chris1063 Posted May 11, 2005 Posted May 11, 2005 My ex contacted me by text last night after 4 weeks NC. She effectively dumped me. I moved out of the house we'd shared 4 weeks ago and I have made no attempt to contact her at all - just trying to get on with my life although I miss her. She texted a couple of messages along the "how u doing" line and then asked me to call her. I called and we ended up talking for 1 Hr 45 minutes. She was crying on and off and asking "why did you let us end up like this ?" She said she had been watching TV and had seen some stuff that had reminded her of our time together. She had obviously had a drink but wasn't really drunk or anything. We talked about the past and stuff we had done and she then told me that she was seeing somebody else now. She also told me "you know that we will never get back together don't you?" to which I replied that I did know that already. She said that the reason she had contacted me was to see if I wanted to go out with her as friends one night ! (?) for a meal and a drink. I said that if she felt the same way this morning then she could call me and maybe we could arrange something. She again said that she wanted me to know that she was happy with her new guy and that there was absolutely no chance of us getting back together. I'm confused by all this and very suprised that she contacted me - as I said I have stuck to NC unflinchingly although I had an idea she might break it. I do love and miss her still and I would probably be willing to give things another go if it was possible. What do you guys/girls out there think about this ? Should I go out with her if she calls ? Is she maybe seeing what she has lost in me and seeing that although the new guy may be what she thought she needed he isn't me ? I don't want to be the puppet on the string or second choice but I really felt from what she was saying that maybe she is thinking of another try despite the mixed messages HELP !!! Chris
dibdab Posted May 11, 2005 Posted May 11, 2005 Erm personally if i was you, i would stay right away and do NC again. I don't think it will do you any good.
ConfusedInOC Posted May 11, 2005 Posted May 11, 2005 Originally posted by chris1063 My ex contacted me by text last night after 4 weeks NC. She effectively dumped me. I moved out of the house we'd shared 4 weeks ago and I have made no attempt to contact her at all - just trying to get on with my life although I miss her. She texted a couple of messages along the "how u doing" line and then asked me to call her. I called and we ended up talking for 1 Hr 45 minutes. She was crying on and off and asking "why did you let us end up like this ?" She said she had been watching TV and had seen some stuff that had reminded her of our time together. She had obviously had a drink but wasn't really drunk or anything. We talked about the past and stuff we had done and she then told me that she was seeing somebody else now. She also told me "you know that we will never get back together don't you?" to which I replied that I did know that already. She said that the reason she had contacted me was to see if I wanted to go out with her as friends one night ! (?) for a meal and a drink. I said that if she felt the same way this morning then she could call me and maybe we could arrange something. She again said that she wanted me to know that she was happy with her new guy and that there was absolutely no chance of us getting back together. I'm confused by all this and very suprised that she contacted me - as I said I have stuck to NC unflinchingly although I had an idea she might break it. I do love and miss her still and I would probably be willing to give things another go if it was possible. What do you guys/girls out there think about this ? Should I go out with her if she calls ? Is she maybe seeing what she has lost in me and seeing that although the new guy may be what she thought she needed he isn't me ? I don't want to be the puppet on the string or second choice but I really felt from what she was saying that maybe she is thinking of another try despite the mixed messages HELP !!! Chris Why did she dump you? What was really the problem? Did she admit to making a mistake? If so, what exactly was the mistake? Has she been dating someone else and was recently dumped herself? I mean, you have to find out what her motives are. If she's just lonely and looking for a friend, that's bad. If she truly realizes she made a mistake, then by all means move forward. Just take it exceptionally slow!
Author chris1063 Posted May 12, 2005 Author Posted May 12, 2005 We broke up about 3 months ago. I instigated the conversation as I felt things were going a bit astray and the next morning I got the "don't love you anymore" speech and that was that ! We lived in the same house ,which is up for sale, until I moved out 4 weeks ago. We were together 6 years. There were issues over her wanting to start a family and me being unsure but I guess we had both stopped trying up to a point. She has been seeing this guy for a couple of months and I suspect he was the reason she broke things off. The other night she was saying how much we had in common and how we were still friends and she didn't see any reason why we couldn't go out as friends. She stated that she was "very happy" with the new guy but if that's the case why would she contact me?
whitewhale Posted May 12, 2005 Posted May 12, 2005 Originally posted by chris1063 We broke up about 3 months ago. I instigated the conversation as I felt things were going a bit astray and the next morning I got the "don't love you anymore" speech and that was that ! We lived in the same house ,which is up for sale, until I moved out 4 weeks ago. We were together 6 years. There were issues over her wanting to start a family and me being unsure but I guess we had both stopped trying up to a point. She has been seeing this guy for a couple of months and I suspect he was the reason she broke things off. The other night she was saying how much we had in common and how we were still friends and she didn't see any reason why we couldn't go out as friends. She stated that she was "very happy" with the new guy but if that's the case why would she contact me? I've read somebody's answer to a similar question. Maybe she's emotionally dependant on you still? I don't think she has totally moved on if she did this, but listen to COC, and try to see what her motives are. 6 years is a lot of time, a great part of life to let go... so maybe she really wants to try.
Author chris1063 Posted May 12, 2005 Author Posted May 12, 2005 Guys thanks for the responses on this. Thing is she always takes great pride in telling me that she "never goes back once her mind is made up" but the mixed messages are a bit confusing. I wondered if as good as the new guy may be she's realising that he ain't me and missing a lot of the stuff we had together ? I've seen others on the site say "if she wanted to be with you she would" which is absolutely true but I wonder if her pride is getting in the way a bit ? Anyhow, i'm continuing with the NC and i'll let her contact me if she's going to, no way i'm going after her. Thanks again Chris
dgiirl Posted May 12, 2005 Posted May 12, 2005 Originally posted by chris1063 Thing is she always takes great pride in telling me that she "never goes back once her mind is made up" but the mixed messages are a bit confusing. My ex is like that too. Once his mind is made, there's no changing. His parents told me that once they learned about the divorce. I thought about how his pride might not let him come back to me, and all that. But then I realized that I deserve someone who _will_ put his pride on the line and ask me back. I've done it for him, it's the least he could do for me, if he truely loves me. Only time will tell what will happen. Right now, I'm feeling better about myself in years. My depression is going, and I'm starting to recognize the old me. I can do anything I want, and I dont need to ask him if he wants to do it. There are things I never did because he didnt like to do them, and I would rather spend my time with him. Now I'm doing all those things and it's making me very happy
Author chris1063 Posted May 12, 2005 Author Posted May 12, 2005 Originally posted by dgiirl My ex is like that too. Once his mind is made, there's no changing. His parents told me that once they learned about the divorce. I thought about how his pride might not let him come back to me, and all that. But then I realized that I deserve someone who _will_ put his pride on the line and ask me back. I've done it for him, it's the least he could do for me, if he truely loves me. Only time will tell what will happen. Right now, I'm feeling better about myself in years. My depression is going, and I'm starting to recognize the old me. I can do anything I want, and I dont need to ask him if he wants to do it. There are things I never did because he didnt like to do them, and I would rather spend my time with him. Now I'm doing all those things and it's making me very happy Good for you ! I have good and bad days as we all do I guess. I'm moving on slowly taking it a day at a time. We'll see what happens, maybe she'll call, maybe not - i'll get on with my life regardless.
fundamental Posted May 12, 2005 Posted May 12, 2005 Originally posted by chris1063 We broke up about 3 months ago. I instigated the conversation as I felt things were going a bit astray and the next morning I got the "don't love you anymore" speech and that was that ! We lived in the same house ,which is up for sale, until I moved out 4 weeks ago. We were together 6 years. There were issues over her wanting to start a family and me being unsure but I guess we had both stopped trying up to a point. She has been seeing this guy for a couple of months and I suspect he was the reason she broke things off. The other night she was saying how much we had in common and how we were still friends and she didn't see any reason why we couldn't go out as friends. She stated that she was "very happy" with the new guy but if that's the case why would she contact me? Well, you can let her know that being friendly is possible, but being friends will probably not work since she is "very happy" with the new guy. Tell her that you are backing off because she is happy with the new guy and that your interference as her friend, will mess things up for her and that you don't want to get mixed up in that situation. Stay emotionally distant. I bet you she realizes that you are the man for her.
BrotherAaron Posted May 12, 2005 Posted May 12, 2005 Screw her motives. She said there's no chance of you two getting back together, she's seeing someone new, and she's happy with him. Don't question what she told you. You have to take her words at face value. So what if she wants to be friends, because you clearly don't. Get on with your life.
Author chris1063 Posted May 13, 2005 Author Posted May 13, 2005 Thanks again for the support guys. It actually made me feel pretty good that she broke NC and contacted me. Sometimes we only realise what we're missing when it's removed from our sight I guess. I'll keep on keeping on and see what good old fate and fortune throws my way next ! This board has been such a help to me over the last few months. It's good to know there are others who are going through the same s**t that I have and coming out the other side better and stronger people. God bless you all. Chris
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