LivingDeadGrl Posted August 20, 2015 Posted August 20, 2015 So I have this friend who is interested in me, I know he would love to have a FWB deal but I am just not ready for that type of thing... However! He said : The best way to get over someone is to get under someone else. True? I think it's just ignoring and masking your feelings, having them occupied by someone else. What do you think??
Oregon_Dude Posted August 20, 2015 Posted August 20, 2015 For women, it's not going to be great for the self-esteem. You can get laid anytime you want to; might make you feel used. For men, it's going to be great for the self-esteem. We love knowing we're attractive after being rejected. Sex is a great way for us to feel attractive. Anyway, it's probably really easy for you, so I don't know what it will accomplish in terms of feeling better. 1
Author LivingDeadGrl Posted August 20, 2015 Author Posted August 20, 2015 It is, but I am not into just sleeping around. I think it could be beneficial for some women's self esteem too.
CarrieT Posted August 20, 2015 Posted August 20, 2015 Nope. You can get wrapped up in the moment of being with someone, but ultimately being left alone after the act is a very solitary thing that only emphasizes your lack of a real relationship. 2
Oregon_Dude Posted August 20, 2015 Posted August 20, 2015 This thread makes me feel a bit happy knowing that if my ex is getting laid, she's going to be lonely afterwards. Especially because our sex was so good. 4
Oregon_Dude Posted August 20, 2015 Posted August 20, 2015 I think it could be beneficial for some women's self esteem too.For unattractive women, sure.
jen1447 Posted August 20, 2015 Posted August 20, 2015 I don't think it would particularly help you get over your ex, but it could be a pleasant distraction from your problems. (As long as you could handle it like a genuine FWB.)
quattrob Posted August 20, 2015 Posted August 20, 2015 FWB is degrading and I do not condone it. It's disrespectful to yourself. Decide wisely as you can hurt yourself and others doing fwb. 1
mrldii Posted August 21, 2015 Posted August 21, 2015 In my experience, it can be true...but not necessarily for the right/good reasons. When the one you're now getting under to get over the other one goes south, you'll either go back to pining away for the first one even harder OR be *so invested* in the next one, that you just transfer your grieving onto him, in the first one's place...at double the intensity. In my experience, the best way to 'get over' someone is to thoroughly work through whatever went *wrong* in that relationship before moving on to relating with/to/at ANYone else. That includes NOT accepting one-on-one dates/hook-ups until I've worked through my part in the last one. Best of luck to you, OP...oh, and I give your male friend a 'A' for effort, but I'm not completely sure he's not just operating out of purely selfish motives...something I'd NOT want in someone I call "a friend". 1
aloneinaz Posted August 21, 2015 Posted August 21, 2015 I think getting laid is a good thing for either a guy or girl after being dumped. Why? It's good for their self esteem and confidence to know that others do find them attractive. It also in a weird way feels good that the last time you had sex wasn't with the person who kicked you to the curb. I agree that it's not a "cure all" to fully escape from the hurt of your last relationship. It can however, put you on track to accepting it and give you the boost to continue on the dating circuit until the next person comes along and rocks your world. Oregon, I'm not sure I agree that any woman could get laid anytime they want. I know lots of attractive woman who go on streaks of bad dates with guys that don't like them. I know I've had dates with attractive woman that I didn't care for. I turned down sex on a couple of occasions due to simply not liking their personalities or lack of them. 1
erklat Posted August 21, 2015 Posted August 21, 2015 Both men and women equally love and need sex. So if you find him attractive go after it. Not every interaction between opposite sex ends up in kids and marriage.
Gus Grimly Posted August 21, 2015 Posted August 21, 2015 I have an anecdote to share. I broke up with my Ex 2 years ago due to a horrible depression and a ton of drama going on in her life. We remained super close, talking every day. I was still using Teamviewer to help with her computer problems remotely. We were still talking and texting every day. She went on OKCupid and met a guy. She told me about him, said they had a date, was asking me what she should wear and how nervous but excited she was. That obviously killed me. After the date, she called me up and told me how cool and funny he was and that she really liked him. 5 days later they had another date. The whole week I begged her not to go on it, sent her flowers, told her I wanted her back. She told me "I need to think about it". I didn't hear from her all weekend. On Monday, I was out of my mind, so I snuck on Teamviewer and found out she slept with him. This is within a week after breaking up mind you. I flipped out and called her at lunch. She didn't deny it and told me "I think I could be happy with him". I was like WTF? I went off on her and she cried. We eventually made up and got back together. Later, I asked her why she slept with some random guy she just met. She said it was to "get over me". I didn't say anything, but at the time I thought it was BS. Fast forward. She did the exact same thing after breaking off our engagement last month. She even called the guy from 2 years ago up, but he probably told her to get lost. She's now been intimately involved with a man after only 3 weeks of the BU. Whatever.... I think some people use sex as a device to get over someone because it's a quick fix, especially if they are angry and feel justified. Obviously, with my Ex she seeks out the comfort of men to feel good about herself and to fill the void of companionship that I provided. I find it repulsive, but who am I to judge. If it works for you, more power to ya. To each his own, right?
mtnbiker3000 Posted August 21, 2015 Posted August 21, 2015 Everyone responds differently to casual sex. Some might benefit from it and some might not. Male or female. One thing is for sure, it WON'T replace a loving RS with someone you cared for deeply... And, nothiong wrong with abstaining for a while. Might help you clear your mind and rearrange your priorities 2
Author LivingDeadGrl Posted August 21, 2015 Author Posted August 21, 2015 I shouldn't say he wants a FWB deal, it just seemed that way because he knew I just left my ex and was not wanting anything at all from any guy. He actually said he thought sex would "ruin what we have". We are friends. I know he wants to sleep with me though, so I don't know how to take that. I will admit, even though I am the dumper and the one who left, I was heart broken. Talking to my friend has helped me deal a lot and not be sad every day. I think it's true that once you're done sleeping with the person you're still left with the emptiness of the lack of relationship.
mtnbiker3000 Posted August 22, 2015 Posted August 22, 2015 Then don't sleep with anyone for a while. Until you are ready again... It's not a race!!!!
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