skweezd Posted August 20, 2015 Share Posted August 20, 2015 Hello LS community, It's been 17 days since I moved out. Definitely feels like the longest, most difficult 17 days of my life. Let's break this down... Pre-breakup: Loved him more then words can explain. Frustrated by lack of engagement. He just turned 50 and I am 44. His last child is headed to college this week. He wanted our time to be free and unobstructed. My oldest daughter moved in with my two grandchildren. This sent him into a tailspin. As I'm quickly learning, men want you without all your headaches. Four weeks later (and one month after I threw him a $2000 surprise 50th birthday party) he's asking us to move out. Nice guy huh? And after five years of me dealing with his kids and all the headaches that came with them. Post-breakup: No contact but to arrange my return to pick up my belongings. Very small exchanges. I was hoping for an apology but nothing. I'm not sure why it would have felt better to hear "I miss you" or "I was an *********" or "I disrespected you the way I spoke to you" or "I undervalued you". Now I'm thinking since I"m just renting space in a friend's home, maybe it's time I just leave my area, start fresh somewhere. Yet if you would have asked me 10 weeks ago, I would have said I wanted to stay put in Pennsylvania forever. Now I'm job searching to leave and go so far away and hope to put the past behind me. I hate all this anxiety. Hate it. Sorry just needed to vent. Skweezd Link to post Share on other sites
xpaperxcutx Posted August 20, 2015 Share Posted August 20, 2015 If you have to leave, please please don't look back. You were with him for 5 years and helped him raise his kids without even so much as a ring. You became the lived- in wife that didnt require any commitment on his part. I'm sorry, but he was a man who tried to reap whatever he could with as little commitment as he could. You are so much better off without him. Stay NC and move on. I promise you, you will, sooner or later, meet someone who will pop the question first-hand. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author skweezd Posted August 20, 2015 Author Share Posted August 20, 2015 Thank you Xpaper. I do not plan on looking back. Being unappreciated, and even after I leave still feeling deeply unvalued, is the absolute worse feeling in my heart and my stomach. I don't think I will ever understand why someone would remain in a relationship only while it was convenient for them. Blows my mind. The first three years of our relationship he pursued me relentlessly and discouraged me from moving to Tucson where I had a job and an apartment lined up. I gave it all up for him. Learn by living I suppose. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted August 20, 2015 Share Posted August 20, 2015 I hear on the need for a fresh start! When I split up from a long-term ex, I left everything behind and moved to Rome, Italy (hence the username) Extreme, yes, but I had no commitments or children and was up for the adventure and challenge of starting over. . 2.5 years later, I'm still here in Rome and it was the best choice I've ever made for myself. Stay strong! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted August 20, 2015 Share Posted August 20, 2015 My oldest daughter moved in with my two grandchildren. he's asking us to move out. Eh, I don't get it. Whose house is it? His, or joint? If it's his then how did your daughter and grandchildren move in without his approval? If it's joint then how can he ask you to leave? You should've told him that if he's unhappy then he can leave since he no longer has kids there. Link to post Share on other sites
Author skweezd Posted August 21, 2015 Author Share Posted August 21, 2015 Eh, I don't get it. Whose house is it? His, or joint? If it's his then how did your daughter and grandchildren move in without his approval? If it's joint then how can he ask you to leave? You should've told him that if he's unhappy then he can leave since he no longer has kids there. It is his house. I had already been there two years though and thought we were considering it our home. I gave up moving to Tucson for him, gave up my house in the area and put renters in it, pretty much took a chance on a future with him and made the appropriate sacrifices. My daughter and her boyfriend ended their relationship so her need to move in was temporary. My boyfriend did agree. After a few weeks, he changed his attitude and things came to an end. I'm moving on now. I feel much better then I did initially. I actually filled out a job application in Florida. Maybe it's just time for a change. Link to post Share on other sites
Author skweezd Posted August 21, 2015 Author Share Posted August 21, 2015 I hear on the need for a fresh start! When I split up from a long-term ex, I left everything behind and moved to Rome, Italy (hence the username) Extreme, yes, but I had no commitments or children and was up for the adventure and challenge of starting over. . 2.5 years later, I'm still here in Rome and it was the best choice I've ever made for myself. Stay strong! Today I finished my application for a position in Florida only a half hour from the beach and a half hour from Disney. I am hopeful that a new journey may be all I need for a fresh perspective. Thank you for sharing. I do appreciate it 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts