johndoe2 Posted August 20, 2015 Posted August 20, 2015 Hi all. I should clarify: by 'dancing' I don't mean slow dancing or ballroom dancing, which I'm fine with. I mean bar/club 'jump up and down and have an epileptic fit' dancing. I put this in the dating section since, at least among young, urban folks, going to bars/clubs and dancing seems to be a (maybe the) favored means of meeting women (or men, but for me particularly women). At any rate, it's understatement to say that I don't like 'dancing'. I go to a bar or club, approach the dance floor, but I basically can't bring myself to do it. It just seems really weird to me. I don't like the music (I listen to classical usually), and it's really unnatural to me. Even alone in my apartment, it still seems somehow unbearably humiliating. But it seems necessary. So the last week or so I've been conducting a little experiment in aversion therapy: I've gone to a bar in my city with a big dance floor, which, fortunately, is dark and very crowded, basically a mosh pit. I don't know why, but dancing in a crowded area where it's not obvious I don't belong to any group or cluster of friends seems less humiliating than dancing in a more sparsely populated environment. Anyway, that's what I've been doing, going to this place, drinking a enough bourben to overwhelm my inhibitions, and doing the whole 'wiggle around like a beached carp learning how to fence' thing that everyone seems to be doing. Does anyone else have this sort of 'dancing apprehension?' Is it possible to get over it? I can't imagine I'm the only one: at this bar I went to it seems 2/3 of the guys there are standing around the periphery looking like they're trying to decide whether to jump into a swimming pool or like they're solving a Rubik's cube. Oh, also, how does the etiquette work for club dancing? It seems like the thing to do is just go up to some 'unclaimed' woman and start trying to grind with her and see if she's receptive. It's hard to tell whether the people doing this already know each other or are strangers, but in a lot of cases it seems like just pure strangers (I try to learn by observing). I suppose one needs to set aside real-world politeness and be more audacious when it comes to 'dancing?'
yxalitis Posted August 20, 2015 Posted August 20, 2015 Why do you have to "get over it" If you don't like it, don't do it! What do you think it "Seems necessary" Utter garbage! Why not GO ballroom dancing if you like that, and see if you can't meet a person there... Do what You want, not what you think other people EXPECT you to do.. The right person will respect you for that. It's finding that "right person" that's tough. But if hot chick #43 on the dance floor doesn't dig you because you don't dance...she's not right for you...get it?
rocketman122 Posted August 20, 2015 Posted August 20, 2015 (edited) I think a guy who can shake his ass on the dance floor is more in tune with his body and also more in tune sexually in the bed. just like a woman who knows how to move her body dancing. verry arousing to see a woman dance and I dont think its any different to see a guy dance who does it well with confidence. you just sound insecure with your body and very vanilla. dancing is expressing with your body which you dont do well. if a hottie was interested in you and wanted to dance with you and you didnt have the moves, her slit would dry up real quick. just like with animals in the wild. males dance to attract females. same with dancing and humans. you want to wow your woman, learn to dance salsa. a lot of sexual tension there. slow dance with your grandma, salsa with your lady. Edited August 20, 2015 by rocketman122
joeLove Posted August 20, 2015 Posted August 20, 2015 Just have a couple of drinks before getting on the dance floor, and things will be fine.
ManyDissapoint Posted August 20, 2015 Posted August 20, 2015 Probably you could learn to enjoy it. Make sure you actually enjoy and know the music and you will feel much better about dancing. Little bit of booze helps too. However you shouldn't have to go dancing to meet women, any more than women should have to go hunting to meet men.
Author johndoe2 Posted August 20, 2015 Author Posted August 20, 2015 But if hot chick #43 on the dance floor doesn't dig you because you don't dance...she's not right for you...get it? Well most of the women who would be 'right for me' are likely long dead or living in other countries or something. Believe me, I've checked out the meetups for the, let's call them, arcane interests I happen to have. Almost no one less than half my age. I can do like you say and play Dr. Pangloss and wait for the world to become more amenable to my idiosyncrasies, or I can make myself more in accord with the way things are. Just have a couple of drinks before getting on the dance floor, and things will be fine. My strategy so far. But it's cheaper and better for my brain cells if I can do this relatively sober. However you shouldn't have to go dancing to meet women, any more than women should have to go hunting to meet men. Well just because we shouldn't have to doesn't mean we don't have to.
cessna Posted August 21, 2015 Posted August 21, 2015 If you don't like dancing don't dance, simple as that. I hate dancing too, I find it so boring but for that reason I don't go to clubs, I stick to bars and pubs instead. As for the comment about men who can dance being more in tune with their bodies and better in bed... Utter bollocks! Just hippy new wave nonsense I'm afraid. 3
Elias33 Posted August 21, 2015 Posted August 21, 2015 Find someone that also hates dancing. Don't allow yourself to be limited in what is the "norm". I have never danced in my life, and it has never played a role in whether I had a gf or not. Be yourself, there are far more sophisticated ways to meet your ideal partner.
Elias33 Posted August 21, 2015 Posted August 21, 2015 If you don't like dancing don't dance, simple as that. I hate dancing too, I find it so boring but for that reason I don't go to clubs, I stick to bars and pubs instead. As for the comment about men who can dance being more in tune with their bodies and better in bed... Utter bollocks! Just hippy new wave nonsense I'm afraid. It had me laughing, to be in tune with your body you have to be able to shake your booty? Just be active, workout, do Yoga, run, etc. plenty of ways to get in tune with your physical self, and attract a like minded partner. 1
Jules Dash Posted August 21, 2015 Posted August 21, 2015 If you don't like it, don't do it. The key is that you have to look like you are having fun. If it looks like someone is holding a gun to your head then you will just be a turn-off. I can tell you this: even if you can't dance but enjoy pretending to do so, it is so much better to dance than not to dance when you are out on a date or out on the town. Just getting up on the dance floor and swaying your body from side to side with a big smile on your face would be much better than just standing and watching everyone else dance.
Author johndoe2 Posted August 21, 2015 Author Posted August 21, 2015 Find someone that also hates dancing. Don't allow yourself to be limited in what is the "norm". I have never danced in my life, and it has never played a role in whether I had a gf or not. Be yourself, there are far more sophisticated ways to meet your ideal partner. Maybe someday when I'm in my 50s should I get that far I can meet women my own age at the book clubs, but I'm in my 20s, and my options are very limited. Best place to go, therefore, would be the clubs. One at least meets more single women there in one night then in, well, pretty much all other environments combined for weeks. Can't afford to be choosy about the atmosphere. There may yet be people my age out there like me, but since they're probably cloistered in their apartments reading Kafka like I would be otherwise so unless I find them and break down their doors I will never meet them. "Don't do it if you don't like it" doesn't work for paying taxes and eating vegetables, why apply it here? Isn't there something about going outside of your comfort zone? So it's clubs then. Has no one ever gotten over an apprehension of dancing?
Author johndoe2 Posted August 21, 2015 Author Posted August 21, 2015 I absolutely hate dancing. The bars I used to frequent in my dating days used to switch between a live rock band, and then DJ playing dance music in between sets. I know I missed out on so much sex because I refused to dance even with the most attractive women. Just a part of life. Well, I guess I'd rather not miss out.
Author johndoe2 Posted August 21, 2015 Author Posted August 21, 2015 Why not do what I did and just date women who also are not into dancing? My GF doesn't dance. One of the things I like about her. If I could, I'd already be doing it. Is there some place where lots of single women who don't dance go and just stand around not dancing, and are receptive to interacting with strangers? No, there's really no equivalent.
Haydn Posted August 21, 2015 Posted August 21, 2015 Throw you're arms in the air like you just don't care? 1
Toodaloo Posted August 21, 2015 Posted August 21, 2015 JD why can't you go ball room dancing if that is what you want to do? Plenty of young women go ball room dancing or want to but can't find a young man to go with them... Seriously - speak to a local dance school... Try other forms of dance that you do enjoy that you can adapt to the club scene. I really don't know why you think you are going to meet women who enjoy the things you do while you are doing things that you don't enjoy??? Makes absolutely no sense at all to me!
Author johndoe2 Posted August 21, 2015 Author Posted August 21, 2015 You give up really fast. I'd say that's your issue, not the dancing thing. There are some nice clubs out there where there is no dancing. That depends on the city, and in my city, it's mostly dancing type places, or places (like jazz bars) with an almost entirely older clientele. And one ' advantage of sorts (which I may have mentioned, can't remember) of the dance clubs is that one doesn't necessarily have to go there with a group of friends. Whether someone is there alone or with a clique isn't either clear or apparently relevant. I've gone to most of the bars in my area t least once; other than the dance-oriented ones, it is usually the case that everyone (often down to the last person) is there with an 'established' clique, and then maybe a few awkward male stragglers like me. But there is very little leaving or entering of the cliques. In dance clubs, there's more opportunity for interaction between total strangers. JD why can't you go ball room dancing if that is what you want to do? Plenty of young women go ball room dancing or want to but can't find a young man to go with them... Seriously - speak to a local dance school... Try other forms of dance that you do enjoy that you can adapt to the club scene. I really don't know why you think you are going to meet women who enjoy the things you do while you are doing things that you don't enjoy??? Makes absolutely no sense at all to me! I looked at the nearby meetup groups for ballroom dancing; usually they are very small groups with no people under 30 if not 40 or 50. I may attend one, since I feel inundated to farcical experiences by now, but that's what it is usually: 3 or 4 older people or housewives. I went to a book club recently for literature. All were at least twice as old as me, except for one younger woman who was perhaps 10-12 years older than me and a complete mute. And it makes perfect sense. Let me demonstrate it visually: Outlier -- from Wolfram MathWorld I'm that little red bar on the bottom left of the bar chart. It's surely easier for me to move toward the center than to move the center toward me, no?
Gary S Posted August 21, 2015 Posted August 21, 2015 Women love to dance so it may help you meet women. However, if you don't like to dance, just hangout at the bar, or meet them somewhere else. Try groups or classes.......school/college is the best place if you in that age group. 2
LoveRefreshed Posted August 21, 2015 Posted August 21, 2015 In a club, dacing with someone, I don't jump up and down. I still lead the girl. There are all sorts of club dancing specifically for crowded fast paced atomospheres, such as salsa or rumba. Just saying. I am all for dancing, didn't happen until I was older though. 1
Elias33 Posted August 23, 2015 Posted August 23, 2015 Maybe someday when I'm in my 50s should I get that far I can meet women my own age at the book clubs, but I'm in my 20s, and my options are very limited. Best place to go, therefore, would be the clubs. One at least meets more single women there in one night then in, well, pretty much all other environments combined for weeks. Can't afford to be choosy about the atmosphere. There may yet be people my age out there like me, but since they're probably cloistered in their apartments reading Kafka like I would be otherwise so unless I find them and break down their doors I will never meet them. "Don't do it if you don't like it" doesn't work for paying taxes and eating vegetables, why apply it here? Isn't there something about going outside of your comfort zone? So it's clubs then. Has no one ever gotten over an apprehension of dancing? Wow, the only place to meet women is the club, and to dance? Really? Cause that's what I am reading.
Author johndoe2 Posted August 23, 2015 Author Posted August 23, 2015 Wow, the only place to meet women is the club, and to dance? Really? Cause that's what I am reading. It appears to be the best place to. And I've tried most of the other places, to no avail. In most other settings people seem to actively avoid interacting with strangers and, at least in my case, I get the roll-eyes/poorly concealed contempt response almost before I open my mouth. In clubs, they're not as apprehensive of strangers, and I don't have many outgoing friends, so that's basically a prerequisite to a good setting for me.
madjac74 Posted August 23, 2015 Posted August 23, 2015 I've met plenty of women at sports bars. Not much dancing there. 1
Elias33 Posted August 24, 2015 Posted August 24, 2015 It appears to be the best place to. And I've tried most of the other places, to no avail. In most other settings people seem to actively avoid interacting with strangers and, at least in my case, I get the roll-eyes/poorly concealed contempt response almost before I open my mouth. In clubs, they're not as apprehensive of strangers, and I don't have many outgoing friends, so that's basically a prerequisite to a good setting for me. Well, clubs are kind of meat markets, it's most likely to meet anyone there of course. Bars and other social settings, of course are more likely places to meet someone. I just wouldn't encourage anyone to give up on creative ways to meet with someone, that is where the true social challenge begins. Chances are you'll become more fluid or skilled upon meeting a woman outside of the meat market. And most likely, you'll find someone who will like you based on who you are, instead of how you can shake your bottoms. Try to work with intellect, tact, and charm. It cannot hurt you to practice these skills/traits. Don't try to depend on only one way to attract one other.
Jj66 Posted August 24, 2015 Posted August 24, 2015 Ballroom dancing can be done at the clubs sometimes. Somebody requested the BeeGees How Deep Is Your Love the other night. I grabbed a woman and led her using the rhumba steps. She didn't know the steps but was receptive to being led so it wasn't bad at all. It was non-conformist but reasonable and she thought I was the sh*t out on the floor. She was still talking about it in bed the next morning Most of the ballroom dance groups are oversubscribed by women compared to men. Join one of those groups and you will have your pick of dance partners. Which could lead to partnerships of another nature.
wb1988 Posted August 24, 2015 Posted August 24, 2015 I'm 26 and I remember it wasn't until about 3 years ago that I started getting into the clubbing lifestyle (I currently club 2-3 times a week). Very few guys first like it, actually at first it seems stupid as you look at the dance floor secretly wishing that you were like one of the guys there. Eventually I came to love it. Being a 'wallpaper' at a club is the last thing you want to do — women notice it and subconsciously think that you're boring, unaware, billy-no-mates or still getting used to clubs or dancing. If you want to get girls then the most important thing is to have a good time (or at least look like it). You have to like the music and most of it is chart, urban hip-hop or chill-step/mash-up music; Major Lazer, Drake, Fetty Wap and Odessa are the most popular artists lately I think at most clubs I've been to in the last 2 months. The second thing is general appearance. Perhaps you've noticed that the average joe/jane doesn't club, or at least looks out of place when he/she does. Personally I go for the fashionisto look because that's just who I am during the day, and I look completely fine (including in club pictures) next to a friend that's the buffed up v-neck type. As long as you're cool then it doesn't matter. Ultimately it's really not for everyone. There are many people at clubs that you will wonder where they exist during the day time, or wonder how they have neck tats but still have a job that pays enough to be able to afford bottle service. Only a small minority of people actually go clubbing regularly and it's silly to think that clubs are the only place to meet women.
Divasu Posted August 24, 2015 Posted August 24, 2015 I LOVE dancing, and watching dancers (professional dancers, it's like watching art in motion). I think you can get over it, you just have to not care if others are watching you and not care what others think. You have to get 'lost' in the music. Maybe try taking a few acting classes first to help you get over your apprehension, they are fun and very helpful in that regard. Bust some moves like this and you're golden. PS. Don't 'grind', it's disgusting.
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