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Guy I was seeing reconciled with ex and is moving next week. Need uplifting words

LeftBehindx

By LeftBehindx
in Breaks and Breaking Up

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LeftBehindx New Member

LeftBehindx

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Me [F 21] and this guy [M 31] were casually seeing each other/hooking up (sex, movies, etc. once a week). His ex came into town on vacation for a week and he said he had been bothered by the way he ended things with her 3.5 years ago, so he met with her to make things right. Then he continued on vacation with her to another state for a week. He came back on Monday and just texted me saying he quit his job and is moving to across the country next week. She doesn't live in America, but is moving with him up there.

 

 

This is all so sudden. He reconciled with her after 3.5 years so quickly. They're already moving in together after just two weeks back with each other? I can't believe I'm never going to see him again. She's expressed wanting to have kids and get married. So he's gone forever. I'm just really in need of some uplifting words. This is eating away at my mind.

Gus Grimly Established Member

Gus Grimly

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I'm just really in need of some uplifting words. This is eating away at my mind.

I'm really sorry to hear you're going to miss the guy who used you for sex and who took you to see movies. I hope you will block all contact with him and move on with your life, perhaps find someone your own age to do things with.

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writergal Established Member

writergal

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I'm really sorry to hear you're going to miss the guy who used you for sex and who took you to see movies. I hope you will block all contact with him and move on with your life, perhaps find someone your own age to do things with.

 

OP, sounds like you were this guy's rebound in a FWB fashion to boot. As Gus Grimly suggested -- best thing you can do is block his cell #, delete him from your social media and chalk it up to a good ol learning experience. He wasn't serious about you from the start, and he used you. Someone who treats you that way isn't someone you grieve over. He's someone you despise and try to avoid the same type again in the future.

 

As with life, in love there are no guarantees. Also, if you want a serious relationship, don't be some guy's casual FWB. Make it clear from the beginning what you're looking for with the next guy.

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LeftBehindx New Member

LeftBehindx

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OP, sounds like you were this guy's rebound in a FWB fashion to boot.

 

A rebound 3.5 years after a breakup though?

 

And no, this girl is gorgeous and kind, he's handsome, genuine, and wholesome. If they're both willing to up and move suddenly to be with each other, what they have must be really real. Marriage and kids it is.

writergal Established Member

writergal

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A rebound 3.5 years after a breakup though?

 

And no, this girl is gorgeous and kind, he's handsome, genuine, and wholesome. If they're both willing to up and move suddenly to be with each other, what they have must be really real. Marriage and kids it is.

 

Rebounds and casual flings (which it sounds like you were -- a casual fling) are not subject to happen just after a break-up. Rebounds can happen as far out as 3 years or beyond if the person isn't ready to commit to the person they're currently seeing; isn't over their ex; doesn't want a serious relationship in general; is still emotionally wounded from their break-up and hasn't done the psychological work to heal themselves to be emotionally available to the next person whom they meet.

 

He probably never stopped feeling love for his ex and when they went away on vacation that is where they probably realized they wanted to reconcile.

 

How long did you two date? Did you express any objection to him, when he told you he was going on vacation with his ex-girlfriend?

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LeftBehindx New Member

LeftBehindx

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How long did you two date? Did you express any objection to him, when he told you he was going on vacation with his ex-girlfriend?

 

For one year. And no, he didn't tell me he was going on vacation with her. It was very spur of the moment.

 

Also, he said he'll be returning in 4 years and "who knows what will happen". Why? I know exactly what will happen. They'll be married with kids.

writergal Established Member

writergal

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For one year. And no, he didn't tell me he was going on vacation with her. It was very spur of the moment.

 

Also, he said he'll be returning in 4 years and "who knows what will happen". Why? I know exactly what will happen. They'll be married with kids.

 

Oh, he didn't tell you he was going on vacation with her? What did he say? He was leaving for a month and that he'd let you know what's up with the two of you once he got back? In hindsight (which is always 20/20), that's when you should have ended things with him.

 

Sorry that this happened to you OP. Not all guys are like him.

Gus Grimly Established Member

Gus Grimly

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Sorry that this happened to you OP. Not all guys are like him.

...he's handsome, genuine, and wholesome.

We've got some conflicting ideas of who this guy truly is.

 

Someone who's genuine, to me at least, would be up front and honest. You've obviously built this gentleman up in your mind to be something he's not.

 

Also, he said he'll be returning in 4 years...

Fantastic! This gives you plenty of time to exact your revenge by going NC, moving on, forgetting about him, living a happy fruitful life and hopefully finding someone new you can share your new life with. :)

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