tyuiop Posted August 21, 2015 Posted August 21, 2015 Hey, Yesterday my girlfriend and I ended our relationship. (20/21 years old) The reason we broke up was because after 1 year and 4 months I really loved her but wasn't really in love with her anymore. She was still in love with me. We had a long and good conversation and she basically took it very well. She was sad of course, but I felt/feel extremely terrible. It was because of me that this amazing relationship has ended which seemed like 'the perfect relationship' to all outsiders. It's like I still have feelings for her... it hurts so much. She wasn't angry, she understood how I was feeling (she has had relationships before as where I hadn't). After the serious talk we even chatted a little further about nice things we'd experienced and fun things. They break my heart now thinking back about them. She was the best girl I could ever imagine. Nice looking, very funny, amazingly loving and caring. Always interested in my hobbies and a lot of the things I did. Absolutely the sweetest girl in the world. We never really had any fights and there were barely any problems between us. I sometimes had dreams where I would cheat on her and it made me feel awful. I sometimes thought about having sex with other girls but of course I never cheated on her. Somehow the thought of being with her forever scared me because I hadn't 'sow my oats'. What a stupid thought?! Now, the day after... I cried. I feel miserable thinking about the adventures we'd been on, just grabbing a coffee, going for walks... Such nice memories. But I probably won't be making anymore of those with her. Everywhere around the house I see flashbacks of her being there. Petting my cats, cooking us dinner in the kitchen... I'm even crying as I'm writing this. We decided to stay friends and she said that who knows maybe in a year time we would find the way back to eachother again (However she wouldn't wait of course). It feels like I made a disastrous, terrible mistake. One that I won't ever be able to forgive myself. I'm having exams right now. Who knows, maybe the exams were the reason why I broke up because of the added stress? I really feel helpless. She added a new friend on facebook (which is just a coworker) and it made me feel absolutely terrified and miserable. The thought of her being with another guy makes me feel sick which is completely hypocritical. Did I just break up with the woman of my life? I was so extremely in love with her when I met her.
HandsomeBoh Posted August 22, 2015 Posted August 22, 2015 Well... To be honest she sounds really fabulous. And if you're in love with her and your relationship still means something very important to you, then it may not be too late to get her back.
stupidkittten Posted August 22, 2015 Posted August 22, 2015 You broke up with her just a day ago. It probably isn't too late to try and get back together if that's what you want. Maybe you should've just told her you needed some space to clear you head, that you were unsure. She sounds like she would've understood
CT98 Posted August 22, 2015 Posted August 22, 2015 Take a really good look at the reason why you decided to break up with her..be really honest with yourself. Then ask yourself whether it's just the shock of her being gone which is making you regret your decision..again be really honest. You can them make a choice..but please remember that it's not guaranteed that she will take you back. You're going to have to be very gracious, apologetic and sincere with her, because it's really not nice getting dumped, and I think it gets to people that dumpers think they can just stroll back into people's lives when they second guess themselves. Best of luck with whatever you do.
Morphine Posted August 22, 2015 Posted August 22, 2015 Did I just break up with the woman of my life? I was so extremely in love with her when I met her. If that was the case, you would not break up. First of all, it has only been a day. You need more than this to process things. Take some time. Both of you. Meet new people. I got dumped after 7 years. She now wants to get back. I said no. Why? I would jump at this if it has happened a month a go. But this month has made me realise things. I love my ex, my I not in love with her...I THINK. hence I meed more time, she needs time. If you are meant to be with you ex...you will!!
elaine567 Posted August 22, 2015 Posted August 22, 2015 The reason we broke up was because after 1 year and 4 months I really loved her but wasn't really in love with her anymore. I sometimes had dreams where I would cheat on her and it made me feel awful. I sometimes thought about having sex with other girls but of course I never cheated on her. Somehow the thought of being with her forever scared me because I hadn't 'sow my oats'. What a stupid thought?! Now, the day after... The thought of her being with another guy makes me feel sick which is completely hypocritical. Did I just break up with the woman of my life? I was so extremely in love with her when I met her. #1 - You no longer love her. NO reason to stay - don't look back. No-one can be in a long term relationship happily with someone they don't love, hence the split. #2 - Huge issue in the future if you stay with her. YOU will always hanker after other woman and wonder what it feels like to be with them. Leads to cheating and resenting your gf and even worse if you then marry her. Three kids and a mortgage later and desperately horny for the other women you never had. Go sow some wild oats of your own, whilst you are young with no real responsibilities. #3 - Jealousy - deep down you don't want her, but you DO NOT want other men to have her. Understandable from your perspective, but totally unfair to her. Let her go. #4 - Many young people think this, if only I had met her when I was 30, she is perfect wife material, BUT just now it just doesn't work. Realise that and keep moving on. Who you really want to marry at 30, I guess will NOT be her, nor I guess anyone like her. We grow up, we change.
mrldii Posted August 22, 2015 Posted August 22, 2015 In addition to the great advice and input from others so far, especially since this break-up is so soon, you may simply be experiencing a 'relationship hangover' and the break from the routine of a relationship's 'habits'. Most people experience it; and, most people have a tendency to remember - and dwell on - all the pleasant moments, giving them greater emphasis and minimizing the painful, irritating, and not-so-pleasant moments. Best of luck to you, OP...
Author tyuiop Posted August 23, 2015 Author Posted August 23, 2015 (edited) Wow. Thanks for all the great replies people, I really appreciate it. It's been two days now and I still feel pretty rubbish. Trying to eat as much as I can but it's not enough. Her mom started a chat with me to ask me how I was. (My ex probably told her I was quite shook up about it) We had a good chat and basically said that if it's 'meant to be' we'd get back together at some point. To be honest she sounds really fabulous.She really is. She's been through a lot yet remains to be extremely sweet, loving and caring. I really can't put it into words. And I can't imagine anyone being any better to a fellow human being. It probably isn't too late to try and get back together if that's what you want.I guess it would be better to wait it out more to see what my mind says... I really want to but the idea that I could possibly change my mind again stops me. She doesn't deserve that. I don't deserve her We talked some yesterday (through WhatsApp) which felt relieving and felt like friendship. It was good. At one point though I said I should've waited with the conversation until after my exams (with which I implicitly meant that maybe the stress of the exams had clouded my judgement). Maybe it came out wrong and she replied: "No, you should have done it a month earlier. Sorry, I can only reply in a bitchy way to something like that." Which I then tried to fix and then I'd noticed that she'd removed me from WhatsApp. It felt distressing. What a terrible feeling. Complete and utter helplessness. Luckily I was able to go to some friends. Which were all couples of course... But it still helped a bit. One of my friends told me that he doesn't really LOVE his gf anymore like in a mad love kind of thing you know. But that it just works and that it's good. Which made me actually feel like more crap. She has since then added me back on whatsapp (the same evening). It felt bad. She's sad. You're all probably going to say that we should have no contact. But I can't do that. I really can't. I feel like I'm a piece of dog ****. What have I done to her. And what have I done to myself. Edited August 23, 2015 by tyuiop
Morphine Posted August 23, 2015 Posted August 23, 2015 Oh man, I felt the same. When she asked me to get back together I said no. I felt good for some time, but now I am slowly regretting this decision. But I know it's just a phase. Unfortunately, we have to power through this. Otherwise we will end up in a vicious cycle of rejection and reconciliation etc. etc. Stay strong bro!
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