dragonwalker Posted August 21, 2015 Posted August 21, 2015 Ok, so I've been going on dates with a girl for about 1.5 months about 7-8 times. We get along but I haven't gone far physically basically holding hands and kiss on cheek, read my other thread for more info on this. I know many of you would probably tell me to just drop her now but because I'm so inexperienced dating wise I'd like to take it as far as it can reasonably go. Anyway, she recently moved into her own place so I'm thinking that this might change things. I'm giving her this date to give me some indication of this. I proposed bringing over some food to her place in the early evening with some wine and then going to mini golf later for fun if nothing else comes up. Perhaps taking a late night walk afterwards. I really need some help about what I could possibly do to set the right mood to go further. What can I do to make her more comfortable going in that direction or at least talking about the future? Yes I know I could ask but I'd like to have this come about more naturally. Part of me is saying that I should find a opportunity while we are together to make a move on her and go for a kiss or something. I'm just so terrible at escalating things. Part of it is just two dates ago she said we weren't bf/gf and she needed more time so that felt like a rejection of sorts. Yet when I text her and talk in person she seems pretty enthusiastic so I'm not getting other indicators that she wants to end things. I want to be patient and try to understand her perspective perhaps if she is hesitant about the physical part. Am I asking to much here? I don't want to give ultimatums but I think if nothing concrete happens by the end of the night I'm either going to ask some hard questions or end it.
yxalitis Posted August 21, 2015 Posted August 21, 2015 Step closer to her than you have before, right...up...close... Look into her eyes, God how I can't stand people who don't know that simply thing... Put your arms around her waist, still holding her gaze... Kiss her. If she backs off at any stage, say, "this has been fun, but I'm after something more" and leave. 3
mrldii Posted August 21, 2015 Posted August 21, 2015 Step closer to her than you have before, right...up...close... Look into her eyes, God how I can't stand people who don't know that simply thing... Put your arms around her waist, still holding her gaze... Kiss her. If she backs off at any stage, say, "this has been fun, but I'm after something more" and leave. For somebody who wants it to be "natural" and come naturally, this ^^^ is about as good advice - and the most 'manipulating of the situation' - that you should be considering, OP. Good luck to you!
angel.eyes Posted August 21, 2015 Posted August 21, 2015 Everyone moves at their own pace. A "pick up the pace or I'm done" attitude will backfire. That being said, I don't think she's interested in you romantically. Sorry. She enjoys your company. She likes doing stuff with you. She likes that you're there when she needs help. But that's it. Friends. 1
Author dragonwalker Posted August 21, 2015 Author Posted August 21, 2015 Step closer to her than you have before, right...up...close... Look into her eyes, God how I can't stand people who don't know that simply thing... Put your arms around her waist, still holding her gaze... Kiss her. If she backs off at any stage, say, "this has been fun, but I'm after something more" and leave. I like this idea or something similar to it. I think I haven't done this yet because I'm just afraid of losing what little I have but all of you are right. I'm going to just have to man up and take the plunge this time and make it clear that it's over if there isn't some significant development.
Jj66 Posted August 21, 2015 Posted August 21, 2015 I like this idea or something similar to it. I think I haven't done this yet because I'm just afraid of losing what little I have but all of you are right. I'm going to just have to man up and take the plunge this time and make it clear that it's over if there isn't some significant development. Yes, man-up. A man is not afraid of losing something he never had. 1
d0nnivain Posted August 21, 2015 Posted August 21, 2015 Ok, so I've been going on dates with a girl for about 1.5 months about 7-8 times. We get along but I haven't gone far physically basically holding hands and kiss on cheek, I proposed bringing over some food to her place in the early evening with some wine and then going to mini golf later for fun if nothing else comes up. Perhaps taking a late night walk afterwards. I really need some help about what I could possibly do to set the right mood to go further. What can I do to make her more comfortable going in that direction or at least talking about the future? Yes I know I could ask but I'd like to have this come about more naturally. Part of me is saying that I should find a opportunity while we are together to make a move on her and go for a kiss or something. I'm just so terrible at escalating things. Part of it is just two dates ago she said we weren't bf/gf and she needed more time so that felt like a rejection of sorts. Yet when I text her and talk in person she seems pretty enthusiastic so I'm not getting other indicators that she wants to end things. I want to be patient and try to understand her perspective perhaps if she is hesitant about the physical part. Am I asking to much here? I don't want to give ultimatums but I think if nothing concrete happens by the end of the night I'm either going to ask some hard questions or end it. I like this idea or something similar to it. I think I haven't done this yet because I'm just afraid of losing what little I have but all of you are right. I'm going to just have to man up and take the plunge this time and make it clear that it's over if there isn't some significant development. I read your other thread about misspeaking & can tell you that you two have major communications problems. You are not in tune with each other. Especially given her cultural background this woman is screaming at you that she wants dialogue & respect yet her you sit contemplating ultimatums. That is a disaster. If you have yet to share more then a kiss on the cheek showing up at her apartment expecting to escalate the physical side of your relationship is the wrong move. Instead, start with the mini golf. Pick her up, kiss her hello. A peck on the lips would be best but a cheek kiss will do as a hello. Be playful & fun during the mini golf. Do the whole stand behind her thing with your hands on her club to help her line up her shot. You need to learn to be comfortable with lingering casual public touches. Hip check her and side arm hug her when one of you makes a good shot. Playful & flirty are the operative words here. Then go on the long romantic walk. On the walk clear the air about the girlfriend comment. Tell her you would like to be in a relationship & ask her to be your GF. While many women would be OK with you defining her as your GF to third parties, assuming she is interested (which could be a huge assumption), she felt disrespected because you didn't talk to her about it before & sort of foisted your desire on her. Heck when I was 16 I broke up with a guy on the spot for having the temerity to call me his GF without discussing it with me 1st. It can be a touchy subject. If she agrees to be your GF, share a real kiss on this walk. Savor that closeness. Share another one when you take her home but do not go inside. At this point, you need to leave her wanting more. I promise you if you go to her house with wine & try to escalate things from cheek kisses to something else with out the steps I outlined above which take place in quasi-public places you will be shown the door. Don't blow this by being overly pushy.
Author dragonwalker Posted August 22, 2015 Author Posted August 22, 2015 (edited) I read your other thread about misspeaking & can tell you that you two have major communications problems. You are not in tune with each other. Especially given her cultural background this woman is screaming at you that she wants dialogue & respect yet her you sit contemplating ultimatums. That is a disaster. If you have yet to share more then a kiss on the cheek showing up at her apartment expecting to escalate the physical side of your relationship is the wrong move. Instead, start with the mini golf. Pick her up, kiss her hello. A peck on the lips would be best but a cheek kiss will do as a hello. Be playful & fun during the mini golf. Do the whole stand behind her thing with your hands on her club to help her line up her shot. You need to learn to be comfortable with lingering casual public touches. Hip check her and side arm hug her when one of you makes a good shot. Playful & flirty are the operative words here. Then go on the long romantic walk. On the walk clear the air about the girlfriend comment. Tell her you would like to be in a relationship & ask her to be your GF. While many women would be OK with you defining her as your GF to third parties, assuming she is interested (which could be a huge assumption), she felt disrespected because you didn't talk to her about it before & sort of foisted your desire on her. Heck when I was 16 I broke up with a guy on the spot for having the temerity to call me his GF without discussing it with me 1st. It can be a touchy subject. If she agrees to be your GF, share a real kiss on this walk. Savor that closeness. Share another one when you take her home but do not go inside. At this point, you need to leave her wanting more. I promise you if you go to her house with wine & try to escalate things from cheek kisses to something else with out the steps I outlined above which take place in quasi-public places you will be shown the door. Don't blow this by being overly pushy. Thanks d0nnivai, after some consideration I feel that executing your approach to the matter is more sensible. I feel that it will address the concerns of where the relationship is going but yet not force the issue through an ultimatum like scenario. I think it's a great idea to bring up the conversation we had two dates ago about the gf/bf issue and ask to essentially make it official. What would you recommend I do if she says she needs more time? If she says "no" to becoming gf than I definitely will end it there. Also, on the logistics side, she is having furniture delivered before we plan to leave for golf but since it was around dinner we already agreed that I'd bring some food and she would cook something and we would eat at her place. Yes, I was planning to bring some wine to help both of us relax a little but do you think this would be ok? I wouldn't "make any moves" unless ofcourse it was obvious but then I would follow your guidance about the rest of the evening? Do you think that works? Edited August 22, 2015 by dragonwalker
d0nnivain Posted August 22, 2015 Posted August 22, 2015 Since there is already a plan around the furniture delivery sure. I'd skip the mini golf then but do take a walk around the neighborhood.
AlurOne Posted August 22, 2015 Posted August 22, 2015 OP, just go for it dude. If she doesn't want it, she'll make it clear when you try. If she does want it and you do nothing, she will thnk you don't have the confidence to go for what you want. Plus you'll still be wondering where you stand. At mini golf there's probably a little wooden bridge or a waterfall or something... Stop there, make a sort of funny comment about how romantic is and move close to her, catch her gaze and hold it while you go for the kiss.
Author dragonwalker Posted August 23, 2015 Author Posted August 23, 2015 I read your other thread about misspeaking & can tell you that you two have major communications problems. You are not in tune with each other. Especially given her cultural background this woman is screaming at you that she wants dialogue & respect yet her you sit contemplating ultimatums. That is a disaster. If you have yet to share more then a kiss on the cheek showing up at her apartment expecting to escalate the physical side of your relationship is the wrong move. Instead, start with the mini golf. Pick her up, kiss her hello. A peck on the lips would be best but a cheek kiss will do as a hello. Be playful & fun during the mini golf. Do the whole stand behind her thing with your hands on her club to help her line up her shot. You need to learn to be comfortable with lingering casual public touches. Hip check her and side arm hug her when one of you makes a good shot. Playful & flirty are the operative words here. Then go on the long romantic walk. On the walk clear the air about the girlfriend comment. Tell her you would like to be in a relationship & ask her to be your GF. While many women would be OK with you defining her as your GF to third parties, assuming she is interested (which could be a huge assumption), she felt disrespected because you didn't talk to her about it before & sort of foisted your desire on her. Heck when I was 16 I broke up with a guy on the spot for having the temerity to call me his GF without discussing it with me 1st. It can be a touchy subject. If she agrees to be your GF, share a real kiss on this walk. Savor that closeness. Share another one when you take her home but do not go inside. At this point, you need to leave her wanting more. I promise you if you go to her house with wine & try to escalate things from cheek kisses to something else with out the steps I outlined above which take place in quasi-public places you will be shown the door. Don't blow this by being overly pushy. OK Wow what a night! Totally unexpected! So I figure I would begin the attitude with an upbeat, positive, and as friendly as an attitude as I could tonight. I start off the night and get there to her place with some food that I bring over and greet her at the door with a hug and kiss to the cheek. She seems happy to see me and in a playful mood as well. One of the first things she says is that she doesn't really want to go to mini golf and if we could do something else. I joke around a bit and basically say I'm open to that. We chat a little bit and then we set up a make shift dinner table using her desk as a table and new sofa as chairs (she just moved into her new place and doesn't really have proper furniture). Thank goodness I brought some wine! I've never drunk with her and neither of us are drinkers but both of us made an exception tonight. We started by drinking some wine and chatting it up. Throughout this time I'm trying to be a little touchy feely and she is cool with that. We are on the couch when she unexpectedly says something about wanting more room on the sofa and turns to lay down and puts her legs on top of mine. I get the signal and I'm feeling her leg and caressing it. This goes on for awhile and while we are talking I then decide to bring up the question about the relationship. She gets a little more serious and basically I'm reiterating what I mentioned in the first few dates about how I choose not to maintain friendships with the girls I pursue whom it doesn't work out with. She seems to then and now appreciate this particular answer. I mention the rejection of intimacy issues and mixed signals and I'm trying to not make it seem like some kind of ultimatum between either being intimate or ending everything however she is interpreting it that way. I'm make some headway in telling her this is not the case. In the end she doesn't give me a solid answer. Keep in mind that at some point before this I had suggested we go for a walk and she wanted to continue talking and we are both laying on the floor and sharing our personal space and feeling each other. Somehow we get back to the couch to watch a movie. The lights are dimmed and she wants to watch Avengers. We get a little more physical on the couch. Keeping in mind that this entire time I'm definitely the one taking the lead and she is letting me feel her up she's not really reciprocating. Anyway, I'm feeling up her legs, her back, giving her a massage, and we shared a few kisses on the lips before and during this. I'm not really paying attention to the movie and soon into it we start to talking again and we stop watching. Still talking we start to talk a bit more sexually. She's wearing this dress that she changed into after I arrived and basically this is were it turns rated R. My hand make it to her panties and then I'm massaging her private area and she is clearly letting me. We joke around and then I start to finger her. She's getting into it. I'm doing this for awhile and we are kissing and I'm trying to take off my clothes and things are just escalating in the best of ways! Anyway, as I get my pants off she says she doesn't want to have sex. Which I acknowledge while I'm really feeling her up and she's now grinding on top of me. Eventually I suggest we go to her bed which she agrees and ofcourse the ultimate FML moment. We are on the bed and I'm naked and she's almost naked and I'm moving to have sex with her and she says, " I don't have unprotected sex." It really clicks in my head that oh ya that's kind of important and I'm killing myself I didn't bring any condoms and she doesn't have any. I swear I could have done with right there. Anyway I calm down a bit and we are talking, I'm giving her a massage and we are cuddling and kissing. This entire time she's still not exactly reciprocating but more like being on the receiving end of my advances. I end it after awhile after I get some water. Afterwards we continue to talk after we're dressed. We eat some food and she shares some "exciting" information like the fact she dated a black guy before which I just casually accept. I think she was looking for my reaction. We share in a bit more chit chat and then I leave with a hug and kiss on the lips. I get back and send her a message that I had a great time and she says the same. So, totally unexpected because I was thinking that tonight would end so differently. Unbelievably this is as far as I've gotten intimacy wise in a relationship type situation. I've had my fair share of sex before but in hook ups and one night type situations. I'm trying to work this out carefully and what should I do next? Obviously I want to meet her again and she is up for that. What's weird is I can't believe we went this far without her saying she wants to be gf/bf. Also, when we were having our discussion I wanted her to answer to herself if the issues she had about me were things that were changeable or not and if they weren't than we can't be together and if they were to tell me. She said two things, 1 fundamental and 1 changeable. Fundamentally she did say she thought I was a nice guy but that the other guys she has been with have been more "active" and were more pushy. A part of me feels that she liked that in a way but didn't in others. Kind of like the she likes bad boys sort of vibe is what I got. The other more changeable thing was she mentioned that she wanted me to pack on some more muscle. Which I couldn't really say anything but agree to work on that. I'm just trying to sort this out. Help appreciated.
d0nnivain Posted August 23, 2015 Posted August 23, 2015 You don't need any help. You are doing fine. Keep doing what you are doing but bring condoms from now on.
GemmaUK Posted August 23, 2015 Posted August 23, 2015 You don't need any help. You are doing fine. Keep doing what you are doing but bring condoms from now on. Ditto! Good luck DW!
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