Author truncated Posted August 24, 2015 Author Posted August 24, 2015 in many situations - this is true. just to make one thing clear -- both spouses are usually responsible for the problems in the marriage that had eventually led to an affair. the affair is the cheater & only the cheater's responsibility - because the spouses decide on their own which way they'll choose to deal with the problems in their marriage. when i first arrived on LS - i was surprised because many posters rejected the idea that an affair is, in fact, a consequence of a bad & an unhappy marriage. i'll dare to say that in MOST cases - folks cheat because they aren't getting something they need from the marriage & their spouse (+ it being a character flaw & a bad coping mechanism). sure, the affair can be the consequence of a mental illness and midlife crisis ALSO but... in my personal experience, those cases are rare. so yeah - in my opinion... there absolutely are many situations where the A or eventual divorce wouldn't have happened if the BS was a "better" spouse. that's not victim blaming or an endless blaming game... it's just how it is. for example - if my friend Marie payed attention to her husband when he complained and asked for more time together, more sex and some marriage counseling... the A & marriage failure wouldn't have hapened. if you want to be specific about the A as an character flaw - then yeah, it turns into an endless blame game. I find this interesting. Mid life crises ( in the sense put forward by Jung) seem quite common, and really, quite understandable. People take stock in their life and may look externally for a source of "balm" ( if you will) for the things they feel are missing in their life. It makes sense that some would be vulnerable to an affair at that point, but I wonder how many actually take the time to speak to heir spouse about how they are feeling, as some don;t even seem to be able to pin it down for themselves. My question wans;t so much about the validity of a ws who felt that their bs is reprehensible for the affair, but more so whether or not any of them actually felt that they were, which is why I was hoping some would answer ( and they did). I suppose when it comes right down to it, it doesn't matter what the bs did or didn't do, as the ws had other alternatives they could have exercised if they were unhappy, but they chose to to do so.
jay1983 Posted August 24, 2015 Posted August 24, 2015 Yeah I noticed that when I first started posting here. Sometimes I would show my friends the OM/OW section and we'd lol while reading out loud. It's also in favor of OW and cheating wives, not so much OM and husbands if you haven't noticed.
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