Gaeta Posted August 21, 2015 Posted August 21, 2015 Some of you may remember this man I was seeing that I called 'nurse'. We saw each other over a period of 4 months but it was very difficult because of his 2 jobs and full custody of 4 children (3 to 16). We probably saw each other 10 times over 4 months. Early spring I told him I needed someone with more time and determination to be in a relationship. Him and I got along very well, it had nothing to do with him as a man. So, to my great surprise he gave me a phone call this morning. He said he wanted to know how I have been doing, what was new in my life. He told me his bio father had died (his real bond is with his step father) and gave me some general news. After 15 minutes he said his students were back he had to go and lets talk again soon. I am wondering why he reached out to me. Did he just remember me as being compassionate and he needed it (bio dad dies last Sunday). What do you think? I hate this because I really liked him as someone to date but also as someone with a lot of humanity and beautiful qualities. I wish they would stay away when they don't want anything.
Redhead14 Posted August 21, 2015 Posted August 21, 2015 Some of you may remember this man I was seeing that I called 'nurse'. We saw each other over a period of 4 months but it was very difficult because of his 2 jobs and full custody of 4 children (3 to 16). We probably saw each other 10 times over 4 months. Early spring I told him I needed someone with more time and determination to be in a relationship. Him and I got along very well, it had nothing to do with him as a man. So, to my great surprise he gave me a phone call this morning. He said he wanted to know how I have been doing, what was new in my life. He told me his bio father had died (his real bond is with his step father) and gave me some general news. After 15 minutes he said his students were back he had to go and lets talk again soon. I am wondering why he reached out to me. Did he just remember me as being compassionate and he needed it (bio dad dies last Sunday). What do you think? I hate this because I really liked him as someone to date but also as someone with a lot of humanity and beautiful qualities. I wish they would stay away when they don't want anything. It doesn't matter why he called you. If he asks you at some point for a date, find out what he wants now for himself in terms of dating and if all the issues that existed before are still a problem. If they are, don't date him. I think it's odd that he called you when he knew he wouldn't have much time to talk anyway. I think he's testing the waters to see if you would even talk to him after so long. Let him call you again if he's going to. Maybe he just wants to cry on someone's shoulder, maybe he's in a dry spell and wants to get laid. Let him demonstrate or tell you what he wants. Don't reach out to him. Let him do that. Just lean back and observe.
PegNosePete Posted August 21, 2015 Posted August 21, 2015 That's pretty weird. If I were interested in someone, and I called them after a month, I would certainly ask them out then and there rather than just chit-chatting and promising to call again another time. I wouldn't give it much thought, he doesn't seem interested.
Author Gaeta Posted August 21, 2015 Author Posted August 21, 2015 It doesn't matter why he called you. If he asks you at some point for a date, find out what he wants now for himself in terms of dating and if all the issues that existed before are still a problem. If they are, don't date him. I think it's odd that he called you when he knew he wouldn't have much time to talk anyway. I think he's testing the waters to see if you would even talk to him after so long. Let him call you again if he's going to. Maybe he just wants to cry on someone's shoulder, maybe he's in a dry spell and wants to get laid. Let him demonstrate or tell you what he wants. Don't reach out to him. Let him do that. Just lean back and observe. I don't think it's proper in the same sentence to say: My father died last Sunday would you care to go on a date next Saturday. 1
Author Gaeta Posted August 21, 2015 Author Posted August 21, 2015 That's pretty weird. If I were interested in someone, and I called them after a month, I would certainly ask them out then and there rather than just chit-chatting and promising to call again another time. I wouldn't give it much thought, he doesn't seem interested. You think he should have asked me out on the same phone call he told me his father died? Am I the only one feeling this is unproper. 1
PegNosePete Posted August 21, 2015 Posted August 21, 2015 No, I think if he was really interested in you he would have just asked you out, and saved the whole father dying thing to tell you in person. After all you did say he was closer to his step father.
Author Gaeta Posted August 21, 2015 Author Posted August 21, 2015 So he was just bored between 2 patients and decided to call me after 3 months of no contact. Why men do that?? 1
aloneinaz Posted August 21, 2015 Posted August 21, 2015 It doesn't matter why he called you. If he asks you at some point for a date, find out what he wants now for himself in terms of dating and if all the issues that existed before are still a problem. If they are, don't date him. I think it's odd that he called you when he knew he wouldn't have much time to talk anyway. I think he's testing the waters to see if you would even talk to him after so long. Let him call you again if he's going to. Maybe he just wants to cry on someone's shoulder, maybe he's in a dry spell and wants to get laid. Let him demonstrate or tell you what he wants. Don't reach out to him. Let him do that. Just lean back and observe. I think this is on point. As a guy, we sometimes reach out to gals we dated that ended on good terms when we are in a dry spell. Either to just catch up or hope we can "catch up" in person and it leads to sex. I know I've been contacted by gals I dated that didn't work out and mutually agreed to end and be friendly. Last time I was single, one of this gals saw me on a dating site. It had been a couple of years since we last talked. She suggested meeting for a beer sometime. I agreed. We ended up at her place and "used" each others bodies for some great sex. Ironically, she told me she had been on a dry spell. I felt dirty and used and asked for the $ so I could leave.. LOL We actually became occasional FWB's till we both met and got into new relationships. Back to the OP, It's odd to me that if he liked you and you both got along well that he could make the time for you, even w/a busy life. 1
PegNosePete Posted August 21, 2015 Posted August 21, 2015 Add that to the great question of the universe. What is the answer to life the universe and everything? How much wood can a woodchuck chuck? Why do birds suddenly appear? 1
katiegrl Posted August 21, 2015 Posted August 21, 2015 So he was just bored between 2 patients and decided to call me after 3 months of no contact. Why men do that?? No I think he may be in between relationships, going through his "rolodex", reaching out and seeing who will bite. Don't bite Gaeta. Jmo. 2
Author Gaeta Posted August 21, 2015 Author Posted August 21, 2015 I forgot to mention he did not call me from his mobile. He used a hospital phone so on my end it showed a number I didn't know. Not sure why he did that, if I had seen his name I would have picked up. Maybe he doubted I would. He would have better chance with another woman for sex he knows that. In this city sex is easy. He doesn't need me. On top of that he's a male nurse and is surrounded all day long by 100s of females.
katiegrl Posted August 21, 2015 Posted August 21, 2015 I forgot to mention he did not call me from his mobile. He used a hospital phone so on my end it showed a number I didn't know. Not sure why he did that, if I had seen his name I would have picked up. Maybe he doubted I would. He would have better chance with another woman for sex he knows that. In this city sex is easy. He doesn't need me. On top of that he's a male nurse and is surrounded all day long by 100s of females. Well...what do you think his reason was? Most of us think he's just bored .....going through a dry spell, reaching out to those he dated in the past, seeing who will bite. IMO, that IS why men (and women) do this. But what do you think? 1
Redhead14 Posted August 21, 2015 Posted August 21, 2015 I don't think it's proper in the same sentence to say: My father died last Sunday would you care to go on a date next Saturday. I didn't say he should have done that. I'm saying you shouldn't spend any time guessing, wondering and wait for him to call you again and then get clarity. And, him calling you while he is at work just to tell you his father died isn't cool either. You didn't know the father, you weren't in a relationship with the guy anyway, so there's no need to let you know quickly or anything. He could have waited til he got home. It's just odd to me, that's all.
fitnessfan365 Posted August 21, 2015 Posted August 21, 2015 Some people are sociopaths. They'd use the death of someone as an excuse to touch base and get sympathy for a date. I mean you said it yourself. He's very close w-his stepfather and not his biological father who passed. So it'd be way easier for him to feign "grief" over someone he wasn't even that close to just to have an excuse to start talking to you again. Since he's part of your past, I'd just leave it alone. Focus on meeting someone new.
Author Gaeta Posted August 21, 2015 Author Posted August 21, 2015 Well...what do you think his reason was? Most of us think he's just bored .....going through a dry spell, reaching out to those he dated in the past, seeing who will bite. IMO, that IS why men (and women) do this. But what do you think? He does not have time to be bored. He has a really crazy life with his 2 jobs and 4 kids. I think he needed to talk to someone warm and compassionate and he knows me to be like that. I find it interesting that it's me he thought of reaching out to.
katiegrl Posted August 21, 2015 Posted August 21, 2015 He does not have time to be bored. He has a really crazy life with his 2 jobs and 4 kids. I think he needed to talk to someone warm and compassionate and he knows me to be like that. I find it interesting that it's me he thought of reaching out to. Well yes you are warm and compassionate, but if that were actually his reason, then why did he not schedule a date so he could do just that? Talk to you? Instead he simply tells you his bio-dad died, he needs to get back to his kids but talk to you "soon"? Does he now expect you to call him? So he can talk to you about the death of his bio-dad? Makes no sense I think the guy is full of shyt, but that's just me. 2
Ruby Slippers Posted August 21, 2015 Posted August 21, 2015 It really doesn't matter why he got in touch. Men often get in touch with women who left them behind. My feeling is that if he were really excited about you in the first place, he would have found the "time and determination" to date you properly last time. I think you're someone he likes enough to see 10 times in 4 months, and reach out to occasionally. But I don't think his feelings for you are that strong, or he would have locked it down before. 6
GemmaUK Posted August 21, 2015 Posted August 21, 2015 I think your hunch is spot on Gaeta. It's precisely the kind of thing I would do. If I did reach out though it wouldn't be to a guy who I wasn't interested in and didn't want to date ever again. His children are varying ages up to around 16 (?) from what I can recall and if he spends a lot of time with them as we know he does then they aren't likely to understand in the same way what he is feeling. OK, it wasn't the father he is close to but death of a relative or even a friend or colleague can make you aware of your life, what you have and haven't got and what you could lose or lose out on so it does, it just does/can hit you. It could also be an awkward situation if he is closer to his step father - or both combined. Being in his profession doesn't mean he would feel comfy talking to people he works with about it. Sounds like it was a friendly interaction, wait it out and see if he calls again. There is no harm in being there for people in my opinion. I don't recall him ever being mean or disrespectful to you. (please remind me if he was though). If he had reached out to me just for a chat like that I would feel pretty good about myself and I think you should too. Just let it be and see if he contacts you again for now. If he does and asks to 'meet up' I would say yes to that. If he implies it would be a date or acts as if it is a date then you can re-visit him time constraints and what you would be happy with. Those who are busy absolutely will find the time even if it's just a few hours a week and a weekend night. He sounds like a good man to me and from memory I don't recall anything about him that was a bad thing (?). As to your secondary question.. No, not appropriate to ask for a date in the same conversation - not at all!! 1
GooseChaser Posted August 21, 2015 Posted August 21, 2015 Maybe it just has nothing to do with dating, just needing an ear. Who knows. No need to overanalyze at this point... just let him show what his intentions are later, like if or when he calls again. I guess the question is if you'd be interested if it came to that. IMO.
mortensorchid Posted August 21, 2015 Posted August 21, 2015 I think he was looking for someone to stroke him (and no not like THAT). He wanted you to comfort him about his father's death, that he's still keeping you on the back burner because he wants some kind of outlet, and because he's somewhat lonely. Whatever the case may be, don't follow up on this. He'll let you down somehow down the road like he did in the past. 1
Author Gaeta Posted August 21, 2015 Author Posted August 21, 2015 Well yes you are warm and compassionate, but if that were actually his reason, then why did he not schedule a date so he could do just that? Talk to you? Life isn't that simple or that black and white. He just got back from Boston to visit him because he was not doing good. He got back here and the following day got the news his father had passed (Sunday). Now he's getting ready to go back to Boston to bury him. Then there is the succession to take care of etc. I think this morning call was about him sending the message he's going through something sad and for some reasons he felt like getting comfort from me. I don't think it's something you have control over. When something bad happens to you and you're in need of comfort sometimes it's surprising who pops up in your mind. 3
Author Gaeta Posted August 21, 2015 Author Posted August 21, 2015 He sounds like a good man to me and from memory I don't recall anything about him that was a bad thing (?).! Nothing bad to report about him. He's very nice man, polite and shy. My only complain was his lack of time, lots of rescheduling, cancelling, last minute plans etc. That's the reality of a man joggling 2 jobs and 4 girls. 2
katiegrl Posted August 21, 2015 Posted August 21, 2015 Nothing bad to report about him. He's very nice man, polite and shy. My only complain was his lack of time, lots of rescheduling, cancelling, last minute plans etc. That's the reality of a man joggling 2 jobs and 4 girls. How long ago did you stop seeing him? I don't recall reading about this one.... In any event, I hope he calls you and sets up a date. It sounds like you are very fond of him...
katiegrl Posted August 21, 2015 Posted August 21, 2015 Some of you may remember this man I was seeing that I called 'nurse'. We saw each other over a period of 4 months but it was very difficult because of his 2 jobs and full custody of 4 children (3 to 16). We probably saw each other 10 times over 4 months. Early spring I told him I needed someone with more time and determination to be in a relationship. Him and I got along very well, it had nothing to do with him as a man. So, to my great surprise he gave me a phone call this morning. He said he wanted to know how I have been doing, what was new in my life. He told me his bio father had died (his real bond is with his step father) and gave me some general news. After 15 minutes he said his students were back he had to go and lets talk again soon. I am wondering why he reached out to me. Did he just remember me as being compassionate and he needed it (bio dad dies last Sunday). What do you think? I hate this because I really liked him as someone to date but also as someone with a lot of humanity and beautiful qualities. I wish they would stay away when they don't want anything. Re bold, much to my embarrassment, I missed this. So you talked to 15 minutes...that is good! I am sure he enjoyed talking to you and appreciated your warmth at such a sad time. Him saying "let's talk again soon," is also good. How did you respond to that? What did you say?
Author Gaeta Posted August 21, 2015 Author Posted August 21, 2015 How long ago did you stop seeing him? I don't recall reading about this one.... In any event, I hope he calls you and sets up a date. It sounds like you are very fond of him... I stopped seeing him probably somewhere in last March. We started seeing each other November 2014. We were not exclusive or anything but I was off dating sites the whole time.
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