Author Gaeta Posted August 21, 2015 Author Posted August 21, 2015 Him saying "let's talk again soon," is also good. How did you respond to that? What did you say? I did not put a lot of emphasis on his 'lets talk again soon'. I said yes, it's a nice surprise to hear from you and my sincere sympathy again.
BlueIvy Posted August 21, 2015 Posted August 21, 2015 Sounds like he is single again and reaching out to you based on convenience. If he really liked you, he would have stayed in touch. So, he is either bored not having someone around or is horny not having someone around. 2
Gary S Posted August 21, 2015 Posted August 21, 2015 He's just lonely and does not have a real love interest right now. 5
Author Gaeta Posted August 21, 2015 Author Posted August 21, 2015 He did not keep on touch because when l terminated our dating l specified l did not wish to remain friends. And yes he was disappointed.
Omei Posted August 21, 2015 Posted August 21, 2015 I think this is in the bag. Its just what you think he calls mentions father, needs emotional support turns to you because you were his only female option. 1
katiegrl Posted August 21, 2015 Posted August 21, 2015 He did not keep on touch because when l terminated our dating l specified l did not wish to remain friends. And yes he was disappointed. So if you do want to see him again, then I suppose it would be up to you to contact him and ask if he'd like to get together, no? Are you interested in dating him again? His busyness is probably the same as before...but maybe you could handle it better? I mean his being so busy isn't a reflection on how he feels (felt) about you....he's just super busy! For the reasons you stated earlier. Up to you if you want to give it another whirl... like I said it does sound like you are quite fond of him, still.
menyou Posted August 21, 2015 Posted August 21, 2015 Life isn't that simple or that black and white. He just got back from Boston to visit him because he was not doing good. He got back here and the following day got the news his father had passed (Sunday). Now he's getting ready to go back to Boston to bury him. Then there is the succession to take care of etc. I think this morning call was about him sending the message he's going through something sad and for some reasons he felt like getting comfort from me. I don't think it's something you have control over. When something bad happens to you and you're in need of comfort sometimes it's surprising who pops up in your mind. People handle death in a strange way. Losing his dad may have brought up feelings that he thought he had for you. I would just take it at face value unless/until he contacts you again. Don't lose sleep over it.
katiegrl Posted August 21, 2015 Posted August 21, 2015 People handle death in a strange way. Losing his dad may have brought up feelings that he thought he had for you. I would just take it at face value unless/until he contacts you again. Don't lose sleep over it. But Gaeta is the one who broke up with him. So why would she expect HIM to contact her again? He already reached out to her. I am sure he is sad about his bio-dad passing, but he may have also seen it as a great opportunity to reconnect with her. So he did, and they had a nice chat. Since Gaeta ended it though, it's up to her as to whether or not she wants to take it to the next level, and start dating him again. Ball is in HER court. She ended it. 1
angel.eyes Posted August 21, 2015 Posted August 21, 2015 We can speculate all day, but only time will tell. If you're open to dating him again, send him a text after he returns from his next trip to Boston, hoping he's doing okay despite his loss. Then let it be. Losing a parent unexpectedly is usually difficult, even if you didn't have much of a relationship. Death is one of those things that makes you stop and reevaluate your life and choices. I suspect even if he were interested in dating again, you'll run into the same issues. He's still raising four kids, probably still working two jobs, etc. Would you be okay with the frustration of going through the same process again?
menyou Posted August 21, 2015 Posted August 21, 2015 But Gaeta is the one who broke up with him. So why would she expect HIM to contact her again? He already reached out to her. I am sure he is sad about his bio-dad passing, but he may have also seen it as a great opportunity to reconnect with her. So he did, and they had a nice chat. Since Gaeta ended it though, it's up to her as to whether or not she wants to take it to the next level, and start dating him again. Ball is in HER court. She ended it. You are right. Maybe she should contact him. She did seem fond of him despite his unavailability. Maybe things have changed. If they didn't really end on bad terms neither has anything to lose to try again. The timing just may not have been right in the past. People are never 100% on the same page. Sometimes things need to happen to kind of wake them up or they just need a push of some sort. I am a zero expectation type of person. So what i meant in my last post was to not really think anything of it unless she was interested in seeing if maybe there was still something there and it was something that she wanted.
Author Gaeta Posted August 22, 2015 Author Posted August 22, 2015 He's just lonely and does not have a real love interest right now. I find this theory flawed. Who sits there and think of their next 'dating interest' a few days after losing a family member and in the middle of packing to leave for the funerals. 1
Author Gaeta Posted August 22, 2015 Author Posted August 22, 2015 I suspect even if he were interested in dating again, you'll run into the same issues. He's still raising four kids, probably still working two jobs, etc. Would you be okay with the frustration of going through the same process again? No I would not repeat it. A few things would need to be different.
edgygirl Posted August 22, 2015 Posted August 22, 2015 So by contacting you again now, I assume he is theoretically disrespecting your initial wish. How do you feel about that? He did not keep on touch because when l terminated our dating l specified l did not wish to remain friends. And yes he was disappointed.
Author Gaeta Posted August 22, 2015 Author Posted August 22, 2015 So by contacting you again now, I assume he is theoretically disrespecting your initial wish. How do you feel about that? I think there is a difference between a man you dated in the past that 'text' you - hey what's up - and a man you dated that 'calls' to share with you a difficult life event.
edgygirl Posted August 22, 2015 Posted August 22, 2015 I agree. Honestly, when I am going through something very upsetting I feel like contacting someone important to me... sometimes it's an ex. It could be he's realizing he misses you. I guess you'll know soon. I think there is a difference between a man you dated in the past that 'text' you - hey what's up - and a man you dated that 'calls' to share with you a difficult life event. 2
angel.eyes Posted August 22, 2015 Posted August 22, 2015 No I would not repeat it. A few things would need to be different. If that's the case, I personally would let it go back to sleep. He still has four kids. He still works a busy schedule, since he juggled calling you during a 15-minute break at work. But that's me. We may have different expectations. 1
Popsicle Posted August 22, 2015 Posted August 22, 2015 When my father died, I became real needy and clingy, and I reached out to a former friend too, so it's quite possible that this is what happened. 1
BluEyeL Posted August 22, 2015 Posted August 22, 2015 All of the men I've dated and I broke up with, generally because of them not showing enough interest reached out to me sooner or later. The last one on this list called about two months ago. I was waiting for him, he contacted me after more than one year!! This one was especially satisfying because although I ended it, he was the hottest of all and treated me the worst. I really enjoyed telling him sorry I'm not single anymore I have no idea why they do this but it's something very common! Generally nothing comes of it, he's the same guy and if he was wushu washy before he will not do better. Probably worse . So don't analyze him so much. Just accept the phenomenon of the boomerang man. Like Gravity . It just is. : D 2
Popsicle Posted August 22, 2015 Posted August 22, 2015 All of the men I've dated and I broke up with, generally because of them not showing enough interest reached out to me sooner or later. The last one on this list called about two months ago. I was waiting for him, he contacted me after more than one year!! This one was especially satisfying because although I ended it, he was the hottest of all and treated me the worst. I really enjoyed telling him sorry I'm not single anymore I have no idea why they do this but it's something very common! Generally nothing comes of it, he's the same guy and if he was wushu washy before he will not do better. Probably worse . So don't analyze him so much. Just accept the phenomenon of the boomerang man. Like Gravity . It just is. : D You say that they are still the same, and I believe you, but do you ever wonder why they came back?
Popsicle Posted August 22, 2015 Posted August 22, 2015 He's just lonely and does not have a real love interest right now. A favorite line from the movie Jerry Maguire, "Men are just different people when they are hanging onto the bottom rung." 1
GemmaUK Posted August 22, 2015 Posted August 22, 2015 I hope no one advocating she call him is thinking she should call to ask him on a date. That would be just as inappropriate right now. Right now he has opened a door that is slightly ajar in terms of contact. The only appropriate call you could make is to see how the funeral went and see if he is OK but the issue with that is if he is busy doing something then he could be distracted and not even thinking about the recent situation. Even when tuff like this happens we all still have to switch to 'life goes on' mode. If you did want to reach out I would suggest just a text saying that you hope the funeral went as well as it could and feel free to call if you need a chat and a friendly ear. But do this only if you might be willing to just be friends for now at least. Sending a text like that means you have edged the door open a little more and he won't feel dumb for calling in the first place and also won't feel dumb if he needs a chat. 2
elaine567 Posted August 22, 2015 Posted August 22, 2015 I know we are on LS, but sometimes life is not just all about dating and sex. The death of a parent is a BIG deal, even if they were not all that close, it is the end of an era, and it can put other things in sharp perspective too. Trivial stuff that seemed SO important at one time can pale into insignificance and priorities change. I guess he wanted someone to share his thoughts with and Gaeta sprung to mind as a caring person and someone who knew him well enough to discuss it with in an adult manner. If he has a busy life then he may not know many people that well and I guess his kids are not much help re the death of a parent. 4
BluEyeL Posted August 22, 2015 Posted August 22, 2015 You say that they are still the same, and I believe you, but do you ever wonder why they came back? Yes, I did. Generally because they're lonely at the moment, they want something they can't have etc. I noticed that men tend to like you more when they're not around you ) You know what they say, men fall in love in your absence. After being alone a while, and seeing the grass is not too green and you didn't reach out to them, they start to remember you. But if you go back, it's a question of time until the old patterns will come back. It's a push-pull game. 2
katiegrl Posted August 22, 2015 Posted August 22, 2015 (edited) TYes, I did. Generally because they're lonely at the moment, they want something they can't have etc. I noticed that men tend to like you more when they're not around you ) ***You know what they say, men fall in love in your absence*** . After being alone a while, and seeing the grass is not too green and you didn't reach out to them, they start to remember you. But if you go back, it's a question of time until the old patterns will come back. It's a push-pull game. ^^I think there is something to be said for this, for sure...and may even warrant its own thread. Which I may start later (my first thread). It's one of the main reasons why I FEAR marrying my boyfriend of five years, but I will explain more in the thread. My fear is deep and is starting to cause problems, because my boyfriend really wants to marry me now and is pushing for it, even though I KNOW if we do, he won't find me nearly as exciting and intriguing as he does now. Will explain more later in the thread I start, but I'm starting to freak because if I keep telling him no to marriage, even tho I truly believe just living together is perfect for US, he may break up with me!! Apologies for hijack, but thanks BluEyel for posting this. You hit the nail on the head with that one! ETA ...I should also add he did not start pushing for marriage until he was AWAY FROM ME for a month while back east taking care of his sick mom. Interesting, huh. More later. Edited August 22, 2015 by katiegrl 1
Popsicle Posted August 22, 2015 Posted August 22, 2015 Yes, I did. Generally because they're lonely at the moment, they want something they can't have etc. I noticed that men tend to like you more when they're not around you ) You know what they say, men fall in love in your absence. After being alone a while, and seeing the grass is not too green and you didn't reach out to them, they start to remember you. But if you go back, it's a question of time until the old patterns will come back. It's a push-pull game. Sad, isn't it? 1
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