Girly2015 Posted August 19, 2015 Posted August 19, 2015 So basically I have been with my boyfriend for 3 months he's 31 and im 28. We see each other at least minimum 4 times a week . I would say I'm quite an independent woman I work and I am a single mum. Now the problem I am having is I find him quite smothering when we are not together from the minute I open my eyes I have texts and he literally texts non stop all day to the point I won't even read them straight away any more, but I have noticed if I don't reply he will ask what I'm doing but in such a way that he makes it sound like he's just interested in what I'm doing, for example so what you up to sweetie or are you still watching your movie. He seems to be sending pictures of himself a lot also blowing kissing or topless pictures as he knows I like his body but now the novelty has worn off as he has sent them to much. Now when I am with him he has to be next to me constantly touching me hugging me kissing me and it's like he can't be alone for 2 seconds. One time he wanted to iron his top and asked I go with him I said no I'm fine till he went on and I just followed him. If I try and play a game on my phone he keeps talking random stuff till I give up playing. I don't know I'm feeling very smotherd he always says he misses me and loves me countless times a day, I could leave him and within 5 mins get a text saying miss you already and then continues to message non stop. I have tried telling him without being direct I am a independed and im not a big texting person. I have also made comments like I enjoyed it when we were togther and you were doing your thing and me my own thing jusy to show he dont need to be stuck on my hip. But he doesn't seem to get these things. I want to try and work this out with him but I don't know how to go about telling him he's to muxh I know I'd feel bad for doing so. If anyone could give me some advice I would appreciate it. Also is he to clingy or is it me. I like affection and I am affectionate to but I can't even show it as he over whelmes me.
Qboro90 Posted August 19, 2015 Posted August 19, 2015 He's definitely the clingy one so don't worry that it's something about you. It's completely fine and normal to love and be affectionate with your partner but also want to have time to yourself and not have to concern yourself with hurting your partners feelings if you don't text them back immediately, don't want to cuddle or be very touchy feely now and then, play a game on your phone, etc. It's clear this guys likes you ALOT and is an affectionate person but it also sounds like he's a bit dependent or if this is what he's doing after 3 months I can only imagine how it will progress 6 months from now, a year from now. I think you should try not replying to his early and often texts one day and see how he reacts. Part of why he's doing these things is because you're actions imply that you enjoy them and see them as him being caring and attentative. After a while though I know how you feel about the novelty wearing off. Sexy pics are great as a nice surprise but if you're getting them a few times a week it's just like "ok I get it, seen that already" If he questions you about why you don't answer that's the time where you say "listen I care about you and love how affectionate you are and how you want to communicate with me but I just physically can't do it at such a high level. I want to be able to look forward to seeing you and talking about our days, if you text me at 9am and throughout my day there's nothing left for us to talk about once I do see you. Every now and then a "hey what's up i miss you" at lunch is amazing but as bitchy as I feel saying it, I'm not the kind of girl who needs that every day. As far as when you're together and he wants you on his hip regardless of what you're doing, this is where you need to take a stand and just say no the next time he gets pushy about it. Using the ironing example, if he wants you to go with him follow with "I'm comfortable here and doing something babe, cmon" . And if he still pleads with you I think you may need to re evaluate him and the bigger picture. That kind of dependency is unhealthy because that means it's getting to a point where he's controlling you and you don't want that. Right now I just think he's in love or infatuated with you and wants to be in your life as much as possible. Just explaining to him that he needs to pull back just a little bit so that you can appreciate him more is all that needs to be said.
Author Girly2015 Posted August 19, 2015 Author Posted August 19, 2015 Thank you so much for your reply, I wasn't sure if I was being ungrateful as I know a lot of women often are unhappy they don't get enough attention. The iron situation has happened a few times just with other things for example like going to make coffee he sort of begs like oh come on just come with me for 5 mins I eventually give in. Only once did I stick to my guns and refuse to follow him. Found this behaviour kind of weird. I think I'm going to have to say something I guess it's just finding the right time I try and hint but he dont seem to get it. He works nights and all day seems to sit around doing nothing missing me so it seems lol. I will be with him tomorrow and tomorrow night so hopefully I find the right moment to bring it up. Thank you for your help Qboro 1
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