nadine5 Posted August 19, 2015 Posted August 19, 2015 8 month relationship. He was online about three weeks ago. I caught him (well, my friend caught him) and I forgave him. Probably came as a need for attention or maybe even just looking to get rid of me all together. This came out of nowhere. He said he wanted to work on our relationship, he was so sorry, he would never do it again, he wants to have a life with me and take our relationship further. The last few weeks were a bit off but everything still seemed ok. On Friday night, I went out with my girlfriends and got blasted. I started getting angry again about the online dating. I called him and started b--tching about the online dating again. The next day he told me we weren't clicking and it wasn't going to work. On Monday I went insane and texted and begged for hours with no response and to no avail. Yesterday he told me he was very upset about the whole thing, and didn't know if we were going to be the same, but we should just take it easy for awhile and think about things. He said he didn't want to date anyone else. Haven't spoken to him since but found him online. Again. What do you guys think?
Mrin Posted August 19, 2015 Posted August 19, 2015 He's not into the relationship and wants to date others. But he's not comfortable saying that to your face. You bear some culpability here in that you got drunk and got angry with him on Friday night/Saturday early morning. And then went insane (your words) with the texts on Monday. He probably just wants to move on with as little direct engagement with you as possible. Part is being chicken. Part is just trying to minimize the drama and slip out of the room. I'd move on. 1
LeslieKnope Posted August 19, 2015 Posted August 19, 2015 *Sigh* I'm sorry to tell you this, but if you found him online previously then he was already thinking about getting out of the relationship. You blowing up at him just gave him the excuse he needed to pull the trigger. It's not your fault, he's a turkey opportunist who used your drunken rant to his benefit. Believe me, we all know how you feel here. 3
Keenly Posted August 19, 2015 Posted August 19, 2015 I think he wasn't really that intent on working on your relationship that much. The man is out looking again because he can. Just let that speak for itself. Regarding other things, it might be a good idea to have better control over your actions and emotions while drinking. If we applied the same scenarios scenario to a " normal " guy, it would be easy to see how drunkenly bringing up \ getting angry over an issue that you had already agreed to move past can be.... Frustrating. Frustrating? Yes. Breakup worthy? Probably not on the first offense, which shows that this guy wasn't the most invested of the relationship. 2
LeslieKnope Posted August 19, 2015 Posted August 19, 2015 Btw, drama of a drunken rage aside, the only real mistake you made was not breaking up with him the FIRST TIME you found him sniffing around online dating sites. BIG RED FLAG.
seasickpeeve Posted August 19, 2015 Posted August 19, 2015 So after he did something wrong (online dating), you are now going to feel like YOU have caused the break up (getting drunk and calling him about it) which is no doubt why you panicked when he called it off and went 'insane'. If he was regretful and committed to you he would under stand he would need to gain your trust back and be patient whilst you get over your hurt and mistrust which he caused. Instead he's doing a really good job of making you fight for the relationship which he ruined. He might not have intentionally done this but he has flipped it 180. It should be him going insane to keep you after what he had done. I have been through this kind of thing for over a year and it gets very confusing and exhausting and you start to forget who did what to who. It becomes a mess. You lose all power and the important thing to you becomes keeping hold of the guy who has one foot in and one foot out, trying to convince them to be all in. It creates dependency in you when someone hovers around you only half invested. Unless he has both feet in this, and he doesn't whilst he has an active online dating account, keep away from him.
stillafool Posted August 19, 2015 Posted August 19, 2015 You kind of gave him an out with your drunken calling. I don't think he really wanted to get back together anyway or he wouldn't have been hunting for women online. It's over. Let sleeping dogs lie.
Diezel Posted August 19, 2015 Posted August 19, 2015 Why are you trying to slam a square peg into a round hole?
ExpatInItaly Posted August 19, 2015 Posted August 19, 2015 Why on earth did you beg for hours for a man who's just not that into you?
aloneinaz Posted August 19, 2015 Posted August 19, 2015 Why on earth did you beg for hours for a man who's just not that into you? This ^^^ I also agree that you should of dumped him when you caught him actively looking for someone else online. That's actually the normal time that the R/S has completed the "honeymoon phase" and he lost interest. Him doing that would be a relationship ENDER for most folks. There's nothing left of that R/S and you need to move on. Don't beat yourself up for you're drunken rant w/him. You were clearly harboring lots of anger for him doing that and you let it out when you had the liquid courage. It sucks and hurts but you don't want to keep engaging with a guy who doesn't want you any further in his life.
mightycpa Posted August 19, 2015 Posted August 19, 2015 Should have dumped him from the git-go, and been done with it.
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