sandy1234 Posted August 21, 2015 Posted August 21, 2015 is it okay for your bf to call you once a day even though his not that busy. I have talked to him about it and told him that he should at least call me more than once.I call him more than once but I don't want to be the only one putting more effort here. When I tell him about it he says am nagging and all. I ask myself why would he want to just call me once a day. I want to talk to him more often,I want him to call me and ask me how my day went and all of that. I don't know where I'm going wrong as a gf to want to talk to my bf more often. Like if he is not thinking about me or wanting to check up on me more often then what the heck is he doing? He goes to work from morning to 5pm..he gets an hour lunch..and also while his at work he can talk on the phone,he calls his friends and family while at work. After he gets off he has nothing to do,he just goes home and watches movies.. I know his not exhausted because his job is not demanding. Could it be because I see him often? We see each other almost everyday but there are times when I don't see him for a whole day.And I feel like even if we saw each other other in the morning you can call to check up on me later in the day. I call him but it would be nice if the actions where reciprocated. What should I do? I feel like when I tell him something am not pleased with he says am nagging.
CollegeKid101 Posted August 21, 2015 Posted August 21, 2015 Sandy, I'm not sure how old you are, but as a 20 year old, I ran into the same situation with my girlfriend, but I was the one being nagged about not calling her enough. I'm going to tell you right now to STOP. If he calls you once a day and or you see him often, what's the big deal if he decides to relax after work? He does not need to be talking to you 24/7. How do you know he calls his friends and family during his lunch break? Do you guys text? I'm not trying to be rude, but you're going to chase this guy away with nagging him about this. Trust me. That girlfriend I mentioned earlier? She's an ex now. 5
angel.eyes Posted August 21, 2015 Posted August 21, 2015 He feels once a day is sufficient. You can either accept that and adjust your expectations or realize that you're incompatible and break up. Nagging him to jack up the frequency of his calls will go nowhere except to the land of resentment. 1
Jj66 Posted August 21, 2015 Posted August 21, 2015 Insisting on more than once a day could be nagging and seems a little bit needy to me, but I'm someone who doesn't need a lot of contact. I called my girlfriend almost every day to say goodnight to her. The only exceptions were when I was traveling in a remote area. It was kind of our ritual. The only other time I called her was when something important needed to be discussed. 4
TunaCat Posted August 21, 2015 Posted August 21, 2015 Seriously, why do you need to hear from the guy more than once a day? Especially if you see him often. You need to let him have his own life too. If he's including you in his life, then why are you so desperate to talk to him so much? If he's saying you're nagging, then he wants you to back off and stop being so clingy. Clingy-ness WILL chase him away. 2
angel.eyes Posted August 21, 2015 Posted August 21, 2015 I went and read your other threads on this guy. Since you're so unhappy with him, dump him already. Put yourself (and him) out of this misery. 1
GemmaUK Posted August 21, 2015 Posted August 21, 2015 Sounds like you are expecting way too much in terms of contact. You will just smother him if you continue. I have been smothered like this by two men and it's exhausting, annoying and a total turn off. 2
mrldii Posted August 21, 2015 Posted August 21, 2015 Yes, OP, IMHO it is OK for my boyfriend to call me once a day. Anymore than that, though, and I'll be dumping him for being an attention-starved cling-on. 6
Lois_Griffin Posted August 21, 2015 Posted August 21, 2015 Who cares how much he calls you? When he's not calling you, he's acting like a dumbass hormonal teenager and texting other girls and cheating on you whenever the opportunity arises. The guy is a huge loser and I don't understand why you cling to someone like this. 1
Strongrunner Posted August 21, 2015 Posted August 21, 2015 Going by the other threads based on your boyfriend, this is down to trust. You need him to call you more because you don't trust him. Every relationship needs trust, without it there is no relationship. He has cheated on you, flirts with other women. Open your eyes you are 21 get out there and find a guy that respects you and would never cheat. This guy thinks he can get away with anything! Why? Because you let him!
Strahatmak Posted August 21, 2015 Posted August 21, 2015 I would feel my bf being clingy if he calls more then once a day... Well, it did happen. Men never into chitchatting so my ex's behavior raised the alarm, which I was right; he has an obsessive pesonality and it became horrible. So once a day is fine to me. You both have other things to do, and other people to talk to.
ExpatInItaly Posted August 21, 2015 Posted August 21, 2015 I went and read your other threads on this guy. Since you're so unhappy with him, dump him already. Put yourself (and him) out of this misery. This! This is the same boyfriend who flirts with other women and asks for nudes? Break up with him. Your problems go far beyond the frequency of phone calls. 1
katiegrl Posted August 21, 2015 Posted August 21, 2015 (edited) This! This is the same boyfriend who flirts with other women and asks for nudes? Break up with him. Your problems go far beyond the frequency of phone calls. Is this the same guy who cheats on you? I thought you already broke up with him? :: That said, if this were a normal relationship (instead of a dysfunctional one lacking trust)....then yes it's OKAY (more than okay) for a guy to call once a day. I would suggest that, going forward, you learn to be more independent and create more of a life for yourself, outside your boyfriend. That way you won't need him to keep in constant contact with you...you'll be busy too! Constant contact is suffocating, and causes burn out. If you keep nagging him about it, he WILL eventually feel completely suffocated, get turned off (if not already) and leave. Edited August 21, 2015 by katiegrl
emerald86 Posted August 21, 2015 Posted August 21, 2015 This depends on the people in the relationship. I don't think I've talked on the phone with any of my exes for more than once a day but I was okay with that and so were they. Later on in every relationship, there came a point where I was okay with not seeing them everyday and they were okay with it too. It all comes to trust and personal preferences. If you want to talk to your bf more often, then perhaps you ought to find someone who wants to do the same.
LoveRefreshed Posted August 21, 2015 Posted August 21, 2015 (edited) Good lord, I don't call my gf once a day. Once every other day or every two is my max. If she calls me, I'll answer and talk, but that sounds like codependency in the making. If my gf expected more, I'd probably have a serious discussion with her on expectations that might lead us to going separate ways. EDIT: Checked out other posts by you after reading comments. Dude's a cheater, who cares how many times he calls you? That's not the problem. The problem is his poor boundaries. It already seems you are having problems coping with being cheated on, let him go for you make yourself jaded and insecure and take it out on all of your next boyfriends. Drop this dude immediately, focus on yourself for a bit and start dating someone else. If he makes you feel completely loved and secure, and he never cheats on you, you'll be fine with a once a day phone call, or hell, even less. Edited August 21, 2015 by LoveRefreshed
RecentChange Posted August 21, 2015 Posted August 21, 2015 No, I have never expected a boy friend to call even once a day. How often to do you see each other? Personally, I am not a big fan of talking on the phone, I know there are a lot of men that feel the same way. I like a text at least once a day to "check in" if I am in a serious relationship with someone - but I also do not mind being the sender.
GemmaUK Posted August 21, 2015 Posted August 21, 2015 I didn't read your other thread/s still haven't but if he has cheated on you then he likely will again and most certainly will if you are behaving this way so cut your losses, get out and find a good man.
Redhead14 Posted August 21, 2015 Posted August 21, 2015 is it okay for your bf to call you once a day even though his not that busy. I have talked to him about it and told him that he should at least call me more than once.I call him more than once but I don't want to be the only one putting more effort here. When I tell him about it he says am nagging and all. I ask myself why would he want to just call me once a day. I want to talk to him more often,I want him to call me and ask me how my day went and all of that. I don't know where I'm going wrong as a gf to want to talk to my bf more often. Like if he is not thinking about me or wanting to check up on me more often then what the heck is he doing? He goes to work from morning to 5pm..he gets an hour lunch..and also while his at work he can talk on the phone,he calls his friends and family while at work. After he gets off he has nothing to do,he just goes home and watches movies.. I know his not exhausted because his job is not demanding. Could it be because I see him often? We see each other almost everyday but there are times when I don't see him for a whole day.And I feel like even if we saw each other other in the morning you can call to check up on me later in the day. I call him but it would be nice if the actions where reciprocated. What should I do? I feel like when I tell him something am not pleased with he says am nagging. Apparently, that is all he needs for himself. It is OK for you to let him know you would appreciate hearing from him more often, but if he doesn't want to, why press the issue? You see him often enough, so what's to talk about anyway in between? You express your need, back off and observe. If this is such a big issue for you, you'll need to decide if its big enough to make you move on. If you nag him about it, meaning repeated bring it up, he might do it for you, but grudgingly. In this case, you might want to be careful what you wish for . . . he might start calling you more often, but seeing you less.
Redhead14 Posted August 21, 2015 Posted August 21, 2015 Not that I just read that he's cheated on you, I don't understand why you want him to call you at all ever . . . Even if you think you've forgiven him, you haven't thus the need for constant reassurance. That's not going to be fun for the next 50 years . . .
fitnessfan365 Posted August 21, 2015 Posted August 21, 2015 Wow.. can we say say needy co-dependent? I mean come on Sandy. You say that you see the guy basically every day. But you're demanding multiple phone calls every day on top of that? With how often you see him, you talk enough as it is. I think the problem is that you need to develop more of a life outside your BF. Workout regularly, get a few hobbies you can be passionate about, start seeing your friends and family a few times a week, etc.. That way you can avoid becoming overly attached in an unhealthy manner.
empresario Posted August 21, 2015 Posted August 21, 2015 Here's what you do. First, you call your friend. Then, you three-way call your boyfriend. Your friend tries to hit on your boyfriend and you listen to how he responds. ...oh wait. This isn't 1998. If staying on contact is important to you, realize it's your 'anxious attachment style' coming out. Perhaps there's a compromise in there rather than forcing your boyfriend to do things. He will resent you if you continue to pressure him. No texting? No IMing? No real life? There are a million ways to be social. We live in a social world.
No_Go Posted August 21, 2015 Posted August 21, 2015 Ohh, if my bf called me EVERY day, I'd break up with him, seriously. It is just too much for my style, if he wants / can see me, so be it, but I can't stand small talk <on the phone>. Maybe your bf has similar line of thought? Don't take it personal. is it okay for your bf to call you once a day even though his not that busy. I have talked to him about it and told him that he should at least call me more than once.I call him more than once but I don't want to be the only one putting more effort here. When I tell him about it he says am nagging and all. I ask myself why would he want to just call me once a day. I want to talk to him more often,I want him to call me and ask me how my day went and all of that. I don't know where I'm going wrong as a gf to want to talk to my bf more often. Like if he is not thinking about me or wanting to check up on me more often then what the heck is he doing? He goes to work from morning to 5pm..he gets an hour lunch..and also while his at work he can talk on the phone,he calls his friends and family while at work. After he gets off he has nothing to do,he just goes home and watches movies.. I know his not exhausted because his job is not demanding. Could it be because I see him often? We see each other almost everyday but there are times when I don't see him for a whole day.And I feel like even if we saw each other other in the morning you can call to check up on me later in the day. I call him but it would be nice if the actions where reciprocated. What should I do? I feel like when I tell him something am not pleased with he says am nagging. 1
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