Just can't get over him no matter how wrong he was for me!

[nellbell86]

Hello,

my bf of 7 months dumped me out of the blue almost 2 months ago. Hes 21, I am 29. He says he needs space and time to figure himself out and that he wasn't ready for a full relationship. I was absolutely gutted. I have sunk into such a deep depression, I lost my job, I'm on antidepressants, I can barely function even now, I still feel like I am at square one with dealing with this.

 

up til this week I have still seen him at least once or twice a week, which probably isn't helping! Not to sleep together or anything, to drop stuff off, or I had a bday present for him mum, things like that. I know I need to stay away from him if I'm ever going to get over him, it's just so hard,I cant believe I still love him so much even after all the pain he has caused me and the lies I have found out about him since we broke up. He is completely wrong for me, 21, bartender, no licence, no motivation to do anything with his life, BIG pot smoker, drinker, lazy, sleeps all day and just sits around with his mates smoking, drinking and watching tv or playing video games. What a catch hey! But I saw past that and saw the potential in him and loved him for who he was aside from all that.

 

I just can't seem to let go, there is no hope for us getting back together, it just would not work and he is too happy now hes free to get drunk and stoned whenever he wants and do what he wants.

I have no idea what in the world to do to stop this disgusting sick feeling in my stomach all the time, to stop flashbacks of him, to stop the sappy love songs floating into my head, to stop waking up every day shaking and in a panic cos its another day without him, to stop feeling so depressed and rejected that I just don't feel worthwhile anymore I know hes doing fine and he's ok with it which makes it even worse, I am suffering so much cos of what hes put me through and he is just going about life like nothing has happened

[flordagirl]

I'm terribly sorry to hear about your painful breakup . I can relate; am going through a situation very similar to yours.

 

The first thing you can do to help yourself stop thinking about him (which has worked quite a bit for me) is to try chatting to other guys. And I know how hard that might be at first. An easy way to do this is just download one of those apps where you can look at a guy's pic and click "yes" if you think he's hot and "no" if you think he's not very hot. It sounds silly even as I type it but trust me, it will do wonders for your self-esteem when you start getting tons of texts from guys all over the world that also think you're hot. Some of them will be sleazy and disgusting, but it's easy to just block those and move on to another one. You will probably even run into a nice one or two that will give you a virtual shoulder to cry on.

 

Also, this is my personal opinion, but 21 years old is way too young for a lady like yourself who wants a serious relationship. The majority of guys this age are sowing their oats and are nowhere mature enough for a long term monogamous relationship. Actually a lot of them aren't even ready at age 29.

 

You mentioned you saw potential in him despite his slob behavior. Assuming you two had sex, was this before or after you slept together? For the most part, as women we are very vulnerable once we've done the deed. No matter how lousy or scumbag-ish the guy is, it's damn near impossible for us to leave him once we reach that level of intimacy.

 

You've gotta stick to the no-contact-rule, no matter what. Try my suggestion about the random matching app thing, and whenever you feel like contacting him post here instead.

[dumbass2]

Gotta love the heart. It is so vulnerable. It allows you to feel the ultimate highs, but also the lows. The logic side never seems to be in control once the heart takes over. I hate to say it, but it is true, only time will allow you to get over him. As long as it takes for you. there is no time table. Do as the other posted suggested and just start talking to other men. You're not ready for another relationship, but you do need to do things to help keep your mind off him and do remain in no contact. Keeping in the contact that you have, as you well know, only keeps you from moving on, which obviously you need to do because this guy is not near ready for a long term relationship which is what you are looking for.

[xpaperxcutx]

If you know how wrong he is for you but is still depressed, I suggest you take out a blank piece of paper and write in big letters every one of his faults.

 

The things about this guy that pops out for me was that he is 8 years your junior and he smokes marijuana.

 

It is possible for you to let go, but you're just scared that there will be nobody better. One of the things as a woman that I want to point out is that as well get to the age of 25 and up, we start thinking more about marriage and settling down. You're 29 and because you invested your time with him, you feel like you wasted your time.

 

The more you mope over him, the more time you're gonna waste regardless. You're gonna be in your 30s and there's so much more for you to explore in this world- whether it be traveling or meeting someone new. If you're constantly stuck on a child who is addicted to video games, you are gonna look back on your life in the future and regret that you ever wasted your time crying over him.

 

This is tough love and you need to realize that your life and your present moments are worth more than a 21- year old stone-head.

[Oregon_Dude]

OP,

 

I was recently dumped by a woman 10 years my junior. I'm 31. I shouldn't be stressing about someone who doesn't know who the hell she is and has little regard for human emotions. Neither should you. We've got a lot on these kids Experience counts for a lot.

 

Not to mention that she didn't get half my f*cking references..

[nellbell86]

Thanks for your responses guys, it is helpful to be able to vent it out and know others have been or are in similar situations. Today has been an awful day for me. I had ordered a book for him he really wanted, before we broke up. It had to be posted from overseas and finally came in today. I went and picked it up, texted him that I had it and wanted to pop around to drop it off, will he be home in the arvo. No response. So I sat down and wrote him a letter, all the things I'd wanted to say in person, and wrapped the book, letter and a photo of us in purple paper (his favourite colour) and dropped it at his front door. I texted him and told him it was there, hope you enjoy it, take care. I didn't even get a thankyou response. I know you're probably thinking I shouldn't have given it to him, but for me that was almost like closure, the last bit of our relationship over. Plus I ordered it when we were still together, he knew I had, I wanted to follow through and show that although he's broken me, I can still be a bigger person and give it to him.

Afterward I came home and got rid of every last bit of 'him' in my house, gifts he'd recently given me for my birthday, his toothbrush, hair gel he'd left here, a love heart blanket he'd bought me, all of it in the bin. I have felt absolutely devastatingly sick to my stomach all day, I went for a long drive along the beach to clear my head, nearly every song on the radio makes me think of him, so I put my CD on, and its my 1D CD (yes I love them!) and it instantly reminds me of him cos he bought it, and tickets for me to go to their concert. I honestly felt like I was going to throw up, I quickly turned the music off altogether.

I absolutely cannot handle being alone, I am so miserable I don't want to see anyone, do anything, I feel like a zombie, like I have no emotion left, this has drained it all. I can't believe I am letting some young boy have so much power over me, especially after all he's done to hurt me, but I just can't seem to snap out of it. I have lost 14kg, and for a 5'11 woman who was already borderline underweight, this is not good. I was in hospital last week and needed surgery, my body is literally shutting down on me. The triage nurse at the hospital even described me in her notes as "anorexic". I have so many pain killers, anti anxiety, anti depressant meds, and I usually take a handful just to calm down to sleep at night.

I can feel this getting the complete better of me...

[d0nnivain]

Try mind over matter.

 

Make a list of why he is wrong for you & why you are better off without him. Read it frequently.

 

Think about all the things you are going to do with your free time. travel. Take or teach a class. Reconnect with friends. Exercise. Re-arrange your house. It doesn't matter what you do, just keep yourself moving.

 

Stay away from him. Every time you see him you undo whatever healing you started.

[flordagirl]

Thanks for your responses guys, it is helpful to be able to vent it out and know others have been or are in similar situations. Today has been an awful day for me. I had ordered a book for him he really wanted, before we broke up. It had to be posted from overseas and finally came in today. I went and picked it up, texted him that I had it and wanted to pop around to drop it off, will he be home in the arvo. No response. So I sat down and wrote him a letter, all the things I'd wanted to say in person, and wrapped the book, letter and a photo of us in purple paper (his favourite colour) and dropped it at his front door. I texted him and told him it was there, hope you enjoy it, take care. I didn't even get a thankyou response. I know you're probably thinking I shouldn't have given it to him, but for me that was almost like closure, the last bit of our relationship over. Plus I ordered it when we were still together, he knew I had, I wanted to follow through and show that although he's broken me, I can still be a bigger person and give it to him.

Afterward I came home and got rid of every last bit of 'him' in my house, gifts he'd recently given me for my birthday, his toothbrush, hair gel he'd left here, a love heart blanket he'd bought me, all of it in the bin. I have felt absolutely devastatingly sick to my stomach all day, I went for a long drive along the beach to clear my head, nearly every song on the radio makes me think of him, so I put my CD on, and its my 1D CD (yes I love them!) and it instantly reminds me of him cos he bought it, and tickets for me to go to their concert. I honestly felt like I was going to throw up, I quickly turned the music off altogether.

I absolutely cannot handle being alone, I am so miserable I don't want to see anyone, do anything, I feel like a zombie, like I have no emotion left, this has drained it all. I can't believe I am letting some young boy have so much power over me, especially after all he's done to hurt me, but I just can't seem to snap out of it. I have lost 14kg, and for a 5'11 woman who was already borderline underweight, this is not good. I was in hospital last week and needed surgery, my body is literally shutting down on me. The triage nurse at the hospital even described me in her notes as "anorexic". I have so many pain killers, anti anxiety, anti depressant meds, and I usually take a handful just to calm down to sleep at night.

I can feel this getting the complete better of me...

 

 

No more texting him! Remember the NC rule! Delete his number ASAP!

It's good to hear that you've tossed out all his stuff, and went to the beach to clear your head. Did you try that match app thing I suggested? Trust me, it works!

[nellbell86]

I was going to post this question in the other begging/pleading thread but thought instead to start a new one.

For those of us who have done the begging, pleading, midnight texts, calling just to check if they've blocked your number yet, you know, all the crazy s***, how did you manage to go from that to NC? If you are in NC now, how far into it are you, and how are you feeling?

 

 

TBH we have been 'officially' apart for 5 weeks, and not ONE DAY has gone by without me reaching out to him in some way (I know, RIDICULOUS!!), whether it's a meme sent through facebook, a text, a snapchat, usually I don't get a response, but it gives me this sickly stupid satisfaction that I can still contact him. And yep I know what you're going to say, STOP IT YOU STUPID WOMAN!!! I know I'm only stroking his ego, making him frustrated at me, pushing him further away, etc etc. but there's still that silly voice in my head going "but if you don't message him, he'll think you've moved on, then he'll move on, then you'll never get him back. Message him NOW!" (I really need to tell that needy crazy b**ch to shut up!). We had a fight yesterday over text regarding a stupid family friend of his who just won't stop harassing me, I lost my mind at him and told him he needs to keep her away from me, then we fought about us, he brought up how I haven't given him space for even a day, I got upset and apologised, etc etc. It was awful and I felt so bad afterward. Then he gave me this 'breadcrumb' - "I'd like us to talk somewhere down the track, just not this week". I didn't respond to that, but I sent him a message this morning, just saying I am sorry for fighting yesterday, I hate it when we fight, sorry for anything nasty I may have said. Have a great day.

 

 

So now here's my dilemma and what I want advice/stories about, now I have well and truly unleashed the crazy to her full extent, done just about everything I shouldn't have done, how do I get into NC without going absolutely CRAZY?! Every day I think "Yep, this is it, not gonna message him today!" then a million things I want to say to him come flooding in my head and I end up messaging him, 2 or 30 times. Augh!!

[Oregon_Dude]

Well, you STOP contact, entirely, as of today. You have to LET THIS GO.

 

He's 21 and you're 29. You owe yourself so much better than this. You don't want to be hung up on an immature 21 year old boy. You are better than this.

 

Do it one day at a time. You will NOT contact him tonight. Nor tomorrow. Take your self-respect back. You're getting extreme. He's not your problem anymore.

 

Let. Him. Go.

[loveforever101]

Going through the same thing. I begged and pleaded to her to give us a chance for almost two months... she started dating the guy she left me for so I just cut her off completely. I haven't talked to her in a month and a week. She's texted me here and there saying I miss you blah blah talk to me please. But I'm staying no contact because you can't force someone to be with you so its best to let them go.

 

As for how to start no contact just have a positive attitude about it. Do no contact for yourself and look at it as a way to win him back. That's what I did with my ex when I started no contact and it helped a lot. Its all about self discepline , it sucks and its hard but it has to be done.

[QueenDeath]

On the day my ex ended things with me, I begged, begged, begged and begged. I kept asking for second chances, I kept calling him God knows how many times, it even gotten to the point that I messaged him on Steam, it was that bad. I just felt as if the relationship could have been salvaged, it didn't feel like we had to break up. The whole thing is just confusing and it was out of the blue. I felt disappointed, honestly cause it's like...I don't know. Just felt out of the blue.

 

But yes, I called, text a lot, I don't know if he blocked me or not and I really don't want to text nor call him because I'm just terrified that he would think bad of that. I'm going NC with him, I mean, the way I see it. If someone wanted to be with me, they would fight for the relationship since I did felt as if the whole thing was just...not silly but it really could have been fixed, if he wanted me, he would have fight for me like I did for him, but then again I guess that was just me begging.

 

As much as I want to talk to him, it's not going to happen. I do wonder how is he doing right now and such but for some reason I think he's doing fine, I don't know, just how he ended it makes me thinks he's doing okay.

[HandsomeBoh]

How do we do it? You just learn that there's nothing else you can possibly do...

[nellbell86]

I'm going to sit down tonight and draw up a calendar, so I can cross off each day I get through, with a reward at the end of each week I complete, and find a few motivational quotes to write on it, and put it on my bedroom wall so I see it every morning when I wake up.

I'm also going to buy a diary, and whenever I get the urge to contact him, I'm going to write down whatever I want to say to him, in this journal instead. Hopefully that will help me deal with all my feelings and thoughts cos im still getting them out of my head in some way, but not in a destructive way that it would be if I sent them to him instead!

 

I've also contacted the head of my department at uni to look into going back and finishing my studies next year, I'm finally feeling mentally strong enough to look for another job (I lost my new, full time job due to anxiety and a mental breakdown over this relationship ending), and I want to look into doing kickboxing classes, something I've always wanted to do.

 

I feel like I am going absolutely crazy every day, but you are totally right HandsomeBoh, there is absolutely nothing else I can do without just looking even crazier and I want to do all I can to redeem myself now.

[HandsomeBoh]

I'm really not experienced enough so take it with a pinch of salt, but I think if you were truly, truly in love with the person, you will never stop loving her. I don't know if it will work for you, but the way I keep NC is that I pretend the girl I knew and loved has died, and she got replaced by someone else. Maybe some years down the road I might get to know this girl who looks exactly like the one I used to love, but you can't make contact with a dead person. Only grieve and hope they're in a better place.

[hunk]

I also like to adopt the "they're dead" mentality in the early stages. It helps. Technically they are as good as dead to you, as brutal as this sounds, you guys have no ties anymore - he's essentially a stranger right now. Try internalize this and gradually the mental shackles you have will start to loosen and fall away and you'll be able to properly grieve, let go and properly move on. You haven't allowed yourself time to properly grieve this relationship because you're still in denial, hence the constant contact. After a few months of complete silence it will get easier, i promise.

[nellbell86]

Hi all, been on the break ups forum, but thought maybe this was more appropriate here?

 

Ex (21) and me (29) have been split for 5 weeks. 5 of the most horrendous weeks of my life, where I have been a complete, clingy, emotional wreck. I wish I had have done my research earlier on and come across NC before I went to crazy on him, texting him all the time, thinking I could just make him see how much I miss and love him he'll come back, etc. All the things I shouldn't have done!

 

He has maintained that he wants to talk to me, he does love me, he just needs to be on his own to 'figure himself out'. Ours was his first proper 'adult' relationship, and a big part of me believes the further into it we got, he just didn't quite know how to balance him/friends/us cos he's never done it before, and kind of lost himself in our relationship, so he feels at the moment to regain 'himself' he needs to be on his own and with his friends again. He is firm in saying he loves me, I am his first true love, etc.

 

My question is, obviously over this time I have gone Stage 5 Clinger crazy and not given him the space he has asked for, and I wish I could reverse that, but I can only try to make it better now! He ignores any of my texts, messenger, etc, probably cos I'm not giving him that space right? I texted him a week ago saying "Please, instead of ignoring me, just tell me straight out, do you ever want to talk to me again, or do you want me gone forever. I just need to know". He didn't respond, and then a few days ago has said to me (I asked if he wanted to chat this week) he said to me "I do want to see you, but just not this week". So I don't know if I'm reading too much into it, but by not responding when I said tell me if you dont want me around, and then saying he does want to see me again, he's leaving it open because he genuinely does want to see me again in time? I'm sticking with NC, tomorrow will be my first day, at least for a couple of weeks, and if he is serious about wanting to see me again then he'll reach out to me right.

 

Augh this is doing my head in, I am devastated without him but I need to work on myself and show him respect and love and just do what he has asked for and give him this space.

[TaraMaiden2]

Give him all the space he needs. About the same distance between planet earth and two galaxies along....

 

Go No Contact, salvage your dignity and self-respect and move on.

he's tried telling you, via his actions that his interests do not primarily rest with you.

You're back-burner level.

 

Please - if, as you say, you wish you'd found this site sooner - then implement the common sense here.

Go NC, stay NC, do not break NC and move on.

 

Fer chrissakes, lady, you're nearly 30, he's barely out of his teens!

 

Get a grip!

[thora-tiki]

First:

Hi! Welcome to our world!

 

This is YOUR time so focus on YOU!

 

Remember:

Fear (or what ever emotion you may feel) + Panic doesn't = True Love.

 

Second:

You are where everyone starts out after a break up, in the «panic phase» where you try to foresee the future,

and figure everything out overnight, and this just makes you even more confused - so stop it.

 

Concentrate on this:

- Accept the break up


- Stick to no contact - no matter what.

If you're so worried about him «forgetting you» then he was never really «there for you» to begin with.

- Look at the bad days in no contact like a test,

you are being tested to see if you are really serious about no contact.

 

Third:

I don't know about waiting, I would suggest you go no contact, and continue your personal evolution by living your life.

 

If you are already living your life (dating, spending time with friends, doing fun things and

not obsessing over the ex-hole etc.), then just continue to personally evolve, and leave him behind.

 

You can't wait forever, right?

 

Fu*k him if he doesn't want you... there are plenty of others that do, and when you don't care about getting him back...

he will want you back... but will you want him?

Start thinking and working on yourself!

Yes, sounds exiting, right.

Working out, reading, talking on the phone with friends you haven't talked to in a while, go see a play,

clean out your closet, apartment, especially all his stuff. So you don't cry when you see his stupid toothbrush like I did.

Clean your list of friends on your iPhone, his friends are gone.

Since only seeing their names when scrolling will hurt. I even deleted mutual friends, if they want to keep in touch, it is their call.

Don't think about reconnecting with the ex-hole. Where do I begin. It is one of those things that gets easier the less you desire something.

 

Don't think about the ex-hole - its hard, believe me, I know - but its a definite must. You must concentrate on yourself.


Honestly, if not you will drive yourself into a chaotic cycle, a place where you really don't want to end up.

 

No contact!

Just keep the faith and heal yourself and forget about the old failed relationship till you no longer feel this crap you feel.

 

Then everything will look different, and then you decide what to do.

This personal evolving process takes time (months/years) and there will be ups and downs,

but you have to hold on and stay the course, or your ship will crash on the rocks, understand?

 

Don't let go of the steering wheel just because the road gets a little bumpy, that is how this all works.

Do not fu*king panic and blow everything you have accomplished so far with no contact.

 

Remember:

You are feeling this way because you are evolving.

That is what feels so strange (or other adjective).

 

No contact will reveal your ex's true feelings (mental state/personality/character).

 

Use this no contact time to become the person you are suppose to be.

 

What do you like to do, or have always wanted to pursue that you haven't before?

Let us know what you are doing and plan to do to concentrate on you.

 

These moments are the defining moments of our lives.

You can either cave in, or get stronger, and push your way through, evolving along the way.

 

We can't do much about the things that happen to us in life, but we have full control over how we handle these situations.

 

Pull yourself through this, and show your family and friends that they too, can handle bad situations (and change their lives) if they really want to.

 

This is battle!

This is SPARTA!

 

You can do this, nellbell86!

[nellbell86]

5 weeks post-break up, most of which has been spent crying, begging, pleading, finding ridiculous excuses to text him, everything I am not supposed to be doing, I think I am finally emotionally ready to establish NC. What's the worst that could happen, I don't hear from him? Well I don't hear from him now anyway. Whats the best that could happen? I can finally start to heal, regain my dignity, show him that I can respect his decision, give him the space he's asked for, and hey, maybe even give him time to finally miss me and MAYBE even contact me himself down the track.

He has always left the communication open, saying he needs space, but does want to talk to me in time. So I've got to do exactly that. I KNOW without a doubt it will be a shock to him, he knows I am highly emotional and want him back and love him to death, and in the past I have said "I won't contact you etc" and then followed the next day with a long winded message about how much I miss him etc etc. So at the moment he's probably expecting me to flake on it and contact him again, so it will be a shock to him, and a kick to his ego, when I don't.

 

He always said to me during our relationship that he "loved how much I love him" and how it made him feel like a better person and worthwhile, so when that constant reassurance that I am still here pining for him is taken away, I honestly don't think it will take too long to hear from him.

 

And in the meantime, I've got to get ME right. I know I have issues that I brought to the relationship and now is my time to work on them, do my thing and find me again. I'm staying at a friends for the weekend so I am planning on leaving my phone at home, then that is at least 2 more days I will be forced into NC, and hopefully be feeling a bit better about it by the end of the weekend. It's gonna be tough, but I have exhausted everything I could possibly say to him, this really is the only other thing to do now. Will be on here constantly no doubt for support and guidance, bare with me guys!

[casey.lives]

do whatever you want. thanks for sharing - not!

[nellbell86]

Hi all, to give some insight into my story, and for better answers to my other threads, I thought I'd share my full story. I am 29, M is almost 21. I had recently come out of a 3.5 year relationship, when we met on a fun drunken night at the pub. He was the 'hot guy in the grey beanie' and instantly took my breath away. He approached me, we had a fantastic night together, I went back to his place, etc, and we exchanged numbers. The couple of weeks that followed were lots of texting, meeting for lunch ( we worked across the road from each other!), and then a couple of blissful days where we just spent the time on a mattress on his games room floor watching movies, eating junk, talking, laughing, and of course lots of sex lol. He was upfront, he had never had a 'serious' relationship, alot of flings, he was a pothead, didn't want marriage and didn't want kids. I too was upfront, I didn't want serious straight away, wanted it to take its course, didnt want marriage again, was open to maybe 1 more child (I have a 6 year old). We decided we'd be official, and life was just incredible. On weeks my son was with his dad, we would spend all our time at his place (lived with parents still), I got along with his whole family and network of friends and workmates (he works at a pub) so well, I just slotted in. On weeks my son was home, he'd stay at our place most of the time, or spend 1 or 2 nights at home for his time alone or to spend a boys night with his mates, usually getting stoned. I NEVER told him I wanted him to stop, I said I didn't like it, but I accepted it as part of him, he chose to cut right back, said its what he needs, I help him be a better person, get more direction in his life, etc.

 

But over the course of time, now looking back, things did shift, although being in such a high state of crazy love, I didn't realise it then. I think because I'd been in serious relationships before, he thought thats what I expected of him, so he did it, and because he was acting that way I assumed it was what he wanted, we didn't communicate about it. Slowly his time with his mates was decreasing and he was always with me, which was lovely and I thought that's what he wanted so I started discussing us moving in, which freaked him out and he said he wasn't near ready, which was fine with me. Then he got a bit distant, and I got clingy. Spending time with his friends again, and I would constantly text, and if he didnt respond I'd get upset and read into it too much, he didnt want to talk to me, etc. I got stupidly jealous cos he still had some mushy fb posts from a few years ago with ex girlfriends up on his profile, but didn't really post about me often. He said its cos he felt he had to profess his feelings for them that way, cos he wasnt really feeling it to say in person, but with me he could say it to me in person and didnt feel he needed to prove it. I get that, but it would still eat away at the insecure part of me so it was something we bickered about.

 

Eventually it happened, he came to me one night and said he 'needed space'. He felt like he's lost himself and needs time to figure himself out, on his own. He loves me very much, our relationship meant alot to him, but he just doesn't think he can do it right now. Of course I went into crazy emotional over drive, which i now know I shouldn't have done! I texted, called, spoke to his friends, family, workmates, anyone I could to get a grasp on what the hell had happened and what I could do. All I really needed to do was give him this space, but do you think I could?! This dragged out for 3 weeks, seeing each other every couple of days, sleeping together, the I love yous, I miss yous, please I'll do anything to make this right, him saying he will be back soon, he loves me, etc. Then he finally came over 5 weeks ago, and ended it. Said he was emotionally unavailable right now, he was really happy with me but just didn't feel it at the moment, he is f***ed up and just wants to be alone to find himself again. I am an amazing, beautiful person and he loves me very much.

Again, since then I have been a mess, texting him, messaging on fb, sending quotes, pictures of us, all sorts. Most of the time he won't respond. I called him when I was in hospital a couple of weeks ago about to have an operation, and he was concerned and wanted me to keep him updated on how I went. When I got home I texted him that I was home, he said "I hope your op went well and you're feeling better", that's all. This week he has said to me, he does want to talk, but not just yet. He has also said to my best friend, that he is f***ed up and just wants me to give him space, he understands I'm hurting but I need to do what he's asked, probably down the track we'll get bsck together, but right now he needs this.

 

So at the moment I am finally on Day 1 of NC, I am feeling like crap cos I havent texted him but feel good too cos I need to respect what he's asked for. Please read my other thread "Should I announce No Contact" now you know my story, and let me know what you think. I truly believe he is it for me, I love him with all my heart, and want to do whatever it takes to redeem my crazy emotional behaviour and get us to a good place to hopefully reconcile.

[drade]

Are you my ex girlfriend? Because your timeline, and issues with being strung along for five weeks, sound exactly what I went through. My ex left that door open too, and oh boy was it tempting to talk, and I did, beg pleaded cried the whole 9 yards for four solid weeks. She wanted to be friends (her version of friends was to punish me, tease me, criticize me). I closed that door and cut the friendship idea.

 

I've been in no contact for two whole months now. Nothing from my end, one angry email from hers. She had every right to be angry for what I did in the beginning of my NC journey, but it wasn't necessary to reach out to me like she did. But whatever that's in the past.

 

I still do love her, I miss her dearly. She was an amazing person, but I ruined our relationship. So I got my own taste of poison.

 

Why does any of my story matter? Those four weeks as "friends" post break up ruined me. I lost my self respect and dignitary and was sucked into a vortex of doubting myself, frantically trying to stay mentally sane, it was like I just flew to another country with nothing. I was lost. Hurt, desperate.

 

No contact has helped, in very small increments, regain my self respect and dignity back. It's so hard to want something so bad when that something wants nothing to do with you. And we can't change that. But we can change things we do ourselves, for ourselves.

 

I wish you the best of luck. NC is hard. Don't look at any social media. And most importantly, don't have thoughts about him potentially contacting you in the future, thinking if he will notice change and all that crap. If you think that way, even in NC, your slowing down the healing process dramatically. Don't allow him on your radar anymore. At least like me, you don't have to ask "what if" post breakup. Like me, you were there, wanted to be a part of his life, and that just didn't happen.

 

Best of luck,

 

Jay.

[aloneinaz]

You're not viewing NC in the correct manner. When you stop contacting him for a month or two, it will not make him run back to you. NC isn't to play games or manipulate an ex to want you back.

 

 

NC is for people to heal from their ex. Out of sight, out of mind and time passing is what gets people over the ex. Believing NC will be a way to get him to come back will only keep you from accepting it's over and moving on.

 

 

If you've been smothering him since the break up with frequent contact for 6 weeks, you've in all likelihood turned him off so much that he'd never consider a reconciliation.

 

 

You need to understand that he's already dumped you. In doing that, he said he's perfectly fine with you dating and screwing new guys. Does that sound like he loved you or cared about you? Um, no.. Accept that it's over and heal from it. Then, you'll be ready in time to meet someone new.

[Liono84]

Sorry to hear what you're going through. We've all been there in some way, shape or form.... You should've done NC the day he dumped you. Dragging it out this long, post-breakup, has left him realizing he made the right decision. He doesn't want anything to do with you and at the same time this has deepened both your wounds and your healing process. You need to start with NC ASAP, and never look back.

 

 

After you start NC you then have to come to the realization that this is not about winning him back and making him miss you. It's only about YOU. It's about you healing. The most important part of starting NC is eventually, killing the hope you have of him contacting you back and reconciling. This is the hardest part. Hope is the most dangerous thing for a dumpee. If you have hope that the dumper will contact you back, you truly, can NEVER heal.