wer45 Posted August 19, 2015 Posted August 19, 2015 My girlfriend and I have been dating for almost 3 months now and talking for 2 months before that. She had recently gotten out of a 5 year relationship so I didnt immediately jump into a relationship with her to give her time to be sure she really wanted me. One day we talked about it and she said shes wanted me for a while and was willing to wait as long as it took for me to ask her out. I figured whatever issues there might be we could work out when we got together so I asked her out and we started dating. Since we been dating its been up and down most of the time. Shes frequently late not just to come see me, but for pretty much everything. It bothers me because I feel like being on time is a sign of respect but I dont think she sees it that way. Shes still young only 19, im 27 so theres definitely a big difference in perspectives. She is very distant at times, and doesnt really display her feelings much. I feel she may still be hurt from the break-up with her ex plus she has abandonment issues from things that have happened to her growing up aka her dad walking out on her etc. It makes it hard to communicate with her because if I bring up something that bothers me she takes it personally and usually doesnt reply at all. You can tell she even kinda gets annoyed which makes me feel she doesnt care but I think it makes her feel as if shes not good enough. But from my end, I dont feel I get to spend enough time with her. She does work 2 jobs, one overnight full time and the other a part time when shes needed. Plus on top of that shes in the process of moving so right now is a stressful time for her. But she has days where she has downtime and youd think shed want to spend that time with me but it doesnt always happen. I feel like our time is rushed. Im the kind of person where I make time to see someone because theyre someone I want to spend my time with. Im trying not to push how I feel too much into things because everyone is different, but its hard not to. Its like she refuses to let anyone in so she cant be hurt and focusing on everything else before me so she doesnt have to deal with it. In the begining she always said she didnt come around as much so I didnt get bored of her. What she meant by that exactly, im not too sure. But odd things have happened since we been together that make me question her. She would say she had to leave my house to go home and do stuff and id call her and shed be going to her friends or say she cant come stay over but then be out driving all night because her friend needed to get clothes from her dads. There are alot of shady things that happen and she tells alot of white lies. With that, plus all of this going on with it, it makes it very hard to trust her. Im a paranoid guy, ill admit, and I tend to overthink everything because I dont want to put 100% into a relationship with someone who might possibly cheat on me or even stay with me and cheat because they are unhappy but cant leave. You wouldnt believe how many females I know that do that, and its scary. Lately Ive only been seeing her for an hr or two before she goes to work. Thats usually it. Somedays she will stay over on nights shes off, or days im off but I dont really consider that spending time together if were both asleep. I want to be able to make plans to go on dates and it just hasnt happened. She either sleeps all day or shes working or busy. I feel like at times I do get overbearing and thats why she lies because she doesnt want to make me mad, but that in itself makes me mad. I want to work things out with her and try to get her to open up and lower this wall but im not sure how to do it. I just feel like im not a priority in her life. Even before she started packing to move and when she was only working 1 job. We did see each other more but thats when most of the shadyness was happening. She says she hasnt cheated on me, though if she did why would she admit to it, but its furstrating when you find it hard to trust someone who makes time to do things for other people but no time to see you. Im stuck between giving up because I deserve to be happy, and trying to look at things from her perspective and see that complaining about what she does all the time pushes her away and makes her feel not good enough, and she just has so much going on right now. But I also feel that you make time for the people you care about and willing to work on things. What should I do?
Qboro90 Posted August 19, 2015 Posted August 19, 2015 When she hangs out with you then leaves saying she's going home but ends up going to hang out with her friends that's what you get for dating 19 year olds. She knows you'll feel hurt or it'll be an argument or make her feel guilty about wanting to see her friends and do things that 19 year olds do so instead she'll just lie so she's able to leave and then deal with the reprocussions afterwards. I think most of the issues are because of the age gap and different levels of maturity. She's still in the wanting to go out and be social phase of her life where as you've done all that already so going out to dinner on a Saturday night with your gf is ideal for you. That might seem like a wasted boring night for her. You've been dating for such a short amount of time I worry that while you should still be in the "honeymoon stages" of the relationship, you're already in the rut and picking apart little things that bother you stage. Not a good sign.
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