ConfusedInOC Posted May 11, 2005 Posted May 11, 2005 Ok, I found this exercise really does help me put things into perspective. Tonight I was talking to another LS person and decided to whip out a pen and a piece of paper. On the top, I wrote the Ex's name. On each side of the paper I made a column. One PRO and one CON. I wrote down all her pros and cons, being as honest with myself as I could be. The result: 7 Pros 10 Cons And I still have a few more cons I could add. While this isn't the end all and it's not a new discovery I have found that it helps me to see the Ex in a different light. I freely admit I put her on a pedestal (small space, not comfy for her at all) and I understand how that drove her away. But at the time, I need to understand that she didn't deserve to be up there and that until I take her down, I'll have a hard time moving on. So if you are having a hard time getting the Ex off the pedestal, try this exercise. And if the cons far outweigh the pros, post it on your fridge and remind yourself they aren't who you made them out to be. And if the pros far outweigh the cons, well, throw the paper away and try something else
Jennifer'sSecret Posted May 11, 2005 Posted May 11, 2005 Originally posted by ConfusedInOC And if the pros far outweigh the cons, well, throw the paper away and try something else I was just gonna say - what do you do when the ex is a truly wonderful person but your heart is broken nonetheless? What do you do then?
Author ConfusedInOC Posted May 11, 2005 Author Posted May 11, 2005 Originally posted by Jennifer'sSecret I was just gonna say - what do you do when the ex is a truly wonderful person but your heart is broken nonetheless? What do you do then? Stick with NC. Hang around your friends, A LOT. Try new hobbies. Excercise (it's proven to help with depression and you'll look better too) Anytime you feel down, come here. If you feel that life couldn't be worse, go visit a homeless shelter and a Veteran's Hospital. Life can always be worse, but we have to break out of the funk and place some value on who we are. Because if we're the dumped and we don't find figure out a way to be happy and love ourselves, nobody else will love us or see value in who we are.
Fallen_Angel Posted May 11, 2005 Posted May 11, 2005 Originally posted by ConfusedInOC Life can always be worse, but we have to break out of the funk and place some value on who we are. Because if we're the dumped and we don't find figure out a way to be happy and love ourselves, nobody else will love us or see value in who we are. I sometimes have to stop and remind myself that there are people out there who are a lot worse off than I am, people who would LOVE to have a "broken heart" as their biggest "problem." I'm in the same boat as Jennifer. If I made a list of pros and cons (which sounds like a fun idea, btw!), I'm pretty sure I'd have a LOT more pros. But the cons are worth noting. You have to remind yourself that no partner is perfect. Speaking of cons, I read my favorite sex advice column this morning, Savage Love by Dan Savage. One letter was from a girl who was more than willing to give head to her boyfriend, and he sure enjoyed it, but never reciprocated. His advice was to dump the guy, as every girl should expect to receive what's given. Perhaps his advice is a little extreme, but since I know exactly how the girl feels...hehe...maybe next time around I'll find a guy who's more into that.
BigB Posted May 11, 2005 Posted May 11, 2005 Originally posted by Fallen_Angel maybe next time around I'll find a guy who's more into that. We do exist.
ReluctantRomeo Posted May 11, 2005 Posted May 11, 2005 Cool advice, Confused. Can I be a groupie? Originally posted by Jennifer'sSecret I was just gonna say - what do you do when the ex is a truly wonderful person but your heart is broken nonetheless? What do you do then? If they were a truly wonderful person, then I suppose they treated you kindly and considerately during the breakup? Otherwise they're not a wonderful person after all. Whatever, Confused's advice is good.
Illusion24 Posted May 11, 2005 Posted May 11, 2005 Life can always be worse, but we have to break out of the funk and place some value on who we are. Because if we're the dumped and we don't find figure out a way to be happy and love ourselves, nobody else will love us or see value in who we are. CO...I'm happy to see you're more up beat today. Give yourself credit when credit's do!!
EC Posted May 11, 2005 Posted May 11, 2005 It only rains on people who create the storms I'm glad you are feeling better. Life can always be worse, but we have to break out of the funk and place some value on who we are. Because if we're the dumped and we don't find figure out a way to be happy and love ourselves, nobody else will love us or see value in who we are. So true. It takes a while to figure this out and then it takes a bit longer to believe it.
Author ConfusedInOC Posted May 11, 2005 Author Posted May 11, 2005 Thanks. I am feeling better today. The PRO/CON exercise helped me knock her off the pedestal and now if I can just keep her there I'll get over her soon.
Recommended Posts