Firstheartbreaksux Posted August 18, 2015 Posted August 18, 2015 Lost the love of my life about 3 weeks ago. Today marks day 4 of NC. I've read so many stories on here, I literally spend hours on this site every day, and I've learned a lot of the coping methods. Focus on myself, give the love I want to give her to myself and so forth. One I'm convinced she'll never come back, another I think she might after some time. I know I can't live expecting her to come back, but i can't help it. I've been drinking my sorrows away. I've had various talks with a lot of people, believe me my mind understands, but my heart doesn't. I know what I should be doing, but there's no motivation. I need to focus on myself but I don't see a me without her. I probably won't go out or hang out with friends tonight and I'm scared of the lonlyness. I'm just a dull existence.
Satu Posted August 18, 2015 Posted August 18, 2015 Yes, you can cope, and you will. At the moment you can just, but only just, cope. Your posting here is an example of you coping. As the days go by it will get easier. In the very early stages of a breakup, it's a matter of enduring the pain, and getting through the day, one day at a time. But gradually the feelings will reduce in intensity, and you'll find it easier to get through your days. After some time, you'll move on and be happy again. Thats how it works. You'll be ok. Take care. 3
Yummm Posted August 19, 2015 Posted August 19, 2015 Wise words from Satu. I've been through the same as you buddy, i'm pretty sure everybody on this site has. We're making it through day by day and so will you. Stay strong, keep posting when you feel weak. Drinking will only intensify the pain eventually and cause more problems than ones you already have to deal with! Get through today mate, and onto tomorrow! 2
CT98 Posted August 19, 2015 Posted August 19, 2015 You're only on day 4 buddy, the emotions are still very very raw. You're going to be just fine. In the early stages of my break up I found it useful to break up my day into little snippets of time until I went to bed..and always have something to keep myself occupied.. Just an idea.. Take care, post on here as much as you need to, everyone is behind you. 1
Author Firstheartbreaksux Posted August 20, 2015 Author Posted August 20, 2015 All the empty feelings, and thoughts of her still plague me. But I'm getting better at telling myself if she wanted to be her or wanted to make it work she would. I'm starting to eat again, and i actually made it through a show without losing interest. I'm giving myself a few more days to grieve and then I'm going to go back to exercising and drawing. I however did come across a situation with the mother of my children that I could usually count on my ex for. I knew I could always count on her to be there for us. The loneliness and sense of abandonment are really getting to me, not only me but abandoning my children who love, miss, and still ask about her. Might break down here in a second
Yummm Posted August 20, 2015 Posted August 20, 2015 You said it yourself mate, today was a little better! Day by day, only day 6, keep powering through and stay positive.
Author Firstheartbreaksux Posted August 20, 2015 Author Posted August 20, 2015 thanks for sticking with me through this yumm
Author Firstheartbreaksux Posted August 20, 2015 Author Posted August 20, 2015 So I've held onto things that she had left at my house, clothes, plastic drawers she put the clothes and stuff in, a little white board that still said she loves me, and a crazy huge valentine's day card explaining how were soul mates, bestfriends, together forever, even if we can't have much we can have each other blah blah blah. I put it all in a closet while I was still hoping to hear from here. I will be sticking to NC, I will drop it off at her parents house while she's at work. I will keep you guys updated, thank you for riding this out with me.
Author Firstheartbreaksux Posted August 20, 2015 Author Posted August 20, 2015 Debating taking the clothes she bought me too, they're really expensive and it's like a whole wardrobe.
TaraMaiden2 Posted August 20, 2015 Posted August 20, 2015 The clothes are yours. What will she do with them? They were a gift, and as such, yours to keep. But please, don't keep associating her with every little thing you wear, when she bought it, why or where, for what occasion... if you're going to do that, give one garment a month to a charity shop and go out and replace it with a new garment. Ditch a jumper - buy some trousers. Ditch a jacket - buy a shirt. That way, you'll gradually forget the items you replaced and get rid of them without emotional attachment.... 2
Author Firstheartbreaksux Posted August 20, 2015 Author Posted August 20, 2015 (edited) You're right. Edited August 20, 2015 by Firstheartbreaksux
Author Firstheartbreaksux Posted August 21, 2015 Author Posted August 21, 2015 I'm going to document what I consider to be the important parts of my healing in hopes of one day looking back and helping others. I had a conversation today with someone that shed some more light about the BU. Some things that make it feel more like she was the one and I drove her away. More details about that in my original break up post. It really messed me up, I feel like I have been fighting back tears this whole time, and i finally broke down. I couldn't hold in my emotions anymore, and i talked down to myself all day. I don't think I am a bad guy, but i did have my flaws, and i realize this now. I learned a lot of lessons about relationships and people. And I have the sudden urge to break the NC. NC is about keeping dignity and self respect, but what if I want to swallow my pride and if I could just get through to her I was wrong, and i know I was, maybe I could have the life of my life back. But the thing is, I have already done this, I wrote her a letter a couple weeks ago detailing everything I think she needed to know about my actions. But I think it was just to soon, but i also think 6 days is to soon, even though I was NC for 2 weeks prior to that letter. I won't break NC, but the fight is really hard tonight. I was never disrespectful, yelled, or cheated. But wen all of our plans for the future changed, I didn't take it well, but i should've just been patient and let time unfold things, so I think I will take that route now. Thank you for reading.
Viscerality Posted August 21, 2015 Posted August 21, 2015 NC is the absolute best cure for your situation. It's the bread to your butter. Your ace-in-the-hole. One day you guys could be friends, but for now, focus on you. Do everything you can to keep your mind off of her. Trust me, I've been there. I thought I would never get over my ex. And if I kept talking to her, I might not have. 1
Smitten and Bitten Posted August 22, 2015 Posted August 22, 2015 Had to say something...sometimes when people start drinking their sorrows away, they can't stop.
Author Firstheartbreaksux Posted August 22, 2015 Author Posted August 22, 2015 I finally cried yesterday, for about an hour and let everything that I was holding in out. It felt great. I have also been reaching out to old friendships which is always a good feeling. Although I still miss her incredibly, the "weight on the chest" and the "knots in the stomach" feelings aren't there anymore. I do get lost in thought thinking about our past, and I'm still conflicted about how so long of so good, could be shattered by so little of so bad. I also find myself repeating essays I would say to her if she was willing to give it another shot. But then I remember if she wanted to work things out, she would, but i still have that hope. But this experience has taught me alot, I'm 25 and I've never really been single or alone in a romantic sense. I have decided to drop off stuff that she left here as per my other post. I will be dropping it off at her parents house while she is at work so I will be sticking to NC. I am kind of expecting a text when she sees it, but If it's anything short of the 180 then I'll either ignore or be short, my dignity is all I have left. thanks for reading and sticking with me. It's only day 8 for me, but it is getting easier.
Author Firstheartbreaksux Posted August 22, 2015 Author Posted August 22, 2015 Well mission accomplished, not as smooth as I wanted it to go though. Her mother came out as I was getting back in the car and I just left. I feel like I should have talked to her but I wasn't really sure what to say, maybe apologize for all the fights she overheard, even though it was her daughter that would yell and get frustrated while I just wanted to talk. But what's done is done. I am anxious about a text though, I've thought about replies to several scenarios, but i might not even get a text. I'll just keep letting time do its thing.
Author Firstheartbreaksux Posted August 22, 2015 Author Posted August 22, 2015 She has been home for at least an hour, no text. Although I feel like I needed to do this, it kind of set me back. I have that nervous, anxious, sad and lonely pretty bad right now. She's all I have been thinking and what her reaction to the things were. Maybe it would've been better to speak to her mother but who knows. Man this heartbreak stuff sucks. It's so hard, I took my daughter's to chuck E Cheese alone partner free for the first in 5 years. I ended up resenting her for it, my little ones had fun, but they usually have one person dedicated to each of them. There's so many things that come with being alone.
Author Firstheartbreaksux Posted August 23, 2015 Author Posted August 23, 2015 3 hours later and I'm still waiting for a text and reciting lines. Wtf is wrong with me.
Gus Grimly Posted August 23, 2015 Posted August 23, 2015 Nothing wrong with you. Just clinging on to any breadcrumb she might toss your way. We've all been there. The best thing for you is the hardest thing and that's blocking her in every conceivable way you can. It's not gonna be easy, no way. I broke NC and all it did was grant my Ex more power over me as well as adding insult to injury. You can avoid all that by staying strong and trying your best to move forward. 1
Author Firstheartbreaksux Posted August 23, 2015 Author Posted August 23, 2015 That's the plan, but you're right it's so hard.
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