Her mom doesn't like me

[Revan32]

So I met an awesome girl a few weeks ago. Had two dates with her that went really well. Apparently on the second date I didn't get her home until around midnight, which cause her mom to freak out. Now I consider that to be completely the girls fault, as she's 19 and did not tell me she needed to be home. She also forgot to text her mom to tell her she was going to be late. So on the third date, her mom walks out with her when I arrive to pick her up. The mom was very unfriendly with me and as soon as we leave, the girl tells me her mom doesn't like me. Mainly because of getting her home late, and also because I don't go to the door to pick her up.

 

She ended up texting her mom during the entire date then as I was dropping her off, told me, "I almost always do what my mom wants me to". Which I'm guessing is her way of telling me that if her mom doesn't want her to see me, she won't.

 

I've actually never met a girls parents before, so I'm completely clueless on how to deal with this. I feel the mom is being unreasonable because the initial problem she had with me wasn't my fault. And as she was rude to me, I now have a deep dislike for her myself. Anyone know of any ways to deal with this?

[LoveRefreshed]

In my opinion, the best way to deal with this is don't. Just Mo e on to someone else. I dislike people who listen like a lemming to their parents and she clearly is too young and immature to make decisions for her self. On top of that, the mom is a judgemental control freak that I wouldn't want in my life. Do you want to date her mother and have her constantly nosing in and making decisions sin your potential future relationship? I wouldn't.

 

If you still want to pursue this, then step up and do something about this. Buy 2 sets of flowers, show up walk to the door and introduce yourself proper to mom and give her one of the bunches of flowers. Tell her you weren't aware of your dates curfew and now that you are, she won't be home late again.

 

You'll have to kill her with kindness be a use her daughter is a sheep.

[CollegeKid101]

To be honest this is 100% on you. Please don't tell me you're the type of guy who texts the girl when your outside "I'm outside" and she just walks out. Did your parents never each you proper manners? You ALWAYS go to the door to pick up a girl, whether it's a gf or whoever. That's just common courtesy. I wouldn't like you either if I was her Mom, more importantly her Dad.

 

You don't introduce yourself and then bring her back at midnight? That screams we hooked up and I don't care enough to get to know the parents.

 

When I was 16 I started picking up girls for the first time and always introduced myself to their parents by going to the door and asking when I should have her back by.

 

You've dung yourself a hole and the only way is to apologize to her mother and the father if he is in the picture. Maybe they'll forgive you, but until you do that they'll never like you.

 

The fact you dislike her mom baffles me, would you want a guy to pick up your daughter without meeting him and then have him bring her back past midnight? I'm guessing no.

[Popsicle]

So I met an awesome girl a few weeks ago. Had two dates with her that went really well. Apparently on the second date I didn't get her home until around midnight, which cause her mom to freak out. Now I consider that to be completely the girls fault, as she's 19 and did not tell me she needed to be home. She also forgot to text her mom to tell her she was going to be late. So on the third date, her mom walks out with her when I arrive to pick her up. The mom was very unfriendly with me and as soon as we leave, the girl tells me her mom doesn't like me. Mainly because of getting her home late, and also because I don't go to the door to pick her up.

 

She ended up texting her mom during the entire date then as I was dropping her off, told me, "I almost always do what my mom wants me to". Which I'm guessing is her way of telling me that if her mom doesn't want her to see me, she won't.

 

I've actually never met a girls parents before, so I'm completely clueless on how to deal with this. I feel the mom is being unreasonable because the initial problem she had with me wasn't my fault. And as she was rude to me, I now have a deep dislike for her myself. Anyone know of any ways to deal with this?

 

Please tell me you're not 32 years old?

[Revan32]

In my opinion, the best way to deal with this is don't. Just Mo e on to someone else. I dislike people who listen like a lemming to their parents and she clearly is too young and immature to make decisions for her self. On top of that, the mom is a judgemental control freak that I wouldn't want in my life. Do you want to date her mother and have her constantly nosing in and making decisions sin your potential future relationship? I wouldn't.

 

If you still want to pursue this, then step up and do something about this. Buy 2 sets of flowers, show up walk to the door and introduce yourself proper to mom and give her one of the bunches of flowers. Tell her you weren't aware of your dates curfew and now that you are, she won't be home late again.

 

You'll have to kill her with kindness be a use her daughter is a sheep.

 

I would like to keep seeing her. I don't run into girls I actually like often. The last one was about 3 years ago. So I'd hate to have this ruined by her mom.

 

 

To be honest this is 100% on you. Please don't tell me you're the type of guy who texts the girl when your outside "I'm outside" and she just walks out. Did your parents never each you proper manners? You ALWAYS go to the door to pick up a girl, whether it's a gf or whoever. That's just common courtesy. I wouldn't like you either if I was her Mom, more importantly her Dad.

 

You don't introduce yourself and then bring her back at midnight? That screams we hooked up and I don't care enough to get to know the parents.

 

When I was 16 I started picking up girls for the first time and always introduced myself to their parents by going to the door and asking when I should have her back by.

 

Uh yeah, thats exactly what I always do. And I have never had any problems doing it. I just moved to Texas last month from LA. In LA, most people live in big apartment complexes, usually gated. So texting them to come out is standard. I've also never even had an LA girl tell their parents about me I don't think. I guess the culture here is different. I'll have to get used to it.

 

I still think it was her fault. She's an adult and needs to take responsibility for herself. If she knew her mom was going to worry about her, then she needed to text her and tell her we were going to the movies. Its not my job to think about what her parents worry about.

 

Please tell me you're not 32 years old?

 

What, so a guy isn't allowed to date a girl 13 years younger than him???

 

Just kidding. No, I'm 25. And she's turning 20 in a few weeks, so I think the age difference is pretty good.

[CollegeKid101]

Hmm okay Revan, I see your point. Regardless you need to introduce yourself to her parents and get them to see you're not some guy who just wants to get in their daughters pants.

 

Remember, Texans can carry around guns that are loaded, especially Daddy's with daughters

[elaine567]

She's an adult and needs to take responsibility for herself. If she knew her mom was going to worry about her, then she needed to text her and tell her we were going to the movies. Its not my job to think about what her parents worry about.

 

The brain of a 19 year old is not fully developed, the brain circuitry is not fully connected, so although she may be technically an adult, she will exhibit behaviour that shows she is immature.

Impulsiveness and excessive risk taking behaviour is common and is thought to be due to the fact and amygdala dictates (gut reaction) in the teenage brain, as opposed to the frontal cortex (rational thought) in a fully developed adult brain..

 

She knew she would be in trouble, but she carried on doing it anyway...

[Siquijor]

I blame the mother.

 

Poor girl has had 19 years of dictatorship and naturally wants some freedom. You can tell what kind of parent she is by making her daughter text her throughout one of the dates. No wonder she can't make her own decisions too with this overbearing freak show in tow making them for her.

[d0nnivain]

I wouldn't like you either if I was the mom.

 

First while you see her 19 year old daughter as an adult, the mom sees her baby girl & views you as a the too much older man who is corrupting her sweet baby. The fact that you can't see that is troublesome, especially in light of the fact that this child told you point blank that she will follow her parents' guidelines. She is indirectly asking you to work to win their approval.

 

Second, it's not the 13 years so much as the life stages. She's 19. You can't exactly take her to her college's spring dance. She can't even get into a bar.

 

Third, what is acceptable in some parts of the country, like LA, of texting & expecting the other person to come running is the height of rudeness in places that value good manners. If you have any hope of winning over the mom, get off your butt, get out of the car, walk up to the front door & ring the front door bell. Pick your date up like a gentleman, not some entitled punk.

 

Since you are already in the dog house, on your next date, I'd show up with flowers for the mom & something for the daughter. Hand the flowers to the mom & say that you got off on the wrong foot & you would like to start all over again. Hold out your hand & re-introduce yourself. point blank apologize for getting her daughter home late. You can say that you didn't know she had a curfew (but the mom will see that lack of knowledge as your fault because you didn't come to the door to pick up the daughter so the mom didn't have the chance to inform you) Give the mom a chance to ask Qs. She really needs reassurance that you are not using her daughter. I'm not saying you are but I promise you, at this point given your bad manners in failing to come to the door & getting the daughter home late, the mom sees you as a predator who is corrupting her innocent child. To the extent that you are closer in age to the mom, you have your work cut out for you.

 

If you are unwilling to take these steps, don't bother with this girl any more. It's not fair for you to force her to chose between you (a relative stranger she's been on 2 dates with) and her family.

[Gaeta]

I'm surprised that at 25 you are willing to deal with that shyt. If at 19 she has not grown a little into her own person than expect mom will interfere in every facets of her (your) life. Her dating, her marriage, her children, her house, the kids's school, everything. You might as well date the mother because everything this 19 yo will do or decide will be her mother's wish.

[Revan32]

I wouldn't like you either if I was the mom.

 

First while you see her 19 year old daughter as an adult, the mom sees her baby girl & views you as a the too much older man who is corrupting her sweet baby. The fact that you can't see that is troublesome, especially in light of the fact that this child told you point blank that she will follow her parents' guidelines. She is indirectly asking you to work to win their approval.

 

Second, it's not the 13 years so much as the life stages. She's 19. You can't exactly take her to her college's spring dance. She can't even get into a bar.

 

Third, what is acceptable in some parts of the country, like LA, of texting & expecting the other person to come running is the height of rudeness in places that value good manners. If you have any hope of winning over the mom, get off your butt, get out of the car, walk up to the front door & ring the front door bell. Pick your date up like a gentleman, not some entitled punk.

 

Since you are already in the dog house, on your next date, I'd show up with flowers for the mom & something for the daughter. Hand the flowers to the mom & say that you got off on the wrong foot & you would like to start all over again. Hold out your hand & re-introduce yourself. point blank apologize for getting her daughter home late. You can say that you didn't know she had a curfew (but the mom will see that lack of knowledge as your fault because you didn't come to the door to pick up the daughter so the mom didn't have the chance to inform you) Give the mom a chance to ask Qs. She really needs reassurance that you are not using her daughter. I'm not saying you are but I promise you, at this point given your bad manners in failing to come to the door & getting the daughter home late, the mom sees you as a predator who is corrupting her innocent child. To the extent that you are closer in age to the mom, you have your work cut out for you.

 

If you are unwilling to take these steps, don't bother with this girl any more. It's not fair for you to force her to chose between you (a relative stranger she's been on 2 dates with) and her family.

 

I'm not 32. I'm 25. She actually has a full time job while I'm the college student. So she's the one who can't go to the spring dance without me. lol

 

"She is indirectly asking you to work to win their approval. " Hmm yeah, if we have another date I'll have to focus on that. My problem is I'm a very quiet and reserved person. So winning people over is not something I'm good at. Either people like me right off the bat, or they don't, and probably never will. At which point they go on my ignore list and I pretend they don't exist. lol

 

I'm surprised that at 25 you are willing to deal with that shyt. If at 19 she has not grown a little into her own person than expect mom will interfere in every facets of her (your) life. Her dating, her marriage, her children, her house, the kids's school, everything. You might as well date the mother because everything this 19 yo will do or decide will be her mother's wish.

 

This would seriously be a deal breaker for me. I've been on my own since 17, and since I moved out, my mom keeps a healthy distance from my personal life. I can't even relate to the urge to do what your mom tells you to when it comes to who to date.

 

It wasn't even unreasonably late. I picked her up at 730, then went and got dinner and to see a movie. The only reason the mom was mad was because the daughter didn't text her throughout the date to tell her where she was.

[mrldii]

Absolutely what D0nnivain said, OP. IF you want to keep seeing this girl, her family - for good or bad, right or wrong, for now or forever - is obviously important to her, as is what they think of her and the person she's dating.

[LoveRefreshed]

Please tell me you're not 32 years old?

 

Why are you so bitter and hostile? Nothing indicated op was old and even if he was, what has is age got to do with anything?

[d0nnivain]

"She is indirectly asking you to work to win their approval. " Hmm yeah, if we have another date I'll have to focus on that. My problem is I'm a very quiet and reserved person. So winning people over is not something I'm good at. Either people like me right off the bat, or they don't, and probably never will. At which point they go on my ignore list and I pretend they don't exist. lol .

 

 

You haven't even given the mother the change to get to know you because you haven't gotten out of the darn car. She's the parent. She is not required to meet you half way. As the man who wants to date her daughter it's your responsibility to impress her.

 

 

Man up. Go to the door & make an effort to make a good impression. Might as well practice. It's part of the skill set you will need to get and keep a job, which is presumably part of the reason you are going to college.

[Revan32]

You haven't even given the mother the change to get to know you because you haven't gotten out of the darn car. She's the parent. She is not required to meet you half way. As the man who wants to date her daughter it's your responsibility to impress her.

 

 

Man up. Go to the door & make an effort to make a good impression. Might as well practice. It's part of the skill set you will need to get and keep a job, which is presumably part of the reason you are going to college.

 

I never knew I had to give her a chance to get to know me. In the past 4 years i've probably taken close to 100 girls out on dates. Not one of them ever mentioned meeting their parents. Especially not by the third date. It just isn't done like that in LA.

[mrldii]

I never knew I had to give her a chance to get to know me. In the past 4 years i've probably taken close to 100 girls out on dates. Not one of them ever mentioned meeting their parents. Especially not by the third date. It just isn't done like that in LA.

 

 

But, we're not in Kansas anymore, Toto. We're in Rome, now.

[Hawaii51]

Never get a second chance to make a first impression? yeah... that applies here, I'd move on and chalk it up as a lesson learned- if you learned anything.

[Popsicle]

Why are you so bitter and hostile? Nothing indicated op was old and even if he was, what has is age got to do with anything?

 

There was nothing in my post that was bitter and hostile. I asked him a question based on his handle. It will influence my answer in terms of dealing with her mother.

[Revan32]

There was nothing in my post that was bitter and hostile. I asked him a question based on his handle. It will influence my answer in terms of dealing with her mother.

 

Reven was taken. I just typed in random numbers to get an account. And it did come off as kinda bitter and condescending. Also, you haven't given any advice on how to deal with the mother, so....

[LoveRefreshed]

There was nothing in my post that was bitter and hostile. I asked him a question based on his handle. It will influence my answer in terms of dealing with her mother.

 

My bad then... thought it was rhetorical and judgmental... sorry

[Popsicle]

My bad then... thought it was rhetorical and judgmental... sorry

 

No worries, my short and too blunt writing style lends to that.

 

In real life/person, I am exactly the opposite of how I seem in my online writing. It's funny.

[Popsicle]

Reven was taken. I just typed in random numbers to get an account. And it did come off as kinda bitter and condescending. Also, you haven't given any advice on how to deal with the mother, so....

 

I wanted to know if you were 19. If you are, then mom will probably be more forgiving and less harsh than you think, because she knows your young and may not know better. I would go inside and meet her properly in that case and apologize. She just wants to be properly acknowledged and doing this would be the first sign that you're not trying to be a dog towards her daughter.

 

If you're 32, then mom is going to think that you should know better and be harsher with you. If you want to give this a try, then go to her door, ring the doorbell, go inside her house, greet her mother properly, have a chat with mom and try to warm up to each other. If she gives you the evil eye while this is going on, that means it will take more than one time of you doing this for her to trust that you have some respect, manners and good intentions about you, but it can be done.

 

Oh and I'm from LA, by the way.

Edited August 22, 2015 by Popsicle

[SmartDude]

You haven't even given the mother the change to get to know you because you haven't gotten out of the darn car. She's the parent. She is not required to meet you half way. As the man who wants to date her daughter it's your responsibility to impress her.

 

Bull crap!

 

He has no obligation to this young woman's mother.

In fact the way things are going, I would avoid the mother with scientific precision. He has been dating her a couple weeks? no just no.

 

The mom does not really need to know who her daughter is dating at 19.

Its her own damn business.

[d0nnivain]

Bull crap!

 

He has no obligation to this young woman's mother.

In fact the way things are going, I would avoid the mother with scientific precision. He has been dating her a couple weeks? no just no.

 

The mom does not really need to know who her daughter is dating at 19.

Its her own damn business.

 

Wrong. You date anybody who still has the word teen attached to any part of their age AND that person lives at home with mommy & daddy, the date needs to be polite to the parents. It's called having manners. When you add into this that the girl is 19, under the legal drinking age, and the guy is over 21, anybody with an ounce of common sense should realize that the parents are going to care who their baby is dating.

 

 

Since this girl has now told him that her parents disapprove and that she will do as they ask, if the guy has any prayer of sustaining this relationship, he needs to win over mom.

 

 

Thumbing his nose at the mom & demanding that this emotionally and financially dependent child declare her independence from her parents will backfire.

[Revan32]

Wrong. You date anybody who still has the word teen attached to any part of their age AND that person lives at home with mommy & daddy, the date needs to be polite to the parents. It's called having manners. When you add into this that the girl is 19, under the legal drinking age, and the guy is over 21, anybody with an ounce of common sense should realize that the parents are going to care who their baby is dating.

 

 

Since this girl has now told him that her parents disapprove and that she will do as they ask, if the guy has any prayer of sustaining this relationship, he needs to win over mom.

 

 

Thumbing his nose at the mom & demanding that this emotionally and financially dependent child declare her independence from her parents will backfire.

 

I'm definitely not making any such demands. I asked if she's free sometime this week, but I'm pretty much chalking this one up as a loss. She's going to have to grow some balls though and split herself away from her mom. The girl is almost 20 years old and has never had a boyfriend. Never really even kissed a guy before me apparently. My guess is that the mom isn't going to like any guy, and is going to take away a lot of great opportunities for her.

 

I know its wrong, but I really hate the mom right now. I hope the daughter realizes eventually what her mom is doing and explodes on her. I had really high hopes with this girl and i'm furious that she decides to crush them just because the 30 seconds we spent meeting each other didn't go well.