glamtran Posted August 21, 2015 Posted August 21, 2015 I'll try and keep this short but I'm desperate for some guidance. Last summer I went through a tough break up and I never really got over it. In some ways he was perfect for me cause he was inexperienced like I was. I don't like guys who have a lot of ex baggage and that seems to be the norm nowadays. This past year was hard but we maintained NC for about 95% of the time. If it was broken he initiated contact. Not sure it matters why we broke up but to keep it brief he was so inexperienced that we were at a club one night and he was letting another girl get all over him on his lap and he ignored me the whole night. In front of his friends too so he not only disrespected me but also humiliated me. I never got over it, even to this day. But clearly I'm not over him either. We didn't even date for a year though. My birthday was the end of July and my genius best friend decided to invite him to my surprise party she organized for me. I guess she was trying to help as we have had several talks about him these past few months. He had the cake custom made for me and bought me a necklace with my birthstone on it and really blew me out of the water. He really catered to my guests too. I wouldn't say we are back together but we are in contact regularly now. We went to a movie and it was actually really fun. But I still have that resentment and hurt in me that was mostly gone before my bday. When he calls and texts me I get frustrated now. Everyone is saying that's he's sorry, everyone makes mistakes, he didn't know what he was doing, he obviously still loves you etc etc which is screwing with my head. Even my parents seem to be on his side, saying not to ignore him cause clearly he would do anything for you. I am stuck. I want this hurt to go away. I like his companionship but sometimes it's not worth it. I know if I let him go for good that won't work, it didn't this past year. But keeping him around is stressing me out too. Do I need to try NC again and block his number? That's one thing I didn't do last time. Either way it'll screw me up emotionally. But at my current state I can't even work and I just got a new job and need to step it up. Please help!!
d0nnivain Posted August 21, 2015 Posted August 21, 2015 You have to pick. Having him in your life is making you stressed because it's not what it was. Either go backwards & rekindle the relationship or end it for good & move on. Make sure your friends know not to invite him to stuff.
sparkle222 Posted August 21, 2015 Posted August 21, 2015 i went through something similar (both inexperienced, got along when dating, broke up for whatever reason) except the wishy washy post breakup friendship lasted two years. if he doesn't want to get back together i'd 100 percent drop him altogether. i had to endure listening to him talking about other girls he was seeing, or interested in, mocking me for still being inexperienced/whatever, demeaning me and our rs, belittling me, bragging about his accomplishments, vacillating over whether or not to be friends, blaming me for all his problems--it was torture and it nearly broke me and i know it was just a joke for him. i let it go on because i felt so bad and stupid about breaking up with him (there were really bad misunderstandings) and was lonely and living very near him (so had to see him anyway) and living with some pretty awful people who all either were in rs or had never been in anything so couldn't empathise. it was a waste of time, energy, sunk me into some form of misery, negatively impacted a really important year of my life work-wise (if you're worried about that), and i really regret the opportunities i let go in the meantime. even though i didn't meet anyone else/better that year i wish i'd been stronger and worked harder on myself as opposed to attempting to repair anything. at the end of the year, after basically killing myself to get him to forgive me by being overly nice and pretending to be the idiot girl i thought he'd like more, he suggested a temporary 'friends with benefits' and then accused me of seducing him. at various other points he accused me of some horrible things (it was in jest, i think, he studies law, but that didn't make it funny.) my friends/family equally seemed to think that maybe there was a chance we'd get back together, maybe because on 'paper' we looked like a good match, but i know there never was, he was just using me. basically, i was convenient company when he was unhappy and someone shy and weak to bully and use for emotional support (while refusing a rs) when he wasn't. i've never felt so mentally shattered or used, and i can only say that i'm so grateful that i will probably see him once ever again in my life. (i will also admit that i didn't behave 100pc well and made some pretty nasty comments towards him at various points.) i still torture myself over it because i haven't found anyone else and we fit well when we were going out but he turned out to be SUCH a douchebag--he was also a flirt with other girls when we were dating--so NEVER.AGAIN.
Author glamtran Posted August 21, 2015 Author Posted August 21, 2015 Thank you sparkle. He does want to get back together, he said so and said he'll always want it plus I don't think he would have did what he did for my birthday if he didnt. I don't think he would be the condescending type either since I've pretty much beat into him how much he hurt. But when I drop him like I said I missed him for a year, but now that he's back in the picture my mind is swimming in bad memories that I want to be over.
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