FaithInTheDark Posted August 20, 2015 Posted August 20, 2015 I've been seeing a man for about 6 weeks but him and I have had on and off history for years. He's back in my life but expressed commitment issues...time and time again . After some time I discussed that I need to know if we were gonna work toward something eventually or else it wasn't fair to me since I wanted the real deal. He's had cold feet with labels but I stood up for what I wanted / deserved from him. After the discussion, he's stepped it up by calling everyday, wanting to spend time and showing he cared on his own ways. It's been nearly everyday and night together but in my head I was wondering if we're official. I'm really new to relationships. Last night he was on the phone with someone and said "I'm with my girlfriend right now" After he hung up he said "I called you my girlfriend, does that make you happy?" I could tell he was needing assurance and I said yes. I tried to play it cool but deep down I've been wanting him to say that for years. I know this sounds silly but does this mean him and I are official now?
introverted1 Posted August 20, 2015 Posted August 20, 2015 I've been seeing a man for about 6 weeks but him and I have had on and off history for years. He's back in my life but expressed commitment issues...time and time again . After some time I discussed that I need to know if we were gonna work toward something eventually or else it wasn't fair to me since I wanted the real deal. He's had cold feet with labels but I stood up for what I wanted / deserved from him. After the discussion, he's stepped it up by calling everyday, wanting to spend time and showing he cared on his own ways. It's been nearly everyday and night together but in my head I was wondering if we're official. I'm really new to relationships. Last night he was on the phone with someone and said "I'm with my girlfriend right now" After he hung up he said "I called you my girlfriend, does that make you happy?" I could tell he was needing assurance and I said yes. I tried to play it cool but deep down I've been wanting him to say that for years. I know this sounds silly but does this mean him and I are official now? This sounds passive-aggressive to me. Is he calling you his gf because of how he feels or because he feels pressured into doing so? I think this leopard has not necessarily changed his spots. 3
PaperCrane Posted August 20, 2015 Posted August 20, 2015 I would say yes. If someone calls you their girlfriend that typically means you're official. Even if someone is passive aggressive in using it, he stated it out in the open and to someone else as well. Ask him if he means you are his official girlfriend or not, because you want to hold that title proudly. If he says yes, bing bang boom done. 2
Author FaithInTheDark Posted August 20, 2015 Author Posted August 20, 2015 This sounds passive-aggressive to me. Is he calling you his gf because of how he feels or because he feels pressured into doing so? I think this leopard has not necessarily changed his spots. I know he says he doesn't want pressure but he said I love you a few times too 1
fitnessfan365 Posted August 20, 2015 Posted August 20, 2015 This sounds passive-aggressive to me. Is he calling you his gf because of how he feels or because he feels pressured into doing so? I think this leopard has not necessarily changed his spots. Good post and I agree. It came off more like he felt pressure and just wanted to get it over with.
Redhead14 Posted August 20, 2015 Posted August 20, 2015 I've been seeing a man for about 6 weeks but him and I have had on and off history for years. He's back in my life but expressed commitment issues...time and time again . After some time I discussed that I need to know if we were gonna work toward something eventually or else it wasn't fair to me since I wanted the real deal. He's had cold feet with labels but I stood up for what I wanted / deserved from him. After the discussion, he's stepped it up by calling everyday, wanting to spend time and showing he cared on his own ways. It's been nearly everyday and night together but in my head I was wondering if we're official. I'm really new to relationships. Last night he was on the phone with someone and said "I'm with my girlfriend right now" After he hung up he said "I called you my girlfriend, does that make you happy?" I could tell he was needing assurance and I said yes. I tried to play it cool but deep down I've been wanting him to say that for years. I know this sounds silly but does this mean him and I are official now? I would not make that assumption for quite some time. "I called you my girlfriend, does that make you happy?" is passive-aggressive. YOu will need to observe his behavior now. A man who is possibily emotionally unavailable and commitment-resistent, at best, will make these strides some times and then feel overwhelmed and pull away/pull back afterward. Yes, he's been calling alot, etc., but be prepared for it to slow down or even stop completely for a bit. In the moment, they do what needs to be done because they feel they are losing you, whether or not they are "attached" to you. He can say that all he wants, but he needs to show you that he is your boyfriend in so many other ways besides calling regularly, etc. . . . showing he cared on his own ways -- do "his ways" meet your needs?
Author FaithInTheDark Posted August 20, 2015 Author Posted August 20, 2015 I would not make that assumption for quite some time. "I called you my girlfriend, does that make you happy?" is passive-aggressive. YOu will need to observe his behavior now. A man who is possibily emotionally unavailable and commitment-resistent, at best, will make these strides some times and then feel overwhelmed and pull away/pull back afterward. Yes, he's been calling alot, etc., but be prepared for it to slow down or even stop completely for a bit. In the moment, they do what needs to be done because they feel they are losing you, whether or not they are "attached" to you. He can say that all he wants, but he needs to show you that he is your boyfriend in so many other ways besides calling regularly, etc. . . . showing he cared on his own ways -- do "his ways" meet your needs? im not too sure why id prepare for him to stop being in my life after stating i was his girlfriend to someone. he just called me today and we will probably see each other tonight. I guess noone on here would fully understand out relationship so its hard to say.
Redhead14 Posted August 20, 2015 Posted August 20, 2015 im not too sure why id prepare for him to stop being in my life after stating i was his girlfriend to someone. he just called me today and we will probably see each other tonight. I guess noone on here would fully understand out relationship so its hard to say. There is no way for us to know for sure, of course, but given the information you've provided, my personal and professional experience, I am telling you what the possibilities are and there is some likelihood. In addition, a few of us here pointed out that he said it in a passive-aggressive way, which is really about him doing that to shut you up rather than because he wanted to. I didn't say prepare for him to stop being in your life, I said prepare for him to possibly pull away or pull back some. It could be anywhere from a few days to a month even more if he is emotionally unavailable/commitment-phobic. YOu may find that he fades in and out regularly as well. You say it's been years, yes? Enjoy this for now, but just pay attention, that's all. I hope it all goes just right for you both. And you, yourself, questioned his calling you his "girlfriend".
casey.lives Posted August 20, 2015 Posted August 20, 2015 i don't think it's passive aggressive. it's kind of a hard thing to throw out there. you're my GF now.. Seems .. like, how does one say that anyways?! Yes. you're official. I'd just be happy and tell absolutely everyone 2
Methodical Posted August 20, 2015 Posted August 20, 2015 He is being passive-aggressive. He turned around and said, "I called you my girlfriend. Does that make you happy?" You said yes. Referring to you as his gf is not the same thing as establishing relationship status. As it stands now, no boundaries exist and no commitment affirmed, which leaves the door wide open for interpretation. You need to have a clear, concise conversation with him whereby nothing is left to chance or interpret. 1
Jj66 Posted August 20, 2015 Posted August 20, 2015 What does it even mean to be official in a bf/gf context? As in the Facebook official silliness? That is something I won't do again- no relationship status changes unless I get engaged. Until then my status will remain unpublished. The FB world doesn't need to know about my personal life. Boyfriend/girlfriend mean different things to different people so even if you agree on the terms it doesn't really say too much about the relationship. So are you official? I would ask these questions. Are you making future plans together? (Like more than a couple weeks out)? Do you spend time together by default without having to make a 'date'? Do you hold yourself out to friends and family as a couple?
Author FaithInTheDark Posted August 20, 2015 Author Posted August 20, 2015 What does it even mean to be official in a bf/gf context? As in the Facebook official silliness? That is something I won't do again- no relationship status changes unless I get engaged. Until then my status will remain unpublished. The FB world doesn't need to know about my personal life. Boyfriend/girlfriend mean different things to different people so even if you agree on the terms it doesn't really say too much about the relationship. So are you official? I would ask these questions. Are you making future plans together? (Like more than a couple weeks out)? Do you spend time together by default without having to make a 'date'? Do you hold yourself out to friends and family as a couple? yes, we make future plans together, we spend nearly everyday together, he is usually the one reaching out. weve met each others friends and family but it was too early in the relationship to introduce as a couple
Jj66 Posted August 20, 2015 Posted August 20, 2015 yes, we make future plans together, we spend nearly everyday together, he is usually the one reaching out. weve met each others friends and family but it was too early in the relationship to introduce as a couple Based on this it seems he actually thinks of you as his girlfriend even if he's not comfortable saying the word. I wasn't there to hear the tone of voice when he made the quip about calling you his girlfriend. I could easily see myself doing the same (but jokingly) just to make sure you had noticed what I said
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