Vuvu Posted August 19, 2015 Posted August 19, 2015 One year since a bad break up/heartbreak. Still wondering whether to invite my ex gf to meet up. Last time I ran into her I felt great afterwards - she didn't seem particularly happy and made it obvious she had thought about me. I felt a flood of power and energy come back to me. Since then there's been a couple of texts - happy birthdays. She is still with the new guy and I am seeing someone too. However I feel stressed - like I want to make peace with her and get some closure. I would like to meet up and clear the air but I'm afraid I will give up all my power back to her and she will see I'm not over her. It's hard to think that we will never make peace and be strangers forever. I helped raise her kids for two years. Do nothing and give up on the idea of a meet up ? Or make peace with a meeting?
Gus Grimly Posted August 19, 2015 Posted August 19, 2015 Do nothing and give up on the idea of a meet up ? Yes and while you're at it give up on her. You're obviously not over your Ex and it's about time you start making progress in that direction. If aloneinaz stops by, he'll set you straight, guaranteed.
xpaperxcutx Posted August 19, 2015 Posted August 19, 2015 Just let it go esepcially since the both of you are seeing someone else. Not every relationship needs a tangible closure. You accept what has passed and you continue to move forward. 3
Diezel Posted August 19, 2015 Posted August 19, 2015 Closure is a fallacy. I feel terrible for the current person you are seeing. 2
Author Vuvu Posted August 19, 2015 Author Posted August 19, 2015 Yes I see that side of the coin. But I hate the bad feeling between us. I am trying to live my life with compassion and dignity. I feel guilty about not seeing the children too. She said they still talk about me. I'd like to make peace and then I wouldn't think about it anymore and show there are no hard feelings
Diezel Posted August 19, 2015 Posted August 19, 2015 Admit it, you want to talk to her just in case there is a chance you two can get back together. Seriously, just be honest with yourself. Imagine if the current person told you of a similar scenario and that she wants to do the same thing you are thinking of doing. How would you objectively feel? Cut the crap and either cut the cord yourself or stop lying to yourself that you are all good and settled in a new relationship.
Author Vuvu Posted August 19, 2015 Author Posted August 19, 2015 I don't wanna get back with her. She was nightmare to be with. Emtiionally Abusive actually. But you've made me see it differently. I should think about my current partner who is more fun and loving. I guess I would've liked to have seen the kids at some point. There was a very strong bond there. But it's maybe too late to see them now. Still trying to. Move on I guess
aloneinaz Posted August 19, 2015 Posted August 19, 2015 [quote name=Gus Grimly;6501111If aloneinaz stops by' date=' he'll set you straight, guaranteed. [/quote] Sooo unfair.. ! Ok, since Gus has dragged me in here, he's my thoughts- You're still carrying a flame for this ex, especially since she was an emotional train wreck. FULLY getting over dysfunctional/toxic relationships is hard work! This site is proof of that! When we break up with Mrs. Sweetheart who is nothing but great to us, we never look back. When we get treated like crap by a damaged, emotionally damaged gal, we're like addicted to them and their chaos they brought to our lives.. Trust me, I know. My last ex probably suffers from BPD and I ALLOWED her to put me through hell for over a year plus. I moved on and have a great GF now for over two years. Do I still think of this crazy ex? Sure, but it's generally a song or a place we use to go together to. I reached indifference to her probably 6 months after she ended us. She came back around that time trying to get me to try with her again and was told no. Even today, when I have a thought of her, I get mad at myself for tolerating her BS for as long as I did. For you to fully move on past this ex, you really need to stop all contact completely. No more "check in" texts. No more bday or holiday texts. You need to vanish from her life. It will take more than a year (even with a gal in your life) to get to a place where you have no feeling for her any longer. You have to also remind yourself of all her BS and baggage vs. remembering the good parts of her. You can do it and I certainly would NOT contact her for any reason. The fact that you're even considering this indicates you're still to emotionally connected to her. Stay away and let time passing and no further contact allow you to reach indifference. 1
mightycpa Posted August 19, 2015 Posted August 19, 2015 See if this satisfies you. You send her a text that says something like Hey, I just wanted to clear the air. I feel like there is this lingering bad stuff from our BU and I just wanted to wipe the slate clean and say no hard feelings, and good luck in your future. I'm at peace with everything now. If that does the job, then do it. But if you need that conversation, then you're still pining a little bit, whether you know it or not. If you have that meetup, chances are it's going to leave you feeling worse when it is all said and done.
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