mortensorchid Posted August 20, 2015 Posted August 20, 2015 I had an internet lunch date today. We were to meet at Chipotle's, and I walked in and didn't see him. He was outside on the patio, he had already ordered food. Once I identified myself, he said he had missed me. I asked how I could have since he was wearing a bright red shirt. He did not offer to purchase food for me, so I bought mine. We sat and talked for a while, he is divorced with two children who he has sole custody of and said he'd been sober for 10 years. I found myself dominating the conversation (again, as I have met a lot who barely say a word unless responding to yes/no questions) and not asking him questions about his divorce or his being sober. We walked to the parking garage where he was also parked. We said good-bye, he said "I'll wait to hear from you." I'm not going to reach out. Too many problems with that one, plus I didn't like that he didn't offer to buy for me. Ah well, it's another learning experience. 1
Zippy2000 Posted August 20, 2015 Posted August 20, 2015 This one clearly wasnt interested. Didnt make any effort to make you aware he was in the place. Didnt make much effort to make a day out of it and have fun and make conversation. Didnt offer to buy lunch as he knew initially it wasnt going to go anywhere so already decided not to invest early on. I have a female friend who was married for 10 years and after her divorce she went on a few dates and the worst one she had was a man who made no effort on a date to say anything so they sat a date mostly silent and her trying to make conversation. Sorry to hear your lunch date didnt do well and be a gentleman. Zero points for effort and chivalry for saying "I ll wait to hear from you".
d0nnivain Posted August 20, 2015 Posted August 20, 2015 If this was a 1st meet off OLD expecting him to pay was a tad unreasonable. Good manners however dictated that he at least wait for you to order. That part would have turned me off. It was a miss but hey, at least you are out there trying. His closing statement, I'll wait to here from you is not a bad way of leaving things from a guy's perspective. It alleviates his obligation to try to figure out if the woman is interested by putting the ball squarely in her court. 8
PegNosePete Posted August 20, 2015 Posted August 20, 2015 If this was a 1st meet off OLD expecting him to pay was a tad unreasonable. Good manners however dictated that he at least wait for you to order. That part would have turned me off. I was thinking the same thing. Maybe he ordered first so that he wouldn't have to pay for your food, without having to actively refuse or make it awkward. Many women are looking for a free meal ticket. Maybe he was simply trying to avoid that. 3
xcupid Posted August 20, 2015 Posted August 20, 2015 I had an internet lunch date today. We were to meet at Chipotle's, and I walked in and didn't see him. He was outside on the patio, he had already ordered food. Once I identified myself, he said he had missed me. I asked how I could have since he was wearing a bright red shirt. He did not offer to purchase food for me, so I bought mine. We sat and talked for a while, he is divorced with two children who he has sole custody of and said he'd been sober for 10 years. I found myself dominating the conversation (again, as I have met a lot who barely say a word unless responding to yes/no questions) and not asking him questions about his divorce or his being sober. We walked to the parking garage where he was also parked. We said good-bye, he said "I'll wait to hear from you." I'm not going to reach out. Too many problems with that one, plus I didn't like that he didn't offer to buy for me. Ah well, it's another learning experience. A man who is interested in a woman doesn't "wait to hear from her." He's a lazy dater who wants the woman to do the work. Lots of red flags here. You made the right call IMO. Next! 3
BluEyeL Posted August 20, 2015 Posted August 20, 2015 Blah! Let him go. Bad manners/disinterest all around. 1
Diezel Posted August 20, 2015 Posted August 20, 2015 Too many problems with that one, plus I didn't like that he didn't offer to buy for me. Ah well, it's another learning experience. Looks like this guy dodged a bullet. You are pretty much proving the "meal ticket" theory.
Walters Posted August 20, 2015 Posted August 20, 2015 I agree expecting him to pay in this setting is unreasonable. If this was a sit down dinner date very different. The rest of the story seems like you did not click with him and is valid for not reaching out. Hopefully his lack of paying did not create resentment from he start which doomed your meet.
Ruby Slippers Posted August 20, 2015 Posted August 20, 2015 Yeah, he sounds like a total dud. Ordering before you got there, not offering to get your meal, lazy conversationalist, passive about the follow-up. I imagine this guy would only get anywhere with the most desperate of women. 1
Rejected Rosebud Posted August 20, 2015 Posted August 20, 2015 Looks like this guy dodged a bullet. You are pretty much proving the "meal ticket" theory. Aw come on! Accepting a Chipotle burrito doesn't equate to looking for a meal ticket. In that guy's defense no-shows are not super uncommon for OLD first meets I understand, if I was there first I might have got my food so I wouldn't just be sitting there in Chipotle all uncomfortable ... anyway OP it's not a match but keep on trying!! :bunny: 5
fitnessfan365 Posted August 20, 2015 Posted August 20, 2015 Looks like this guy dodged a bullet. You are pretty much proving the "meal ticket" theory. Haha.. Come on man. We're talking about Chipolte here so it's not like they met at an expensive restaurant. With that said, I think her dislike of him not paying had to do w-how cheap the food was. It would be like if I planned a first meet/date at a Baskin Robbins and made a woman pay for her own $3 scoop of ice cream. 2
losangelena Posted August 20, 2015 Posted August 20, 2015 Aw come on! Accepting a Chipotle burrito doesn't equate to looking for a meal ticket. Yes, exactly. I think a man is totally within his rights to NOT pay for a first date, but to accuse a woman of being in search of a meal ticket because the guy didn't pay for her $7 burrito bowl is stretching it just a wee bit. I've been on plenty of first dates where we went dutch, but one thing a guy never did was order and start eating before I got there. My FRIENDS don't even do that. Sometimes I like to employ the "business meeting" test to figure out if a guy is being rude. As in, would he do this to a boss or potential business partner or employer? Would he order and start eating before I got there? Would he be 45 minutes later? Would he not follow up? Chances are, no he'd be much more responsible. If he fails that test, and early on at that, he gets nexted. 1
Diezel Posted August 20, 2015 Posted August 20, 2015 Chipotle Burrito... coffee. Whatever. Listen, she already discarded him for 5 different reasons or so, but apparently none of those are as egregious as not getting her a Chipotle burrito. Okay, so maybe the letdown would have been much better HAD he purchased her a chicken bowl? Really guys? If you went out with someone and you knew that you didn't want to see this person again, you'd still be complaining about the one burrito in your life you had to pay for yourself?
losangelena Posted August 20, 2015 Posted August 20, 2015 Chipotle Burrito... coffee. Whatever. Listen, she already discarded him for 5 different reasons or so, but apparently none of those are as egregious as not getting her a Chipotle burrito. Okay, so maybe the letdown would have been much better HAD he purchased her a chicken bowl? Really guys? If you went out with someone and you knew that you didn't want to see this person again, you'd still be complaining about the one burrito in your life you had to pay for yourself? I don't think that's what she's saying, that it was the MOST egregious thing he did. It was all a combination of things. What we're saying is accusing her of wanting a "meal ticket" was a bit much. At least you could say they BOTH dodged bullets.
Gary S Posted August 20, 2015 Posted August 20, 2015 That was rude of him to order his food before you got there.......and yes, he should have at least offered to pay. It's not a million dollars guys, and those are the rules. It's good if the lady talks more, but the lady should not have to carry the conversation. Conversation should flow and not be too much work. And not even a hug at the end of the date? How's he gonna know if a girl wants to kiss him if he does not get close enough to her? And he said "I'll wait to hear from you"? That's poor form on several levels. I agree with you OP, he's not a catch. But don't worry, there are plenty more fish where that one came from, and you only need one. 5
Ruby Slippers Posted August 20, 2015 Posted August 20, 2015 Listen, she already discarded him for 5 different reasons or so, but apparently none of those are as egregious as not getting her a Chipotle burrito. People love to have the "who pays?" debate on LS. In my view, all his lame actions were equally off-putting. mortensorchid, I want to add that I think it's great you're getting out there and trying to meet a good guy. They are out there, and it can take a while to find a decent person to date. Keep at it, and the matches should keep improving, until eventually you find the diamond in the rough. 2
MidwestUSA Posted August 20, 2015 Posted August 20, 2015 Okay maybe English isn't it your first language...but once again...HOW SO? What makes it bad advice? I would REALLY like to understand what makes this bad advice in your opinion. Can you CLARIFY (i.e. explain?). Thanks a bunch! Ignore, ignore, ignore. His time is limited. He's just mad Harvard didn't accept him! 1
katiegrl Posted August 20, 2015 Posted August 20, 2015 Okay peeps, here's my take. He DID notice her when she walked in, and for whatever reason, was not thrilled with what he noticed (not his physical type) ....so he sat down and ordered, probably hoping she would not see him, and assume he stood her up and left. I highly doubt if the woman of his dreams (physically speaking) walked in, he would have done that. NO WAY. It appears there was no love lost from either of them.... JMO
katiegrl Posted August 20, 2015 Posted August 20, 2015 Ignore, ignore, ignore. His time is limited. He's just mad Harvard didn't accept him! LOL.... now that is some GOOD advice! Got it! :) 1
katiegrl Posted August 20, 2015 Posted August 20, 2015 Okay peeps, here's my take. He DID notice her when she walked in, and for whatever reason, was not thrilled with what he noticed (not his physical type) ....so he sat down and ordered, probably hoping she would not see him, and assume he stood her up and left. I highly doubt if the woman of his dreams (physically speaking) walked in, he would have done that. NO WAY. It appears there was no love lost from either of them.... JMO Edited to add ^^^: Or he noticed her BEFORE she walked in (by the bright red shirt)....did not like what he noticed and immediately sat down hoping she would not see him....
MidwestUSA Posted August 20, 2015 Posted August 20, 2015 Okay peeps, here's my take. He DID notice her when she walked in, and for whatever reason, was not thrilled with what he noticed (not his physical type) ....so he sat down and ordered, probably hoping she would not see him, and assume he stood her up and left. I highly doubt if the woman of his dreams (physically speaking) walked in, he would have done that. NO WAY. It appears there was no love lost from either of them.... JMO I won't give him that much credit. I think he's just stupid. I never thought this would be a problem, but it was. My first OLD date stated that he'd wait right outside the door, in frigid temps, of the bar so I wouldn't miss him. He set the bar too high for the rest of them. Once, I went to meet a guy at BreadCo. He no longer looked anything like his pictures, the place was packed, and I even had a different guy come up and ask if I was Kate! Finally found the guy. We went to the food line together. He got in front of me, ordered, and paid for himself. In FRONT of me! I have no problem paying my way, but his was an odd way of letting me know I was going to do so. Another time, I was meeting a guy at same bar as #1. Gorgeous weather. I went in, looked around, didn't see him, and sat down near the door. After about 15 minutes, I called him. He was at the bar, with his face buried in a table poker game. There's just no explaining ignorance. In OP's case, it's got nothing to do with who pays, it's the thoughtlessness of his actions.
MidwestUSA Posted August 20, 2015 Posted August 20, 2015 you flunked out of high school No, Mike, graduated with honors. And the same from college, TWICE. Not that one was Harvard.
Versacehottie Posted August 20, 2015 Posted August 20, 2015 People love to have the "who pays?" debate on LS. In my view, all his lame actions were equally off-putting. I agree. Can we just not go there again? She should have next'd him on the fact that: *he didn't wait for her to order (I have some theories as to why but whatever, it's generally lame). *he did the I'll wait to hear from you if you're interested weak ass move also lame I won't even go into the other reasons (nothing to do with guy not paying) but there were some other red flags there as well. Ps choice of venue is not great either! That's where he'd be going to lunch with or without her, and obviously treated it as such. Coffee or ice cream or walk would have even been better. If a guy treats the "date" as the most practical event here it's a huge turn-off. Insight into how boring he's gonna be. Ugh. 2
RightThere Posted August 20, 2015 Posted August 20, 2015 I think a man is totally within his rights to NOT pay for a first date, I've been on plenty of first dates where we went dutch, Sorry. I've been off the dating scene for a while, but when did all this become normal? I went on my first date in a loooong time recently and the girl looked at me like I was crazy when I grabbed the bill and wasn't planning to split it. She even said "What are you doing?" when I went to open the door for her. Apparently guys have been paving the road to low expectations while I've been out of the game for a while now. Yes, exactly. but one thing a guy never did was order and start eating before I got there. My FRIENDS don't even do that. Yeah. This guy is way too self involved to be getting into any kind of relationship with. I've been on dates where the girl would even message me that she was running late and to order if I was hungry. And I still would sit there sipping my drink just out of respect so we could enjoy the meal together. 5
Versacehottie Posted August 20, 2015 Posted August 20, 2015 Sorry. I've been off the dating scene for a while, but when did all this become normal? I went on my first date in a loooong time recently and the girl looked at me like I was crazy when I grabbed the bill and wasn't planning to split it. She even said "What are you doing?" when I went to open the door for her. Apparently guys have been paving the road to low expectations while I've been out of the game for a while now. Yeah. This guy is way too self involved to be getting into any kind of relationship with. I've been on dates where the girl would even message me that she was running late and to order if I was hungry. And I still would sit there sipping my drink just out of respect so we could enjoy the meal together. I think that people just go on so many online dates, because of the GIGS, that it is logistically a little difficult financially. Not excusing it at all and I'm the one who said the convo shouldn't even go to a who should pay debate. I think this is just the explanation of why it may happen and be becoming more standard. Whether a guy is paying or not, there are still other ways to show you are a gentleman (wait for her to order) and a guy (pursue her if you're interested not some passive b.s.!))
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