I may have said something racist. Let it go, or explain myself?

[warrenorabbits]

I was at a party last night with some new grad students, many of whom are East Asian, and we got onto the topic of how it's sometimes difficult for people to tell between East Asian nationalities. I made a statement about a possible distinguishing feature of Koreans that, in retrospect, was too general. The person sitting next to me happened to be Korean and asked me what I meant, and I tried to just back out because I was worried I had offended him (not sure if I did or whether he really was just asking me to elaborate).

 

It had to do with facial structure, and no, it wasn't something stupid like the old "slanty-eyed" canard. And since the conversation had to do with nationality I tried to tread as delicately as possible. But the more I think about it, the more I think that the characteristic describes was potentially insulting in and of itself and, in any case, probably not the best thing to express.

 

Since these are relatively new colleagues and my face is still fresh, perhaps it's best just forgotten, with a bit more caution in order for the future. After all, I have plenty of time to establish myself in this new place and it's easy to dismiss/forget an early indiscretion if the person's later personality contradicts it. But at the same time, I would really hate to be seen as ignorant or racist, since I meant no offense whatsoever and, especially, since my mother is East Asian and I have nothing but respect for all East Asian nationalities. (I brought this up, by the way.) Forget, or say something to the guy who asked me what I meant?

[Tobin]

I think you should make light of the situation, tell them that you didn't mean to offend, and then ask what an Asian girl's favorite day of the year is, and then tell them.. wait for it.. "eRection Day!"

 

LOL always liked that one.

[warrenorabbits]

I think you should make light of the situation, tell them that you didn't mean to offend, and then ask what an Asian girl's favorite day of the year is, and then tell them.. wait for it.. "eRection Day!"

 

LOL always liked that one.

 

Somehow I think I'd just be digging a deeper hole with that one .

 

I did make some light of it, though. Like talking about how my sweet old grandma was actually super racist (hard not be after living in Japan during WWII ... you do the math) and hated when people mistook her as Chinese or Korean. And how I avoid guessing after getting in a few holes by saying, e.g.,

 

"You said you were from China, right?"

... *ugly stare* ...

"... I'm gonna go fill my drink up. You want something?"

[Got it]

Somehow I think I'd just be digging a deeper hole with that one .

 

I did make some light of it, though. Like talking about how my sweet old grandma was actually super racist (hard not be after living in Japan during WWII ... you do the math) and hated when people mistook her as Chinese or Korean. And how I avoid guessing after getting in a few holes by saying, e.g.,

 

"You said you were from China, right?"

... *ugly stare* ...

"... I'm gonna go fill my drink up. You want something?"

 

Yeah . . . talking about your racist grandma probably didn't help the case. Since this is dealing with the workfront I would talk to the individual(s) alone and apologize for any insult you may have caused. Just get it out and reiterate what you said was a generalization and was wrong.

 

And then think before you talk.

[Lois_Griffin]

Good lord. You can't say anything nowadays or you're a 'racist.'

 

It's gotten so incredibly old.

[jen1447]

Did you "say something racist" or are you a racist? I don't think words themselves can be racist, only ppl can. Assuming you're not actually a racist, there should be no need to try to cover for yourself, as your words and actions overall should be enough to convey to anyone interested where your heart really lies on the matter. Similarly, anyone who gets so worked up over words when they know someone's not those words probably isn't worth trying to convince otherwise.

[CrystalCastles]

Good lord. You can't say anything nowadays or you're a 'racist.'

 

It's gotten so incredibly old.

 

This.

 

I live in a city in Canada heavily populated by Asians.

 

I am Russian, but they've called me French, German, Serbian, Italian etc. They have no idea what ethnicity I am, so they just assume. I am not offended because to someone who knows nothing about my ethnicity its easy to make mistakes. However when I call them Chinese and they're not, they get super offended. Filipinos also tend to get offended when they hear the term "Asian" because they are Asian too, yet somehow Chinese/Korean/Japanese people laid a claim to it.

 

OP its hard to tell if you said anything offensive if you don't tell us what it was. In the future I would simply avoid any ethnicity talks period. They tend to get you into dangerous waters and you don't know how someone is going to interpret your comment.

[warrenorabbits]

Eh, as for what I said I'd rather not open a can of worms on something so subjective. I thought it was pretty neutral at the time, but I'm thinking back to those old science books from 1900 that say things like "The [old racist term] is distinguished by ..." and now feel like any kind of comment based on appearance, no matter how innocuous, is too close to that territory to be 100% kosher.

 

Precisely the reason why I should just not get on that topic at all in the future. The line between offensive and OK is just too subjective. Lesson learned.

 

As an unrelated aside, I do wish people were less easily offended about things that are not clearly ignorant or meant to be offensive, though ... it would make things much easier for those without bad intentions.

 

As for my attempt to lighten the mood, I think it was clear that it was just an anecdote, that I didn't hold those opinions myself and that I was just referencing a relic of history.

 

I'm leaning towards either letting it go or briefly telling the one person next to me out of good will that I'm sorry and meant no offense, and then permanently dropping the subject. It's clear from my personality that I'm not racist, so that should not be in question.

Edited August 23, 2015 by warrenorabbits