Mondmellonw Posted August 21, 2015 Posted August 21, 2015 Hi all. I haven't been in here for a while. There are people who perhaps might remember me, from back in 2013 when I made my first posts in this forum. The person who brought me here was "my first love". A guy whom, after a lot of therapy, I realized he really abused me in many ways, except physically. Then, a few months after believing I was "recovered" from the break up with him, I started dating another guy, one who only dated me because he was looking for sex. I also wrote about him in here. Since then, I wanted to go to therapy, in hopes that I would find out what the hell was I doing wrong. I was convinced that I was a bad person... So I went there and started to realize many things. It has been 4 months since that relationship with the second guy came to an end, and I met someone a few weeks ago. He has been really humble, nice and generally speaking: very cute. But I am afraid.... I am afraid to not be enough. I am afraid of: "what if he isn't really this way?" (like the ex who brought me to this site, whom at first tried very hard to pursue me, and lied to me about his ex a lot during our relationship). I am afraid of actually being the one who does things wrong. Still, his smile makes me believe that there's hope. Maybe not with him. But there is hope in me. I have many fears, tho. Like: why if the type of guy I want doesn't wants to be with someone like me? (I am still a virgin and this has been hard in all of my relationships, but I am not waiting for religious reasons. I am waiting for someone who does show me true respect with actions and honesty)... I am not sure what kind of advice I am looking for at this break up forum. lol But... If anyone has something to sat that they think might help me... I'll be grateful...
WhatYouWantToHear Posted August 21, 2015 Posted August 21, 2015 Sounds like you are afraid to live. There will be times in life when you are wronged. There will be times in life when you wrong others. You will make mistakes in relationships. Your partners will make mistakes in relationships. Learn to live with this and then start living. Or, buy a shack in the middle of no where and never be wrong, do wrong, make mistakes or have mistakes done to you. Just be a good person and don't let others be bad to you. 1
Gus Grimly Posted August 21, 2015 Posted August 21, 2015 I am waiting for someone who does show me true respect with actions and honesty)... Wow, you have my utmost respect for the choice you've made. You're a rare find indeed and I completely understand why you are apprehensive about this man. You can't live for a better past. You shouldn't erect these barriers because someone hurt you in the past. Let people know what you stand for, but what's also important is to let them know what you Won't stand for. There are many genuine guys out there, but there are many sharks as well. It's your job to be mindful of that and to proceed with caution but also with a modicum of trust as well. 1
Author Mondmellonw Posted August 21, 2015 Author Posted August 21, 2015 Sounds like you are afraid to live. There will be times in life when you are wronged. There will be times in life when you wrong others. You will make mistakes in relationships. Your partners will make mistakes in relationships. Learn to live with this and then start living. Or, buy a shack in the middle of no where and never be wrong, do wrong, make mistakes or have mistakes done to you. Just be a good person and don't let others be bad to you. Before the relationship that "brought me" here, I wasn't afraid... I already know I am. But it is good to hear that it is, in a way, impossible to get involved and show vulnerability without considering that you might (or not) get hurt. Thanks for your words!
Author Mondmellonw Posted August 21, 2015 Author Posted August 21, 2015 Wow, you have my utmost respect for the choice you've made. You're a rare find indeed and I completely understand why you are apprehensive about this man. You can't live for a better past. You shouldn't erect these barriers because someone hurt you in the past. Let people know what you stand for, but what's also important is to let them know what you Won't stand for. There are many genuine guys out there, but there are many sharks as well. It's your job to be mindful of that and to proceed with caution but also with a modicum of trust as well. Thanks for the advice, Gus. Right now, I am only interested in getting to know the guy I like more. I am well aware that it is almost impossible to perfectly know what a person's mind is all about... But I do believe that there are good guys out there, so I will have caution, but as you and the other poster said, I will live. Thanks for the encouragement! 1
Gus Grimly Posted August 21, 2015 Posted August 21, 2015 but as you and the other poster said, I will live. Thanks for the encouragement! Good for you. That's the kind of positivity that's going to see you through any fears you may have. Keep your chin up and don't be afraid to take a chance once and a while. 1
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