BronzeAgeJaeger217 Posted August 23, 2015 Posted August 23, 2015 they say normal, emotionally-healthy guys have no problem making the first move, approaching, being the initiator, for me being the initiator is a role I've always resented, I wonder if something is just wrong with my genetic programming
ZA Dater Posted August 23, 2015 Posted August 23, 2015 they say normal, emotionally-healthy guys have no problem making the first move, approaching, being the initiator, for me being the initiator is a role I've always resented, I wonder if something is just wrong with my genetic programming I like you resent the fact guys need to initiate but more than that I think its not so much initiating but the fact that OLD has made it possible for females to be far more picky than was perhaps the case in the past. Probably the worst good advice I can give you is this: find someone you really like and then go all out to charm them, as apposed to someone you sort of like. If it doesn't work, look around you, see what's out there and if the game really suits you.
PogoStick Posted August 23, 2015 Posted August 23, 2015 they say normal, emotionally-healthy guys have no problem making the first move, approaching, being the initiator, for me being the initiator is a role I've always resented, I wonder if something is just wrong with my genetic programming What? Many, perhaps most guys are scared to approach a woman and risk rejections. It takes practice and reconditioning to overcome it. 1
BronzeAgeJaeger217 Posted August 24, 2015 Posted August 24, 2015 What? Many, perhaps most guys are scared to approach a woman and risk rejections. It takes practice and reconditioning to overcome it. I'm assuming maybe a lot of these guys just overcame these issues earlier or maybe they had a good role model and good influences growing up, or some guys are just extroverted
Jj66 Posted August 24, 2015 Posted August 24, 2015 You can resent evolution all you want but it has worked out that successful guys initiate. Either man up and ask or you won't get to breed unless you have other good qualities that get women to initiate. But in that case you are just going to have to take what you can get. I do get asked out but my best relationships are all ones where I chose the woman and not the other way around n
ZA Dater Posted August 24, 2015 Posted August 24, 2015 You can resent evolution all you want but it has worked out that successful guys initiate. Either man up and ask or you won't get to breed unless you have other good qualities that get women to initiate. But in that case you are just going to have to take what you can get. I do get asked out but my best relationships are all ones where I chose the woman and not the other way around n I think some of us, myself included just don't know how to chase or even what to do, I thought I did but my record suggests otherwise. I think what Bronze is trying to say, if you get to a certain age it just becomes harder to learn and less excusable that you don't know how to do things.
SummerDreams Posted August 24, 2015 Posted August 24, 2015 Understand a few things: * confidence is sexy Not for me. I prefer men who are shy and dont think they are the kings of the world. Confidence for me equals arrogance and I hate arrogant people.
joseb Posted August 24, 2015 Posted August 24, 2015 I'm assuming maybe a lot of these guys just overcame these issues earlier or maybe they had a good role model and good influences growing up, or some guys are just extroverted All guys experience some level of anxiety when approaching a girl. You just have to be brave enough to do it anyway im in my 40s and i still feel anxious walking up to a girl. But it doesnt stop me doing it. 2
ZA Dater Posted August 24, 2015 Posted August 24, 2015 All guys experience some level of anxiety when approaching a girl. You just have to be brave enough to do it anyway im in my 40s and i still feel anxious walking up to a girl. But it doesnt stop me doing it. I think the anxiety approaching is one thing, how to actually ask someone out or express interest in them, those two things are the ones which either make or break the deal Hindsight is a lovely thing.
BronzeAgeJaeger217 Posted August 24, 2015 Posted August 24, 2015 I think some of us, myself included just don't know how to chase or even what to do, I thought I did but my record suggests otherwise. I think what Bronze is trying to say, if you get to a certain age it just becomes harder to learn and less excusable that you don't know how to do things. Yes and it naturally tends to make you feel bitter and resentful when you feel behind compared to most people your age
BronzeAgeJaeger217 Posted August 24, 2015 Posted August 24, 2015 I think the anxiety approaching is one thing, how to actually ask someone out or express interest in them, those two things are the ones which either make or break the deal Hindsight is a lovely thing. Yes and knowing how to flirt, tease and create sexual tension to avoid the friend zone
ZA Dater Posted August 24, 2015 Posted August 24, 2015 Yes and knowing how to flirt, tease and create sexual tension to avoid the friend zone Wish I knew those things, these days I just look, wonder and then think of something else.
joseb Posted August 24, 2015 Posted August 24, 2015 Wish I knew those things, these days I just look, wonder and then think of something else. If we were living in the 19th century i could understand your frustration and resignation. But we arent. There are countless books on this and any number of videos many of them free. Have you tried to research it? When i needed to replace my bike casette, instread of cursing the fact that i wasnt born with this knowledge i googled it and followed the video....now i can do it without thinking.... 2
ZA Dater Posted August 24, 2015 Posted August 24, 2015 If we were living in the 19th century i could understand your frustration and resignation. But we arent. There are countless books on this and any number of videos many of them free. Have you tried to research it? When i needed to replace my bike casette, instread of cursing the fact that i wasnt born with this knowledge i googled it and followed the video....now i can do it without thinking.... All good and well I agree, everything I have done in life was done the hard way, if I didn't get it right I would try again, learn where I went wrong and try again. Unfortunately the more one read about dating, the more one reads about flirting the less one actually knows. You can try and try and try and still not get anywhere but what's worse if you never truly know where you go wrong, though I suspect I do know, I am just not good looking enough which I cant change. Truthfully not everyone is the same what works with one lady wont work with another and so on, this makes a lot of the so called advice fairly redundant in my opinion. Would someone like me more if I bought them an expensive gift, who knows, would they like me more if I was super hot, probably. Would they like me more if I spoke differently, who knows. Point being, working on the bike and doing anything else in life requires the ability to learn and improve and eventually you will get it right, in my opinion dating isn't like that because if all you face is constant failure, constant rejection with no critique at all, then simply you are not enriching yourself at all, you are destroying your confidence, you hate your life and you simply feel totally worthless. All because you don't know why and how but the why and how differs with each and every person so you may NEVER get the combination right. I envy people who have at least got this right once but I understand all those who carry about bitterness and self loathing.
BronzeAgeJaeger217 Posted August 24, 2015 Posted August 24, 2015 (edited) I was at a dating seminar recently, I met a guy there who told me he did not get his first girlfriend until age 31, and while he says he is happy he finally has a girlfriend, loves being with her, he says he still sometimes gets jealous, envious of guys, men, who got to experience having a girlfriend at a younger age, before he did. I had sympathy and empathy for him, felt his pain. Edited August 24, 2015 by BronzeAgeJaeger217
Jj66 Posted August 24, 2015 Posted August 24, 2015 In my area we have all sorts of gimmicks to help people dating. Other than the normal venues and OLD, there are singles groups for various age groups and backgrounds. Speed dating. Lock and key parties. The list is endless. You can hire a dating coach or even a matchmaker if you want. I live in a metropolitan area where dating is easy. I came from a rural area. In the rural area you got with someone in high school or you were single until the first round of divorces came rolling through and that hot girl who wouldn't give you the time of day is now thinking she might want to try dating a nice guy for a change. Lol.
Diezel Posted August 24, 2015 Posted August 24, 2015 You do know that most athletes in the X-Games aren't riding a bike or a skateboard for the first time, right?
Vercetti Posted August 24, 2015 Posted August 24, 2015 Ok is Overthinking it big time. Google why intelgent men fail with women. Fake it til make it. Turn off the noise. Small talk near everyone encounter. Girl seems to be open, be able to introduce yourself, chat a bit, then ask her to do something know she would like. Learn from mistakes and try to get a bit deeper each time. Only knowing what you want beyond girl would help much. Beyond that could always join some worthless subculture...like the same thing as some dull collective = easy .....
Yummm Posted August 24, 2015 Posted August 24, 2015 I disagree with OP I've only had a few dates in my lifetime and 1 serious RS, yet I went on 3 dates last week and have a few more set up over the next couple of weeks. I've never been into OLD, but since i've started, getting numbers and organizing dates have been easy. In person it's been a little different, but still the same process; if you like somebody, approach them and if there is a mutual connection, she will not hesitate to say yes to a date!
Vercetti Posted August 24, 2015 Posted August 24, 2015 All good and well I agree, everything I have done in life was done the hard way, if I didn't get it right I would try again, learn where I went wrong and try again. Unfortunately the more one read about dating, the more one reads about flirting the less one actually knows. You can try and try and try and still not get anywhere but what's worse if you never truly know where you go wrong, though I suspect I do know, I am just not good looking enough which I cant change. Truthfully not everyone is the same what works with one lady wont work with another and so on, this makes a lot of the so called advice fairly redundant in my opinion. Would someone like me more if I bought them an expensive gift, who knows, would they like me more if I was super hot, probably. Would they like me more if I spoke differently, who knows. Point being, working on the bike and doing anything else in life requires the ability to learn and improve and eventually you will get it right, in my opinion dating isn't like that because if all you face is constant failure, constant rejection with no critique at all, then simply you are not enriching yourself at all, you are destroying your confidence, you hate your life and you simply feel totally worthless. All because you don't know why and how but the why and how differs with each and every person so you may NEVER get the combination right. I envy people who have at least got this right once but I understand all those who carry about bitterness and self loathing. It is trial and error with subjective tossed in. In general can be objective with big universal screw ups. As for looks...can't dress better, can't stand up straight, can't play up postive features. Yeah can do something about looks, people run into are not critical of you as you are when a inch from the mirror. Better dress will make you feel better, in turn look even better, and get treated better then the clone slobs running around.
ZA Dater Posted August 24, 2015 Posted August 24, 2015 It is trial and error with subjective tossed in. In general can be objective with big universal screw ups. As for looks...can't dress better, can't stand up straight, can't play up postive features. Yeah can do something about looks, people run into are not critical of you as you are when a inch from the mirror. Better dress will make you feel better, in turn look even better, and get treated better then the clone slobs running around. Or simply choose to admit dating offers nothing positive to your life and move on to anything else to occupy the time that does contribute in a positive way.
BronzeAgeJaeger217 Posted August 24, 2015 Posted August 24, 2015 Or simply choose to admit dating offers nothing positive to your life and move on to anything else to occupy the time that does contribute in a positive way. Well the desire doesn't go away
joseb Posted August 24, 2015 Posted August 24, 2015 Or simply choose to admit dating offers nothing positive to your life and move on to anything else to occupy the time that does contribute in a positive way. Yes of course you can do that. Life has a far richer tapistry than dating. Its quite possible to be happy single. But if you chose to do that, you need to stop complaning and being bitter and just do it. I grew up on a farm in the country. I didnt have any male role models growing up. I went threw school and uni with very little success in the dating world. I did manage to hook up with a girl (she approached me) at the end of uni who i was with for quite a long time, but then we split so at 30+ i was almost as clueless as anyone really. You guys keep going on as if you are so old its too late for you. 31 is really young. You have almost your whole life in front of you. You can stop making excuses and go live it, or you can keep complaining and doing the same thing over and over. 2
BronzeAgeJaeger217 Posted August 25, 2015 Posted August 25, 2015 Yes of course you can do that. Life has a far richer tapistry than dating. Its quite possible to be happy single. But if you chose to do that, you need to stop complaning and being bitter and just do it. I grew up on a farm in the country. I didnt have any male role models growing up. I went threw school and uni with very little success in the dating world. I did manage to hook up with a girl (she approached me) at the end of uni who i was with for quite a long time, but then we split so at 30+ i was almost as clueless as anyone really. You guys keep going on as if you are so old its too late for you. 31 is really young. You have almost your whole life in front of you. You can stop making excuses and go live it, or you can keep complaining and doing the same thing over and over. Nice to hear of another woman doing an approach, ya I guess too many of us have a rat race mentality
ZA Dater Posted August 25, 2015 Posted August 25, 2015 Yes of course you can do that. Life has a far richer tapistry than dating. Its quite possible to be happy single. But if you chose to do that, you need to stop complaning and being bitter and just do it. I grew up on a farm in the country. I didnt have any male role models growing up. I went threw school and uni with very little success in the dating world. I did manage to hook up with a girl (she approached me) at the end of uni who i was with for quite a long time, but then we split so at 30+ i was almost as clueless as anyone really. You guys keep going on as if you are so old its too late for you. 31 is really young. You have almost your whole life in front of you. You can stop making excuses and go live it, or you can keep complaining and doing the same thing over and over. Sure you can be happy single but you are ALWAYS going to miss what you don't have or want what you cant get or alternatively just become cynical and bitter. Perhaps like me you will end up a combination of all of those. Fact remains 31 is too old to be clueless, that inexperienced is a major handicap and I will refute any claims by anyone who says it isn't. The older you get the less desirable your 'choice" becomes, ideally I'd want to date 24-25yo, why because a 31-34 yo doesn't interest me because most of them want kids "now" and are looking to settle down, whereis a 24-25yo there is time to grow into the idea, that's why age is important and another reason inexperience becomes a major handicap. Its not normal by any stretch to have never been kissed by 31, again nobody can tell me it is. Bottom line, single life isn't a choice one makes its a choice that's seemingly made for one by a whole variety of circumstances which renders one perpetually unattractive to anyone of a reasonable standard.
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