BlueIvy Posted August 21, 2015 Posted August 21, 2015 So, the manager at valvoline basically said I m beautiful and asked if I was single. He also gave me a discount on my oil change. I rejected him. Anyway, after thought I decided to give him a chance so I called him at work asking to meet for coffee. He said yes. We we were suppose to meet a few days later at 4:45 and he said he is at work so I said we can push it later to 6 pm, he said ok. I come at 6 and he said he is still not ready so I wait 15 minutes. I called and texted and he didn't pick up or reply to my text until 2 hours later. He sent me a text saying he is so sorry and to please forgive him and things were crazy at work. But I remember during our phone call he said he had the day off. I haven't replied and don't intend to. What pisses me off is he wasted my time. And two, if he was gonna be so busy doing whatever he should have rescheduled. Actually, I kinda feel like he probably has a gf? Also, he should have CALLED to apologize, not text me. So, the apology comes off as Ingenuine. I also will never ask a guy out again, first and last time. When it comes to dating I'm old fashioned, if a guy likes you he puts in work. And this messed with my ego a little bit, ha ha. I never had a guy stood me up.
Toodaloo Posted August 21, 2015 Posted August 21, 2015 So, the manager at valvoline basically said I m beautiful and asked if I was single. He also gave me a discount on my oil change. I rejected him. Anyway, after thought I decided to give him a chance so I called him at work asking to meet for coffee. He said yes. We we were suppose to meet a few days later at 4:45 and he said he is at work so I said we can push it later to 6 pm, he said ok. I come at 6 and he said he is still not ready so I wait 15 minutes. I called and texted and he didn't pick up or reply to my text until 2 hours later. He sent me a text saying he is so sorry and to please forgive him and things were crazy at work. But I remember during our phone call he said he had the day off. He is just trying his luck. He now has to put in a heck of an amount of effort and if not leave it. I have been called into work on my days off... When it happens its because there is a crisis and I am not going to be answering any calls from anyone until I can concentrate I haven't replied and don't intend to. What pisses me off is he wasted my time. And two, if he was gonna be so busy doing whatever he should have rescheduled. Actually, I kinda feel like he probably has a gf? Also, he should have CALLED to apologize, not text me. So, the apology comes off as Ingenuine. Fair points. Just move on I also will never ask a guy out again, first and last time. When it comes to dating I'm old fashioned, if a guy likes you he puts in work. And this messed with my ego a little bit, ha ha. I never had a guy stood me up. I will say this. Don't judge an entire gender on one poor specimen. If you want to ask a guy out again. Do it. Do not let fear of rejection hold you back. BUT also accept that you will be rejected, probably more often than not. I also believe that its better to lead the horse to water and see if it wants to drink... Let them do the work. They seem to feel better that way. But as I have already said what works for one will not work for the other so just play it by ear. Your falling into the trap of judging millions on your experience with one. Bad trap to fall into and only leads to the "bitter crazy cat lady" side... You met a pillock. You will meet more. Some you will want to ask out some will ask you out. The trick is that as soon as you find out they are pillocks to just walk away and forget all about them. Chin up chook. There are plenty of men who are not a-holes out there. 4
Arieswoman Posted August 21, 2015 Posted August 21, 2015 BlueIvy Q- He stood me up for our coffee date, should I give him a 2nd chance? A. No. Move on and don't give it another thought, the guy is an unreliable tw@t. 4
Author BlueIvy Posted August 21, 2015 Author Posted August 21, 2015 Your falling into the trap of judging millions on your experience with one. Bad trap to fall into and only leads to the "bitter crazy cat lady" side... You met a pillock. You will meet more. Some you will want to ask out some will ask you out. The trick is that as soon as you find out they are pillocks to just walk away and forget all about them. Chin up chook. There are plenty of men who are not a-holes out there. If he was called into work, he should have re-scheduled. If he did that, I would give him a 2nd chance because **** happens and it shows he is interested. But he kept me waiting...and then it's like if he was truly genuine he would call and say sorry and make his case. If he sounded believable and genuinely sorry I may have cut him a break. I would think after trying to make small talk with someone, complimenting them, and giving them a discount you liked them.and then initially agreeing to meet with tnem. Not to be cocky but I don't really need to ask men out, hence I never did it. But I figure he seemed nice and was kinda cute. It's not like this experience made me paint guys as asshowles, it's just doing this is not of my comfort level. Even if we did ending up going on the coffee meet up, it wouldn't have encouraged me to ask men out...as its "not me." I think I'm just going to show interest to clue the guy to out in effort. 1
ExpatInItaly Posted August 21, 2015 Posted August 21, 2015 I would not give him a second chance, no. He disrespected your time. Next! 5
Toodaloo Posted August 21, 2015 Posted August 21, 2015 If he was called into work, he should have re-scheduled. If he did that, I would give him a 2nd chance because **** happens and it shows he is interested. But he kept me waiting...and then it's like if he was truly genuine he would call and say sorry and make his case. If he sounded believable and genuinely sorry I may have cut him a break. I would think after trying to make small talk with someone, complimenting them, and giving them a discount you liked them.and then initially agreeing to meet with tnem. Not to be cocky but I don't really need to ask men out, hence I never did it. But I figure he seemed nice and was kinda cute. It's not like this experience made me paint guys as asshowles, it's just doing this is not of my comfort level. Even if we did ending up going on the coffee meet up, it wouldn't have encouraged me to ask men out...as its "not me." I think I'm just going to show interest to clue the guy to out in effort. A'tta girl! You have the right attitude! He is just an unreliable a-hole. What an idiot... Some guys are much more reliable. 1
losangelena Posted August 21, 2015 Posted August 21, 2015 How did you go from rejecting him to saying Ok let's go out? He was probably butt hurt from your initial rejection. 2
Redhead14 Posted August 21, 2015 Posted August 21, 2015 How did you go from rejecting him to saying Ok let's go out? He was probably butt hurt from your initial rejection. Right, he asked her first. She turned him down. Yeah, he should have at least called and said he's changed his mind, but . . . And, turning a guy down and then circling back by calling him? Nah, if you turn them down, keep moving. If anything, I would have found another reason to bring my car back in and say, "hey, you know, I was hasty last time, I'd like it if we could have coffee Xday, Xtime". And, how's it gonna feel when she brings her car back for service anyway now? Is she going to avoid that place because of this?
katiegrl Posted August 21, 2015 Posted August 21, 2015 Right, he asked her first. She turned him down. Yeah, he should have at least called and said he's changed his mind, but . . . And, turning a guy down and then circling back by calling him? Nah, if you turn them down, keep moving. If anything, I would have found another reason to bring my car back in and say, "hey, you know, I was hasty last time, I'd like it if we could have coffee Xday, Xtime". And, how's it gonna feel when she brings her car back for service anyway now? Is she going to avoid that place because of this? Red, where did she say he asked her out first? And she rejected his offer? What I read in her first post was that he said she was beautiful and gave her discount on oil change. Even though she said she *rejected* him after that, I am thinking what she meant was that she dismissed his attempts to engage and flirt . That's my take anyway...I may be wrong. Anyway, Later she regretted that, and called and asked him out for coffee. She even said she will never again ask a man out FIRST again. This leads me to conclude he never asked her out, just said she was beautiful and gave her discount. Which indicated interest, and she dismissed him. That's my take anyway. 1
Diezel Posted August 21, 2015 Posted August 21, 2015 I think you should get your oil changed somewhere else. 7
Redhead14 Posted August 21, 2015 Posted August 21, 2015 Red, where did she say he asked her out first? And she rejected his offer? What I read in her first post was that he said she was beautiful and gave her discount on oil change. Even though she said she *rejected* him after that, I am thinking what she meant was that she dismissed his attempts to engage and flirt . That's my take anyway...I may be wrong. Anyway, Later she regretted that, and called and asked him out for coffee. She even said she will never again ask a man out FIRST again. This leads me to conclude he never asked her out, just said she was beautiful and gave her discount. Which indicated interest, and she dismissed him. That's my take anyway. Either way, she basically made him feel she wasn't interested. And, if she changed her mind, she should have made another appointment for something else or waited til she needed something and then showed interest in him but let him ask her. Doing it the way she did it, was really awkward and sends a clingy/needy vibe in my book. Like "oh, this guy might be interested in me but I didn't really like him, but hey, it's a guy showing interest, I should go for it." And, these guys see beautiful women all the time, they are nice,they compliment, etc. but aren't really serious. It's like a bartender, they are nice to all the pretty girls. If he was that interested, he would have said "hey, let's get a cup of coffee" himself.
kendahke Posted August 21, 2015 Posted August 21, 2015 So, the manager at valvoline basically said I m beautiful and asked if I was single. He also gave me a discount on my oil change. I rejected him.. Now you're both 2 for 2. He never was your first choice, you were going to settle for him, so why does it matter if someone who's your "you'll do in a rush" choice decided he wasn't going to be the consolation prize? 2
Toodaloo Posted August 21, 2015 Posted August 21, 2015 How did you go from rejecting him to saying Ok let's go out? He was probably butt hurt from your initial rejection. Sometimes it catches you on the hop and your auto response is to say no... Been there done that. One of them I lived with for years... Its OK to make a mistake, not cool to keep doing it. 2
Redhead14 Posted August 21, 2015 Posted August 21, 2015 Hitting on your customers is so tacky. Yeah, I don't like that kind of thing either and usually, they aren't serious. It's just entertainment for them from working on cars It wouldn't be good business to date customers anyway. If it doesn't work out, the business loses a customer . . . 1
Author BlueIvy Posted August 21, 2015 Author Posted August 21, 2015 Red, where did she say he asked her out first? And she rejected his offer? What I read in her first post was that he said she was beautiful and gave her discount on oil change. Even though she said she *rejected* him after that, I am thinking what she meant was that she dismissed his attempts to engage and flirt . That's my take anyway...I may be wrong. Anyway, Later she regretted that, and called and asked him out for coffee. She even said she will never again ask a man out FIRST again. This leads me to conclude he never asked her out, just said she was beautiful and gave her discount. Which indicated interest, and she dismissed him. That's my take anyway. You're correct, he never asked me out. He said I'm beautiful and that he likes my smile. He also asked, "I know you're probably taken but are you single?" He also asked where I'm from ethnicity wise. He also told me to smile and tried to joke with me as I accidentally sprayed him with windshield wiper fluid, lol. As I was leaving, he again said that I'm beautiful but he doesn't want to push it since I initially said I'm happily single. So, he never asked me out but he did flirt with me and compliment me, and gave me a discount. I did think he was kinda cute and I thought maybe I should be open to it, hence I called him at work asking for coffee. Plus, he seemed nice by how he interacted with me and his employees. I never asked a guy out before but I figured since he showed interest, then why not. And if he did reject me, I would just go to another valvoline for an oil change. Actually, I normally don't go to his particular location but I was in the area.
Author BlueIvy Posted August 21, 2015 Author Posted August 21, 2015 Either way, she basically made him feel she wasn't interested. And, if she changed her mind, she should have made another appointment for something else or waited til she needed something and then showed interest in him but let him ask her. Doing it the way she did it, was really awkward and sends a clingy/needy vibe in my book. Like "oh, this guy might be interested in me but I didn't really like him, but hey, it's a guy showing interest, I should go for it." And, these guys see beautiful women all the time, they are nice,they compliment, etc. but aren't really serious. It's like a bartender, they are nice to all the pretty girls. If he was that interested, he would have said "hey, let's get a cup of coffee" himself. If he wasn't attractive, I would have never asked him for coffee. I'm not desperate. I just thought about it more and figured why not. I had guys that showed interest and I rejected them and left it at that. Perhaps, but then I would think he wouldn't ask me if I'm single, and at the end be wouldn't saying oh I don't wanna push it. So, seems he was trying. Regardless, I'm off it.
katiegrl Posted August 21, 2015 Posted August 21, 2015 You're correct, he never asked me out. He said I'm beautiful and that he likes my smile. He also asked, "I know you're probably taken but are you single?" He also asked where I'm from ethnicity wise. He also told me to smile and tried to joke with me as I accidentally sprayed him with windshield wiper fluid, lol. As I was leaving, he again said that I'm beautiful but he doesn't want to push it since I initially said I'm happily single. So, he never asked me out but he did flirt with me and compliment me, and gave me a discount. I did think he was kinda cute and I thought maybe I should be open to it, hence I called him at work asking for coffee. Plus, he seemed nice by how he interacted with me and his employees. I never asked a guy out before but I figured since he showed interest, then why not. And if he did reject me, I would just go to another valvoline for an oil change. Actually, I normally don't go to his particular location but I was in the area. Blue, you did nothing wrong by asking him for coffee. Sure it was bolder than going back, flirting and waiting for him to ask you out, like Redhead suggested, but it wasn't wrong. You took a risk, and I for one applaud you for that! Had he been interested, whether you asked him, or went back and passively waited for him to ask you, makes no difference..... Sorry this one didn't work out for ya....but don't let it discourage you from taking risks in the future. It was just coffee for heaven's sake .....not a proposal for marriage ..lol 1
Author BlueIvy Posted August 21, 2015 Author Posted August 21, 2015 Sometimes it catches you on the hop and your auto response is to say no... Been there done that. One of them I lived with for years... Its OK to make a mistake, not cool to keep doing it. Exactly! Can women allowed to change our minds? It doesn't necessarily mean thirsty or settling. When he came out; I thought he was cute. Idk why I I kismet rejected him but I had balls to hit him up after. This is not something I do. I think because I been on many dates where the guy is not my type or whatever, men aren't really my agenda now. 1
Author BlueIvy Posted August 21, 2015 Author Posted August 21, 2015 Blue, you did nothing wrong by asking him for coffee. Sure it was bolder than going back, flirting and waiting for him to ask you out, like Redhead suggested, but it wasn't wrong. You took a risk, and I for one applaud you for that! Had he been interested, whether you asked him, or went back and passively waited for him to ask you, makes no difference..... Sorry this one didn't work out for ya....but don't let it discourage you from taking risks in the future. It was just coffee for heaven's sake .....not a proposal for marriage ..lol Girl, I'm over it, lol. He lost his chance. I didn't drive back because that seems like a force. And my next oil change is 3 months away, and by that time I or him would lose interest or may be with someone else. Anyway, thanks:) 1
katiegrl Posted August 21, 2015 Posted August 21, 2015 **Girl, I'm over it, lol** . He lost his chance. I didn't drive back because that seems like a force. And my next oil change is 3 months away, and by that time I or him would lose interest or may be with someone else. Anyway, thanks:) I know you are ...but since you said you would never ask a guy out again ....my last post was more to say don't be afraid to ask a guy (not him!) out for coffee in the future. Especially when guy is flirting and showing interest. It's just coffee! That's all.... 2
losangelena Posted August 21, 2015 Posted August 21, 2015 How did you go from rejecting him to saying Ok let's go out? He was probably butt hurt from your initial rejection. Oh, I'm not saying you can't change your mind, I was just wondering what your thought process was between thinking "nah" and "OK, maybe." When you said you rejected him, I thought that meant he'd asked you out, but now that you've clarified I see that he never actually asked you, he just flirted. I don't think you were anywhere out of bounds in asking him out; him standing you up, regardless of context, was lame and rude. It's tricky sometime when a salesperson is flirting with a customer. Sometimes they do it without any intention of anything else, but I don't think you were wrong in asking.
LoveRefreshed Posted August 21, 2015 Posted August 21, 2015 So, the manager at valvoline basically said I m beautiful and asked if I was single. He also gave me a discount on my oil change. I rejected him. Anyway, after thought I decided to give him a chance so I called him at work asking to meet for coffee. He said yes. We we were suppose to meet a few days later at 4:45 and he said he is at work so I said we can push it later to 6 pm, he said ok. I come at 6 and he said he is still not ready so I wait 15 minutes. I called and texted and he didn't pick up or reply to my text until 2 hours later. He sent me a text saying he is so sorry and to please forgive him and things were crazy at work. But I remember during our phone call he said he had the day off. I haven't replied and don't intend to. What pisses me off is he wasted my time. And two, if he was gonna be so busy doing whatever he should have rescheduled. Actually, I kinda feel like he probably has a gf? Also, he should have CALLED to apologize, not text me. So, the apology comes off as Ingenuine. I also will never ask a guy out again, first and last time. When it comes to dating I'm old fashioned, if a guy likes you he puts in work. And this messed with my ego a little bit, ha ha. I never had a guy stood me up. He seemed to ask you out and you rejected him. Maybe he's playing a game, maybe he's not, but I wouldn't agree to meet him again, because one time stood up means that person is dead to me. However, being someone that takes is job very seriously, and if he is indeed the manager, maybe someone called in sick, he had to go in, thought he could meet, but then couldn't. **** happens. You can decide. 2 hours late is inexcusable to me. Second, if one rejection is enough to mess your ego up to not ask a guy out ever again (actually he asked you out, so their wasn't much of a risk in asking him out) is a little weak, IMO. Lucky for you, you're not a guy, because you'd be single forever with that mentality. Move forward and get over it.
mortensorchid Posted August 21, 2015 Posted August 21, 2015 Forget him. He didn't have enough courtesy to tell you that he was running late or that he was occupied with something else. Whatever he was occupied with (whether it was working like he said or sitting on his duff watching TV), he didn't set the priority right. I once had someone wait until 20 minutes after our appointed meet time send a text to tell me that he couldn't make it. Needless to say I never responded and never heard from him again. Loser. 2
LoveRefreshed Posted August 21, 2015 Posted August 21, 2015 There are very few and far between reasons that a "I can't make it text" should ever come after the date start time.
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