thejabberwocky Posted August 22, 2015 Posted August 22, 2015 I just had to dump my boyfriend of 6 years who I am still very much in love with. We met in college and he smoked weed recreationally. I didn't actually know about it at first, but then it started to infiltrate our relationship, and I asked him to limit his smoking to only when he's out with his friends. We had this situation for four years, but it gradually began to creep into our relationship again - he was showing up for dates with me high, etc. At that point we were about to graduate college, and I asked if he'd consider quitting this habit once we graduated. He said absolutely, he was thinking of quitting anyway. A year later I discovered that he not only did not quit smoking weed, he had also started abusing prescription pills. He was a full blown drug addict, taking 9 bars of Xanax a day (which is 18x a prescribed dose, btw). I was shocked when I found out - again, this is 5 years into our very loving, and what I thought was honest, relationship. I broke up with him and he started recovery programs. He was sober for 3 months and we got back together. I assumed that the lying/hiding he had done was all apart of addiction and that this was a blip on the radar. The last year has been pretty difficult. It was much harder to begin trusting him again than I thought and I was constantly afraid of him relapsing. I started feeling more like his mom than his girlfriend. But I love him and thought that we could push past this and be stronger than ever. This past weekend, however, I found out that he's been smoking weed again for months and lying to me about it. It's not just about the weed - I don't like it, and would prefer he didn't use it - but about the secrecy, lying, and of course that he has already had a previous drug problem. He seems to have a dependency issue with the weed. He was living a double life - telling me he was at work, etc when he was really off getting high. I confronted him, he confessed, and I dumped him. It's been 5 days and I'm still in shock. He wanted me to compromise on his drug use. He just doesn't understand the point. I didn't dump him because he smokes weed occasionally, I dumped him because even after I supported him through an addiction problem, he would rather lie to me to keep his weed around than have an honest relationship with me. I cannot support a former addict using any drug recreationally. He essentially chose drugs over me. I blocked his number and his social media. I got my key back and got rid of his things. And now I am just so utterly shocked and heartbroken that it's even come to this. After 6 years, I can't believe it. Especially because weed wasn't even a real issue for us - he never argued with me about quitting. The hardest part is that I don't see a light at the end of the tunnel here. Even if he swore off drugs forever, I could never believe him now. It's really over and I'm so devastated. What do I do from here? I really need some support. I'm not very close to my family and for the last 6 years, he was my rock. He was my support system. And he chose drugs.
Conners Posted August 22, 2015 Posted August 22, 2015 Hi there, I've been through something similar with my ex boyfriend. He was addicted to smoking pot and took many other drugs. We broke up a couple of times and got back together but I've learned that they can't not change unless they want to 100% on their own. You absolutely did the right thing. It's hard now but it takes time to heal..
Poppyolive Posted August 22, 2015 Posted August 22, 2015 I went through something similar. Replace drugs with alcohol and a whole lot of bickering. Him promising change, needing more time, blah blah. I know you are hurting. But when does the addiction cycle stop? It's not just the substance, its all that goes with it. It will drive you crazy.I wish I was as strong as you. I gave years of chances that were begged of me, in the end, he boldly told me he never had any intention of quitting. You did the right thing. Nip it in the bud. Because he may never change. You have given enough and have been put through the ringer with lies and deceit. Do some addiction reading. There are many partners that are still holding on to their dysfunctional relationships 10-20 years later...I'm glad you got out now.
Author thejabberwocky Posted August 22, 2015 Author Posted August 22, 2015 Thank you both. I just feel so hurt and I keep wanting to call him and get answers. I'm at Day 4 of no contact right now. But there is nothing he could say that can fix this. I just want him to get help so badly.
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