When a guy says, "I'll get back to you." Good or Bad?

[Bobbi7]

So, this has been my 4th or 5th date with this guy, I've taken some advice from people on here about seeing how it plays out and not asking what he wants, not being pushy about it. Last week he texted me and told me that he was busy and that he was hoping to hang out this week, I told him that it was fine, and that he will "get back to me" on what day. I was like wth? Anyone find that odd that he wouldn't set a certain day of the week? Usually Fridays, are the days that we see each other...Then I thought to myself that he might be keeping his week open to set aside dates with another chick? I mean, surely he had no problem setting a day when he first starting talking and had our first/second meeting, but now he tells me he'll get back to me? Plus, I texted him Monday and so far we are meeting up on Friday, anyway, so what gives his response on "getting back to me?"

[katiegrl]

So, this has been my 4th or 5th date with this guy, I've taken some advice from people on here about seeing how it plays out and not asking what he wants, not being pushy about it. Last week he texted me and told me that he was busy and that he was hoping to hang out this week, I told him that it was fine, and that he will "get back to me" on what day. I was like wth? Anyone find that odd that he wouldn't set a certain day of the week? Usually Fridays, are the days that we see each other...Then I thought to myself that he might be keeping his week open to set aside dates with another chick? I mean, surely he had no problem setting a day when he first starting talking and had our first/second meeting, but now he tells me he'll get back to me?

 

 

Plus, I texted him Monday and so far we are meeting up on Friday, anyway, so what gives his response on "getting back to me?"

 

 

Since you have a date scheduled for Friday, I would not worry about it Bobbi. You're overthinking.

 

If he had not made a date with you for Friday, I might think it was his way of slowing distancing himself due to a loss of interest, but since you DO have a date on Friday....just forget it and enjoy your date on Friday.

 

When I started dating my boyfriend, he often said he'd get back to me, it's not a big deal...as long as he is still asking you out etc.

 

Have fun Friday and keep us posted!

[losangelena]

You're way overthinking it. This is not something that needs to be dissected under a microscope. Maybe he truly was busy and wasn't sure exactly when he'd be able to see you.

 

You've been out a handful of times; this is only the beginning. Keep allowing it to play out. There's no need to freak.

[Bobbi7]

Since you have a date scheduled for Friday, I would not worry about it Bobbi. You're overthinking.

 

If he had not made a date with you for Friday, I might think it was his way of slowing distancing himself due to a loss of interest, but since you DO have a date on Friday....just forget it and enjoy your date on Friday.

 

When I started dating my boyfriend, he often said he'd get back to me, it's not a big deal...as long as he is still asking you out etc.

 

Have fun Friday and keep us posted!

 

Yeah, I'm probably over thinking it as usual...I'll have to see how he acts towards me this weekend and if he is still interested after that. I just hate to think that he could be meeting up with someone from POF. I see that he isn't active on okcupid, but is active on plenty of fish. But then I just need to relax.

[katiegrl]

Yeah, I'm probably over thinking it as usual...I'll have to see how he acts towards me this weekend and if he is still interested after that. I just hate to think that he could be meeting up with someone from POF. I see that he isn't active on okcupid, but is active on plenty of fish. But then I just need to relax.

 

So what if he is. You have only had four dates. Relax!

[Gaeta]

Yeah, I'm probably over thinking it as usual...I'll have to see how he acts towards me this weekend and if he is still interested after that. I just hate to think that he could be meeting up with someone from POF. I see that he isn't active on okcupid, but is active on plenty of fish. But then I just need to relax.

 

The way I understand it, because you said usually you meet on Fridays, you and him are only meeting 1 time a week?

 

If indeed you are only meeting that once a week than it's too early to wonder what he's doing on POF.

 

Does he only see you once a week because of conflicting work schedule?

 

If not, after 4-5 weeks, if a man doesn't try to escalate your dates to 2 times a week, I'd say he is not strongly interested in getting to know you.

[Bobbi7]

The way I understand it, because you said usually you meet on Fridays, you and him are only meeting 1 time a week?

 

If indeed you are only meeting that once a week than it's too early to wonder what he's doing on POF.

 

Does he only see you once a week because of conflicting work schedule?

 

If not, after 4-5 weeks, if a man doesn't try to escalate your dates to 2 times a week, I'd say he is not strongly interested in getting to know you.

 

Well, we meet on Fridays and sometimes he asks me last minute what I'm doing Saturday or Sundays. So, probably on the weekends is when we spend some time together. Weekdays, usually no.

[Bobbi7]

So what if he is. You have only had four dates. Relax!

 

Ok, should I still be active on dating sites then? And still be talking to guys and going out on dates? I'm one of those people that get really attached after the first few dates. And if he's active and talking to girls and possibly interested in meeting them, should I be doing the same thing?

[smackie9]

Bobbi I so totally get it. You wish this guy was more "enthusiastic" about you...like instead of "hoping to hang out this week" it should be more like "I want to see YOU this week if I can." By 4 or 5 dates, you would think he would be more keen, it seems he is just fitting you in, and still humming and hawing about you. You want to feel more of a priority at this point, but it ain't happening? then you should find someone else. I have done it myself, I called it and ditched the guy. If it's not going the way you expect it, it has nothing to do with you being too pushy or needy and anxious, it means you are not with the right person.

[Arieswoman]

Bobbi7,

 

sometimes he asks me last minute what I'm doing Saturday or Sundays.

 

Don't let him do this ^^^ don't let yourself be his fallback plan.

 

I dated a guy who used to ring me at the last minute for a dinner-date on Saturday. After three last-minute dates I asked him if he could give me some more notice next time. He did the same thing again the next week, so I told him that I wasn't instant coffee and couldn't be instantly available. I also said that if he couldn't be more respectful of my time i didn't want to see him any more. I never heard another thing from him.

 

This book might be worth a read;

 

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Unavailable-Fallback-Girl-Natalie-Lue/dp/1450540392

[candie13]

I dunno, I've met met who were really into me at the very beginning and those proved to be really poor dating experiences.

 

You're still at the early beginning, just take it easy. If you have a problem getting too involved when dating someone, admit that this is your issue and start working on it.

 

Personally, I like it if I get a bit of space to know him and things don't go too quickly. It's also good if they see other people, too, I tend to be guarded of those those guys who want to be exclusive after 2 dates. It's flattering, but the story behind it may be murky. My experience with men who are all over you at the beginning is that they want to seduce you asap, then hit it and quit it. I prefer a guy who is seeing me and other women and with time, the more we get to know eachother, the more we build a connection, the more they see me and less the others, etc.

 

MAybe your date sensed that you're getting a bit jittery, hence the "you'll hear from me". Keep your cool and yeah, absolutely multidate. Give him space and do not flood him with messages / don't let him see you're anxious. Let him do his thing, especially if he said so. I agree that 4 or 5 dates is a bit long for him to still need his space, but if you aren't comfortable with the pace of this dating experience, try to find your luck elsewhere.

[candie13]

As for spontaneity... I like occasional spontaneous dates. Occasional. I get busy if I sense it's becoming a habit / I'm a fall back plan. It's up to me to reinforce healthy boundaries. It's up to him to like it or leave it .

[Zippy2000]

Then I thought to myself that he might be keeping his week open to set aside dates with another chick?

 

 

Where did this come from? Your sabotaging something running well with your own insecure thoughts.

 

You could put it this wat that he is leaving his days available for you to choose. Get back to him and say something like "Excellent, how about we do Friday"?

 

Have a counter offer.

[candie13]

You could put it this wat that he is leaving his days available for you to choose. Get back to him and say something like "Excellent, how about we do Friday"?

 

Have a counter offer.

 

if he said "I'll get back to you", take his word for it. Me thinks it's a typical male reaction, to see how you react when he's getting more space. If it's space that he wants, you should give it to him, instead of chasing him. Reversed psychology, my dear.

 

Do not chase him, there is a chance he might get turned off if you do. Men love chasing. Why denying him that pleasure ? Hell, I'd even go completely silent, to make him wonder a little... you can always make a decent come back a week later asking for some news about him.

 

If I got the "I'll get back to you", one thing's for sure: I would not ask the guy out myself.

[Gaeta]

 

Personally, I like it if I get a bit of space to know him and things don't go too quickly. It's also good if they see other people, too, I tend to be guarded of those those guys who want to be exclusive after 2 dates. It's flattering, but the story behind it may be murky. My experience with men who are all over you at the beginning is that they want to seduce you asap, then hit it and quit it. I prefer a guy who is seeing me and other women and with time, the more we get to know eachother, the more we build a connection, the more they see me and less the others, etc.

 

Yes but there is a healthy middle between a man that wants to marry you after 2 dates and a man that calls you once a week after 5 dates.

 

Bobbi: Does he contact you more than once a week ?

[candie13]

I sort of agree. I expect my dates to be more in touch with me than just one per week, I expect to hear from him more often. I am fine with seeing him once per week at the very beginning, though.

 

I am not afraid to go slow. It is very important to go slow and take your time, if you aim to build an authentic RS.

[Bobbi7]

Yes but there is a healthy middle between a man that wants to marry you after 2 dates and a man that calls you once a week after 5 dates.

 

Bobbi: Does he contact you more than once a week ?

 

He initates contact twice a week. Usually tells me little things. I don't ever initiate contact unless he leaves me hanging, for example when he suggests meeting up-during the week and gives me a vague answer, then I contact him first and tell him something unrelated and then he brings up our meeting up plans.

[candie13]

He initates contact twice a week. Usually tells me little things. I don't ever initiate contact unless he leaves me hanging, for example when he suggests meeting up-during the week and gives me a vague answer, then I contact him first and tell him something unrelated and then he brings up our meeting up plans.

yeah, I get the picture... maybe he was hoping for a quick lay, after the traditional 3 dates, who knows...

 

You want someone more interested in you, no? If he wants space, you should give it to him. You know, like in Star Track, "space, the final frontier"

[Bobbi7]

 

if he said "I'll get back to you", take his word for it. Me thinks it's a typical male reaction, to see how you react when he's getting more space. If it's space that he wants, you should give it to him, instead of chasing him. Reversed psychology, my dear.

 

Do not chase him, there is a chance he might get turned off if you do. Men love chasing. Why denying him that pleasure ? Hell, I'd even go completely silent, to make him wonder a little... you can always make a decent come back a week later asking for some news about him.

 

If I got the "I'll get back to you", one thing's for sure: I would not ask the guy out myself.

 

Yeah, I'm not going to chase him after tomorrow. I'm going to see how he acts when I see him tomorrow and see how it plays out. After that, I'm going silent on him and not show any emotion.

[myothernic2]

I'm sorry but "I'll get back to you" is never really a good sign in a dating situation. It usually means he wants no day committed in case better options appear. It's already Thursday. I would have said if he didn't let you know for sure by Tuesday I'd be making other plans. Also, if he's active on pof not sure why it's a question if he's dating others.

[candie13]

 

Yeah, I'm not going to chase him after tomorrow. I'm going to see how he acts when I see him tomorrow and see how it plays out. After that, I'm going silent on him and not show any emotion.

 

wait, so you have a date with him tomorrow? Well... that's cool.

 

I think sometimes we are our own worst enemies. There are several things that you can do: first option: just get rid of all this anxiety and do you best to have fun and bond at this date. Trust me, if you're holding a grudge against him, he'll feel it.

 

If it bothers you... you could actually have a talk with him and tell him what's bothering you. Just... talk, let it out, no speech and absolutely no accusations. Talk about how this little line "I'll get in touch" made you feel - insecure, apprehensive, etc. Clearing the air always helps out, as long as you stay on top of it and listen to what your date has to say.

 

MAybe he actually knows he'll be extra busy at work. Or maybe he's just giving you the heads up that he's not that interested... you can only find out if you ask, if you talk about it. Don't be scared and don't be confrontative.

 

Just be yourself, playful, nice, open and... with something on your chest that you want to share. No one can take that against you. And if he does, then he's an idiot and you're better off not wasting your time .

 

Knowing is always better than not knowing.

[candie13]

I'm sorry but "I'll get back to you" is never really a good sign in a dating situation. It usually means he wants no day committed in case better options appear. It's already Thursday. I would have said if he didn't let you know for sure by Tuesday I'd be making other plans. Also, if he's active on pof not sure why it's a question if he's dating others.

 

I didn't understand if they usually see eachother of Fridays or if they have a firm date this Friday either.

 

If they don't have a firm date this Friday and he gave her the "I'll get back to you", then yeah, not a good sign at all. I actually think there will be no date this Friday. Interested men act interested, unfortunately...

[Redhead14]

So, this has been my 4th or 5th date with this guy, I've taken some advice from people on here about seeing how it plays out and not asking what he wants, not being pushy about it. Last week he texted me and told me that he was busy and that he was hoping to hang out this week, I told him that it was fine, and that he will "get back to me" on what day. I was like wth? Anyone find that odd that he wouldn't set a certain day of the week? Usually Fridays, are the days that we see each other...Then I thought to myself that he might be keeping his week open to set aside dates with another chick? I mean, surely he had no problem setting a day when he first starting talking and had our first/second meeting, but now he tells me he'll get back to me? Plus, I texted him Monday and so far we are meeting up on Friday, anyway, so what gives his response on "getting back to me?"

 

Don't spin it in your head. Just wait til he shows you what he means. Either he gets back to you in a timely manner to confirm, not last minute, or he doesn't. If it's last minute to confirm . . . "oh, I didn't hear from you so I made other plans". He says "ah, geez, I'm an idiot, how about next ___day at ___ time at ___ place" OR "ok, well another time then" or anything else that indicates he's a flake .

[katiegrl]

yeah, I get the picture...

 

 

** maybe he was hoping for a quick lay, after the traditional 3 dates, who knows...***

 

 

They have already had sex .....on their first date.

Edited August 20, 2015 by katiegrl

[Bobbi7]

I didn't understand if they usually see eachother of Fridays or if they have a firm date this Friday either.

 

If they don't have a firm date this Friday and he gave her the "I'll get back to you", then yeah, not a good sign at all. I actually think there will be no date this Friday. Interested men act interested, unfortunately...

 

In the past, we always saw each other on Friday. Not sure. Like others have said, I may be overthinking it. But why would he say, "I'll get back to you" even if we saw each other on Friday anyway??? Unless he may have another date lined up...and is waiting to keep his option open, but then again why would he say that and initiate contact and suggest to meet up the following week anyway if he wasn't interested? Very Odd. Yes, we'll be seeing each other on Friday.