BlueIris Posted August 22, 2015 Posted August 22, 2015 What to do. I don’t know. It’s annoying. Maybe clarify that it’s not an argument first and offer a solution immediately. “I noticed that you tend to run late and I tend to be early when we go to the movies. So I was thinking I’ll go in and get seats when I get here and text you where I am. If you're here before me, you go in and text me.” Then if the topic of your being late sometimes comes up, you can immediately address it in the same way: “how should we handle that when it comes up again?’ That might make the other person feel less like the problem is their habits and is instead getting good seats for the movie.
Otter2569 Posted August 22, 2015 Posted August 22, 2015 Sal, you are a smart man. I always tried to stay calm but would eventually wear down and lose it. Once that happened I was the bad guy and nothing she said or did to that point mattered. She knew I had an issue leaving or wanting to leave her place after a big fight (they were all big) so I tried to stop doing that and would move to the couch instead. I swear she used this to antagonize me and would make comment like "why are you even here".
BlueIris Posted August 22, 2015 Posted August 22, 2015 I am not understanding the question. Can one be conflict avoidant and not avoid conflict? If a person exhibits these go-to responses..they are conflict avoidant. A conflict avoidant person takes what you are saying/issue as a personal attack on their character..not what it is...an issue that you want resolved. That's ironic. So does that mean that he/she is anticipating conflict and seeing it even when it's not intended? It sounds as though they're braced for conflict if they're seeing things as attacks. So they're also conflict-causing while being conflict-avoidant? or is it more like exacerbating conflict by becoming defensive or lashing out?
AlwaysGrowing Posted August 22, 2015 Posted August 22, 2015 That's ironic. So does that mean that he/she is anticipating conflict and seeing it even when it's not intended? It sounds as though they're braced for conflict if they're seeing things as attacks. So they're also conflict-causing while being conflict-avoidant? or is it more like exacerbating conflict by becoming defensive or lashing out? The conflict avoidance becomes its own source of conflict for those that have to deal with the conflict avoidance. 1
Recommended Posts