ascofield Posted August 19, 2015 Posted August 19, 2015 Hey guys, I mulled over the idea of sending a message to a girl on facebook after we were a little bit attracted to each other. We had flirted on facebook then by texting on the phone (for about 3 months). It's quite complicated as I had a girlfriend at the time but we were on a break. If you want the full details, go to the thread titled "Is this mature or just creepy?" Long story short, she unfriended me 1 year after we stopped talking on the phone (we never talked in between times) and I had said goodbye to her in a friendly way when I had seen that she wasn't returning my texts. After she unfriended me (for no reasons except perhaps because she couldn't handle all the statuses and compliments my girlfriend sent to me on facebook or she thought I enjoyed it in front of her). So I blocked her in February, 1 week after she unfriended me. Anyway I unblocked her because time has passed and I mulled over the idea of sending a message to her explaining why I blocked her in order to clear the air. Then I would have wished her the best and said goodbye. I almost did that but...Since we're not "facebook friends" anymore, I'd have to send her the message in the "Others" section. I think it's impossible for me to do this, I have my dignity. We used to talk on the normal messages before texting on the phone. Then SHE unfriended me. Granted I blocked her after that but I would NOT send her a message on the "Others" category, that would really mean I'm begging and disregarding my dignity. What do you guys think about tha
casey.lives Posted August 19, 2015 Posted August 19, 2015 I had a girlfriend at the time but we were on a break. -- the "other" seems quiet fitting
Yummm Posted August 19, 2015 Posted August 19, 2015 Question, do you still have a girlfriend? If so, why do you care? If not, what do you have to lose? Go ahead and message her if you want to try your luck.. Perhaps she was hurt that you had a girlfriend and didn't want to stay in contact you. 1
LeslieKnope Posted August 19, 2015 Posted August 19, 2015 According to your last thread, you STILL have a girlfriend, so NO. You still wanting to contact this girl when you still have a girlfriend is the undignified part. 3
Author ascofield Posted August 19, 2015 Author Posted August 19, 2015 Yummm: Yes I still have my girlfriend but to me (and she agrees) that wouldn't mean that I can't have closure and clear the air with the other girl. I prefer my girlfriend but I don't see why I can't straighten up things with the girl. Especially as I would have said goodbye to her and she would have understood that there would have been no contact after that. LeslieKnope: My girlfriend knows about this and she understand my point of view. Plus, I don't think you are perfect either for instance so I'd prefer to not get quick judgements ;-)
quattrob Posted August 19, 2015 Posted August 19, 2015 All I can say is who cares? Why I say that is in life you'll run into many many different kinds of people and you will not ever get along with everyone. You will have people who likes you initially and then stop liking you after awhile. Let me ask you this are you going to apologize and "clear" the air with everyone you had tension or fights with? I'm 100% you wouldn't and you're only wanting to "clear the air" with this girl because you "liked" her and it's more about "you" and your "ego". Your ego got hurt alittle because of how she unfriended you. I could be wrong but again you're asking what we think and this is what I think. Quite frankly I don't think she gives a **** and would prefer you didn't "clear the air". Leave her alone, she is fine now why disrupt it? Move on. 1
Author ascofield Posted August 19, 2015 Author Posted August 19, 2015 All I can say is who cares? Why I say that is in life you'll run into many many different kinds of people and you will not ever get along with everyone. You will have people who likes you initially and then stop liking you after awhile. Let me ask you this are you going to apologize and "clear" the air with everyone you had tension or fights with? I'm 100% you wouldn't and you're only wanting to "clear the air" with this girl because you "liked" her and it's more about "you" and your "ego". Your ego got hurt alittle because of how she unfriended you. I could be wrong but again you're asking what we think and this is what I think. Quite frankly I don't think she gives a **** and would prefer you didn't "clear the air". Leave her alone, she is fine now why disrupt it? Move on. Fundamentally I don't give a **** either but is it that wrong to leave things "clean" so to speak? Really, I don't want to sound too naive or something but sometimes I feel like society is turning colder and colder by the years and everyone seem OK with it. Look at how people got brutally dumped in the threads. Why people can't move on while leaving things positively? I don't care anymore for the girl because there is absolutely no way I'll send a message in the "Other" category on facebook. But I don't see why ending relationships or even "flings" (long fling in this case: 3 months) should be that cold.
quattrob Posted August 19, 2015 Posted August 19, 2015 Honestly dude, you asked the same question here and in your other thread but everyone told you what they think and what they think isn't what you want to hear. So are you just looking for someone to say "yes go message her and clear the air"? What is the point of asking for opinions when you already are set on what you WANT to do in the first place? People have told you that this whole thing is not that big of a deal, sometimes we make mistakes or things that we regret but that does not mean we need or should try to "fix" things to make it better. Sometimes we just need to accept it and learn from it. And sometimes not doing anything is for the better.
ExpatInItaly Posted August 19, 2015 Posted August 19, 2015 (edited) I think you're perhaps over-estimating your importance to this other girl. She knows you're not single and she clearly didn't wish to continue contact with you. She hasn't reached out to you; I don't think it bothers her that much. She's already over it, more than likely. Heck, she could have a boyfriend by now too. Don't message her. Edited August 19, 2015 by ExpatInItaly 3
kismetkismet Posted August 19, 2015 Posted August 19, 2015 sometimes there is just no way to leave things 'clean'. Closure is relative and you can almost never leave anything on perfect and perfectly clear terms. Since the two of you never even had an in person relationship, AND You have a girlfriend... if you send her a message now she is going to think that there are ulterior motives behind it. Most people would have just forgotten about this and let it drift away. If you're not in the same social circles and have no reason for a further relationship, then just let sleeping dogs lie. 1
LeslieKnope Posted August 19, 2015 Posted August 19, 2015 Yummm: LeslieKnope: My girlfriend knows about this and she understand my point of view. Plus, I don't think you are perfect either for instance so I'd prefer to not get quick judgements ;-) Look, buddy: you do what you want but you did ask. I'm glad your girlfriend is so understanding (you're very lucky to have her). But 'clearing the air' so to speak is strictly for your own benefit, not anyone else's. Also, truly, I don't understand how sending a message to this girl's 'other' inbox is in any shape or form undignified to you. That she no longer needs you in her life is her prerogative. Let it go.
mightycpa Posted August 19, 2015 Posted August 19, 2015 Hey guys, I mulled over the idea of sending a message to a girl on facebook after we were a little bit attracted to each other. We had flirted on facebook then by texting on the phone (for about 3 months). It's quite complicated as I had a girlfriend at the time but we were on a break. If you want the full details, go to the thread titled "Is this mature or just creepy?" Long story short, she unfriended me 1 year after we stopped talking on the phone (we never talked in between times) and I had said goodbye to her in a friendly way when I had seen that she wasn't returning my texts. After she unfriended me (for no reasons except perhaps because she couldn't handle all the statuses and compliments my girlfriend sent to me on facebook or she thought I enjoyed it in front of her). So I blocked her in February, 1 week after she unfriended me. Anyway I unblocked her because time has passed and I mulled over the idea of sending a message to her explaining why I blocked her in order to clear the air. Then I would have wished her the best and said goodbye. I almost did that but...Since we're not "facebook friends" anymore, I'd have to send her the message in the "Others" section. I think it's impossible for me to do this, I have my dignity. We used to talk on the normal messages before texting on the phone. Then SHE unfriended me. Granted I blocked her after that but I would NOT send her a message on the "Others" category, that would really mean I'm begging and disregarding my dignity. What do you guys think about thaI think you didn't like the first set of answers you got, so why ask again? Just do what you want to do.
StrangerThanFiction Posted August 19, 2015 Posted August 19, 2015 You reaching out to "clear the air" sounds like an excuse to try to get back in contact with someone who obviously has no interest in talking to you. I think you only want to do this to bandage some wounded pride at being rejected. Since she unfriended you and hasn't made any effort to contact to you speaks quite clearly of her not wanting you in her life. Respect that and focus on your current girlfriend who you're being unfair to. If you keep mooning after this girl that has no interest you you could end up losing the one who does. 3
Author ascofield Posted August 19, 2015 Author Posted August 19, 2015 Honestly dude, you asked the same question here and in your other thread but everyone told you what they think and what they think isn't what you want to hear. So are you just looking for someone to say "yes go message her and clear the air"? What is the point of asking for opinions when you already are set on what you WANT to do in the first place? People have told you that this whole thing is not that big of a deal, sometimes we make mistakes or things that we regret but that does not mean we need or should try to "fix" things to make it better. Sometimes we just need to accept it and learn from it. And sometimes not doing anything is for the better. It's not the same question. The other thread was about finding out if the message would have been mature or inappropriate. THIS thread is about how, in general, sending messages to the "others" inbox is kind of degrading. And I wasn't set on what I was going to do, that's why I asked for your opinions. But it's a debate. On some points I agree with you and on others I don't. I agree with your second stance for example.
Author ascofield Posted August 19, 2015 Author Posted August 19, 2015 I think you're perhaps over-estimating your importance to this other girl. She knows you're not single and she clearly didn't wish to continue contact with you. She hasn't reached out to you; I don't think it bothers her that much. She's already over it, more than likely. Heck, she could have a boyfriend by now too. Don't message her. Actually, she had 2 boyfriends since we talked on the phone. I'm not saying that she still has some feelings for me, I don't have feelings for her myself now, only that I would have liked to clear the air. Because the thing is that I don't really think I'm over-estimating my importance to her. For example she's not an amoral girl or anything but she still kept on talking with me on the phone for 3 months even though she knows I have a girlfriend. So my guess is that she must have liked me a lot to do it. Another example is that at one time she stopped returning my texts so I told her good bye in a friendly way and the very next day she put a profile pic of her in black and white with the saddest face ever. I never saw a sad pic on her facebook before. I might be mistaken but I think that's a prettty big coincidence.
Author ascofield Posted August 19, 2015 Author Posted August 19, 2015 sometimes there is just no way to leave things 'clean'. Closure is relative and you can almost never leave anything on perfect and perfectly clear terms. Since the two of you never even had an in person relationship, AND You have a girlfriend... if you send her a message now she is going to think that there are ulterior motives behind it. Most people would have just forgotten about this and let it drift away. If you're not in the same social circles and have no reason for a further relationship, then just let sleeping dogs lie. Good way of putting it, thanks.
Author ascofield Posted August 20, 2015 Author Posted August 20, 2015 Look, buddy: you do what you want but you did ask. I'm glad your girlfriend is so understanding (you're very lucky to have her). But 'clearing the air' so to speak is strictly for your own benefit, not anyone else's. Also, truly, I don't understand how sending a message to this girl's 'other' inbox is in any shape or form undignified to you. That she no longer needs you in her life is her prerogative. Let it go. That's a better argument than the other one pal I think it would have also benefited the other girl. Even if it's not important (for her or for me) I think it's still nice to have a situation like this cleanly resolved and explained. Sending a message in the "others" inbox is incredibly undignified. Like I'm not good enough to talk to her, it's absolutely out of the question. I know it's her right to unfriend me, I never said otherwise. Trying to explain myself wouldn't have denied her that right. It would have just be trying to smooth things over in a mature way (I don't know if that's a correct sentence, I remind you I'm french).
Author ascofield Posted August 20, 2015 Author Posted August 20, 2015 You reaching out to "clear the air" sounds like an excuse to try to get back in contact with someone who obviously has no interest in talking to you. I think you only want to do this to bandage some wounded pride at being rejected. Since she unfriended you and hasn't made any effort to contact to you speaks quite clearly of her not wanting you in her life. Respect that and focus on your current girlfriend who you're being unfair to. If you keep mooning after this girl that has no interest you you could end up losing the one who does. To me it didn't sound like an excuse, I think I genuinely wanted to "fix" this situation and then say a genuine goodbye, nothing more. But I won't send her the message, I've changed my mind.
ExpatInItaly Posted August 20, 2015 Posted August 20, 2015 To me it didn't sound like an excuse, I think I genuinely wanted to "fix" this situation and then say a genuine goodbye, nothing more. But I won't send her the message, I've changed my mind. Ok, as a woman I am telling you she won't see it this way. She will think you can't let go and that you're still interested in rekindling something. If saying goodbye was that big of a deal to her, she would have reached out already. I think she's likely lost interest by now. 1
Author ascofield Posted August 20, 2015 Author Posted August 20, 2015 Ok, as a woman I am telling you she won't see it this way. She will think you can't let go and that you're still interested in rekindling something. If saying goodbye was that big of a deal to her, she would have reached out already. I think she's likely lost interest by now. Yes I agree now. Actually now I'm relieved that I didn't send anything to her. 1
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