bibi123 Posted August 22, 2015 Posted August 22, 2015 (edited) My ex and I broke up in January after being together for 6 months. As short as it seems, the chemistry and relationship were something we both never had before. And we shared lots of common interests (adventures, cooking, family moments...traveled together). I am Christian and he's an atheist. We got to discuss this from the very beginning and were both willing to work with this difference and respected each other's belief. He was so into me that he wanted the world to know that I was his girl. He introduced me to his family on thanksgiving and to his close friends, he met mine on Christmas eve. We exchanged Christmas gifts and I was preparing his birthday dinner with since he was born on Jan 10th). 5 days before his birthday he came to my place with a box that was mailed to him, since it was one of the Christmas gifts I ordered that never made it on time. We opened it together and both enjoyed putting that chandelier together and played games. In the morning (after we made breakfast together), he brought the marriage and religion question up and I could see this peculiar look on him, telling me that he was prepared for a defensive conversation. That clearly didn't look good, so even though I told him that we agreed on accepting and respecting each other's viewpoints and needed to calmly layout about that later, he left giving me a 2 minute long tight hug and a short kiss. After the discussion, he left with a different body language and took the chandelier with him. Then on the next day we both didn't text as we usually do, which was understandable after the cold discussion that somehow turned into an argument. My heart unwillingly pulled away thinking about him wanting me not to believe in God, so did his for realizing that I enjoy my faith! I am sure we could agree on something as he didn't want our kids to go to church if there were to be a long term. After 2 days of silence, I contacted him since his birthday was close. He told me that he was still sticking to the plan. Because I booked the restaurant reservation for 9pm, he told me to move it to 7pm or an earlier time. Got it for 5:30pm. Then again he didn't really talk. I did tell him that I missed him and he replied "I do too, we'll talk tomorrow". I did notice he didn't call me honey anymore but "dear". A day before his birthday early in the morning) he said in a text: maybe we shouldn't meet, pls cancel as I suggested. I was lost for a minute. I told him that everything was already ordered and paid for...but he ignored me (didn't text me back). At that point I didn't know what to do: cancel? I couldn't cancel the birthday cake...cancel the photographer that I hired; no refund in less than 48hours...I custom made a fun shirt, pens, fancy pens case and also a custom made birthday card with his name on. And guess what? He really didn't show up!!! At that time I called instead of texting, for the first time he didn't answer my call! Called again twice and left a message, no answer. As I was in my way pick up his birthday cake on the next day, he finally called me to say he was not gonna be there. That was shocking. Now tell me: what could I do here? Of course I wanted to know why he didn't want to come!!? what was going on...All I could get was that I was the needy one begging him for a failed surprise. Then he told me "I thought you got that we broke up 2 days ago!!!". His only famous line was that nothing could work, we needed a break...He even told me "you're just doing all this for you, not me" Wow who in this world will prepare a surprise birthday for someone with the idea that they are doing it for themselves? I did it because I cared. And he knew I was preparing a surprise for him, he just didn't know all the details. Now he stated that I was just doing that to get him back. And he didn't really showed his position or maybe I was so into surprising him that I didn't notice the signs...the man I loved and cared about just had his EGO turned up!! After he told me that, I figured he really planned all this, and actually didn't care about me anymore!! I ended up calling a friend, had dinner with her instead. I still had the photographer take pictures of everything as planned. I did send him a text later that day saying "I understand that everyone's free to take decision on their lives but you he broke my heart". He answered me immediately saying 《I never meant that bibi, I am very sorry》. That's where I went NO CONTENT. We started emailing each other after 2 months but it was most likely him checking on me (once or twice a month). Me pulling away from him let me realize that I somehow invested too much time to this that it was certainly time to enjoy my freedom. I didn't realize that he was using too much of my time (with work, school, I stopped enjoying Rock climbing and tennis even though we could do that together (both of us being very active people). It made sense spending time together but it was just not right that we stopped seeing our friends. So, I clearly have improved a lot in time managing with friends and dating, taking care if myself...priorities. I believe we broke up for a good reason even though I didn't see it coming. I have to say that I love H and he is the very first person I've truly loved in my life. But he displayed so many mixed signals after the breakup that I sometimes wondered if he broke up for another reason and used religion to be "right" and cut it short. Something tells me he had to fight his feelings and completely distance himself from me. Not sure why though...Meeting each other's family was definitely a bond, best moments ever!! I have to mention that a week after we break up (over the phone) I went skiing and happened to have lost my keys in the snow. So I had to call him to let him know of what happened. He called me back after he got my message and drove to my place to bring me the other of my apartment that he had. He seemed happy to see me. However when I thanked him for coming, he said "well I was also planning to call you and talk to you". We had a casual talk but when I asked him about what he wanted to talk about he said "i thought i had to tell you that is was over since i really never said it ". My response was "oh...ok, well i just hope you're happy with that". He then tried to kiss me on my forehead as he was ready to get in his car but I somehow pushed him away with a smile on my face. That right there made him very sad. So I wrote and mailed him a letter (after 2months) because I felt bad for pushing him away...also because I thought I needed a closure - even if I knew I still hadn't moved on. The letter basically said that I still was happy that I had known him and his family, reminded him of the great times spent together, told him what I was gonna miss but wished us both the best of luck as he still deserved a better send off. He did me a card telling me that he got my note and how thankful he was, and how much he appreciated that. His also said that those months had been very hard on him that he couldn't sleep or work properly. Anyway, I know all this is long and complicated but I wanted you to get the important lines. It's been months since we last met, Did I still have chances of getting him back? Did I mention that he started checking out on me to see how I am doing? He sent me a couple pictures if his recent trip and asked me about my past and next trip....but I cannot say that he is showing that he wants me back. He has been hot and cold but I can tell he feels more comfortable talking to me now than he did in his previous emails).I know he reactivated his match.com account 2 weeks after we broke up, posted a picture of our last trip (he obviously cropped me out if it)...so I am sure he is seeing someone, it's been months! It may not be serious but we never know...His family really likes me but I stopped seeing them to avoid making him uncomfortable. However, I have to admit (though hurtful) this breakup definitely made me grow, invest time taking care of myself, go to work and school, workout, stay positive...did lots of meditations, read a lot. So I am surely ready to meet him now, I am not that depressed lady I was months ago. So since he's going to help me shopping, I will appreciate your advice on how to handle this. He may feel comfortable talking to me but maybe still guilty for what he said when he was mad and for not showing up at the restaurant on his birthday. I'll be happier if he comes back Now that I have a backpacking trip coming up and want to use this as a good excuse to meet him again and have him help me pick some hiking gear at an outdoor store. I sent him a nice and short text msg saying "hey I am planning a trip to BC Canada at the end of september and could use your advice. Since I know you've hiked high altitudes, it would be awesome if you could give me some pointers. Can you join me in picking waterproof boots at REI"?. That was the very first text msg from me in 8 months but he promptly answered saying "of course"! I am glad and surely plan not to talk about us but just have a great time, exchange news...I feel very comfortable now. P.S. My ex and I never said "love" to each other but our actions said it all. The chemistry was amazing-phenomenal. either we only met for a couple hours, traveled together, hanged out with family...that attraction right there was effortless / perfection, I wouldn't ask for more! And that, while we really never made love (we turned each other on, passionately kissed for hours, happily enjoyed those moments but no intercourse at all). Please share your opinions, especially men's point of view* . Thanks. Edited August 22, 2015 by bibi123 more information
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