Jj66 Posted August 20, 2015 Posted August 20, 2015 The two threads on inappropriate touching on the first date made me think about my own experiences. My last first date. I had met her in a group setting a couple of times and we had exchanged some emails before so we weren't starting from square zero. We met to go on a hike after work. First touching: we hugged when we met at the park. Second touching: I put out my hand to help her crossing some slippery rocks. That was about as natural as it gets. You are giving her a hand because you are a gentleman, not because you are trying to invade her personal space. And when she was safely on the other side I intentionally didn't let go immediately- and most importantly, neither did she. An important cue. I then looked at her lips and smiled like I was going to kiss her, but I gathered my resolve, let go of her and continued walking. This went smoothly- taking less time to happen than to tell what happened. She now knows that I have enough animal instincts to want to take her but also knows that I have enough self-control that I probably won't bang her roommate when she's not around. But most importantly I left her thinking about the kiss that almost happened. Third touching: she offers me a drink from her water bottle and our hands touch just a little too long while exchanging the bottle. I look at her with my bedroom eyes while I drink some water and hand it back to her. After the hike she asked if I had to be anywhere or if I wanted to go somewhere and cool down. I suggested getting a drink at a nearby pub. We met up at the pub and had a couple of beers and water. Conversation at one point went to my beard and I told her it was a little more unkempt than usual. Fourth and fifth touching: she said she likes it and she reaches across the table and strokes my beard. It caught me by surprise but it wasn't unwelcome. I put my hand over hers and clasped it bringing it back down to the table (I'm sure with a devious look in my eyes). Sixth and 7th touching, etc: she smiled back at me and I reached across the high top lifted her chin and kissed her. She kissed back, eagerly. She had been anticipating this for a couple of hours now. We kissed for a long time it seemed before I pulled away realizing we were in a pub with an audience. We touched hands frequently while we shared an appetizer. After I paid up I walked her to her car, she grasped my hand on the way. She put her jacket in her car and said you've probably heard this a gazillion times but you have an awesome smile. Thank you, I like yours too. As I kissed her she leaned back against her door and pulled me toward her. No doubt about the body language. It was a symbolic submission, saying take me. I kissed her and ran my hands along her waist and up her sides close to her breasts but I intentionally didn't touch her breasts. I pulled myself up and breathlessly said I better go now. But damn. When can I see you again? -- Call me. -- Oh, I definitely will. I know it all sounds a bit contrived and sort of like a game to hold her hand too long, pretend to be about to kiss her, cutting make-out sessions short when you are obviously both into it, not feeling her up but making sure she can tell you want to, etc. But it *is* kind of a game. Or more precisely, it's a dance. You do the mating dance, and if you are successful you get to mate. Its sensual. It's natural. It's primal. Notice I did not push anything - except the kiss at the table but it flowed smoothly after she touched my beard. I did not feel her up although I'm sure she would not have stopped me. I did not ask her to come back to my place. She MAY have gone if I had. But I didn't want it to happen that way. In my mind I would have her over to my place, make dinner for her, have a bottle of wine, draw her a bath, have nothing on our schedules the next day and know going into it that she is staying the night. We will have talked about STDs and birth control (I have a vasectomy) before she comes over. She will be nervously anticipating it and horny as hell before it happens. My advice: Be the man. Be strong. Have self-control equal to all occasions. But just barely when it comes to your desire for her. Let her know that you can be trusted to be in charge sexually. She's so used to being the gate keeper when it comes to sex. She will be grateful inside when she realizes she doesn't have to take sole responsibility about that with you. Then make her lose her self-control in your presence instead of the other way around. When you finally do have sex she will want you completely without reservations and there is nothing more awesome than that. Am I a gentleman or a wolf?
phineas Posted August 21, 2015 Posted August 21, 2015 Make the ho say no. Period. If she likes you she won't fault you for trying to bed her and will see you again. If she wasn't into you or has issues you'll never see her again and that isn't a bad thing. 1
mrldii Posted August 21, 2015 Posted August 21, 2015 Make the ho say no. Period. If she likes you she won't fault you for trying to bed her and will see you again. If she wasn't into you or has issues you'll never see her again and that isn't a bad thing. That was about as crude and crass as one can put it, but - put a tad more eloquently - I'd have to agree. To the OP's query: Am I a gentleman or a wolf? IMHO, you're either a gentleman in wolf's clothing, or a wolf in gentleman's clothing...neither of which is necessarily a bad thing, mind you. You put out feelers, got positive responses, and received positive reinforcing initiations in return. Reads like you are simply able to read and understand the social *rules* of normal, adult, [sexually-charged] interplay between heterosexual people who are interested in the possibility of a *normal* adult relationship. Keep up the good work, OP!!!
Author Jj66 Posted August 21, 2015 Author Posted August 21, 2015 Make the ho say no. Period. If she likes you she won't fault you for trying to bed her and will see you again. If she wasn't into you or has issues you'll never see her again and that isn't a bad thing. I can't argue with the part in bold. I used to work that way when I was in my 20s. But in my 40s I find the sex is better if I build her up my way instead of pressing for the immediate score. Maybe it's a quality versus quantity thing.
phineas Posted August 21, 2015 Posted August 21, 2015 That was about as crude and crass as one can put it, but - put a tad more eloquently - I'd have to agree. Thanks. i was in a rhyming mood.
mrldii Posted August 21, 2015 Posted August 21, 2015 Thanks. i was in a rhyming mood. I "liked" it, but forgot to put in the , when I quoted you. Wanted to go back and add it, but the OP had already posted under me. It really did make me "LOL" when I read it...so I wasn't nearly as *shocked* as my reply might have made it appear I was. I may even steal it and find a way to drop it into casual, everyday speech...
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