationships.
Gaeta Posted August 22, 2015 Posted August 22, 2015 But why was he so determined for me to go? He knew I felt uncomfortable around his mom. By the way I never mentioned the purse brand. The difference with me and him is he liked my Dad and Mom. They made him feel welcome and wanted. He seemed to enjoy talking to them. My family has the southern hospitality his family doesn't. The first time I met his mom she barely spoke to me. I am naturally shy and low self esteem and he knew that. She gave me the cold shoulder. Because although you did not like his family, it was still his family and he wanted to share his happiness with them. For a relationship to be successful there is a need for compromise. A compromise like 'I don't like your family but because I love you and I know they're important to you I will go'. Why were you not willing to compromise? I was married 15 years with a man that had 7 sisters. I use to call them the 7 witches. I didn't like them one bit BUT they were my husband's sisters and HE loved them so I compromised and I went to all family events and holidays. Sometimes before getting there I'd ask him 'lets leave before they all get drunk ok' and he agreed. He knew I hated the fact they were big drinkers. We compromised. I compromised by going, he compromised by leaving earlier. You actually thought he was being controlling but what I see is you being a bit self-centered and uncompromising. Not every man you'll meet will have the dream family like yours. You have to be understanding and flexible. 2
Author Tygra Posted August 22, 2015 Author Posted August 22, 2015 (edited) Because although you did not like his family, it was still his family and he wanted to share his happiness with them. For a relationship to be successful there is a need for compromise. A compromise like 'I don't like your family but because I love you and I know they're important to you I will go'. Why were you not willing to compromise? I was married 15 years with a man that had 7 sisters. I use to call them the 7 witches. I didn't like them one bit BUT they were my husband's sisters and HE loved them so I compromised and I went to all family events and holidays. Sometimes before getting there I'd ask him 'lets leave before they all get drunk ok' and he agreed. He knew I hated the fact they were big drinkers. We compromised. I compromised by going, he compromised by leaving earlier. You actually thought he was being controlling but what I see is you being a bit self-centered and uncompromising. Not every man you'll meet will have the dream family like yours. You have to be understanding and flexible. Did you not read where I said his mom gave me the cold shoulder? Would you want to be around that? I was not treated very fair by her. From what I understood from my ex is that his mom loved his previous ex and so she wasn't giving me a chance. I was not her so she wanted nothing to do with me. Can you honestly say you would be thrilled being treated like that? Another time I was out with him and his best friend and his fiancée. My ex never once made an attempt to bring me into the conversation with his best friend & his fiancée or with his mom. I had to sit there and listen to them talk. I was the new member of the group. My family always speaks to a family member's new boyfriend or new girlfriend. But my ex never tried to include me in the conversations. He even later on said he knew I wasn't having fun. Did he care? Nope because he was having fun that's all that mattered to him. After being treated like that I did deserve that purse. He never once tried to bring up a topic I could talk about also. He knew how shy I am. I really don't care if you all think I was being uncompromising and if you think I was wrong taking the purse. You don't know how coldly his mom and friends treated me. They acted like I was invisible. Edited August 22, 2015 by Tygra
scorpiogirl Posted August 23, 2015 Posted August 23, 2015 You asked for opinions. You got them. Clearly you think he was controlling. Nobody here thinks he was. You've made up your mind. I think you're childish. Who does things because they were bribed with a bag? Your posts sound familiar. 1
Author Tygra Posted August 23, 2015 Author Posted August 23, 2015 That is the only good thing about being single not having to see someone else's family. I must have seen his mom 3 or 4 times. Only one time he brought up a subject I could talk about with her was baking. Other than that one time no effort was made by either of them to make me feel welcome in her home.
cessna Posted August 23, 2015 Posted August 23, 2015 Funny how that purse you really wanted suddenly made his family bearable.
Author Tygra Posted August 23, 2015 Author Posted August 23, 2015 Funny how that purse you really wanted suddenly made his family bearable. Not really. I hated being around them. Once his mom found out we were getting married she started nagging me as soon as he was out of the room. She said he needed to loose weight. He lost at least 5 pounds in a short amount of time due to my cooking for him. Either she didn't notice it or didn't want to acknowledge it.
Author Tygra Posted August 23, 2015 Author Posted August 23, 2015 You asked for opinions. You got them. Clearly you think he was controlling. Nobody here thinks he was. You've made up your mind. I think you're childish. Who does things because they were bribed with a bag? Your posts sound familiar. If you think I was childish that is your opinion. I was put through misery every time I was there.
katiegrl Posted August 23, 2015 Posted August 23, 2015 (edited) If you think I was childish that is your opinion. I was put through misery every time I was there. Perhaps if you had made more of an effort to engage her, instead of pouting and feeling resentful you were *forced* or bribed into going, she might have been more pleasant to you! You say no one talked to you, included you in conversations. Well did YOU talk to them? Make an effort to get along with them? You don't think his mom sensed your resentment? Trust me, she did!! Which contributed to her attitude toward you NO DOUBT. You create your OWN experiences in life, please learn that. It is not always everyone else's fault. And why so defensive? You were defensive with me on your other thread too, when all I did was answer the question YOU asked ...thoughtfully and respectfully ....I was trying to help you! Same with posters in this thread. Why start a thread asking for responses, if all you are going to do is argue and get defensive? I mean what's the point? Edited August 23, 2015 by katiegrl 3
scorpiogirl Posted August 23, 2015 Posted August 23, 2015 If you think I was childish that is your opinion. I was put through misery every time I was there. Yes that's my opinion. You asked for opinions. In future you should state that you'd only like opinions that take your side. Again, no he wasn't controlling.
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